Messages By: rayvinfive

My husband and I have been married for about a year and a half and we hardly ever have sex anymore.  Part of the reason is that we also have a two year old.  But for the most part the thought of him just doesn't turn me on.  He's a great guy, but also very lazy and sometimes inconsiderate.  Our schedules are also very different.  He works overnight, and I'm in college.  He is usually going to bed as I'm getting up.

Between our son and school, I'm just not interested in having sex with him at all.  Recently we were having some major non communication.  Later, after we talked it out, he admitted to me that he had visited porn sites in the past but was real vague about when the last time he visited was.  This is my second marriage, and I feel more and more like I'm trying to raise two kids instead of just he two year old.  We talk about what frustrates me between my husband and I, but nothing really changes.  What, and how, can this issue be worked out?  Any ideas/hints?  We both want our son to have siblings.

brandyfra,

Just because your husband is in the Army and works hard, that is no excuse for not helping you out around the house when he gets home.  I don't know what he does, but being a veteran myself, I know there is one day a week where the soldiers are released early for "Family Time".  If he isn't helping you out more on that day, then kick his butt and make him help out.  I think that Dr. Phil said it one (or more) of his shows that being a full time mom is like the equivalent of two full time jobs.  I think that's what he said.  That article that was posted in response also proves that point.

You shouldn't have to get a job to get some time to yourself.  That isn't fair to you.  One thing that I did with my husband (not service, just lazy) was tell him "Here, you get to watch our son, I'm going out for a few hours."  And I'd leave.  I'd go to the mall and walk around, or take care of some errands I'd been putting off because kids would make it harder.  If you're not around, he has to step up as the father.  Don't be hesitant about demanding time to yourself.  He gets his time while he's at work.  He should reciprocate for you when he gets home.

Thanx lilac,

It's not harsh.  After I posted that message my husband called his work and found out that he might be getting a promotion as early as today (7-27) and he won't be working overnight anymore.  As crazy as it sounds, we're both going to school to try and make more time for our family.  He and I need to talk to each other more, but when I try, he doesn't seem very receptive.  About the only time it works for us is right before he leaves for work.  Not the best time.

Sigh, maybe I'll take all my books he's reading and hid them (as well as  the TV remotes) so all we have to do is talk and spend time with each other.  Hmm. . . . I'll ponder that one today.

Thanx again.

I can't say too much on the chubby issue, I gained all my baby weight back, with some interest once I stopped nursing.  When my son was younger I tried walking around my local mall before all the stores opened.  All the grandmas and grandpas there loved him.  I stopped doing that thoguh.  I really wish that we had been able to get a jogging stroller so that I had a place to put my son while I was walking/running/whatever.  A regular stroller's wheels just aren't meant for off roading through the grass.

My point?  Take him with you of you so choose to go walking or exercising somewhere.

I am interested in meditation but can't seem to find time to actually try.  That, and I'm lazy.  I have discovered that if I'm left to my own devices, I won't stick with anything.  A while ago I bought Meditation for Dummies, but didn't make it out of the first chapter before I stopped reading.  Is there anyone out there that would be willing to help me kick my own butt into actually doing what I know I should?  Or, any advice/ideas on how to change my laziness into action?

Lilac,

I just got a message from my husband, he starts his new position today!!!!

Leomom,

I only have a two year old boy, but his schedule is:

5:00a-7:00a wake up and play in his crib (he wakes up at different times almost every day, but we don't get him out until later)

7:00 get up and get dressed

8:00 breakfast

8:30-12:00 play time and Sesame street/Elmo DVD

12:00-12:30 Lunch

12:30-2:30 naptime

2:30-6:00 play time, no TV

sometimes he gets a snack at about 3:00 if he's hungry

6:00 dinner

6:30 bath, jammies, and stories

7:00 brush teeth and bed time

At about three months we were able to get our son on a schedule.  If you don't have one yet for your youngest, you might want to think about trying to create something.  If there is a time when your two youngest are asleep and your oldes is home, try helping her with homework then.

You also might want to check out the Supernanny website (Dr. Phil crew: If that's on a different network, sorry, it's still a good show ;p).

Hope this helps.

Jettav, 

I found that if you want to add paragraphs, hit enter/return (whatever the button) twice. 

That's how I got my paragraphs.  Instead of formatting to double space or whatever.  You can also preview what you wrote before you post.  :) 

Hope it helps. 

Rayvinfive 

Angel, 

I read you're long message, and instead of adding it all as a qoute I'm doing this.  You have a right to be bothered about his past, but it is that: his past.  If he has legitimately changed, which it sounds like he did, then it shouldn't be a big problem.  Easier said than done, I know.  I had an ex boyfriend that claimed that he was a "recovering nympho".  He didn't know much. 

To answer a question that you have, look at your father.   

"Then there is my father who had a bad life until he met my Mom and he is the best Dad and husband a person could want.  He made they choice to change and has kept to that for over 30 years. " 

He is a good example of what can happen.  It sounds like this guy is a keeper.  He has changed his lifestyle to a better one.  Admitted by you, he is a great guy.  Do you have any reservations about his actions when the two of you are not together? 

If his comparing you to his other liasons bothers you let him know.  Not when the two of you are arguing, but at a quiet time.  Tell him that you know he has had many other partners, but his references to them bother you.  Tell him why as well. 

My own opinion is that you should keep him around.  Other than the issues of his partners, you sound like you're really happy with him.  I hope I helped some. 

RayvinFive 

When my son was little we gave him a pacifier to suck on.  Neither my husband nor I liked the idea of a three year old trying to talk around the stupid thing.  So, what we did was let him have the "binky" whenever he wanted it until he was one year old.  On his first birthday we took all the things out of his room, diaper bag, and where ever they were around the house, and made them "dissappear".  That night after he went to bed, I took them out to our garage and put them with all his other clothes and things that he had outgrown. 

Yes, he fussed for a couple of days, and my husband and I wished that we still were using the dumb things, but agter a week, my son had forgotten all about ever having them.  Several months later he found one that had been in the couch cushions and went and threw it into the trash.  He didn't even hesitate or try and put it in his mouth.