Messages By: fthayer

I am a survivor of incest as well. My oldest brother began raping me when I was 7 until I was 15. he would come down to my room every other night and rape me. I kept it a secret deep within me because for one he threatened to kill me, and secondly I didn't want to mess up the family. I finally told my parents my senior year of highschool. I was 17 when I finally told. I am now 19. My aftermath of the abuse is horrendous. I cut, I burn myself, I have PTSD, I have severe nightmares and flashbacks. I have and eating disorder, I have severe low self esteem.I have tried to kill myself twice. And I am mentally, physically and emotionally screwed up.  

I recently wrote a letter to my brother confronting him and telling him that it is no longer a secret. He wrote back and apologized. I don't think it was very sincere though, because he mostly just wrote about his life and the bad things that are/or happened to him. He has never apologized to anyone for anything. So for me it seemed to easy to get an apology. I am more confused then I was when I first started talking about this.  

But I do have a lot of support. I am a member of a message board called After Silence. The survivors on this message board are wonderful. I feel like I get more support from them then my own family.  

Linds.  

I will try but at times it gets really hard. :( There are times that I just wish he would have finished me off. He would choke me if I didn't do what he said, I wish sometimes that he would have choked me a little longer. I know its not the answer, but sometimes it feels like that is the only way out of hell.  

Linds 

No one truly knows what the Katrina victims are living with, the toll it has taken on so many the mental fatigue we feel on a daily basis the images of children who lost both parents.  I am a survivor and this is my story ................

Was about 4 am we lost power we were all unaware of the deadly wall of water and 200+ mph winds baring down on us last we heard Katrina was heading more west  , we were all huddled up at restaurant my wife and I worked at we chose that location because the back part was supposed to be hurricane proof. We made the decision to stay open that night to feed police officers and other emergency personnel  was no other business open everyone was closed down due to the curfew imposed  the police officers told us we had made the right decision to stay in that building if we would of evacuated when everyone else we would been among the countless numbers of people were trapped in their cars by the rising water and wind. Around 6 am or so the wind began to pick up, the half inch plate glass windows began to move in and out with every gust of wind around 7 am the windows exploded in a hale of glass, my wife and father were standing near them I heard the explosion and ran up front grabbed my wife and spun her around to prevent her from being cut to death. I went after my father to find him standing beside where the window once was I called his name 3 or 4 times but the look on his face was one of shock and horror was able to get his attention and got him away from the window casing. Once the windows exploded the roof began to be tore off there was insulation falling out of ceiling and rain was coming in through what was left of the roof , pieces of tin were flying all around hitting our vehicles and busting out other windows in the plaza where we were. Then the storm surge came in 35 foot wall of water the water rose 3 foot in less then 10 minutes, so we decided to put our 2 children up on counter of restaurant that gave us time to figure a plan for survival burger king was across the parking lot from us.  So looked at my brother and said "you think we can make it over there "  we went out in 100 mph winds and chest deep water he came back and said get the truck which was 4 wheel drive we loaded everyone up and drove through the water to the other side, my wife went to look for a first aid kit just incase we would need it by this time the water about 2 foot into burger king. We saw a man with a boat I set the panic alarm off on the truck to get their attention he saw us but couldn't get to this right then so a boy waded about 200 yards in the dark murky swirling water and grabbed my youngest son put him on his back and took him to a building that sat even higher then burger king my brother grabbed my oldest and went out to higher ground. My wife and mother went out next by this time the boat was coming our way my wife and mother were stepping on god knows what under the water could of been bodies and signs my wife helped my mom into the boat, took them across what was once hwy 90 but at this point looked more like a river. The boat came back for my father and me and we told them to go help the people trapped in their houses by the water we was alright for time being. This went on for about 5 or 6 hours finally we see sunshine we knew the storm had passed so I decided to venture out in the truck I was unprepared for what was to come I saw infants still in their car seats and parents holding on to them with their last breath, saw a little girl around 5 or 6 years of age standing near what used to be a house I stopped the truck and got out asked her what was wrong she said " My mommy and daddy are there" pointing to what was once a house but had been reduced to a pile of rubble so I flagged down a police officer and told her what the girl had jus told me she got the girl in the car and took her to a shelter. We were finally able to make it out of Mississippi we come to West Virginia and my parents and brother went to Tennessee and that was last time I seen my parents I have spoke with them on the phone, was told everything we own is gone and everything my parents have worked for in their 43 year marriage was gone as well. But can always replace material things, not family................

When You Lose Hope You Have Lost Everything,  I am a survivor and this is my story

Richard A. Larntz                                                                                                      9/27/2005