Messages By: lollywho
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September 13, 2007, 3:49 pm PDT
 I happened to catch this 2-part series. I'm not a professional and probably shouldn't be spouting off but I can't help myself. I'm not accusing anyone of anything..... BUT:
Brandon exhibits possible signs of anti-social behavior - and, surprisingly, Dr. Phil actually brought up the word - sociopath - but did not actually accuse Brandon of this orientation. Has to be careful with labeling, I suppose.
If you are upset with Heidi - don't be. She may be convinced that she is dealing with such an individual and is overreacting on her fears- she really does have to back off though. Dr. Phil made that pretty clear. Brandon probably had her trust in the beginning and now it's become a war - mostly between Heidi and Brandon with Amy totally bufuddled in the middle. Best thing Amy can do is to watch and listen to Dr. Phil and her assigned therapists.
Dr. Phil made his points clearly to all involved - but with discretion. IF this person (B) is anti-social - it will be a long, very doubtful haul if he can change. There is a lot of debate as to whether these individuals are born, made, nature vs nurture, etc. Yes. Scott P is commonly acknowledged to be a prime example of a sociopath although many sociopaths do not act to the extremes that he did. Many come from very chaotic households and have had a lot of strange behavior around their upbringing. The thinking is that they learn to become self-absorbed and self-serving (nurture) versus being born w/o conscience (say, someone like Manson or Bundy)
Common traits of an anti-social: evasive and untruthful, tendencies to blame others, create scenarios that work for themselves, wander off into tangent conversation, promiscuity, charasmatic appeal, self-serving, no remorse or empathy, etc. Look it up - there are more of these folks in the common population that was once realized and most of them are not violent but are very manipulative and self-absorbed.
Had a boss once who would set people up against each other just to step back and watch the chaos. It had everybody confused, overwrought, pitted against each other and confused. - Key was the pattern(s) of behavior were always the same and those people who eventually figured it out set the boss up and it was all over - horrible experience for the victims however.....
If nothing else - educate yourself on this behavior so that you know what to do IF you encounter an anti-social person because you will be likely thrown for a loop.....initially anyway. |
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November 8, 2007, 2:18 pm PST
Quote From: bullroar I really don't understand this bride. She's already started a huge feud with the guy's mom. He's a coward and why does this mom even want to have anything to do with him. If my son sided with a girl against me in such a horrible manner, I'd disown him. He's NOT A SON. Both of these punks need to go back and read the commandments. In this day in age, I think everyone better do that. In any case, in this situation they both need to remember to HONOR THY MOTHER AND THY FATHER. There might be something to that. This girl is a trouble maker and if she's already causing a war....good luck to the worm that marries her. This means the poor children these two might have will never know their grandmother. It's disgusting for this girl to behave this way. Good luck, Dr. Phil. Sounds like you'll need it.
I have to laugh. This is a classic example of the son choosing a wife who has many of the same character traits of his mother!!
I only realize that I'm a lot like my ex-mother-in-law now that I'm older and have gone through mid-life stuff. I think that I understand a lot more about the behavior of my ex-mother-in-law now that I'm older.
The MAIN POINT IS: the bride-to-be and the mother of the groom are VERY SIMILAR IN PERSONALITY.
this is the CRUX of the matter and the complete chuckle of the matter. THEY are two-of-a kind!!!
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November 8, 2007, 2:30 pm PST
Quote From: inhymn That seems to be Dr Phil's answer to everything "in-law" situation these days and Dr Phil needs to realize that what a real "hero" would do is protect an innocent 9 year old child from an adult who is attacking them.
Her daughter-in-law may be nuts....but the mother-in-law is a child abuser. She called a 9 year old little girl "psycho", a liar, a manipulator on National Television. There is no way I would allow a woman like that around my children ... period (related or not).
This is one MIL that has not "earned" the RIGHT to be part of their core family.
An opinion everyone.... the mother-in-law and the daughter seem to be very similar in personality and the son is meek. The son appears to depend on his wife to take on his mother. Is this an example of the son choosing a wife like his mother????
I think the mother should SHUT UP AND BACK OFF but she won't. she doesn't know how. TOO BAD. Daughter needs to ignore the mother in law and go about her business. The children won't benefit from exposure to this grandmother anyway. ..... not without a lot of direct therapy. That is an opinion!
Been There. |
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November 8, 2007, 2:41 pm PST
Quote From: pjrskiatook wow, i have a teenage daughter that just turned 18....about 3mo ago, she decided that she did not have to come home anymore, and so one weekend she did not come home. i called her cell phone for 36hrs with no response...finally on sunday morn about 1115 i had called the police dept to file a runaway report and while i was filing the report she text me and wanted to know what was up...the officer ask for her number and called her...she answered and he told her that she had 15min to get home...we talked and she told me everything that she did not like and just pretty much told me that when she turned 18 she would be gone, and i told her that if that happened she would not be leaving with her car, cell phone, and anything else...if she wanted to leave she could, but she would only leave with her clothes. well she turned 18 and she is still at home, and i know that if she leaves there is nothing that i can do, so i just try to get along and if she stays at her boyfriends home, atleast i know where she is...she is on birthcontrol and has been since 9grade. some people say that is wrong, i feel like it is smart, and that way she wont have a child at a young age....i am a single mom and i have been told that i was bad for this or that because her father chose not to be in her life...that was his choice not mine so i finally told her that if she wanted to find her father, because men can be fathers, but it is a special person that can be a dad....we found him and he is in prison for drugs...that is the kind of person he is...i know that i have made mistakes along the way, but that is just the way it went and i did my best...it wasn't like i was a teenage mom...i was 34 when i had my daughter and she has always had everything that she needed and to many other things that she wanted especially being an only grandchild...she is a terrific student and all the teachers have always told me that they would like to have a whole classroom of kids like her...when she started this stuff up at the beginning of aug it caught me off guard because i had never been through anything like that with her...when you have a child that doesn't come home and you don't know where she is at....it absolutely makes you ill...my daughter has not had the best mom, because i am a cancer patient and she has had to do a lot of things that children her age (she was 10)when i got sick...and so she has been through a lot that kids should not have to deal with but that was the way it was and we went through it. i hope and pray that alex takes this second chance as important as it is and makes good choices, and mom i hope that you can make it and that both of you can become close once again.... I'm 54 and I understand SO MUCH MORE ABOUT LIFE now than I did at 19.
I had a relatively uncomplicated life but, boy, do I ever see things differently now that I'm older. When I was 19, I thought I knew everything!!! I look back and LAUGH! I had no clue!!!!!
Everything has a consequence and the choices you make on a whim at 19 last FOREVER!!!
Best statement that could ever apply would be - "what goes around, comes around".
Love your kids and let them loose. What doesn't come back wasnt' going to come back anyway. Pray and hope for the best - be there no matter what.
A loving mom. |
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November 8, 2007, 3:07 pm PST
Quote From: jackiec751 You are all so off the mark on this. BDD is not about vanity. BDD is in the category of OCD's. just as the anorexic looks in the mirror and sees fat, the person with BDD sees their reflection, and, in my case, sees a hideous freak. I've had this disorder for many years and am now 57. I have perfected the ability to almost never see my reflection. I can fix my hair and put on makeup and not look at my face. Consequently, if enough time passes that I don't see my face, I start to believe that I'm wrong, maybe I'm not a monster. But then, I'll accidently see my reflection in a store window and am horrified. I must immediately go home and pull the covers over my head while I berate myself for thinking I might be normal looking. Not beautiful mind you, just human looking. BDD is also a very secret illness. People don't often tell the people in their lives that they have it. The few times I have, people simply couldn't grasp it. It's just too strange. One therapist I saw about it, suggested I use a drug given to schzophrenics to control hallucinations. I have no idea why my brain works this way. But I can assure you it's not about beauty and ego. It goes far beyond that. Just because you don't experience it, and can't imagine experiencing it , doesn't invalidate it. Have compassion. Someone you know and love might be suffering in silence. I just can't understand this "illness". I'm thinking that this may be a bonified "western" version of OCD but, honestly, all I can say is this - we CREATE THIS MONSTER by our cultural obsessions with looks and someone's (who, by the way) ideas of what "BEAUTIFUL" is anyway. Either get the correct medicine or be BDD and live anyway....
Maybe i'm wrong, but when I am made aware of the people who are struggling to survive war and dying and finding food and shelter, sustanence - etc., I'm sure that we would put aside thoughts of a mirror image..... perhaps we just have it so good that we just have the time to obsess about these types of things. I mean, if you HAD TO SURVIVE - a person would put on a mask to cover the perceived ugliness (these girls were, frankly, beautiful....by stereotypical standards.) and get their daily business done... especially if their lives were at stake. In other words, be "ugly" and go about your business anyway. Honestly......
I saw a documentary about people starving in Ethopia in 2004 - no food but grass in 21 days. I hazard to believe that anyone of us would put aside obsessions like these if our lifes were in dire jeopardy.....
We worry about these things because we can. My heart goes out to these enabling parents. WHAT DO YOU DO, anyway? I have no idea how I would resolve my mind around this as a parent.
I'm an obese individual and I have to watch ET tonite ridicule obese people by putting models in fat suits and telling the world how everyone laughs about them while they waddle around in their fake suits until they cry and beg to have the fat suits taken off. I mean.... what is the purpose of this exercise? Pity? Understanding? I don't get it.
I mean, HUH? This is my life..... I'm a size 22 - according to these suited beauties - UGLY!!!!! Well, I can't just fold up and live in my house behind curtins. I have to SURVIVE.... WORK..... PAY BILLS.... WORK HARD AT MY DIET..... REINFORCE MY BRAIN WITH GOOD T HOUGHTS.... EXIST IN A WESTERN WORLD THAT GLORIFIES SMALL BLONDS WITH LITHE BODIES.... OH WELL!!!!
I don't have any answers but I live, pay my bills and make my way independently every day anyway.
There in place no matter what.....
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November 8, 2007, 3:26 pm PST
Quote From: traumaqueen45 I know just how these ladies feel. I have not spoken about this outside of my immediate family until now. When I was younger, I was teased about being ugly, even by my own siblings. When I reached my twenties and men found me attractive, I began to think I was and my confidence rose. One of the men I dated was very attractive and my sister wondered why he was dating me and not her because 'she was better looking.' I soon moved away from the negative forces in my life and I went back to college in my 30's and became an LPN. That also helped my confidence. Now I am 53 and disabled due to toxic chemicals that I was exposed to at work. I rarely go out in public. Not only because of my fear of exposure to products that make me sick, but also because I no longer resemble the woman I once was. I have gained 50 pounds since I became ill. I think I am a fat ugly pig. I initially gained weight when I was put on several courses of steroids due to health problems and have been unable to get the weight off, even though I walked all summer long with little success. Exercise for me in the wintertime is hard because I also have CFIDS and fibromyalgia which seem to worsen in the cold winter months. I was recently diagnosed with heart and lung problems and even walking leaves me short of breath, so I now wear oxygen. I do have a treadmill, but rarely use it, because trying to avoid the oxygen tubing is also a pain. I have thought of plastic surgery, but after a woman I used to work with mentioned she was trying to find help to remove excess skin from her abdomen after gastric bypass, I gave up my dream of having plastic surgery to help her. I am alone all day long and have minimal conversation with my husband at night because he comes home long enough to eat, watch an hour or two of TV and then he's off to bed. My 'friends' are limited to my internet. I have other family members that live nearby, but they are busy with their lives, so I do not see them either unless we run into each other accidentally. That's my life and I am so tired of it. I want to feel good about myself again, but whenever I look in the mirror or step on the scales, I hate myself all over again. I really do feel for you but you need to forget yourself and get a life. Your description is all about you and your "issues". Trust me - truthful comment based on your words above - people avoid you because I strongly believe that when you come into contact with someone - it becomes all about you. ... including your husband.
I mean - do you get subsidized or something? Don't you have to make your own way in the world? "Ugly (whatever that is) "people are everywhere and mingling in society. Who has time to contemplate this anyway? If you truly believe you are one of them... who cares? Mix in .... no one notices, anyway, and you may just establish a life that has some meaning besides what is going on with your looks..wear a mask. laugh anyway ... be ugly .... believe it's all in YOUR MIND anyway.... who cares. You are a good person.
Well meaning. You clearly have too much time to think and not enough making a living stress in your life. |
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November 20, 2007, 3:38 am PST
Quote From: laneese I have a particular interest in the 3 part series starting Monday. I do want to watch it, but am fearful of the (personal) triggers that may be contained therein. I have it set to TIVO as I do for all of Dr. Phil's shows, so that I can watch topics that interest me, or a loved one, which is most of the time. I also TIVO so I can watch at a time that is more convenient for me to watch since I have a little one, and my husband has an aversion to Dr. Phil. My husband is also a sex addict and compulsive liar. As I have heard Dr. Phil say in the past, "How do you know he's lying? Because his lips are moving...." That is my husband. We have been married for 6 1/2 years, and for the first 6 years, I was in full denial of the issues that were before me. I had literally become brainwashed to believe that I was crazy despite the disturbing content within his porn addiction, the inconsistencies of his stories, his villanizing of me to my family, friends, and co-workers, his sexual abuse of me, his objectification and devaluing of me, his total emotional abandonment, anger, rage, denial, and projection of his shame on me. If I found porn, it was my fault for looking, and I was a crazy f*ing "C." He truly was incapable of believing anything I had to say at all. If any fact was said by someone other than myself, it was indeed a fact or consideration. Anything I had to say was immediately dismissed as my imagination, or I just didn't know what I was talking about, or "that's just stupid..." If I questioned his obviously inappropriate behavior with clients, other professionals, or co-workers, I was made to believe that there was something wrong with my brain, because I was making these things up in my head. He was in collusion with my mother as the two of them took comfort in one another blaming my "imagination" for the discontent in their lives. The anger, rage, and distance that was a daily ritual from him became unbearable for me. All the while, however, I portrayed an image of the perfect marriage and family to everyone else. To the outside, he played the victim so well. He comes across as such a peaceful, understanding, empathetic man, but that is all an illusion. His children from a previous marriage stayed with us for a while, (2005 & 2006) as we tried to blend the families. These children were violent, cruel, manipulative, (beyond what the normal difficult dynamics that can exist between step parents and step children) and they were openly abusive to our three year old daughter in my presence. (They are 7 and 8 years older than she is) When their father was home, the children were angelic. Anytime I would report their severe abuse, he would deny any issues... Therefore adding to his case that I was crazy, and that his children were fine. They were just being kids, and I was the one with the problem. I had suffered from alcohol issues in the past, and unfortunately, during this time, I allowed myself to fall into that trap once again, late at night after the kids were in bed. In my mind, I was going crazy, and I needed something to make the pain and madness stop, even if only temporarily. In my mind, nothing short of suicide could stop the intense emptiness, so that is what I used to make myself stop feeling. At times, we had loud arguments late at night because of this. When I finally obtained proof of abuse to my then 3 year old, we removed my step son from school, (he was 10 at the time) turned him in to the police, and when they could not arrest him (because my 3 year old could say "what" happened, but she could not say "when" it happened) we put him on a plane back to his mother, who is out of state. The other child was already back with the mother. I was very stressed, teetering toward a breakdown, but tried to hold it together for the sake of my daughter. The acting out from my husband, (extreme deviant porn, sleeping with my friends, playing the victim, etc.) increased, and I was not allowed to tell anyone about what happened to my daughter. When I did, there was once again increased anger, rage, shame, and blame placed upon me, which I readily accepted. At this point, he was still in full denial of ever acting out sexually, and that the porn was something that "all guys did." Also, during this time, he was sexually aggressive with me, at times continued thrusting when I cried out in pain, begging him to stop. He also began waking me up in the middle of the night after I had gone to bed, and after using alcohol or other sedatives, and he would have sex with me, and I would not remember at all. It became a shame game for me because I never remembered, and he would be so offended that I couldn't remember "such an awesome experience," so I began pretending that I did remember. He is a gun enthusiast, and several of his favorite places on his computer back then were regarding how to hire a hit man, and how to get away with murder, how to clean crime scenes, etc. That was scary to me, and when confronted, he responded with his usual..."you're just stupid." The downward spiral continued until June of this year, when I turned to the Internet to find out what my problem was. I started searching to find out what was wrong with me, because I felt to shameful and inferior because of his porn use. This is when my eyes were opened. Dr. Phil's site, among others, helped me to realize that I was the co-dependent, or the co-sex addict. That these behaviors were NOT normal, and that not only was I being abused, but coming to grips with the fact that I was allowing it to happen. I had been in therapy for years, but once I got everything on the table, it was suggested that I attend an outpatient intensive therapy program. I was gone from home for 14 hours a day, Monday through Friday, for 2 weeks, in an amazingIN YOUR FACE intensive program. My goal was to re-discover my sense of self, for me, but also so that I could model positive behavior for my daughter that I had never learned. Up to that point, all I had taught her was how to pretend things were OK when they truly were not, how to smile, and hide real feelings. This is what I learned, and I knew that I had to stop the cycle. I wanted to learn how to safely and effectively express real feelings without fear of anger, denial, or retribution. In the two weeks I was in the intensive, I dealt with previously unknown childhood trauma issues, etc., as well as my accountability in all of this, which was very hard to face. I learned that I do have a voice, and a reason to be alive. I had gone from a size 14 to a size 4, (at 5'9") and nearly destroyed my face from picking from all the stress. I learned that I have body dismorphic issues that I still struggle with. During this time, there was no disclosure from my husband. In his words, he was merely holding down the fort while the crazy wife got her therapy. AFTER my intensive treatment was complete, my husband regurgitated all of his affairs, lies, deceptions, becauase I had become stronger and he was afraid of losing me. Now, he is so sorry, so regretful, and so ashamed of how he lied, cheated, and punished me for his wrongs. I am the only woman he has ever loved, blah, blah... Those are nice words. He went to the same place I did for a few appointments, but finances haven't permitted further treatment for him. He claims to be a changed man, and reformed, but just cannot seem to stop staring at other women, and internet attractions, etc. Like the husband on the show, "isn't it convenient" that all his infidelities were in the past? Does that somehow make them OK? Why is it that it seems they cannot admit to the more recent activities...are they less forgivable? I know for a fact that I don't know the whole story, and his high horse of morality will not allow him to face his real self, therefore allowing the rest of the disclosure. I have been sober from Alcohol for 10 weeks and counting. We live in the same house, but in separate bedrooms. There is no conflict, no sex, just more like roomates. Our 5 year old shares the bedroom with me, and is excelling in her school. She is currently in therapy also, and doing quite well. My fear of watching the show is that it will reinforce the reality that I have to leave him, but our home is in foreclosure, there is no money, no support, no contingency plan, no nothing. I had wanted to return to work when my baby was a year old, but was unable to because I wasn't "allowed" to. He works in my family's business, and he didn't want me nosing in his affairs. I realize that I am not a victim, and I HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT MYSELF, but this reminder might be too much. I am currently seeking employment again, we are moving into a rental together for financial reasons at this point, but he acts as if we "just need to move forward." I agree with that, but I cannot do that until I have a better understanding of why his switch went off. I've been living in the fog of wondering when it will all happen again. Then, if it does, how many years will be wasted then? It is nearly 7 years now.... it might be 10 or more. My journey is in my blog, though I've not posted in a month or so. http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog&friendID=200544800 Thanks for letting me get this out....and if you've made it this far, you're a real trooper!
Go to the website lovefraud.com and read everything you see there. You have been married to a sociopath who has no ability to love and whose sole interests are power and sex.
This situation is, unfortunately, amazingly common and appears to be getting worse in this country.
That is the situation for Michelle and her husband.
This man is only with you now because he needs the job and he is a master manipulator. His only interest in life is getting HIS NEEDS MET.
Leave and go to a woman's shelter. You cannot afford NOT TO. |
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November 20, 2007, 3:51 am PST
Quote From: bigbadma I had a chill go up and down my spine when watching this episode. After being in a so similar marriage for many years with many of the same issues I can only strongly suggest that this woman have the courage to leave the marriage. She may believe that she isn't strong enough to survive alone but do not be fooled, what she is dealing with now everyday has made her Wonderwoman and no matter what he has claimed he will do to her if she ever leaves, and I know he has made threats, she has the wherewithall to handle it. Get a good lawyer a great shrink and give yourself a break, it was that you are a caring, loving person that this guy picked you. I hope as well that he didn't have you break off contact with your friends and family, you will need them now. I do have issues with Dr. Phil suggesting "help". Shrinks only make these guys better at head games. I really enjoyed how this guy tried the old victim "poor me" ploy. My ex used to do the exact same thing. Sociopaths never change and I will bet a buffalo head nickle that he has been given more than one "second chance".
I guess that a person has had to have this experience in life to be able to say that, true, these individuals cannot be cured because they don't believe they have any problems. They exist for themselves.
I had the horror of being drawn in by the charasmatic charm of "the chase" and the bewildering and confusing trail of the lies and manupulation, headgames, and false promises and remorse that came after I was "caught" but emotionally entangled with this weird fakery that you want to believe because these people can be amazingly convincing because they have trained themselves at imitating emotion and guilt and know how to "press your emotional buttons" while feeling nothing about you except need for you to conform. When in a corner, these people tell you ONLY what they know you want to hear because by doing so, they can continue depending on your compliance towards them WHILE THEY STILL NEED YOU for whatever reasons - financial, housing, cover, social appearances, etc.
I was stable, moral, and hardworking so this individual liked having his "base" so that he could lie about his contributions while indulging his whims behind my back.
THANK GOD - I was raised with a great mom/dad and self-esteem because I NEVER married this person and got out because I felt I was losing my mind and the relationship was affecting my work and personal health. I did a lot of reading, had a GREAT therapist and now I watch DR. PHIL who seems to have no end to these types of people on the show in one way or another.....
Sad.
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December 27, 2007, 9:11 am PST
Quote From: arelys Yes the guy is not a saint, and yes what he did was VERY WRONG, i think the wife is not angel either, so i do think they do deserve each other, but i also have faith and hope that any relationship can give it a try to look for help and change life 100% if possible,but what i did notice in the show yesterday the so call BESTFRIEND go to go mind her own bussiness and let those two have a life, sometimes too many people in a relationship makes it even harder to deal with. So those two should stay separated and work with professionals that will help them foccus on what is important in a marriage, but defenitly without the best friend hanging around. Leave it up to the TWO people in this marriage, kids deserve a loving home and maybe the fireman will change his ways , who knows one has to have some faith! , arrrrrrrg i so hope dr, Phil would of be more determine and tell the best friend to just stay out of this. Got to see what part two brings today but so far i think there is no inocent part in this story, except the children of the couple. The children is what matters and they deserve a home with a Mom and a Dad, hopefully they get the help they need, and the best friend needs to get a life!!!!!!!!!
This man, Brandon, exhibits traits of anti-social behavior. Blame everything on someone else, has no real guilt about sex - no boundaries around sex either - and finds ways to deflect direct accountability.
Amy is his perfect target. The friend, Heidi, is not. The friend, bless her heart, is probably wasting her time. She is best just being the friend to be careful and not so "deer in the headlight trusting", but has the right idea is maintaining distance from the guy - that is her friend Amy's problem, not hers.
Dr. Phil continues to maintain that he believes everyone can change. Perhaps - but not likely.
He also maintains that the best predictor of future performance is past performance..... and, if you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences.... pay attention, Brandon.
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December 27, 2007, 11:33 am PST
Quote From: blushnrealtor I was in the same relationship as this woman for over 20 years. 2 years ago I filed for divorce only knowing about 1 affair that was years earlier with my now 'ex' best friend of 7 years. I loved him with all my heart. I was only 18 yrs old when I met him and am now 40. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple. I thought we were meant to be together. On the outside, I thought he loved me and would never hurt me...on the inside, I lived with fear that I would lose my husband because even though he said he loved me, I Didn't FEEL It. During the last 2 years, I checked into therapy and while he was trying to convince me he loves me, he confessed, after finding God, to 5 other women during the 1st 10 years of our marriage. That's 6 women he confessed to and I had about 21 other names during and since then. His phone still rings and he still lies about it being a guy from school when I could hear a female. He doesn't own up to what he did because he says it's in the past even though he'd just dropped them in my lap. I hope Amy realizes and her therapist tells her: he's considered: "INCURABLE"!!! They, the Incurables, Lie, Manipulate and emotionally blackmails you...THEY LIVE FOR THEMSELVES AND THEIR OWN SATISFACTION AT WHATEVER COST TO YOUR OWN WELL BEING AND WHO YOU ARE. I went to court on December 19th, 2007, to get my divorce finalized. He also made the comment about medical that Amy's husband made...the Judge ordered him to pay my medical insurance for 1 year, added Alimony and upped my child support and retirement portion of his military pay. The day after I went to court, I questioned if I did the right thing by letting my husband go. Thankfully, my best friend Jennifer, reminded me he would never Value me. Only himself. She made me look back and remember all the abuse and told me how strong I was and to move forward, that he could never change because he would only still be a Mirage of what I hoped he would be. Amy, continue Therapy...Move Forward and Don't LQQk Back!!! He doesn't deserve YOU! He will never change...he's, like my ex husband, a wolf in sheep's clothing. Don't waste 20 years like I did. Learn from what you've gone through, rise up with your children and be the strong, beautiful woman that you ARE! Sincerely, Christine
You are so right about what you experienced and described above.
After having experienced a relationship ,(horrifying in the constant confusion), with a diagnosed sociopath- I would not hesitate to say that Brandon exhibits traits that signal that direction. His wife, Amy, is a very naive, trusting, individual and it's going to take her a LONG TIME to realize what's going on because she is constantly being pulled in and then pushed away - he does these things to her because he WANTS her where she is... probably chose her because she is naive .. and finds something he needs in this relationship (financial security?) and will continue to draw her in -only leaving if someone comes along who can completely support him financially and turns another naive eye to his behavior.
It is absolutely HORRIBLE to live with a socialized anti-social (non-criminal) personality. VERY selfish - but so cunning that you think it just MAY be about you - because you want so much to be loved and cherished the way the person will tell you you are. These individuals rarely feel real concern and/or emotional empathy/guilt about what they do - they will usually just blame someone or claim that they were misled. The psychologist helping Amy is really trying to train her to see the behaviors as patterns which is good advice.
Constant on-the-spot pathological lying is another absolute trait of these types of individuals. They are also MASTERS of manipulation and can easily charm and confuse their way out of a jam. My therapist indicates that they master the art of watching and duplicating emotions they don't feel to get their way without guilt.
Actually, this type of behavior is quite common, especially in our country - because our society rewards these types of people for many of their traits - the driving self-serving excess of slash-n-burn CEO's for example. I'm talking about socialized non-criminal anti-social behavior.
Heidi confronts this man - but it isn't her place. She is better off just caring for her friend and keeping the relationship with Amy about Amy - not about Brandon. Amy has to do the hard work there herself.
It took me a long time to see the relationship I was in for what it was - but I know how to spot them from a long way now..... and there are a few out there.
Take care. |
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