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Messages By: lilacmess

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July 22, 2005, 3:38 pm CDT

hi everybody

Not sure how this works now. Guess we'll all learn together! Welcome back!

 
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July 22, 2005, 3:48 pm CDT

hi everybody

Wow! We're back. Can't believe I'm the first one to post. Hope all is well with everyone. Welcome back.
 
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July 22, 2005, 3:52 pm CDT

hi everyone

Just wanted to say hello to all the returning posters. Hope all is well. Let's get back to posting!
 
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July 22, 2005, 3:53 pm CDT

hi everyone

Cool! New and improved boards. Looking forward to hearing from everyone.
 
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July 22, 2005, 3:54 pm CDT

hi everyone

Welcome back everybody! Looking forward to reading your posts.
 
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July 22, 2005, 4:29 pm CDT

hi rsthoughts

Welcome back everyone! Nice to see you Lilac. Looking forward to catching up with everyone.

Nice to see you, too. I guess someone is going to have to suggest a topic before this board will really get going again, huh. Hmmm . . . I really don't have any complaints right now. My step-daughter has moved in with us this summer and things have changed dramatically. Sex, or how often we have sex, is just about the last thing on my mind these days . . . so my husband and I are getting along pretty well. Ha ha! Actually, I can't even remember the last time I wanted to have sex and he didn't want to as well. This used to be a be a big point of contention between us. It seems lately that our sex drives are pretty much in sync. How are things for you?

 
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July 22, 2005, 4:45 pm CDT

Relationship Myths

this sure looks different i am not sure yet how to use this one. any help
I'm still figuring it out, too. One thing I can tell you: don't click on the thing that looks like an eraser. It screws up your font and font size. Other than that, I'm just as lost as you. I miss the option to list the messages by title in outline format.
 
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July 22, 2005, 5:12 pm CDT

Thank you, Steven Tyler!

If you want to reply to message, you will have to hit "reply with a quote." If you want to just post, click on "post amessage" at the top.

DrPhilBoard3

ha ha ha ha!
 
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July 23, 2005, 1:36 pm CDT

hi bonked

Hi all, this is my first posting here. It seems as if everyone is talking about the "new" system and not the subject of this board, so I hope I'm not intruding! ;-) My wife and I have been married for over a year - second marriage for both of us. Our problem is that she's never had a normal sex life. According to her, it's never been about her, and she really doesn't know how to express herself. She's not used to the way I am, which is that I like to please her first and foremost. She seems to be okay with that for the most part, but she doesn't reciprocate 99% of the time. ((By the way, this system does stink - what's up with not being able to backspace??)) She feels inadequate and self-conscious and rather than just trying to break out of it, she does nothing, hence our problem. I sometimes feel as if she doesn't have any desire for me, but she vehemently denies that. But the fact remains that things are the way they are and I'm very unhappy with this area of our life. I'll readily admit that I am more focused on this problem because of my experience with my first wife where we just let issues like this go without truly working through it. I don't want this to haunt us throughout our marriage. I'm not a cheater and have zero desire to be with anyone else - that's kind of the problem. I find my wife extremely attractive and she turns me on 24/7, but I don't feel any of that - even a little bit - toward me. I'm in a loop where she only brings up our having "alone" time after I've complained out loud to her, so it gives me the feeling of her appeasing me. But it doesn't last. Not until I complain again, so you could see how that doesn't make me feel too good. Anyone else have this type of experience?

Welcome to the board. I've said the same problem with my husband on and off. My sex drive is just generally higher than his. And, as with you and your wife, we go through phases where I want it a lot and he doesn't want it at all and only gives in it seems to appease me. I've also invested way too much time and energy into feeling inadequate and unattractive. What has helped me is first to never allow myself to run that script in my mind again. I AM attractive. I AM worthy of his love and lust! When I feel the old insecurity setting in, I just stop in in its tracks. The more attractive I feel to myself, after all, the more attracted he feels to me. Second, I keep myself busy enough with work, kids, or personal projects that there's a little bit of distance he has to cross to get to me. In other words, I play a little hard to get. I've found that if I'm not all over him all the time begging for sex, if I act like I could take it or leave it, he's a lot more likely to feel the urge all on his own. I don't know if any of this will work for you since the tables are turned in your relationship, but I wish you luck.

 
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July 24, 2005, 8:52 pm CDT

Firing a teacher

i have a question for you. The person my husband had an affair with is my 4 year old's son private school teacher and my nannies sister. she continues to cause problems with me and my children. My son was removed suddenly recently to save face to the school. the lady was not reprmanded in any way. my husband won't let her go so we are now separated. My children are deeply affected. I want to know if there is anything i can do to get that girl fired. she teachers children and is a poor role model. I was informed that i could sue the school or have her removed. what do you think.? or should i be the better person and let it go
I teach college, so the rules are different for me, I'm sure. I would think, in your case, that a phone call to her superviser might result in her being fired. It is a HUGE breach of ethics for her to have an affair with the married father of one of her students, especially considering that her actions have resulted in harm to one of her students (i.e. she broke up his parents and he had to switch schools because of it). You'll have to decide for yourself, however, how important revenge it to you and whether or not it would be revenge if you were to take legal action against her. I would probably stop at the phone call and let the school handle it from there. I wouldn't want to involve myself in the ugliness of a law suit. My first husband had an affair with a woman he worked with. They had both been reprimanded for the inappropriate content of their emails back and forth to each other but neither of them was fired. I certainly considered calling their boss and letting her know just how far it had gone in hopes that one or both of them would get fired. I also considered calling her husband and telling him about her affair. I did neither of these things. Ultimately, I decided that my energies were much better spent getting MY life back on track and taking care of my daughter. Besides, foul deeds rise. I figured she would get hers some day and I didn't need to to soil my hands helping that along. So sorry to hear you have to go through this. Just know, it does get better. You will recover. Good luck. 
 

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