Messages By: jenjen27

Wow.. I wish you lived in our town!!  We all need more neighbors like you and to take lessons from this.   In todays world its so difficult not to pass judgements.  Even on Dr Phil I see judgements being cast.  In reality I see people being nice to others but then behind their backs passing judgements.  You are truely a genuine loving person. 

I just wanted to let you all know I finally reached my ultimate goal weight!!  Ive tried so many things when my weight wouldnt budge.  Finally I have lost it all.. and now I just have to maintain which shouldnt be to difficult.  A co worker of my husbands is athletic and used to be a fitness trainer.   He gave me some ideas on just eating that Ive heard everywhere but in a different way that made me change a bit more on my eating than I have been doing.  And it worked.  Not only eat 6 small meals a day.. but keep the meals small.  Instead of having a full meal like we are used to with 400+ calories.  Cut each meal down to 200 calories.  Sometimes I ate less than 100 calories but then hour later I might have another 100 calories.  Like a bowl of veggies.  Split one meal into two.  Instead of 4oz meat with veggies.. have 2oz and then couple hours later have the other 2oz. with more veggies or fruit. etc.   Its really worked for me!!   HE said the big regular meals like they serve in resturants that we are so used to even at home.. hour body doesnt burn all the calories and it goes to fat.. if you eat less calories many times a day.. it builds your metabolism and at the same time you body is burning all the calories and none is going to fat.  Its so hard to lose those last pounds!!

 

Hope everyone is doing well!!  Just wanted to drop in and say hello and that I am so happy I reached my goal!!  From the begining of 165 to 130

 

Take care!!

Jen

I and almost 40 and have two daughters from previous marriage, now adopted by my current husband because father abandoned them.   We agreed to let the ex inlaws still visit the kids and see them from time to time because they always made a small effort to see them once a year, for a weekend etc.  

 

My oldest turned 17, had a boyfriend she got sexually active, we made the dates supervised and then they started sneaking out in middle of night, and she ran away and he had her, but said he didnt.  She broke up with him once and he kept calling her middle of the night saying he was going to commit suicide.  It was just a horrible thing.  Well she wanted to move to my parents which, I felt my mom should have been more strict and said you need to get back home and follow the rules, but I gave in on this idea,  they are hour away and they are active in the childrens lives.  I figure that might put enough space and the boy didnt know where they lived.  Well my parents agreed to mine and my husbands rules for her.   No cell phone, no car etc.   Well they got her a cell phone anyways.  She contacted the boy and told him how to get to my parents and they talked to my parents and my parents told them not to tell us.  Well things blew up about this at my other daughters birthday party with friends.   She then stated she wanted to go and live with her natural father and grandparents 10hrs away.   She threatened I wouldnt ever see her or my grandkids when she has them.  I just told her to leave, and she did with my parents and they all set up the arrangements.

 

I called the ex in law grandparents (My ex still lives at home with them),  to let them know what we have been dealing with and what my daughter wanted.  They wanted us to come up there and discuss it but I didnt see a need in that.  Why do I need to discuss anything with them?  Anyways they had my deadbeat ex call me and he blamed me for everything even though he has been inactive in their lives.  My current husband said we couldnt have avoided this because this daughter is so strong headed.  She was fine until she got with the boyfriend...  Well I left a voice mail on my ex inlaws phone thingy and said I am not fighting or pressing blame this is about my daughter, my mother is bringing her up so arrangements need to be made with her, this is my daughters decision so the conditions are between you all and her.  I am done meaning with the situation.  I didnt know what  else to do.  I couldnt have her running away or sneaking out at night and didnt like a boy that threatens suicide.

 

Well... now we are going on vacation.  We have the right because we are the legal parents and we can cancel the informal temp guardianship order at anytime.   My daughter has made comments about them saying things or that she didnt think they will let her go etc.  We have other kids as well that miss her and want to see her.  I have kept in contact with her at least once a week since she went there.  Grandparent said she didnt think she would be able to go because the ex has planned a vacation around same time that she would let me know.  Well I feel its my daughters decision if she wants to go with us or not... then the grandparent wants the other daughter to come and stay a week with them.   Well she was a baby when all this happened and she doesnt want to see the natural father at all.  It would make her feel uncomfortable she says... so I tell the grandparent she doesnt want to stay at the house.  She asked why and I told her.  She said we need to be adults about this.   I am like I am being an adult. 

 

Well this resulted in this grandmother, calling my mother (the other grandmother) and complaining to her, sending me a hateful email blaming me for instilling bad things about her son (the natural father) in the girls lives, saying its my decision not my daughters and I am just doing this because the other daughter is up there.  and my family have said things about me etc etc etc.. then ending on a sweet note that we need to put the kids first and etc etc..My daugher as a teen will say my mom lets me do it.  So she critisized that saying we DO NOT let her do this or that. 

 

This really blew things up.   Its very inappropriate for her to be calling my mom every time she doesnt get her way with me.  To bring up the past between me and her son... as well as put down my parenting.  In all this process she has printed out and let my teen daughter that is with them read all the emails sent back and forth evern way before this (putting her in the middle) and letting her listen to that voicemail I left about its between them I am out of it.  Because it had nothing else to do with me at that point.   But my daughter takes it the wrong way with it being months from when things happened.  She is talking to my husband about the other daughter if she will be able to see the grandparents etc etc so she is totally in the middle here.  

 

I have sent one last email to the grandparents stating the visitation with the other daughter is off.  There will not be none for awhile because of this situation.  (she read the hateful email before I could because she was on the computer)  She was not happy with it.  I am keeping her out of the middle.  In some ways I do not want to force my teen daughter back home.. in some ways I wonder if she wants to but they are trying to prevent it because of the way she acts sometimes when we mention it over the phone.  Its like she doesnt say anything like someone might hear.   It also sounds like alot of the war between the inlaws and us is the condition of her going on this trip.  They have now went over my head and want a promise from my husband (when I have been the main one handling this situation since he has been working alot) a promise that we will bring her back.  Putting him now in the middle.   He refuses.  He says if she wants to come home and decides to while on the trip he will bring her home.   There is also seems to be the condition of the other child getting to visit the grandparents.   So they are putting all these conditions between us and them and things that the teen daughter cannot control on whether or not she can go on vacation with us.

 

That makes me want to get a police escort and just get her back home.

 

Its a huge huge mess.   These grandparents like to say what they want, voice their opinions thinking they have a right and they dont.  I am the parent.  And I have read all of Dr. Phils stuff about this and my decision about my other daughter not seeing them is right on target for the time being.  And these grandparents need to learn their place.  I stated in email to them.. they have NO right to question my decisions or my parenting and they need to keep thier interpretations of the past to themselves.   But they dont listen.  So they keep crossing my boundaries so I need to eliminate my chlid being a part of this mess.  And I feel I should go and get my teen to get her out of it.   My husband talked to her and said she sounds sad, she sounds like she is not happy with being in the middle of this.  I never put her in the middle at all.   But she is only hearing one side and they have and she is against me at the moment, saying I am the one that started it.  My husband and I have re read everything that was sent and came back and forth and doesnt see where she gets that. 

 

Opinions please?