Messages By: frinster

My problem is that I lost my job last year in March because I was mentally unable to do my job anymore. I worked there 8 years and the last two years I was written up three times for not following proper procedures and my annual evals took a big hit, which meant my salary did too. But not just work was affected. Every aspect of my life was. I am fighting the bipolar monster along with hallucinations, insomnia, poor memory and many other things not the least of which is OCD and panic disorder which really play havoc with my day. Now I applied for SSI last July and of course I was denied, so I have appealed and my doctor advised me to 'dress it up' a little, meaning the applications. I did NOT lie, but may have exaggerated some. Was that so wrong? I don't know what else to do. I cannot work at all right now. I think I will again someday, in the near future, but right now I have days where just brushing my teeth is such an overwhelming task, I just can't do it.

Hi, I am kinda new to this, so I hope I am doing this right.  When my daughter was 11, she started acting different.  Mostly, she became extremely defiant and violent.  As time went on, we found out that she had been shoplifting, vandalizing property, skipping school, trying drugs and alcohol and goodness knows what else.  She is a big girl and would beat me to a pulp often.  She was too big for me to fight off.  She gave it to my husband even worse.  He adopted her right after our wedding, when she was barely three years old.  She has free contact with her paternal family and they are very active in her life, including her bio-dad.  She threatened to kill us many times.  Eventually, we had to go through the entire house and round up anything that could be used as a weapon and hide it.  We soon realized that would be impossible.  We ended up taking all the sharp items into our closet and putting a deadbolt on our bedroom door.  It was the only way to get any sleep in our house.  I would wake up at night and she would be standing next to the bed just looking at me.  It took over two years to finally find the right combination of medicines to get control of her bipolar disorder and lots and lots and lots of stays in the hospital.  She will be 18 on october 3rd and she is doing pretty good.  She is unable to work or go to school, but she does plan on getting her GED.  I am very proud of her for that.  As for my husband and I, with all the years of family therapy in dealing with my daughters problems, and eventually my bipolar diagnosis, we are stronger than ever.  My bipolar was diagnosed in 2001 and I eventually lost my job because of my decline in mental capacity to do regular everyday things.  That in itself is a long story.  But I went through all the school stuff with my daughter, Vicki, and eventually had to pull her out for medical reasons.  She is 12 in the picture here with our doggies.  It is my favorite picture of her.  It was the first smile we had seen in many months.  My heart and prayers go out to you for your struggles, and nobody should ever doubt your motives or question your decisions.  You HAVE to take care of yourself first.  That is a very valuable lesson that I learned over the past few years.  It cost me dearly, to learn it as late as I did, I hope you can apply it to your life before it is too late.  Luv, luck and prayers to you! - Sandi

Hello there,   

I was just skimming over some of the messages and I saw you mentioned Migraines.  I have them on an average of 5 a week.  My neurologist said that this is also due to heredity as is bipolar disorder.  A lot of the meds I take help for both.  I do not work anymore.  I cannot function well enough to even finish a thought on most days.  I could go on and on, but I am sure that those of you who have this disorder and some of its gruesome sidebuddies (OCD, Anxiety Disorder, ADD, Dyslexia, Psychosis,...etc..) know exactly what I am saying.  I had an MRI of my brain last week and then the doctors office called me to make sure I had a follow-up appointment.  They would not tell me anything about the results.  I will not know until Monday.  The last one I had about 10 years ago showed lots of scar tissue on my brain, caused by the headaches.  The doc said if that is still the case, then I am at the ultimate risk for stroke and will have to start taking some more drugs.  He said that this condition alone is enough to keep me out on disability for the rest of my life.  I applied last year in June and am waiting for the decision on my first appeal.  They called me to let me know all the paperwork finally got turned in to them and it went to the adjudicators today.  I lost my job because of my illness.   

    

Anyhow enough boohoo for me, how selfish can I be? My problems are NOTHING compared to the hurricane survivors.  My daughter has a friend who lives in New Orleans and he went by boat, to get his grandmother and she was passed away in her attic.  They said that she suffocated from the heat. She was not strong enough to open a window.  What an awful thing for a young man to have to see.  He is 19.  It really shook up my daughter, but I told her that at least she went quietly and most likely in her sleep.  She did not drown nor was hit by debris from the tidal wave.  We want so badly to do something, but with just my husband working we cannot afford to send money and I don't have the space or means to offer living space.  The only thing I can offer are lots and lots of prayers and just as many tears.   

   

Here is me and my hubby, John, in July at his 30th high school reunion.  I used to hate getting my picture taken, but two years ago I had stomach bypass surgery and lost 210 pounds.  So I am a little braver now.  Anyhow, I am there with you with the headaches.  I have had migraines for 30ish years now.  I can sympathize more than you know.    

   

I think I have used up my allotted space! tee hee. Thanks again for your kind words.  And I agree, we must stick together.  Too many people out there (not to mention any names, but his initials are Tom Cruise) are complete morons when it comes to understanding exactly how PHYSICAL mental illness actually is.  That guy really p*$%)!!s me off!!!  Take care!! I have a diary online here, too, if you would like to read it.  I don't have a clue how to tell you to find it, but I did make it public. I talk about some of the choices I made when I was younger and that now I think I understand why I made them, as stupid as some of them were.  

   

Goodnight!  

Sandi  

My daughter was diagnosed at age 11.  It took about 5 months for the doc to reach that conclusion.  There is a book called 'The Bipolar Child' by dr Papalous.  It is an ABSOLUTE MUST HAVE if you suspect your kids maybe bipolar.  Now she is 18 and doing well.  In 2000, I started seeing a psychiatrist for severe depression.  On a follow-up visit I told him I could not sleep, could not stop counting, could not stop any activity.  He realized at that point (six weeks into treatment) that I must be Bipolar.  It took a very long time to get me half way to sorta stable.  In Sept 2001,  I ended up in the hospital for 10 days because of the cuts on my wrists, hands and legs.  I have a lot of other things going on like, panic disorder, OCD, ADD (and yes, you can develop ADD as an adult), audio and visual hallucinations, plus I was always just a nervous wreck.  I am more or less stable now.  But we can't treat all of the symptoms all at once.  With my ADD meds, my anxiety and insomnia get worse, but I can concentrate for an hour or so at a time.  When they increase my anxiety meds I am sleepy alot.  Right now, I am not working and I am collecting SSI.  I lost my job because I was less and less able to perform my job correctly. (I was there for 8 yrs)  There is a ton of things I cannot do anymore.  Just to name a few - handle money in any way-pay the bills-read a book-have any short term memory-drive because I forget where I am going.  There are more, but I am sure that there are a lot of others out there in the same boat. 

  

Thanks for letting me share.  I have my family websight that I have posted some pictures and some of the research I have done on bipolar. If you would like me to send it to you email me at frints@bellsouth.net 

Thanks again, 

Sandi 

Please do yourself a favor and get the book 'the bipolar child by dr papalous.  Please trust me on this one.  It will give you so much insight about the kids that suffer from this awful disorder.  My daughter beat me up in violent rages so many times, and my husband too.  It is very difficult to watch.  I had to watch the police put my 11 year old daughter in handcuffs and take her to the mental hospital, usually in the middle of the night.  She would try to attack us during the night.  We finally had to put a dead bolt on our bedroom door to use as our 'safe room' to run to when she started raging.  All I could do is sit on my bed and cry and wait for her to wear herself out.  She would become so exhausted she would litterally pass out, and, I am so thankful for this, but she never remembered any of it.  That is something she doesn't need to remember.  That would only be negative and gullt ridden and she doesn't need that. 

  

Good luck, I will keep you in my prayers. 

Sandi