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Messages By: lorijaclyn

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July 24, 2005, 6:44 am CDT

Potty Training

My daughter turned 4 in April and she still won't pee in the potty! (she does poop in it so thank God for some miracles) It isn't that she isn't "aware" or can't control it. She just simply refuses to go. She holds it for as long as she can and then goes in her pants during transition (i.e. en route to the grocery store) or when she is upset with me. I recognize this as her way of controlling what she can and was given the advice (almost a year ago!) by her pediatrition to ignore it and she will eventually just start using it. I'm still waiting for that day and seeing no light at the end of the tunnel. Her teachers are concerned, I'm concerned and very frustrated. My daughter and I have had many discussions about this being social unacceptable, isn't it uncomfortable, etc., etc. SHe does recieve a popsicle for going but that has lost it's impact and I feel like I have no leverage left. I'm begining to consider therapy for her and have been worrying that she's been sexually abused! Anyone out there that can tell me I'm not alone or tell me what to do would be much appreciated. My patience is slipping! Frustraed in Seattle
Your daughter clearly knows when and how to use the toilet.  What kinds of consequences do you have in place when she chooses to urinate somewhere other then the toilet?  Set up rewards and consequences with your daughter.  Make sure it is something that she really values!!!  For example, my youngest daughter decided that she needed more attention from mommy so after many months of being fully trained she would defecate or urinate in her panties to get my attention, and of course she got it.  ( she would be fine all day long at school and come home and her behavour would change) I would have to stop what I was doing and attend to her: clean her up, bath, clothes, etc.  So we discussed what consequences would occur if she chose to act this way (it is a choice).  For her it was special Dora panties.  If she chose not to use the toilet and defecate/urinate in her Dora panties, then I would have to throw them out -- like I would throw the baby's nappies.  The first time she decided to not use the toilet -- out went the Dora panties she was wearing. (following through is very important).  She has been using the toilet ever since.  There are occasional mishaps, however they are not on purpose -- ie, she has been sick or I had not picked up on her signals -- Dora panties are not discarded then because mishap not 100% her fault and I would explain that to her.  Allong with the consequences we discussed I try to spend a little more time here and there with her one on one, after all she is the middle child and still needs her mommy as much as the baby does. Good luck!  I have three children and different things motivate different kids.
 

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