Messages By: wyldcelt

Dr Phil, any chance you could arrange a meeting between Mark Allen and Danny Heatly?  

A first hand account of how quickly a bit of fun can turn into a tragedy might help change his attitude. 

Mark Allen be very happy I'm not your parent, you'd be lucky to be driving anything faster than a golfcart. 

Mark Sr. well done sir :-) 

I really hope you meant to say "doesn't end" 

It would be a horrible tribute to your brother's memory to wish ill on some other young dumb kid. 

That's how I figure the # of posts with sexism vs forced involvement re: the Cheerleading mom. 

He probably would have a better chance at a scholarship in Cheer vs the more traditional "guy" sports but spending 5k to 8k a year to gain a scholarship worth aprx. 3k is more than a little silly plus the fact the kid doesn't want to do it anymore. 

He does need to finish the season, its a team sport and he's already made the commitment to his teammates. End of season is the time to re-evaluate his participation. 

To the sports parents some interesting #'s from MAHA: 

  "Why Kids QUIT Playing. S.T.A.R. IT'S ALL ABOUT KIDS   

Over 30 million kids age four to 14 are involved in organized sports in the United States.  Many of these kids are involved in low-pressure programs that don't discriminate by skill level, with the sole emphasis on fun.  However, according to research by the Institute for the Study of Youth Sports of Michigan State University, and others, more and more kids are actually dropping out of organized sports.  The figure is staggering - 70% by the time they are 13 years old.  Some of the reasons given: 

OVERZEALOUS COACHES 

DEMANDING PARENTS 

TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO WIN 

EMBARRASSMENT OVER THEIR PARENTS BEHAVIOR 

It's obviously not "just a game" anymore to all these kids who are giving up on what should be one of the greatest parts of their young lives. 

Kids are kids... they will make mistakes.  Even more importantly, the fun for them should be in playing, not winning.  We may have forgotten that most kids just want to have a good time, improve their game, and make new friends.  It's time for change." 

http://www.maha.org/STAR/brochure.htm 

USA Hockey now requires all parents of players in the youth leagues to view the tape of the S.T.A.R. (Shared Tolerance, Appreciation & Respect) program and sign a behavioral contract before their kids can get on the ice for their first practice. 

While the S.T.A.R. program was developed to deal with the problems in youth hockey, it can be easily adapted to other sports & kids activities. Many of the guidelines and requirements are good common sense for any parent and/or player to follow so all participants can enjoy their particular sport. 

Or work yourself into a guilt trip. You are doing far more for your kids by teaching them they can't have everything they want right when they want it. How much stuff do any of us really need cluttering up the joint?   

A good thing to start practicing with your kids early on is: every Thanksgiving have them go through all the stuff they already have and decide what they don't want or play with anymore. Take the discards to one of the charities for the less fortunate children. We lived in an 800 square ft townhouse, we had to get rid of stuff for there to be room for us!!! :-) As soon as your kids are old enough have them go with you, as volunteer workers, to one of the Xmas Give-aways to see what not having anything really means. It was an eye-opener for my son when a little boy got excited over a brand new bag of socks. First time in the kids life he had something brand new that was all his. Son came home and swore he'd never say "but all the other kids have one" again and he hasn't. 

Check used video game stores for the XBox or other game systems, most times they will have one or two as well as used games at a much cheaper price. Blockbuster has had them in the past, don't know about now though. 

Hang in there, as another poster said "our kids grow up despite us" ;-) 

Kids appreciate what you do with/for them more than what you give them if you teach them early. 

A story for you: (my brother calls me Cliff from Cheers...  ;-) 

I was making a Halloween costume for my son. My then 12 yr old nephew seemed to be hanging close by watching me while I was sewing it together. I finally asked him what was up and he replied "My mom (birth mother not my sister) has never made me a costume, she always just bought them." I laid my son's costume aside, asked him what he wanted to be and off we all went to the fabric store. The ladies at the store got involved when they saw a 12yr old boy looking through the pattern, lots of laughing and giggling, pretty much a flurry of mother hens! Took all the stuff home, Charlie helped cut the material, lay the pattern on the cloth and he would have run the sewing machine if I'd let him :-) Charlie was the best Beetlejuice you ever saw! 

It also turned out to be the last time Charlie got to go trick or treating, the following summer he was diagnosed with Juvenile onset diabetes. The Beetlejuice costume is still in the upstairs closet waiting for Charlie's son to grow tall enough to wear it. Charlie is now 26 yrs old, doing well and nearly every time the family gathers he asks me to pull it out for Blake to try on, trying to see if it fits him yet. 

Your kids remember the gift of your time and care much longer than the material things you give them.   

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/10/16/prom.canceled.ap/ 

1st part of the article, follow the link above for the full story: 

Long Island principal cancels prom
Principal: School 'willing to sponsor a prom, but not an orgy' 

Sunday, October 16, 2005; Posted: 7:29 p.m. EDT (23:29 GMT)  

In his letter to parents, Hoagland wrote that the prom was surrounded by "financial decadence."
 
KEllenberg Memorial High School
UNIONDALE, New York (AP) -- Brother Kenneth M. Hoagland had heard all the stories about prom-night debauchery at his Long Island high school: 

Students putting down $10,000 to rent a party house in the Hamptons. 

Pre-prom cocktail parties followed by a trip to the dance in a liquor-loaded limo. 

Fathers chartering a boat for their children's late-night "booze cruise." 

Enough was enough, Hoagland said. So the principal of Kellenberg Memorial High School canceled the spring prom in a 2,000-word letter to parents this fall. 

"It is not primarily the sex/booze/drugs that surround this event, as problematic as they might be; it is rather the flaunting of affluence, assuming exaggerated expenses, a pursuit of vanity for vanity's sake -- in a word, financial decadence," Hoagland said, fed up with what he called the "bacchanalian aspects." 

Happy Birthday irishmom! saw the mention on your profile :-) 

Stuff is fun for awhile but it'll never take the place of a big hug and a silly giggle fit with your kids. It is tempting to spoil them but then you end up looking around trying to figure out where all this crap came from, I swear it multiplies like rabbits..... 

jrbaker: your daughter will treasure that memory of having you completely to herself while you two were making her costume and I'll bet she will be the prettiest princess out tomorrow :-) Charlie's costume has been worn by 6 more kids since then, it'll be around til it falls apart, it's funny the things kids latch onto isn't it...... 

Comet o Colorado for the 3 weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I willingly offer food, clothing and shelter for those 3 weeks.  

In exchange for the hospitality you will: 

Attend Hockey practices with my son, 6 days a week including the 5am practice on Saturday mornings, you'll have to be up and out of the house by 4am no matter how lousy the weather is. Fair warning: the team will not put up with an arrogant braggart, they will give you "bag skates" in order to teach you humility and team attitude. 

You will accompany my son to the Christmas Eve Giveaway location each weekend to help sort, clean, stack and arrange the many donations for the less fortunate. You will be expected to help distribute the gifts on Xmas Eve to the nearly 5000 people that show up each year. Hopefully you will learn what "need" really is. 

If you want money of your own I'll take you out to my sister's. She'll pay you $50 a week to come out and shovel horse manure for  her 3 horses. She'll give you another $25 for sweeping and hosing out the pig house. You want to continue piling manure on your mother, I think it's only fair that you shovel some yourself. 

The most valuable thing my parents taught my siblings and me was: because we were growing up in comfort( all of our needs were met) and privilege (private schools) we had an obligation to give back to the less fortunate. Our grandparents were all blue-collar, my parents felt it would be an insult to our grandparents if they allowed us to behave like spoiled brats. All of us do some sort of volunteer work as coaches, tutors etc. I've carried on the tradition with my son because I've seen first hand how powerful and positive helping others can be. My greatest pride as a parent is in the fact my son has a kind, giving heart, whatever he achieves in life, that generousity of spirit will remain my contribution to society by raising an honorable man. 

I have to run a tight ship, I work with 50-60 kids each year, the first time I let one of them walk all over me the rest of the bunch will treat me like a cheap rug within a week yikes! God bless their dented little heads sheesh......