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Messages By: retabhva

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Distressed

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anxious
January 18, 2006, 7:44 am CST

I Need to Bring Up Issues of Will!

 My parents have never discussed their will to us five children.   My Dad has a hugh collection of unique items.  I would like him to donote the collection to a museum.  I have a cousin that my parents have helped out financially in the past.  She acts like she is part of the family.  Her and her husband are greedy and take advantage of people.  They have nothing to give and think everyone owns them.  I know that my parents can do whatever they want with their possessions and money but I feel if they give anything to my cousin, it would be wrong.  My sister and three brothers have worked hard to make a living.  They all live comfortably.  My parents have not helped any of us children with buying a business.   My cousin asked my parents to buy them land when us kids were in our teens.  Mom and Dad paid for my cousin's wedding, bought them furniture when they married and whatever they want.  My cousin and her sister got everything when their Mom and Dad passed.  My cousin spends money like water and gambles.  Her husband is lazy.  Mom and Dad cater to them.  I feel my cousin is favored.  I have told my Mom that I don't want to go their house or business but she pressures me to go.  I get angry when she brings it up.  My former husband, two kids and I were on the outs with my parents when my kids were young because they were helping my cousin buy land.   My parents have lots of land.  I think my brother is getting the land.  He farms the land but is it right that he doesn't have to pay for it?   I don't want anymore than another of the other siblings but I can't accept it if my parents give my cousin or her husband any of their possessions.   They would not cherish the items.  They are not family.
 
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January 18, 2006, 12:38 pm CST

The Rest Of The Story

Quote From: judyblue22

Family is for love, companionship and shared history.  It isn't a bank account. If your parents give their assets to family, charity or strangers, it is only their business, not yours. 

  

From your statement  

My former husband, two kids and I were on the outs with my parents when my kids were young because they were helping my cousin buy land.   

It sounds as if your relationship with your parents is conditional on you being able to control their assets.  You are in the wrong. 

 I didn't mention that this cousin lived with our family during the summer.  She was bossy toward me.  She would tell me to stop playing the piano when she wanted to listen to the radio.  She and I would share a bed and she would tell me to lay still.  You don't think this cousin came into our home and took my place in the family?  She is a spolled brat and still to this day thinks that she is all it.  I have feelings and I feel I was lost in the shuffle.  My sister and brothers are not close to me.  Our family was conditioned to make this cousin part of our family.  It is dyfunctional.  I have been around long enough to know this is not normal.  Families give to their children, Grandchildren.  My cousin is favored over me.  I live this. 
 
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January 18, 2006, 12:45 pm CST

I Forgot Something!

Quote From: judyblue22

Family is for love, companionship and shared history.  It isn't a bank account. If your parents give their assets to family, charity or strangers, it is only their business, not yours. 

  

From your statement  

My former husband, two kids and I were on the outs with my parents when my kids were young because they were helping my cousin buy land.   

It sounds as if your relationship with your parents is conditional on you being able to control their assets.  You are in the wrong. 

 I forgot that my former husband and I were buying our own land at the same time my parents were helping my cousin and her husband with farming.  My brother was at their farm helping them with crops while my former husband and I lived six miles away and didn't ask for any help.  My parents put this family over their own daughter.  You would have to be in my shoes to see this. 
 
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March 7, 2006, 1:57 pm CST

Bipolar Support Groups in Most States

 There are Depression and Bipolar Support Groups that meet in most of the states.  Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance is a National organization that support groups can be affiliated with.  The website for the National organization is www.DBSAlliance.org.  You can click onto any state and find out where a support group is held from the website.  You can start your own support group with help from the national organization.  It is a great organization with lots of helpful information and support.
 
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November 28, 2006, 4:02 pm CST

Spanking Eleven Year Old Son

 My daughter spanked her eleven year old son while I was visiting with the family last evening.   My grandson and granddaughter were horsing around.  My daughter said she had enough and spanked my eleven year old grandson really hard on the butt.  My husband, my Mom and Dad and I  were all at the house while this happened.  What about spanking an eleven year old and in front of others?
 
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Distressed

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angry
December 29, 2006, 8:21 am CST

I don't measure up!

 I could not believe what I heard when I was visiting my parents over Christmas.  I was told that my adopted nephew (my brother adopted him after he married the boy's mother) thinks that he is going to live in my parent's house when they die.    My brother and his wife are now divorced but my nephew comes to my brother's farm and stays with him when he is in the area.   My brother lives a mile from my folks.  He took over farming my Dad's land.  My Dad is 85 and my Mom is 77.  Mom and Dad live in a house that they built in 1972.   My Dad said that if he and my Mom dropped over dead my nephew and his family would move right in.  I told my Mom if that happens, I would be done with the family.  I have three brothers and one sister.  My Mom and Dad have eight Grandchildren counting the adopted grandchild.  What are the rest of the grandchildren entitled to receive?  Does my brother get all the land and the house my parents live in?  My Mom said that I would have to go by the will.  This feels like a bad dream.  I figured that my brother would be the one in the family that would feel he deserved more that any other sibling.  My brother is at my Mom's house for lunch every noon.  If my nephew is visiting, he comes to the house for meals, also.  The nephew will leave his two year old daughter with Mom during the day while he is with my brother on the farm.  Maybe the nephew will get the farm after my brother retires.  I don't know anything about the will.  My parents are very wealthy.  They own lots of land and livestock.  I have never felt accepted in the family.  A cousin lived with us while she was growing up.  She bossed me around.  Mom will never admit that my cousin did anything wrong.  Mom and Dad cater to people that use them.  It is like it makes them feel good.  It doesn't matter what I say, I am never understood.  When my nephew comes to my parents,  he eats like a pig.  I noticed it on Christmas  Eve.   My brother, his new girlfriend, her son and my nephew's family all came for Christmas  dinner.  Mom understood that none of them were coming.  My nephew's wife stated that it is my Mom's job to offer people food even when they do not want anything.  Mom pushes people that are not family to eat.  It is nuts.  I am the only sibling that would make waves but it never does any good.  I am the black sheep of the family. 
 
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January 3, 2007, 7:20 am CST

Divorcing My Parents

 Mom and Dad are in their 70's and 80's.  They are wealthy with lots of land.  They have never mentioned anything about who gets what and how everything will be divided when they pass away.  Mom and Dad told me that my adopted nephew thinks he is going to live in their house rent free when Mom and Dad pass away.  I expressed how I felt about that.  I told Mom if they let my adopted nephew and his family live in the house, that I would be done with the family.  This would include my siblings.  My brother farms the land.  He will think he deserves more than the rest of the siblings.  He thinks everyone owes him.  Mom and Dad cater to people that are not family.  They bought land for a cousin, they pay for a cousin's meals and Mom cooks for my brother, his girlfriend's son and the adopted nephew.  The adopted nephew's wife told my Mom it is her job to offer anyone that comes to the house food and meals.  I would not be able to be around my nephew and his family anymore when I come home.  Who do they think they are?  Why do I think I should divorce the family now?  I would set myself up for feeling the way I have always felt.   I don't feel like an equal in the family.  I still get put downs from Mom.  She does this to me around people I hardly know.  When I told Mom that I wouldn't have anymore to do with the family if my adopted nephew gets their house, she told me that I would have to go by the will.  End of discussion !
 
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Distressed

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July 24, 2007, 2:33 pm CDT

Is Mom Toxic?

 I have not been able to speak with my Mom since I was at my parent's home at Christmas.  They live across the state so I do not visit with them in person but once or twice a year.  Mom will usually call about once a month to basically say nothing.  My sister and brothers all live in the same area but I do not hear from any of them.  I gave up trying to communicate with my siblings a few years ago.  Mom told my husband while we were visiting during the Christmas holidays that she didn't want to give my daughter her birthday gift of money because she was afraid that my daughter would blow the money.  My daughter does not work.  She has no income but borrows money from a friend of hers and me.  My daughter was at my parents house during the same time.  When my daughter left to come back across the state, Mom gave her $20.00 and told her to use the money wisely.  I have a nephew that my brother adopted after he married my nephew's mother.  My brother and my nephew's mother have divorced.  My nephew visits his adopted Dad.  Mom and Dad told me at Christmas that my nephew thinks that he is getting to live in my parent's house when they pass away.  Free, no doubt.  I am flew off my chair when my Mom and Dad mentioned this to me.  I told Mom that if my nephew is getting the house,  I am done with the family.  Mom said that I would have to go by the will.  I left the kitchen and had angry minutes.  Mom never praises my children, grandchildren or me.  Her answer to everything I say is honest.  If it is any problem or situation that she doesn't go along with, her honest is said in a humiliating way.  I can't take her anymore.   This is the first year that I have not sent my Mom a Mother's Day card or a birthday card.  I don't have a place in my heart for her way of treating my family.  Mom tells everyone of the family at Christmas not to buy so many presents or spend so much money.  We may each spend $20.00 to $30.00 for her and Dad's gifts each. 
 
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Distressed

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sad
April 14, 2008, 7:36 am CDT

Not Invited to Granddaughter's Birthday Party

 I said to my five year old Granddaughter that I would see her on Wednesday.  She will be six years old.
My Daughter asked me what time would I be over?  She said that my Granddaughter wanted two or three of her friends to the house.  My Granddaughter came right up to me and said that I wasn't invited.  My Daughter said that my Granddaughter's father-figure would be stopping by sometime during the day.  My Granddaughter said that she invited him.  I was totally crushed when I left their house.  I had a hard time getting to sleep last night .   I have presents and two birthday cards ready for my Granddaughter.  I will miss opening presents and birthday cake with her.   My Daughter never gives me pictures that she takes.
 

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