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Messages By: kdabam

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July 29, 2005, 7:04 pm CDT

picky eaters

Quote From: ginnyn

 I have totally forgotten how PICKY 2 yo's are!  I have trouble getting him to eat much of anything!  The one thing I can count on him eating is ritz crackers & fishey crackers.  Outside of those it is hit & miss with the rest.  It is driving me NUTS!!  LOL
 You have to remember that kids will not starve themselves they will eat when they are hungry.  Maybe your child is not growing at this time and does not need many calories.  The more exciting you make it for him or her by forcing or getting upset the more he or she will refuse to eat. It has become a game and your child is winning!!  Let go...offer a variety of foods and if they are not eaten then only offer healthy choices no junk until something healthy is eaten even if it is only a little.  My son is currently going through this right now and some days are good and some not so good but he doesn't know the difference.  Eating disorders can also start at this young age if meal time is not a pleasent one and your child does not have the chance to listen to his or her own body.  Good Luck!!
 
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July 29, 2005, 7:18 pm CDT

spanking

Quote From: poetmom

We are parents, and most of us attempt to be polite to everyone who posts here, whether thay be for or against spanking. That doesn't mean we don't get a little heated here and there when trying to make a point for our side, but in the end we usually can agree to disagree and move on.
 My concern with spanking is that how can you tell your child not to hit or hurt others and then turn around and do it to them.  What kind of message does that send.  You can't do it but I can....I'm telling you that hitting hurts but showing you that it is ok to do it. Confusing!!  There are other non-wishy washy ways to discipline our kids.  How about saying no and sticking to it.  Don't threating with anything you cannot follow through with.  Get in their face and be firm..make sure to make eye contact and explain the situation..now a days people call dcf at the drop of a hat so we need to find other ways to discipline in public.  Not give in and take the easy way out just to keep them quite. Why have parent's become afraid of their kids.  That puts alot of pressure on the child to make decisions that he or she is not able to do. What kind of future will they have.  Remember:  We are raising adults not children.  Thing about the road ahead too.
 
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July 29, 2005, 7:45 pm CDT

pooping on the potty

Quote From: kelly123

my 2 year old son WILL NOT POOP IN THE POTTY!!  he won't sit on ANY potties (big or small).  he pees in the potty consistenly with no accidents.  but he insists on pooping in his pants!  we've tried reward systems, etc. but he won't sit on a potty.  he says he's afraid of the potty.  i've tried letting him run around the house without underwear thinking he'll need a place to go...BUT...you guessed it...on the floor!!!  i don't know what else to do.  HELP!

 It is not unusual for children not to want to poop on the potty.  (boy or girl)It's almost like they are afraid to let it go.    I have many years of daycare experience and helped train alot of kids.  This is not an uncommon issue.  If you have started underwear stay with it do not give the option of a diaper or pull up to poop in.  When your son poops in his pants do not shame just say uh-oh you forgot to go in the potty lets go get changed.  Let your son clean up himself as much as possible, including if some falls on the floor.  He will not want to do it for long and would much rather go in the potty. Make sure you put on clothes that are loose fitting and easy for him to get off.  He also needs the skills to dress and undress himself. Forget reward systems try a hug, pat on the back, read a book together afterwards, or plain ol' good try.  They only learn to expect something for going to the potty.  Your son needs to figure out for himself how to poop in the potty, and when it is coming, with your guidance of course.  Watch your reactions.  If you make a big fuss it will just become a game and then you will go backwards and not forwards.  If all else fails you can try putting a cherrio in the toilet for him to "hit"  just do this long enough for him to become comfortable then continue training.  There are three things that we cannot make children do:  Eat, sleep and use the potty.  These are the biggest areas of struggle.  examine your reactions to the situation and make changes where needed.  This alone makes a big difference.  Don't give up it will all work out (No pund intended)
 
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July 31, 2005, 4:10 pm CDT

hot topics

 I think all of the above topics soley depend on the person(s) that are involved.  You have to look with in the people, see their points as well as your own and then decide if it is a topic to be debated.  So many people are so eager to get out there and argue with out viewing all of the facts.  I think that is because they are expriencing trouble in the debated area and instead of looking at themselves they would rather look at others and critisize them.  That way they can feel good about themselves and their situation.  Negativity is contagious..make it count if you are going to debate...find where your passion lies....debate from the heart (not to fix it)
Karen
 
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August 2, 2005, 1:53 am CDT

I couldn't agree with you more

Quote From: aislinnb

I am passionate about having people STOP tossing litter, cigarettes, and non-organic materials from their car windows while they're driving.

 

This bothers me to no end, it makes me want to follow the vehicle who has done so, and take them to task.

 

I intensely dislike driving behind people who toss out milk cartons, cigarettes, cigarette packs (empty), all of which have happened within the last month and year.

 My husband almost did follow someone once just to throw the item back into their car.  What's so hard about holding onto it until you find a garbage bin.  It only takes a second.  We live on a busy street and every week we have to pick up someone elses garbage so we don't  look like we are the local dump.  It also is so disrespectful to our environment..If you can't even respect the earth no wonder the law and adults are not respected.  Thanks for adding this topic
Karen
 
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August 2, 2005, 4:38 pm CDT

did that help

Quote From: mammy103

When my grandson refused to go to the potty, we bought non methol, regular shaving cream and let him play with it while on the potty.  He loved it!  He could only have it while on the potty.  The shaving cream is easy to clean up and doesn't hurt a thing and ....loads of fun!  He had it in his hair on the floor etc. but it was worth it!
 How did this help in the training?  Did it work? 
Just wondering.
 
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August 2, 2005, 5:19 pm CDT

Hi

Quote From: tawnia80

 Hey all  I am a mom of  4 kids 10,4.5, 3.5and 2.5. And I must say that Potty Training has been A  big PROB. With the 3 youngest ones My 4 yr old is ADHD/AUTISM and my 3 yr old also has Prob and i must say i have tried everything that i can think of it seems like my 4 yr old only wants to go when he wants to go and its not always in the potty same thing with my 3 yr old and well i haven't even tried with my 2 yr old i feel like i am going crazy  any idea would be of great help
 I'm not sure if this will help you but friends of mine work with adhd and autism kids and they said the way they do it (for these children) is to pretty much stay in the bathroom all day.  Bring in toys, what ever and basically camp out.  I'm sure with 4 kids this is not practical but if you can have someone watch the 10 and 2 year old and let your 3 and 4 year old train together or if needed seperatley it may work for you.  Do the best you can do.  You have alot going on.  If someone offers to help you...let them.  Good luck.  Keep us posted
Karen
 
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August 2, 2005, 5:43 pm CDT

hang in there

Quote From: mwalker

 This is my first time on here.

im just writing cause my cousin's 3 year old some is showing signs of add or adhd and nothing she does helps to get him under control.He runs all over her and we dont know what to do. she has talked to someone and they just say that there's nothing that can be done because he is too young to medicate..they havent even really done the testing on him for it .He is just out of control so if you have any advice please lend it . she is at her wits end here . thanks

 Tell your cousin to look up behavior modification strategies on the computer or there are many books.  If she needs professional help then look for a child psychologist..she may need a therapist for herself to deal with all of the "what have I done wrong"  feelings and stress.  Some psychologists have gone so far as to remove everything in the room except the bed (even the sheets) and the child had to "earn" his/her belongings back.  It is tough to diagnose early on.  They usually wait until the school years.  This may sound extreme but there are many versions of it..Please let her know that medication should be used as a LAST resort.  This child has to learn how to control him/herself and be responsible for his/her actions.  It takes time.  I'm sure she's worn out..Tell her also to do something for her self (a bath,walk, read a magazine any thing, paint her nails)..She needs her strength to be there for her child.
She should educate herself on add and adhd because when it comes time she needs to be an advocate for her child and fight for what she knows is right.  I hope this helps.  If I come across any sites I will reply to this message again
Karen
 
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August 8, 2005, 11:03 pm CDT

I'm glad your strategies are working

Quote From: jettav

I think a wishy washy parent is some one who wants/bares a child but doesn't discipline or follow through with what they say and do. and may even make excuses for the child.The reason why so many children are so out of control is the lack of discipline, respect and consistency in their upbringings. yes, some children may have a disorder, but the fact still stands that they need discipline and consistency, some children may be harder then others but they still need discipline and consistency. Those people who think I am a wishy washy parent just becasue I don't have a problem with people who give a swat on the bottom, well, that is only an opinion, but at least this wishy washy parent has well mannered children (not perfect) who know the rules and know that they will only be told once to stop the misbehavior (or to do as they are suppose to be doing-whatever the case might be). I can take them any where with out any problems and if there are problems, well, we leave and take care of the situation and they know better then to repeat that action and if they do repeat that action, All I have to do is say, "stop (say the action)or you go to bed(whatever the appropiate discipline is)and they make a decission and no, there are no more chances, one warning and that is it. on rare oaccasions, one might throw a temper tantrum, I walk away, let them do their thing (as long as she/no one else is getting hurt) then we talk and they go sit in time out., sometimes to bed they go. I have two precious little girls who gets many compliments on how happy and socialable they are, they have good self esteem and know that they are loved and cared for, yes little ones know whether they are loved and respected. My oldest wants to be a mommy when she grows up and she wants to be just like her mommy becasue she is the best(her words, not mine). I over heard her say this a while back and she tells her daddy that she loves her mommy, Now that sounds like a wishy washy parent!!!! (kidding-of course) I still say too many parents, especially mothers are too judgemental of othre parents (mothers) regardless of their stand on this issue. I guess ones definition of wishy washy may be different then others, but who cares! We are all in the same boat here, raising our little ones to become good, happy, productive adults and I can honestly say that my husband and I are doing exactly that. Of course we are not perfect parents but we certainly are good parents and the best for our children. Parenting is not an easy job but it certainly is rewarding and I for one am a blessed mom.
There is a difference between children  who are out of control due to lack of discipline (this is when nothing is done because it is easier to let them get their way) and children who are out of control due to a disorder.  You are lucky that your discipline techniques work on your children.  Some children need much more intense discipline styles and it can be exhausting and stressful. This mom needs to work ten times harder than you do to maintain control.  She is out there asking for help and not just letting the child get away with it. And certainley not making excuses for the child.You need to educate your self on special needs children before saying that this parent's child is out of control due to being wishy washy. (or that is what it seems like you are trying to say with out actually saying it) Talk about being disrespectful.  Sounds like you lack confidence in your parenting style and let others determine what kind of parent you are.  Just look at your children you  can see what you are doing is working.  I am a parent too and work very hard to be constistent with my disciplining and in teaching my son to be respectful to others.  You are right we all want what is best for our children. So don't rush to judgement before you know the whole story. I'm sure you would want someone to have compassion for you if you were asking for help.
 
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August 10, 2005, 8:04 am CDT

the emote sign says it all

Quote From: jettav

I didn't mean to offend here as that is never my intent on these boards and as far as my parenting style, I am the best parent in the whole wide world for my children and I am quite confident, no regrets and doubts here on my side. I was only expressing my view on what wishy washy parent was as some one else (dont remember who and really don't care at this point) was basically referring to spankers as wishy washy (at least that is how I understood it) I was sticking up for spankers. and for those who do not abuse their kids and actually discipline them are not wishy washy. And yes, I do know some paretns who use the disorder as an excuse for not disciplining and it is not an excuse. My 4 1/2 year old has a disorder (which I do not discuss on these boards too much) and it sort of affects her appearance (which by the way happens when there are changes in her life and when she is over stimulated and she is gradually outgrowing it) but we did not use this thing as an excuse. in her case, we still involved her in activities and didn't change our life styles, we would talk to her a head of time and always let her know what is going on and if there are changes, we prepare her for it. positive reinforcement is what we did. Now, don't have a hissy fit, I know it is different and I did not say ALL parents use it as an excuse but it does happen a lot. And in all honesty, I really do not give a hoot what other people think about me and my parenting becasue I am a darn good parent and very proud of the way I am raising my children. And it shows in them, me and their daddy. And I have asked for help with my daughter, some I listened to, others I ignored which is an option on these boards and I honestly didn't mean to offend, I was only defining what I felt a wishy washy parent was. I think the mistake I made was to post my message under "reply with quote" which is a habit since I do it often I guess. My mistake on that part but I stick by what I posted, and I just want to express one more time, it is not my intent to offend others, just not my style and remember we are reading words and they can be interpretted in different ways.
How can you say " do not mean to offend" but then go on with your post and be offensive?  I read over some of your old posts and saw you have no problem with expressing your self.  The nature of debating always creates offensiveness.  That's how it is.  That's ok.  don't apologize for it. It only makes your statements less creditable.  State what you mean clearly (don't bounce back and forth between ideas and never really take a side so that way you can get out of it by apologizing) and let the dust settle where it may.  You said in your last post that non spankers are wishy washy.  That wasn't stated anywhere in the original post.  This mom was asking for help (through her cousin) with her child that physicians were not giving her any  help with and you went on and demeaned advice[that was meant to help] with your own insecurities.  I do agree that some  parent's may not discipline due to a disorder. I am dealing with that in my own family.  But that wasn't the case here.  If you want to debate.  I'll debate but lets get the facts straight first.
talk to you soon
 

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