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Messages By: toristeven

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July 29, 2005, 9:45 am CDT

new here

Is this working...I just poured my heart out twice...and I dont have the time to keep typing my story over and over...so this is just a test...
 
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July 29, 2005, 12:54 pm CDT

new here

Hi, my name is Tori and I am hoping I can get some support from some of you folks here. I am 30 years old and I have three kids and have finally decided to make myself a priority. I have tried like many, to lose weight over the last 10 years unsuccessfully. Since I have been married it has become even harder.

 

My Husband is not very supportive he claims he wants me to lose weight but sabotages me at every turn... I love him with all my heart though and try talking to him about it with limited or short lived success.

 

I tried to post before but must have done something wrong so I will highlight this time the struggles I am facing...

 

We live in relative isolation (90 miles from the city) with no gym's nearby so that one is out. And because we are so isolated I have no one to watch the kids so that I can go for a walk by myself. My mother in law is close by and she is supportive but wants to walk with me and her husband is too busy with building projects to watch the kids for me. We tried for several months taking the kids with but it is no workout when you have to keep stopping to ties shoes, feed the baby, give them driinks, give them snacks, pull them out of the road, drag them away from every bug and flower (which are plentiful seeing as we live in the woods) we still did it anyway but it was doing nothing for us weight wise.

 

My husband does not want to spend the money on exercise equipment as we have no room for it (900 sqaure ft house for 5 people...he has a point) and cant really afford it. I really want it so that I could work out while the kids are napping...I am willing to save up for an exercise bike to start with or treadmil...I even suggested that he could let me use a corner of his shop as a workout space...we are still debating that one I dont think he wants me taking over his shop.

 

My husband and of course the kids still want cookies and other treats and are constantly bringing them into the home making it harder for me to kick the cravings. He asks me to make chocolate chip cookies...try resisting those babies fresh from the oven...I told him I need my kitchen to be safe and he tells me that I need to just be strong enough not to eat the stuff that I shouldnt whether it is there or not. This of course reinforces my negative internal dialogue of being weak which I am TRYING to overcome and change.

 

When I try to prepare dinner salads for a main course he tells me that is not enough food for him and is very dissatisfied with that and proceeds to snack after dinner.

 

He tells me that I just need to exercise more but he wont watch the kids for an hour so I can go for a walk because he is too busy building to try and make our tiny house bigger. I do support him doing that becuase when he is done our living room and our kitchen will be seperate entities perhaps making it easier to focus less on food and we can get our infant daughter out of our bedroom and into one of her own.

 

So to try and get away from all the excuses I get up three times a week at 4:30 in the morning so I can nurse my 5 month old baby, get dressed, go for my walk, get showered and dressed before anyone else wakes up so that I am not relying on my husband for anything other than a body to be there incase something happens. And that is an ok solution except that I am so TIRED. 6 hours of sleep just isnt enough and I really do need to get things done after the kids go to bed so it is hard to get to bed before 10pm. So I relish sleeping until 6-7 on the other four days. It is hard to keep going on the walking because i am exhausted from looking after three kids, keeping the house up, preparing all the meals and cleaning up after all of them...and not getting enough sleep. I have a 5yr old a 2 yr old and a 5mo old so I need to be high octane mom.

 

I have been doing this new routine for 6 weeks and have actually gained 2 pounds. This frustrates me to no end and my clothes dont even fit any looser. The walking is not a picknic either...I walk for 45 minutes uphill most of the way...my heart rate is definitely up for at least 35 of those 45 minutes so why am I not seeing any progress? I am sure it has to do with my diet...even though I have cut out sugar I need to do more. I even have Dr Phils book but have been reluctant to throw the whole family on a diet feeling they might resist pretty heavily even though my husband has as much weight to lose as I do.

 

So I am feeling a little frustrated today and although I have always thought that my husband and I have one of those storybook love's, great communication and a very healthy marriage, we have had some struggles ever since I got serious about losing weight. I do love him so much but I just want him to support me or at least get out of the way so I can do it myself. He says he wants me to lose weight and tells me how much he is looking forward to being married to the new skinnier me and how beautiful I will be...with the disclaimer of course that I am beautiful just the way I am...etc. But his actions say different.

 

Has anyone out there had some similar challenges? How did you deal with them...or perhaps have any advice as an outside observer?

 
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July 29, 2005, 10:31 pm CDT

thanks

Quote From: crazytxgal

Hi, well first off you are right, you need to take some time for yourself, I know from what you've said that is easier said then done, but it can be done. Even if it's 15 min in the morning and 15 minutes at night. Excercise machines do take up space, may I suggest a gazelle, from walmart, they are under $100.00 and they fold up so that are not in the way. Also you might try excercise videos, I have several and work great, and take up no space. You also need to get on the food plan, it really works. My family turned their noses up at it at first, but now love the way we are eating. I do fix a little extra for them, such as rice or potatoes at dinner time, and I just don't touch them period at my dinner meal. This program will work IF you work it. You family will adjust, believe me. Maybe you could remind your hubby that marriage is a compromise, and he needs to compromise a little of his time and space to you. As Dr Phil says in his book, it's time to get real and get going...You will either do it, or you won't the choice is yours to make. we are a great support group here, and will help where we can, but hun, it has to start with YOU...This is a lifestyle change NOT a diet, and you will see that you can change the way you look and feel if you stick to it. We are here to help!!!

 

Hugs,

Ladean

Thank you to everyone for the suggestions...I am definitely taking things seriously and I like the alternate suggestions for exercise. :) The dancing sounds so fun and in fact I have done that before just never thought of it as exercise...how perfect! I will have to make it a regular thing now. As th poster said...it will be good for them too!

 

Also, I did not mean to imply this was a "diet" in the sense that you hear of as dieting...but as in the actual definition being a way of eating...sorry for the confusion there. From now on I will refer to it as the plan...or something other than the "D" word. :)

 

I DO know it has to start with me and it already has. I do know that I am really and truly finally ready for whatever it takes to look after me and my family...even if they resist at first.

 

My husband and I just got back from a date which we sorely needed and I was able to talk to him without distractions about what is important to me and how important this all is. I could tell that he really listened to me and took to heart everything I have been saying. He promised to only bring home fresh fruit and veggies from now on...we agreed that we could all benefit from that. :)

 

It felt good to order a salad for dinner and when we went to the movies...no snacks or popcorn for me...and it was EASY...that just proves how far I have come.

 

I will be doing some heavy reading tomorrow and continue to check out this board for more support.

 

Thanks again for the friendly advice! :)

 

 
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July 30, 2005, 11:33 am CDT

Getting Going

Hi all,

I am really getting going. Started the meal plan today and am feeling really great about it! :)

 

After looking more closely at the plan it is really similar to the way we eat already at dinner time and I think it will be very easy to get the family on board and they may not even NOTICE!!!

 

I am pretty excited about that. Feeling so much better about life today and have an appointment at 3pm to dance my heart out with my kids. :)

 

Thank you to those who answered my "lots of mountains to climb" email yesterday. You helped me realize this is something wonderful I can do for my whole family and there ARE ways around every obstacle.

 

Tori

 
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July 30, 2005, 11:53 am CDT

k He wont keep his diaper on

Hello,

I have a little boy who just turned two last week and he will not keep his diaper on. He has recently learned how to take his pants off and then his diaper.

 

He is resistant to the potty though but does know what poo poo and pee pee are. He is still reluctant to have me change his dirty diapers most of the time as I think he is just to busy playing to be bothered.

 

I want to start potty training him but my husband is very resistant insisting that he is just not ready. He only likes to play with his potty chair and the big potty scares him.

 

I did try letting him run around with a naked bottom and he would go outside to pee on the patio and even pooped out there a couple of times. Because my husband had to clean him up one time when he did that he put the kibosh on the potty training telling me he is not ready because he is pooping on the patio.

 

It seems like a novelty to him to let him do it outside as I am sure he has seen his father and brother pee outside many times.

 

That was a couple of weeks ago, now the last two mornings he has removed his clothes and his diaper by the time I go to get him out of bed and has pooped on his sheet, which tells me he no longer likes to feel it on him anymore.

 

My older son never did this...he was three before he could even identify what was going on in the potty direction and by then it was easy to explain. He did love peeing outside and pooped outside too and I would just always get TP pick up the mess and bring him with me as I showed him that the proper place to put the poo was in the potty.

 

I have done this with my 2 year old but am not sure he is old enough to understand me or not. He does communicate pretty well but the way he looks at me when I talk about the potty stuff seems like he is confused.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions or opinions? Think he is ready? Acting normal for being ready? Boys seem so much harder to train than girls. The underwear is no motivator at all for him but he does love being naked. Any advice from anyone who has trained boys age two?

 
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July 30, 2005, 12:11 pm CDT

yep I have done this too

Quote From: qqqhhh

How about a day of TURNABOUT...

 

Where you turn into him for the day?  Start when he asks you for something.  Pitch a hissy and stomp around.  Drudge up all that old negative behavior and hold it AGAINST HIM! 

 

Spend the day stomping around, and being a royal pain.

 

Then when you think he's gotten the message -- explain to him that THAT is how people see him, that it is completely unacceptable and you wanted to give him a hefty dose of his OWN behavior so he can see how it feels to be on the receiving end.

 

I've done this once or twice with my kids and they got the picture.

 

Sometimes I have let my kids get away with having an attitude up to a point but there IS a line that I DO NOT let them cross.  I MAINTAIN that line.  It's why I am the parent/teacher/guider.  For us, yelling or any other kind of really disrespectful is simply not allowed or tolerated.  When they used to cross that line they got some very eye-opeing consequences.

 

Hope that helps.  Q

 

 

I have done that too and it actually does show them a dramatic picture of what they look like. My son is 5 almost 6 and has the same sorts of "attitude problems" at times. I also take away all of his earned privledges and most of the time that works.

 

When he is being especially whiny though I have imitated him just like the previous poster described, not all day, just for a minute or two.

 

He looked at me with wide eyes the first time and then started busting out laughing. Then he said...no wonder people want to keep poking at me when I'm mad...that was pretty funny mom"

 

He got the picture...now if I ever do that he just laughs and says nothing but his behaviour improves immediately.

 
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July 31, 2005, 10:14 am CDT

I do have a question...

Quote From: crazytxgal

I am so excited for you, and I know you will love the results of your efforts. Have a great time dancing, I do that too. A little AC/DC and a way I go LOL. If you have any question about the program, please don't hesitate to ask, their is usualy always someone here to help you out.

Hugs,

Ladean

Am I supposed to be adding some fruit, or carb or something if I am nursing a baby? I started with the quick start plan yesterday.

 

I have a 5 month old and she is eating solid foods once a day but I am still nursing several times a day.

 

Does anyone know about that? I stuck to the plan yesterday and got really hungry in the afternoon so I ate some nuts...and carrots...but wanted to know if anyone has advice on that.

 

I don't want to decrease my milk supply which I do know is very calorie based. Any suggestions???

 
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July 31, 2005, 11:14 am CDT

so much fun

Quote From: thewench1

Great job on starting the rapid start. I myself have not done it. I also did not nurse but know that it can take some of your energy. You may want to go on the phase 2 part until you are nolonger nursing. This way you will have a serving of carbs at every meal. I eat 2 fruits each day for snack. We do have a few nurses on the board. Hopefully one will come on and answer your question better than I did.

 

By the way. How did you dance session go yesterday? Gosh there are so many new people I have a hard time keep you all straight. If I am wrong and this wasn't you, sorry.

 

Hugs Heather

The dancing was incredibly fun and fulfilling...best "exercise" I have ever done and my legs are a bit sore I have to say. I think I will make it a daily part of life as the kids love it and then i am more motivated to keep everything put away so we can have fun dancing later on!

 

It was a great distraction during the time of day when the kids have a ton of snack attacks too!

 

:) Thanks for the suggestion!

 

Feeling a little bit like dancing right now! :) I think I will do phase 2 as you suggested because of the nursing but I would like to hear from any of the nurses and what they think about it as well.

 

:) What a nice board this is! :)

 

Tori

 
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August 1, 2005, 7:39 am CDT

phase 2 for nursing

Thank you to everyone for your advice on this subject. I am going to call the WIC office today and talk tot he county health nurse about it. I remember them telling me to follow the food guide pyramid before and that having dairy was extremly important so I think I will perhaps add some dairy and perhaps some more fruit until I talk to the nurse. :)

 

 

I got up and walked this morning and feeling more energized walked farther and faster int he same amount of time (45 minutes) with the last 10 being downhill. It feels so good! I know that no matter what they tell me about what I need to eat that the exercise is ALWAYS a good thing. I think I will bump it up to 4 times a week now from 3.

 

I also had to dig out some old prepregnancy clothes today and Lo and behold...they fit loser than they did before I got pregnant this last time! SWEET! Even though the scale shows no difference I know that in terms of my appearance and my healh I am doing wonderful things for myself. It feels good to finally put this much effort into MYSELF! I am feeling like so much more than a mom today! :) I am feelin like a foxy lady! :) (Insert Jimmy Hendrix song here!) :)

 

I have also already drank a liter of water today and it is only 8:30am! woohoo!

 

I hope everyone else is having a great start to their day. As I just read in Dr Phils book, it's not the events that stress me out...its my reactions to them and I CAN choose those reactions! Today will be a fantastic day!

 

 
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August 3, 2005, 6:41 pm CDT

what the nurses said

Quote From: cussmotor2

Do follow what the nurses tell you--what goes into you is what comes out for your baby.

 

Whooo hoooo on your water--good going.  Keep it up.  Your baby will thank you.

 

The doctors told my daughters-in-laws how many calories they needed to take in everyday in addition to follow the pyramid to be sure they got in all the good food the baby needed.  If your doctor/nurse told you the calories, do follow it--we want you to come out thinner but the baby plump and healthy.  :)

 

Both of my girls lost while nursing even though they were eating more calories.  The trick, I learned myself, is to not continue to eat those calories after you stop nursing--sure can gain quickly.

 

Take care--hope today will be another fantastic day!

 

Hugs,

Anita

Hello all,

Just updating you incase anyone else wants to know...about nursing a baby and dieting...the nurses said that I should really follow the food guide pyramid. They suggested I sort of combine the Dr Phil plan with it by eating more whole grain and fresh whole fruits vs processed stuff and it could work very well. It is a very healthy plan I just need more of the carbs and fruits for nursing and dairy for calcium but otherwise no problem!

 

I am still keeping up with my exercise getting in 45 minutes daily 3 times a week of uphill hiking...only the last 10 is downhill for a total distance of 1.5 miles. It is certainly a start and is getting easier as I dont have to stop and rest nearly as often as I used to. :)

 

I am up to drinking about 64 oz of water per day...that does not include my cup of mint tea in the morning and chamomile at night. So I am feeling great overall. The scale finally showed a loss of 2 pounds this week after my new meal plan went into effect.

 

I am going on vacation this week and will hopefully get in lots more exercise swimming and hiking.

 

Hope you are all having a great week!

 

 

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