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Messages By: dmetrimom

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Angry

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upset
July 27, 2005, 10:44 pm CDT

Forgiving my Morther-in-law

The whole situation happened about a year ago. My husband and I went through a really bad time and almost split up. He has a really bad temper and things got a little bad for a really short time before I stood up and took action. We worked on getting things together and we are now doing great. We just had another baby together and we thought that the past was behind us. My mother-in-law stayed with us for a couple of weeks after our daughter was born. A situation happened that made my mother-in-law think that I was encouraging fear in my son against his dad. This situation was something that she didn't know the whole story. She also accused me of isolating my husband. I got really upset, not only from these accusations, but since I was still pumped up with a bunch of hormones after having my daughter. My mother-in-law got upset with me and is now blaming me for everything. My husband is on my side and is going to be by my side. He thinks she is blowing things up and she needs to settle down and let us live our lives. What happened before was between us and we both got through it.  My husband, in the mean time, is also standing up to her and telling her how he feels (which she blames on me as well)

 

Other family that has known her for years, has told me that this whole situation has nothing to do with me. I am just the closest thing that she could blame. That she is just upset with loosing control over her son.

 

But my problem is....how do I get over this anger and hurt that she has caused me? I get so upset when I just hear her name!! I have so many emotions running through me...anger, frustrated, hurt, sadness. How do I deal with this so that I could be around her again. So I could look at her and just smile without ripping her into pieces? How can I just put this behind me and say "let her think whatever about me. My husband is standing next to me. Why do I need you love and kindness?"

 

Help!!!

 

Mammagoddess

 

 
User Mood
Angry

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hopeful
August 1, 2005, 11:29 pm CDT

Thanks

Quote From: qqqhhh

If your M-i-l doesn't know the whole story, how about enlightening her?

 

I would also suggest that you stop giving yout M-i-l so much "power" over you.  I think you are exactly right whan you say that you DO NOT need her love or kindness -- it would be nice -- but you don't HAVE to have it.  The same goes for her judgment.  You DO NOT need her to judge you -- in fact, she is uninformed AND she simply has NO RIGHT to do that.  No one does.

 

You also don't need her blame.

 

I suggest that you practice setting boundaries and letting go... there is nothing you can do about her or her behavior.  But you can tell her to "butt out".

 

If you still have anger and hurt, you have unfinished business with her -- perhaps you should write her a letter and get it all out in the open.

 

Good luck.

 

Q

You really said a lot that I already have thought it my head. Sometimes I just need someone to confirm it.

 

Do you really think writing a letter would help? Would it really help if I do juts say "but out"? I so want to , but  I guess I am afraid of stirring more emotions up.

 

Thank you for replying. Little by little I am getting over her. But she just sent me a b-day card and said in the card that she "was proud of me" I wanted to just scream and kick the living crap out of her. How dare she say that bull (beep) to me!!!!

 

I guess I really do want to say more things to her...I just don't want to cause trouble in the family. I just don't want to be that 'in-law' that just speaks her mind and everyone else keeps there distance.

 

Maybe I am just hating the fact that I may not be liked. I hate the fact that this may be true, and all my life I hating having to impress anyone. If they didn't like me, their loss. I hate that I have to get her approval. Maybe this is just something that goes deeper...like wanting my own parents approval...

 

Anyways, thanks for replying.

~T

 

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