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Messages By: sweets537

sweets537
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July 25, 2005, 4:27 pm PDT

Depression

Quote From: hisjewel

I am guessing someone said to you give everything to God and it will be ok....... what if i say it this way Let God be God and he will be there for you no matter how hard things are..... there are so many days i would just love to disappear but i know that God is there right by my side believing in me even though i don't believe in myself. Yes, we are to give all things to God but in doing that we have to let him keep those things which can make someone think Oh I've done that before and it doesn't work. It is about us really totally letting go of it all. something that I have a hard time doing. God can help us through all things He can do all thing but He is a gentleman and will force nothing on us...... He basically says here my love i am offering this to you but i give you the choice to take it or not........ I know that iti s soooooooooooooooooo hard to give things over to God there are things in my life that even though i know they don't belong to me that aren't of God I have a really hard time letting go of it I feel like an indian giver when it comes to me giving things to God a lot of times i say here and like seconds or minutes later it's like hey wait you can't have that........ well yeah i hope this makes since to you!! "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" it is by His power that we can over come..... sure we still have to face so many things but when we face them (the lies and all that junk) what do we do with them do we take them as truth and not let go or do we say God what do you think or does this aline with the Character and the word of God........ there are so manythings we can ask but well yeah!! "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed you can say to the mountain move and it will be moved" A lot of it isn't just in saying ok God here have it i don't want it but it is in steping out and proclaming at the same time...... stepping out on water

yes this makes sense, its just hard for me to take that step and hand things over to God.  I just want everything to go away at this point.  I am unhappy in every aspect of my life, and i am trying so hard to find something positive, but i cant seem to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
 
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sweets537
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July 25, 2005, 5:05 pm PDT

Depression

Quote From: nekocats2

I want to let you all know how much I appreciate the support you have given me. I am still struggling so much I can't put it into words. I am sick and tired of crying and being depressed. Honestly, I am giving much thought to going back on anti-depressants. I went off of them a couple months ago due to it causing my blood pressure to rise and I am just sooooo tired of being on meds. I hate the way I feel with this constant depression. I hate living!!!! I had this type of horrible depression many years ago which resulted in me attempting suicide. I won't go down that dark hole again. I could not do that to my husband or my family. No matter how much I hate myself and my life,I don't have the right to cause them pain. So, I will continue to plug along and deal with the pain. I guess when God says it is time to leave this earth, then it will be time. I just want the pain to stop!

Hey...time to shut up! Again, thank you to all of you for the support you give. I never even came close to getting this growing up.

oh my God i hate this computer.  I just want to take the damn thing and throw it through the window.

 

You and I sound like we have alot in common.  I feel your pain i really do.  Those thoughts that you have...well I have them too.  Wish they would get out of my head.  I wish i could be normal.  I am sorry that you feel this way, but just know that I am here with you and for you as much as i can be.
 
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sweets537
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July 25, 2005, 5:52 pm PDT

Depression

Quote From: bclarsen

I am a 43 year old who until recently was very concerned with where my health and sanity were headed.About four or five years ago I started having strange symptoms. I began getting brain fog. This progressed into what I believed was early stages of possibly Alzheimers - I was having a hard time remembering things - especially basic vocabulary retrieval. I would try to speak and for some reason sometimes the words would come out differently than what I thought I was going to say. This was very embarrassing. Also, I began to get anxiety - especially when I needed to interface with others. But, the worst symptom that I began to experience was extreme depression - but only for about three days out of the month.I would wake up one morning and ask myself what is the point of being here - life sucks. I would be very sad and have tremendous melancholy. I would be driving down the street and think "I should just drive into the pole." But, when I would have these thoughts - fortunately- I would rationally talk myself out of doing anything stupid. This went on for awhile until I began to notice that it happened like clockwork about a week before my period. I went to see the OBGYN who put me on Serafem (Prozac) and birth control pills. After a week on the Serafem I realized that I could not possibly take this stuff. It made me forget huge chunks of time. I stayed on the birth control pills which seemed to help a little bit until I started having migraines with Aura. The OBGYN said that at my age with Migraine with Aura I should stop taking the Pill - huge risk of stroke. Having said all of this..... I happened to be reading a magazine and found out about a doctor, Dr. Hotze,who was treating people with my symptoms with bio-identical hormones. When I went to his website I also found out that it was possible that I had hypothyroid also. At the same time, I found Suzanne Somers book "The Sexy Years." She experienced the same symptoms that I had and found relief with bio-identical hormones. I decided to make a call to Dr. Hotze, who coincidentally works in my city. Long story short - Dr. Hotze put me on bio-identical progesterone 14 days a month, a small dose of testosterone, and also some Armor Thyroid because I was low thyroid. OH MY GOSH!!!! I no longer have my depressive episodes. My brain function is back and I also have the energy that I had when I was about ten years younger. Now I am not saying that this is for everyone. I know that there are many reasons for depression. Mine just happened to be hormone deficiency related. If you think that this may be you also, you can search google and start doing some research. I can tell you that this has significantly improved my life.
GREAT FOR YOU!  It is so good to hear about people getting better.  I am happy for you.  Best of luck to you!
 
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sweets537
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July 25, 2005, 6:25 pm PDT

the little things make me crazy

these are the things that i wish i could fix.  our cable went out about 2 hours ago and i thought..."i know that I paid that bill"  so i went back and looked and yes i did pay it, even though I am forgetful and i couldnt even remember what month this was.  so i called the cable company and the lady was like "well i dont know why your cable is out" i wanted to reach through the phone and strangle her and i said "well maam that is why you work there, now can you find out why my cable is out" so ten minutes after being on hold she comes back and tells me there is a line down somewhere. 

 

Its nothing major to a normal person, but to me I get stressed over the smallest things.  My husband just stared at me like i was losing my mind.  I dont think he will ever understand.
 
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sweets537
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July 26, 2005, 7:41 am PDT

Another Day...

Well I would have rather cut my legs off than get out of bed this morning.  I didn't even want to open my eyes and look around.  But once I got up and in the shower and too work I was okay, I guess.  Feeling extremely sad today, just want to sit in a room all by myself and not talk to anyone.  I've tried it and it doesn't solve anything, just makes your mind wander more.  I am so ready for my son to come home its unreal.  All that I can think about is holding him and kissing him.  Ready for this day to be over already.  Oh well I will try and make the best of it.  Hell, I can't even focus on my work.
 
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sweets537
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July 26, 2005, 8:46 am PDT

You are so right...

Quote From: lidica

I didn't get a chance to write to you yesterday. I am glad you got yourself out of the house and to work! It is the blessing of a job that I thank God for when that dang buzzard depression hits me and takes my joy away. Here's something to think about Sweets. Maybe it's a good thing right now your son is away to give you a little time to beat that ol rascal depression down. So have you tried going to a doctor to see if you can get something to help you through this depression? I remember how long I struggled with it on my own until I came to the boards and Thank God my Sista 29 was on that day and told me to go to the doctor and get some meds. I was on Celexa for awhile and now I am on St. John's Worts to keep me balanced. I now know some coping skills and every once in awhile I sink down and have to be reminded here how low I have dropped. It is the good thing about the boards is everyone gets used to your moods and can help remind you when things get too dark for you. Many hugs and prayers. I can imagine it is hard being without your child but wish happy times for him and rest up so that you will have lots of energy when he returns. Sometimes Sweets we think our depression is from one thing but when we search deep inside us we find it is another. Maybe your child keeps you distracted from having this time alone to see this problem. I hope you do not get mad with this that I am saying but I am speaking from experience of what I have gone through. I focused so much on my hubby I never let myself see ME! God bless you!
You hit the nail on the head.  I suffered from depression before I got pregnant with my son and while I was pregnant with my son.  Before I got pregnant my doctor put me on celexa and I hated the way it made me feel, I told him I was getting off of it, and I have yet to take another anti depressant.  I am hard headed I guess you could say.  I want to beable to beat this thing all on my own, and I am finding little by little that it just sneaks back up on me.  After I had my son it was like I was a whole new person.  I could stand on my own feet and keep my head up by myself, I realized that I didn't need a guy in my life, all that I needed was my son.  He & I did great for a while, then I started to get lonely.  So I buried my head into my online classes for college and thats where I stayed.  Little by little I started to go out with friends, and what do u know...I met my "now" husband.  He walked into my life and saved me from whatever it was that was creeping up on me.  It was great, and then we got engaged, bought a house and started planning.  I slipped right back down in that hole during my wedding planning.  Decided about 2 weeks before the wedding that I didn't want to get married and that he wasn't the one for me.  Funny how that dark hole surrounds you.  Well we went through with the wedding (that was April 30) he is a great person and a loving father and husband.  I just can't seem to get myself happy with anything.  With my son there I covered it up and spent most of my time with him.  But with him being gone I thought well this will be a great time for my husband and I, boy was I wrong.  We haven't fought, we just haven't talked.  I have buried myself in my work, in my chores, in my computer.  Whatever it is I can do to avoid him, and I have no idea why. 
 
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sweets537
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July 26, 2005, 9:34 am PDT

Damn this world...

CAN ANYTHING ELSE BE ADDED TO THIS MOUND ON TOP OF ME.  My husband just called and told me that his sister might be having twins.  UGH...she can't even take care of the 5 year old that she has.  My husband and I want to start trying but can't because of insurance reasons.  All I want is my son back home.  I know that I should be happy for her, but hell she pawns her poor son off on anyone who will take him.  How on earth can I be happy that she is bringing more children into this world.  Makes me sick.  ALl she ever does is compete with us and rub things in our face.  She had to get married before us, and she told everyone that she had to have a baby before we did.  OMG I think I might throw up.  I have got way too much anxiety.
 
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sweets537
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July 26, 2005, 9:54 am PDT

Depression

Quote From: psychwife2

I am very concerned that you continue to react so strongly to things that are beyond your control. You have enough on your plate without adding your sister in law's issues to your own. I urge you to do something soon. You need to get some help with your anxiety and depression and they aren't going to get better by themselves. You seem to be reaching some sort of crisis point and the longer it goes without treatment, the harder it will be for you to find happiness. And please don't be mad at me for suggesting this...it's just that you are worrying me a bit. Your posts continue to show you spiraling downward and while coming to this board is great for support, I'm afraid we can't do a whole lot to fix things for you. But don't stay away from the board...please continue to keep in touch. This message wasn't intended to suggest that you quit posting. I just really want to encourage you to get a handle on this before your son comes home. The last thing you need is for your ex to start saying you aren't emotionally capable of having your son...and if he plays as unfairly in the custody game as you say he does, he will certainly use it against you.

Please, focus on YOU right now and keep in touch.
Thank you and no I am not going to get mad.  I am okay, had to walk outside and take a breather and let some of this anxiety go.  yes i do have to becareful with the ex.  Back when I was pregnant I used to post on another depression forum and the ex got into my e mail and found out about the forum and started reading my posts.  He then told me he was going to use that against me in court.  My lawyer told me that I had nothing to worry about, that it would not hold up.  Well needless to say he didn't try and use it.  Guess he thought twice about it.  I would never ever do anything to harm myself or my child or my family.  I would never leave that burden on anyone.  I am scared to go to the dr, I dont want to be labeled.  I work for a pediatric therapy clinic where we have so many children who get labeled and it is sad.  I dont want that for myself. 
 
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sweets537
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July 26, 2005, 10:40 am PDT

just rambling...

im so excited that the shuttle made it up without any complications.  Maybe it will make the world a  better place.  HA...Thank you guys for listening to me.  I went and sat in the breakroom and talked with a few people, and I feel good again.  I have got a program to work on for work so that will keep me busy.

 

 

F.Y.I.  If you spell a word wrong on the message title all you have to do is double click on it and you can correct it.  Found a new trick...haha
 
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sweets537
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July 26, 2005, 2:16 pm PDT

back again

well i have had a great afternoon, believe it or not!  It is almost 5 and the day is almost over.  I am going to go out and visit with my mom for a while and keep her company while my husband works late.  I talked to the ex this afternoon and all is well with my little man.  I still miss him, but I am trying trying trying to be positive.  Keep me in your prayers!
 
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