Messages By: cybilone

Had a hard time finding this -- with all the changes. Now if I can just get use to the new look on here. LOL

Want to give my best to QQ and everyone.

Have missed you all so much.

I have been away from the board for quite a while -- So am looking forward to finding out how everyone is doing now.

Huggs, Purrs, Barks God Bless Cybil

I came to this board and learned how NOT TO BE THE VICTIM any more.   

My ex now comes by occasionally and even stays the night (sleeping on the couch). He treats me better than when we were married, but it took alot for this to happen.    

1. I became very ill and spent 1month in the hospital. There are many things I can no longer do for myself.  He came and helped me - I appreciated the help, BUT didn't buy into his plan to come back. I told him this straight off (even though I needed the help).   

2. Now he calls me occasionally and even askes me to go to fiesta events with him. I make sure there is no drinking while he is with me and if there is -- HE'S GONE  I always take my vehicle so I have control of what  is happening to me and I can leave at any time WITH OR WITHOUT him.   

3. There are many boundries set to avoid any abuse of my emotions or physical self.    

4. I have also learned HE IS WHO HE IS and I can't change that -- HE HAS TO IF HE WANTS.  

5. He accepts the fact now that we are better off living separately. To be honest I truely believe he is happier and so am I.  

So far he choses to make some changes when he is around me. But the truth is he is an abuser and I can never trust him with my life completely again.   

There are lights at the end of the tunnel for all of us. It's our responsibility to find them and use what works best for our situation and life.   

Huggs, Purrs, Barks, God Bless Cybil   

Hello to all 

I have been away from this board for quite a while.  I have missed you all.  

Lemondrop -- tee hee I remember who you are -- My goodness it is good to see you back. I missed you more than you know.  

I am doing ok, My health has not been at it's best -- Spent a month in hospital last May and can't do lots of things now, but am ok.  

Can you believe Doctor even gave me a cane and one of those scooter things so I could get around when I have a bad spell.  

But Life is good and it is only what we make of it -- OUR CHOICES  

Grandson lives with me now and is a great help, also EX comes over and actually takes care of me too.  He treats me very good.  

Butttttttttt ---------- I still remember the abuse and know that nothing has or will ever change with him.  I will NOT EVER  take him back. 

I told him I appreciate his help and concern, but we are better off like it is. My health could not stand his abuse. I have no intention of winding up worse than I am now.  

I keep my distance with him.  I can only thank you and QQQ for your teachings, help and strong support.  You were here when I needed you so badly, I often think a higher power was looking over me then.  

QQQ 

Sorry to read about your health problem. Hope all is well with you now.  Sorry I wasn't able to be on and be here for you.  My love goes out to you.  

Q, you and lemondrop should email me some times. I am able to spend a few moments on line to pick up email.  

My love and thoughts go out to you and wish I could be here more often.  

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU  

Huggs, Purrs, Barks, God Bless Cybil 

Have been thinking of you and the ladies here. It has been a long long time.  I am out of hospital now and doing ok at home. Don't get on board much, but have missed you all.

Are they all still here?? under different handles (names) now.

If any of you are still here leave me a message of how you are doing K.

Huggs, Purrs, Cybil

I understand what you are going thru. Been there, done that. Even the counseling will not change his needs and wants. This man has been like this most of his life and hidden it in a closet.  From reading your posts, it also appears that he is a woman hater.  Most men who react like your H are.

Believe me when I say, none of this is your fault and truely has nothing to do with your sexuallity. It is him. Yes, he was glad you found out!! He thought he could change your moral code to his. Do not let him do that to you.  It is my opinion that for your own happiness, you need to leave. You can explain to him that you cannot live his kind of life and for now you want to be away from him to sort out your feelings about everything. Perhaps, he will not become violent if he temporarily thinks there is a chance.

Mine tried all the same things and was also a master manipulater.  After 12 years, of this I learned he will not change. He still does the computer porn and the yahoo fetish sites and probably sets up meetings too.  At the time I left and divorced him I realized he could not ever change.

Dear Help, you need to consider your own feelings about all this and how you feel about being around him after what you have found out.  I chose to walk away. My pride and dignity were more valuable to me than he was.

Hope this helps you,

Huggs, Purrs, Cybil

I was wondering if QQ is still here.  I haven't been on for a really long time so am lost with the new system. Please forgive me for that.

Cybil

I remember well.  Have been very ill. But am better now. Got good news and Bad news to update on.

Good First,  I bought a house 2 yrs ago and it is really nice.

Bad News, Well, ex came back and has lived with me for the last 2 yrs. I needed someone to take care of me and had no choice.  Last night it got out of hand and I called Police. They took him to his friends house to sleep off the drunk.  I'm going in the morning to get a restraining order and because of the laws here I have to get an eviction order also. 

When I bought this house he was so wonderful to me and really did a lot of work on it. I really believed it was different.

I know better , a leopard doesn't change his spots EVER

I have a bad heart now and can't take this kind of stress.

But I have good friends to help.  The police were really great. Just wish they would have hauled his A__ to jail.

Huggs, Purrs (4Kitties now) God Bless

Cybil

Went Monday 13th and got temp restraing and move out order. Served him Tues. Morning when he showed up at door. Called Police and Lock Smith. Everyone was here at same time. Abuser, Process server, Police, and LockSmith. Couldn't have worked out better. Police did 15 Minute standby for him to get necessities and leave. Then Police checked property to make sure he didn't come over fence to hide. Have not heard from him since. But live in fear of him coming during night.

I go to court the 28th for perminant orders. I can hardly wait to be finally finished.

It's taken me 14 years, but I am finally done with him for good. I finally did what I should have done years ago. Now if the judge issues the perminant move out, I won't have to spend the money for an eviction order that takes up to between 60 and 90 days. Gosh, what a mess I've created for myself by allowing this to happen.

His belongings are still here, but everything is outside, there is absolutely no reason for him to be allowed into the house for anything. Am making sure I do everything legally and by the book to protect myself.

Have to stay strong until this goes to court. Sure wish the date was sooner. I am on pins and needles waiting and not knowing what he will do in mean time.

He has nothing to lose now so that makes him more dangerous than ever.

Huggs, Purrs, God Bless

Cybil

As Pleasance can tell you -- this has been a long time coming. I never did the restraining to him before. So what a rude awakening that was to him.

By all means add me to your prayer list.

The police are siding with me so far and put it in the computer that very morning. I had good legal advice about going about this. We have an organization here called WEAVE  that is very helpful. they gave me a list called

THINGS TO DO:

Turn in restraining order application to clerk

Return to courthouse at a certain time to pick up signed temp order

Take 2 copies to sheriffs dept

Have him served with order as soon as possible

Get comleted proof of service from person who served him

Make 2 copies of completed proof of service form

File original and both copies of proof of service with courthouse

Attach proof of service copy to each copy of restraining order

Make extra copies of restraining order and proof of service forms as needed

Take a copy of restraining order and Proof of service form to Local Law Enforcement agencies,Place of employment, childrens school, daycare, if applicable.

Keep a copy of restraining order and completed proof of service with you at all times

Report all violations to Law Enforcement

Keep a journal of all interactions with him

Go TO YOUR HEARING

This is about you filing with the court on your own. Doesn't cost me anything this way.

But of course I'm lucky there are no children to protect.

Hope this helps someone

Huggs, Purrs, God Bless

Cybil

I know your feelings. It took me a long time to wake up. Your safety is the priority here. Ask yourself lots of questions:

1. Do I feel safe with him?

2. Can I fall asleep and not be afraid?

3. Are my children safe?

4. How will I protect the children and be safe?

5. How can I escape with the children safely?

Don't erase the incident from your mind. Let it be a reminder of why you want out and away from him. It sure helped me to remember everything that he did over the last 14 years, and finally say "NO MORE I AM SO COMPLETELY DONE WITH YOU". "I WANT NOTHING MORE TO DO WITH YOU".

This time I am sticking to it. I want to feel happy and safe again.

You allow this because you still dream in your heart that he will change. Until you fully know in your heart (not just in your mind) that he is what he is and will not change, you will keep giving him chances.  When that total acceptance is achieved you will finally end it.

Don't bang head against wall.  Do not belittle yourself for this. Just remember and learn from each experience.

Thinking of you

God Bless,

Huggs, Purrs

Cybil