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Messages By: lollywho
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December 27, 2007, 11:43 am PST
 Quote From: denandbru Oh boy...I'm writing this as my husband just left to go to work and I'm honestly scared....Not necessarily physically so although I don't know. My husband is a pathological liar. He makes me doubt what I know I hear and see and feel. A couple of weeks ago I left because he was getting in my face, calling me repeatedly by my mother's name (which is a bit of contention). Then he called my oldest daughter her name (which my daughter knows how much he hates my mother)...(She is 15). I told him I was leaving and he kept saying how he knew things about me that would definitely give him custody of the kids which I KNOW HE CAN'T BECAUSE I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG!!!! He said he has had people follow me to a class I HAD to attend for a week and that the neighbors have seen how I treat the kids WHICH I KNOW IS NOT TRUE....but then again I start to think...."What did I do?" I hate that! I doubt something that isn't there. Anyhow, I said I was taking the kids with me and he said, "If you leave with the kids your life will end right here". He has never been physical to me except for a hole in the wall and a desk that he scratched up with a BBQ tool when he was angry once, but I got scared. He called me names and I told the kids to get in the van (in the garage). When I went to get my keys, he ran outside and popped the hood of my van. I ran outside and sat on the hood, informing him that it was against the law to prevent me from leaving. He told me to move...I did...he popped the hood...and acted like he was pulling out a part and said, "Good luck finding that part...." and went back inside. I picked up the phone and dialed 9-1-1 because now he was disabling my car????? As soon as I hung up, he said he didn't really pull anything and that I was free to go. As I was leaving, he asked the kids to give him a hug. My 10-year-old did and he repeatedly told her, "Just remember...I'm not the bad guy..."
Unfortunately...I went back. The only place I had to go was my mom's and she was enjoying just having someone at the house but I was not in the mood to visit and be happy. My kids started missing their "stuff" and projects were at the house that needed completion, so I went back. I told him it was just for the kids, but of course he's playing the part of "good dad" "good husband". It makes me sick. He denies, to this day, that he said my life would end or ANY of that. He said everyone just heard my side. He has since lied however. At Christmas him and my brother in law were talking (I found out later) and my brother in law called me a day later to say that my hubby asked him what he knew about the situation (when I left him). He said he didn't really know anything and my hubby proceeded to tell him that he had so much S*** on me and he would get custody of the kids. When I confronted my hubby about this, he said that my bro in law is full of it and all he said to him was what he had told the officer the night I left him...nothing about having anything on me. My bro in law wouldn't have any reason to lie to me...we barely talk. So....again he lies.
I don't know what to do. He won't leave the house. He lies...It's disgusting. ?????????
You can ignore this but I will tell you that you are harming your children and yourself.
No one normal treats their family this way. This man is a sociopath and you are in trouble.
If you want to deny this - and you will because you are scared and overwhelmed and naive and weak about the effort it's going to take to get out of this situation. Go to the police department and ask to speak to a domestic advocate - you will need help to leave and confrontation is not the best idea.
If you wonder about your situation - look at the situation with this police officer and his missing wife in Chicago. Open your eyes and take care of yourself. |
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January 17, 2008, 7:32 am PST
We live in a society where anything a celebrity does, other non-celebrities without the motives and income reserves think they can do with the same privileges, i.e., continued income and little ramifications other than more press and more money and more focus on their lives.
NOTHING is more indicative of this than the feeling most hard-working adults struggling with keeping it all together for home and family think when we see this stuff. What in the world are young people thinking when they say that these types of behavior should be accepted as a part of a normal lifestyle? These young people need to know several things about the present and the future:
1. What you do today WILL impact you in the future. You just have no idea when, how, what, or why. You are stating that it "isn't fair" that your private life can't be what you want and everyone should understand. LIFE isn't fair - especially in the workplace. 2. Perception IS reality - or, put another way - What you see is what you get - especially in the corporate work place. We really don't care what we don't KNOW ABOUT. But once we KNOW ABOUT it, we will act and we really WONT care about you - we will care about our customers and repairing the damage and protecting ourselves from you in the event of any public ramification(s). Expect swift action and counsel will act on the side of the employer. You may also risk loss of unemployment benefits and no response other than DOH and DOT when asked for references. Not quite the way it goes in celebrity land. 3. Hiring managers will, most likely, be in the position of hiring you and they probably WONT tell you the reason(s) that you weren't considered except to say that you "weren't selected". It may weigh on your mind when you continue to hear this phrase, especially if the other parts of your life are in line with most standard society appropriate behaviors. You may have to look far into the past and try to guess what has happened to derail your efforts to get on with making a living and other boring adult pursuits. 4. What might be worse - you may have a GREAT job and these documented experiences, (which last forever somewhere), will come up inconveniently to cut your future in the bud, just like that. 5. Society moves very slowly to accept major changes and do you really want to be the guinea pig?
My profession is to act as a gatekeeper for the employer. Most employers who will hire you for positions that are considered "professional level" will not accept this type of stuff - no matter when it happened. BE AWARE.
There really is very little that is transferable from this pop celebrity lifestyle to our common culture. Sorry folks. Time to grow up or as Dr. Phil says, (quite rightly), "choose the behavior, choose the consequences". |
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January 17, 2008, 8:06 am PST
Quote From: leebot Civics 101: The First Amendment is not relevant to this situation -- the First Amendment and Freedom of Speech refers to the U.S. government and public spaces -- not to private entities that may set their own policies. A movie theater, for example, may choose not to show a certain movie that could be politically divisive -- that's their right as a private money-making enterprise and they are under no constitutional obligation to provide a platform for someone's message. The customers and the stockholders come first. The chances of prevailing in a lawsuit where a candidate was passed over due to questionable material on the internet are slim to none, probably throwing good money after bad. There is nothing illegal about a prospective employer availing themselves of the information that is freely accessible to anyone. Employers do have wide discretion to make hiring decisions based on their perceptions of a candidate's character, judgment or other personal qualities that fairly or unfairly may be influenced by what's posted online. It's also not a matter of "basing the way you would do your job" necessarily, it's more a matter of whether you demonstrate questionable judgment and taste in your profile that could be a red flag. It may not seem fair but then interviewers form impressions based on potentially small details all the time -- maybe you scratched your nose or had spinach in your teeth in the interview, or your cell phone went off, or you didn't project confidence, there are a host of factors that could elevate another candidate ABOVE you in the final analysis.
100% accurate.
As a hiring manager, I can do WHATEVER I deem necessary to get everything that has been publicly released about you as a job candidate, NO MATTER WHEN IT OCCURED! Please be aware that many (perhaps most) corporate employers check the internet and have background work conducted to search out ALL these types of websites, venues, and references - and the more the position is related to the employer's customers and to increased responsibilities, wages, and risk - the more stringent the research.
Also know that even if I'm personally sympathetic to a situation - as a hiring manager, I'm bound by policy and I act on the procedures set by the employer for the circumstance(s). Most corporate employers would NOT offer a position to an individual with this type of documented behavior - publicly available. Too risky for the employer and the employer's interests and position is #1.
Also - this stuff suggests to an employer that you may have substance abuse problems and NO EMPLOYER wants to risk themselves or their customers with even the hint of this possibility - so remember this if you think that you might want to work in hourly paid positions of retail, customer service, or food serving. There are always lots of other applicants to choose from for these type of entry level positions.
Also - you may NEVER know why you weren't hired or, in the event the documented experiences or materials pursue you once employed; fired. Why? Employers will want you to figure it out because by not directly disclosing the situation, the employer is protecting its interests- and you will, today, most likely be in an "at will" work environment which means that the relationship between the employee and the employer can be severed at any time for any reason. period.
Keep your non-work life private. By exposing this type of publicly defined "irresponsible" behavior by your own permission for the whole world to see, forever- in a digital world, you are taking tremendous risk with your future(s).
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January 17, 2008, 8:11 am PST
You can and you will do what you want and employers will do likewise - because they can. legally. |
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