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Messages By: hurtbad

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July 24, 2005, 10:30 pm CDT

Not a Man

Right, where to start. I have been married to my husband for 28yrs, we have 3 grown up children and are now living on our own. My husband works a job where he is away for a month and home for a month. He was working in Asia for a number of years and while there he started having affairs, one night stands or whatever. This started in the year 2000. i knew something was up and would ask him but of course he denied. Anyway, 18months ago he finally came home and told the truth or part of. He said he had taken a lot of women back to his hotel room, then he changed it to about 5 women, so believe what you want cause I do. He is a constant liar, white lies, black lies and every colour in between. We have not had any sexual contact since 2000, the year he started in Asia. He is on medication for Diabettes and he said it was affecting his libido and he could not get aroused. I had asked him to go see the Dr and we could go together to see about the problem but he always told me he would go when he was ready and that he wasn't really interested anyway. Obviously a lie cause he was interested enough in Asia. To this day he hasn't gotten any help. He knows how I feel, I want the closeness, the intimacy. Anyway, we really have tried to get over the cheating side of things, we had councelling but it still hurts. I find it hard to get over because he was having sex with other women and not me and he is still telling me he is not interested in sex and asks why I can't just accept it. He is still lying to me. Last month he had to go back to Singapore for a few days for work and while he was there he went back to his old self. I got a call at 2am, he was drunk and he wanted me to cancel his credit cards, he lost his wallet. He said he just went out to the 7/11 and must have dropped it on the street. He shouldn't have been out at that time in the morning, he shouldn't have been drinking so much that he would get himself into that state. I know he was lying about where he went, he knows I don't like him drinking a lot. He can't just go out for a beer or two, he keeps drinking till he gets himself into trouble. I am sick of the same old stuff. How can he expect me to start having trust in him when he doesn't let the problems stop, it is one thing after another. Why would he keep lying and acting this way? Yes, I know it's because I allow it, I let him treat me this way. That's what Dr Phil would say but I just had to get this off my chest.
 
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July 24, 2005, 10:39 pm CDT

Also----

Right, where to start. I have been married to my husband for 28yrs, we have 3 grown up children and are now living on our own. My husband works a job where he is away for a month and home for a month. He was working in Asia for a number of years and while there he started having affairs, one night stands or whatever. This started in the year 2000. i knew something was up and would ask him but of course he denied. Anyway, 18months ago he finally came home and told the truth or part of. He said he had taken a lot of women back to his hotel room, then he changed it to about 5 women, so believe what you want cause I do. He is a constant liar, white lies,black liesand every colour in between. We have not had any sexual contact since 2000, the year he started inAsia. He is on medication for Diabettes and he said it was affecting his libido and he could not get aroused. I had asked him to go see the Dr and we could go together to see about the problem but he always told me he would go when he was ready and that he wasn't really interested anyway. Obviously a lie cause he was interested enough in Asia. To this day he hasn't gotten any help. He knows how I feel, I want the closeness, the intimacy. Anyway, we really have tried to get over the cheating side of things, we had councelling but it still hurts. I find it hard to get over because he was having sex with other women and not me and he is still telling me he is not interested in sex and asks why I can't just accept it. He is still lying to me. Last month he had to go back to Singapore for a few days for work and while he was there he went back to his old self.I got a call at 2am, he was drunk and he wanted me to cancel his credit cards, he lost his wallet. He said he just went out to the 7/11 and must have dropped it on the street. He shouldn't have been out at that time in the morning, he shouldn't have been drinking so much that he would get himself into that state. I know hewas lying about where he went, he knows I don't like him drinking a lot. He can't just go out for a beer or two, he keeps drinking till he gets himself into trouble. I am sick of the same old stuff. How can he expect me to start having trust in him when he doesn't let the problems stop, it is one thing after another. Why would he keep lying and acting this way? Yes, I know it's because I allow it, I let him treat me this way. That's what Dr Phil would say but I just had to get this off my chest.
I also wanted to say or ask, how can he expect me to live the rest of our lives without any intimacy? Is it fair? i honestly don't know if I could live for another 30 or 40yrs like I am. By the way I am 46yrs old/young. It might sound stupid but I feel I need affection, I would like to have sex with my husband, I would like him to want me. It hurts so much when I think that he doesn't want me but he wanted the other women. My mind is turning somersaults trying to decide what to do. I have always loved him but I am at the stage now that I don't like him very much. It would be really hard for me starting over again. I don't work and I don't know what to do.
 

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