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July 24, 2005, 5:31 pm CDT

have reasonable expectations

From a male perspective, I'd suggest women to try on-line dating with an open mind.  First of all, it's hard to understand how someone can "fall in love" without ever meeting someone--love is all interaction and all you get out of e-mails is typing and writing practice.  So keep that in mind when you size up a guy who begins corresponding with you.  My experience is that women often falsely advertise themselves.  I'll take you all's word about guys doing the same thing.  That is why I promote meeting informally as soon as possible.  At a coffee house, restaurant bar, wherever.  Just do that in a safe pulic place where you can drive away without feeling like you are being followed.  Not all men who post on-line profiles are "perverts".  If you allow yourself to think that way, you are really going to limit the men you might meet and therefore reduce your chances to find a compatible partner. 

 

Just be up front with the guy.  On the first date, if he asks "how's things going so far?" and you are turned off, don't put out warm fuzzies.  Also, don't fall in love with him immediately by painting a romantic image of who you "think" the guy is.  You are probably wrong; there is no way to get to know someone that intimately in a couple of hours.

 

It's also interesting how a man is labelled a "pervert" when he makes unwanted sexual advances or flirts with other women.  How about when a woman exhibits the same behavior with guys?  Should I consider her to be a slut?  No, I think not.  It's important for a woman to be extra careful more so than a man, of course.

 

So to conclude, if you are single and not dating as often as you like, why not try on-line dating?  Finding a suitable partner is really a numbers game, so why not put the numbers game in your favor?  Just be realistic with your expectations after a couple of e-mails.  And meet as soon as possible--I find that eliminates pretenses by both parties. 

 
July 24, 2005, 5:48 pm CDT

tell him!

Like you, I value the passionate sexual sharing in a relationship.  Men often are perplexed by women in that arena.  My experience is that each of my partners enjoyed different stimulation and it was hard to guess or predict what each partner likes.  So by all means share with your partner the best ways to stimulate you.  He probably will be relieved to know what to do!  If he is not, now he might get turned off.  But at least you were honest with him.  If you really value that part of a relationship and it isn't there in your current one, perhaps the best thing to do is to end the relationship or tell your partner that you will end it if this doesn't improve.  That isn't a threat, that's being honest and upfront.
 

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