Messages By: mysolje

I definitely think that it should have been brought up earlier than two weeks before the wedding.  If it were me, I wouldn't have signed.  If nothing else, push the wedding date further.  I learned with my first marriage that you don't HAVE to get married if there are unresolved issues that should be dealt with.  Sure, reservations would have to be canceled, money was already spent, but that is not comparable to what the future could hold. 

I think there are people out there that purposely choose to wait this long (allowing short time to wedding) before forcing the prenup issue.  this way, if the intended says no, than it can "be about the prenup", in reality, it's about being a bully by not giving the other person plenty of time for researching and thinking. 

Remember, if you signed the prenup,  and you divorce, you will lose everything. 

I cannot believe that people are like this, but I know they  are--and then some.  The mother seems to get joy out of hurting, belittling, and being plain mean to everyone around her.  Unfortunately her children are her kept beating sticks when nothing else is available. 

What's even more sad, she is teaching her children how to behave when they have their own children.  I pray to God that her children break the cycle! 

Anyone who is open to discussing their fights--bragging even!--has a problem.  What's scary is that no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. 

I will be hugging my child even harder today! 

are you kidding me?  Calling your child a f'ing this, and worse is displine?  Did the "crime" match the "discipline"?  What is interesting is that she is yelling at the 7yo for kicking, and the mother is talking on the show about about her own road rage fighting with a woman, WHILE HER CHILDREN IN THE CAR? Makes you wonder where the kids learned to simply kick, doesn't it? 

I never yelled at my mother because even when we didn't see eye to eye, I knew that she would never berate or belittle me.  Positive discipline is MUCH different than the abuse that these children are receiving. 

I would highly suggest taking parenting classes before conception.  Hitting, berating, and "whipping" do nothing but make a puppy mean.... ooops... I meant a child. 

Well, let's see... if the 11 yo child was also a "drama queen", then fine.  But the fact that the mother takes out her agression on both children, this is not an excuse!  Being a dramatic may get her father's love and attention.  If I were in her shoes, I would want nothing more than protection from my other parent, and if that's what it took, so be it.  But that is no excuse for the mother being SO out of control.  Was what that child did so awful to beget such an awful reprimand?  I think the mother enjoys being cruel. 

Being able to direct a child's behavior is one thing, but I have to say that anytime I actually witness that sort of abuse, I am horified.  As a teacher, I have had to make the CPS calls, and they weren't light instances of "possible" abuse or neglect. 

I am really sad that parents can treat their children like this. 

So I am guessing you are either the husband or wife?  Your messages are cryptic, saying "they" and then "we". 

Even if the cameras only showed less than an hour of footage from a day of shooting, I can say right now that nothing like that was normal in "normal" homes.  You'd never see my husband or I spewing such nastiness to our 5, 19, or 20 yo.  Our 20yo was a difficult child, but our discussions never got that bad with him! 

One concern that I left out yesterday isthe mother's  wanting to escape into a drunken mosh pit where no one would know who to press charges against .  That is not normal adult behavior either.  I do hope that the mother realizes what she is doing is very distructive to her children and has the desire to change--otherwise, as a hopeful adoptive parent (from foster care), I pray that the girls find parents who will show what love is. 

During the foster/adopt classes my husband and I took, the instructors showed a great video that I can't remember the title of, but it was essentially why some kids excell with positive outlooks and why they don't crumple after a bad comment, day... It was something to do with poker chips.  I should look it up. 

It was in reference to special needs children.  The thousand atta boy's were poker chips in this reference.  The kid who has received the thousand poker chips, but gets hit with a 100 chip loss due to being called stupid, etc, will recover much quicker than the child who is trying desparately to hold on to only 5 poker chips they've received. 

We did have some temper tantrums (recently over the summer) with our 5yo, but we've found that we are mirror to him.  If we don't lose control unnecessarily (i.e. yelling, screaming), and simply state consequences in a matter of fact way, we were able to reduce the tantrums to nearly 0.  My behavior models how we expect our kids to act.  And if tantrums or other negative behaviors happen, we are very clear that priviledges get lost--esp with our 5yo since our other two boys are in their 20's:-)  We've been able to easily rein in the positive, and those "poker chips" are just flying into our 5yo's hands! 

This is quite a story.  I see two sides that are both very loyal to their respective families. 

In order for there to be any moving on, I believe that Daniel's family needs to let go of Brandi's family--the anger especially.  This will do nothing more than shorten their own lives because of the hate.  If anything, show pity that neither of these teens were blameless for the actions in their lives.  It's time to become better humans, do something that honors Daniel's life.  Revenge or hatred does nothing more than hurt more people, and those people hurt may have absolutely NOTHING to do with the events. 

Teenage years are the hardest, especially with raging hormones, it's hard to make clear and right choices.  I think there was probably a lot of bad stuff going on in this relationship that clouds anything good that the two had experienced. 

Instead of thinking about all you'll never have with him in the future, think about the good things you had with him.  Think of all the experiences you'll have as a family now.  Don't forget the living.  I really do suggest to Daniel's family to let the anger go, if need be, steer clear of Brandi's family.  Don't continue to remember Daniel in this anger.  I do feel for you.  Even with Brandi getting out when she is 30, her life will never be flawless or normal.  She will never forget that night.  She will have to forge her own pennance with herself.