Quote From: norris5To create and maintain a bond there must be a very strong trust. At 14, Lisa had a mother that told her that an 18 year old was too old for her, but then mom at 30, proceded to date him herself!!!. This is outrageous. Rita won't admit the pain and public humiliation this caused Lisa. This is enough to break any bond of trust. Rita was right that an 18 yr old is too old for a 14 yr old, but her follow up actions were what hurt Lisa.
A daughter, at any age, needs to be able to trust her mother and know that her mother loves her unconditionally.
I have a great relationship with my daughter (college age). We talk about everything and show each other mutual respect. I encourage her to use her own good judgement in making her decisions. I don't criticize her, or second guess her at all. I make suggestions when I am asked, otherwise I keep my opinions to myself. Because I show her respect, I get asked for advice a lot.
We talk almost daily and she knows that I am always happy to get her calls and she gets that loving encouragement and "cheerleading" from me. I like her friends, boyfriend, etc, BUT I LOVE her and always put her first. When she was 16 yr old, a friend of hers and the friends mom asked her if I was mad because she broke up with her nice boyfriend. She told them "I am my mom's first priority". The friend's mom told me this.
I strongly believe that the mother daughter bond is very important. But that bond has to be nurtured and respected, first by ther mom so that the daughter can learn that mom loves me no matter what, Mom is always on my side, Mom has my best interest in mind every time. The daughter is always learning how to treat people, show love and respect for others, etc from her Mom. Lisa did not have this from Rita.
Now Rita is taking Lisa to court, telling lies, and demanding "rights" that put her in a confrontational situation with Lisa. It was obvious to me that Rita's past (and present) behavior had put her in a confrontational mode with Lisa, rather than a supportive one. Lisa has always played Rita's game, it is all she knows. Now that Lisa is grown, Rita still wants her "rights" and her way. Rita needs to stay away from Lisa and her family. There are no winners here. Rita needs to let Lisa and her family live in peace without her interference. She's done enough damage already.
"Rita was right that an 18 yr old is too old for a 14 yr old, but her follow up actions were what hurt Lisa."
Rita was right about that point, but she went on to have a sexual relationship with the 18 yr old when she claims she was 31.
The point was made that she was older than 31 when she was having sex with the 18 yr old.
That would be a gap of at least 13 yrs!!!
If a guy had done that, he'd have been smacked down for robbing the cradle.
Inappropriate? Certainly.
She was much too old for an 18 yr old, but she justified that by saying that they were married since then.
She justifies everything she does.
Of course, there's also the issue of her youngest son still in her bed at the age of 15!
There's also her statement that the grandson knows he would be "safe" in her bed,,,WTH!!
Inappropriate? You bet!
Boundary issues? It goes way beyond that!
Honestly, I've been an officer and an expert witness in the courts.
The judge in this case should REQUIRE that the grandmother undergo psychological evaluation before she is EVER granted visitation of a teenage boy.
The attorney for the parents/son can certainly demand that the grandmother undergo psychological evaluation because it's in the best interest of the offspring to act to protect him.
Seriously, with all of the shows that have been done on people who disregarded the signs of child molestation, I'm shocked and dismayed that these signs were just passed right over by Dr. Phil.