Messages By:

Time after time, a show featuring upon a contentious relationshipregardless of the genders, we hear people say, "I checked theiremail." 

Q: Why are you letting them know what their passwordis? Pick a word which wil be essentially impossible for them to guess.Don't use your first or middle name, not your kids names, a pet's name,birth days, etc.  Sure, it helps you remember it, but it makes youvulnerable to them 

Q: Do you know how the Secret Service figures out the password for a machine?  They make a list of everything which is (ormight be) relevant to someone's life.  How long do you think it takesto crack it?  Not long. They generally go through a list of famlymembers, their middle names, pets, where they went to school, birthdaysfor them or anyone else on the list.  If you have a have a Bible, poem,, pick the first letter from each of the first words in each sentence:  How long do you think it will take someone to guess your password when they live with you and know all of your secrets?

Hebrews132  -- Be mindful of entertaining strangers, for some have entertained angels unaware.   Bmoesfshea
Mary had a little lamb.  Mhall
To be or Not to be.     TboNtb  or 2boN2b

Use strange passwords which mean nothing to anyone else, even your "Significant Other".  You'll find geeks & nerds create very unusual passwords. Why should they be the only ones who are smart about this?

Are you sharing an email account withthem? Do not do this. Create your own email inbox from Gmail.com(Google -- this has seemingly an endless amount of storage and a decentfilter which "learns" what is or is not spam), Hotmail, Yahoo, etc.They are all free.

"MySpace" pops up a lot.  Have you consideredmaking it so only friends can see the profile(s), pictures, etc?  Thenthey have to apply for permission and you don't make them a friend.

I'mnot going to keep this simple so those who are reading and know it'soverly explained intentionally. I'm rounding off the math, so pleasedon't point out those deficiences. There are three items to discuss:particularly if you know you have a password which they don't have --and mysteriously they do:

There is software which will trackevery keystroke you make & play it back on demand. If you areworried about this, you'll need someone who knows how to "determinesomething like that is running. Don't let someone talk you into usingthem because they claim what they are doing. Most will talk about TaskManger. Not all software shows up there.  Ask them if they know whatSysInternals' tool is. Not all processes will show up on the TaskManager. Sysinternals' "Process Explorer" does.  (SysInternals has recently beenpurchased by Microsoft because of the usefulness of their tools.

big Big BIG tip:


Lookfor someone who There's also two types of very small hardware widgets.One which you place between your keyboard cord and where it's connected tothe box. This will be very easy to hide because most people don't payattention to what is plugged in where & if it's something whichshouldn't be there. Some keyboards have a strange plug in order to fita particular type of cord, but don't rely upon that.

 Theother is connected to one of the spaces which has this design on thecord and the box containing has a funny looking squiggle like this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:USB_Icon.svg (but much, muchsmaller).There will be one for each connection on the computer box and one onthe cable for those which are ordinarily  working. Crawl behind the boxand trace where each connection to a device.  These cords don't let youput an end in the wrong place. Think of it as tracking all of the cordsplugged into a power strip and finding which one is plugged intoparticular slots.

If it doesn't goto something; and it looks like the piece below (a Jew's Harp), butmuch smaller -- cut a credit card in half (left-to-right) and it'sabout that size. Either they've been using it to take informationto/from work or someone has purchased a little piece of software whichroutes everything you type into it. You need to find someone who knowswhat Sysinternals' prcedure explorer to see http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/79/JewsHarpCivilWar.jpg.But the loop will be solid and have the squiggly symbol on it.
 
With some inexpensive, sneaky software and something which looks likethe Jew's Harp above, they can purchase one of those gizmos for lessthan $50. And you will not  be able type enough to overload it in orderto hide what you're doing.  We're talking about 4GB (that's 4giga-bytes):  4'000'000'000 characters. This is a lot of storage.forvery every man, woman, and child in the US to send (to) you $11 !!.(and everyone would have to send you $121 in order to get to WarrenBuffet's or Bill Gates' net worth.  If you can type 65 wpm, without stops and ignoring the worry of being correct - justhitting keys at random, 60 min/hour, 24 hrs/day, 365.24 days/year, youwill end up with 117 years. (On the good hand,  It's a nice toy totake information to home/work without burning CDs or DVDs.  Speaking ofCDs.  Using that little widget is easy to take work home with you.compare that to the 4B toy:  that's more than 5'714'285 CDs (music). Inother words, it's very portable and saves headaches when used forsomething good.


 

f you've been in an abusive relationship, you know what it's like.

Those who have extensive training have a good idea of what it's like, and a lot of them have come from those environments, feeling good to rescue others.

Those who very close friends & relatives have a decent idea, particularly if they are around when he pushes the little red button on the side of his psyche.[1]

If you haven't taken a shot at skydiving, climing a decent-sized mountain, or strapped on a bungie cord,  taken, a shot at base-jumping, kayaking where no other people may have been, then come back to me and tell me and we can discuss it.

When you've been abused, come back to me and we'll sit over a margarita and commiserate our experiences.  You cannot imagine what it was like, no matter how active your imagination is..

(sidenote: Stephen Hawking will not be an astronaut and has lived an exceptionally long lifespan for those with ALS.  He was recently taken on the "Vomit Comet" and the tape showed him experiencing something which has never occurred before. (zero gravity) after 40 +/- years in a wheelchair. There are few his age with his condition who will get to enjoy it. Can we say we had the same feeling? No, but it was fun to watch. (end note)

When you've been slapped around for mowing the lawn with the to-and-fro lines being anything less than perfect, following instructions to a "T", yet realizing the instructions were flawed, finding a spec of paper (half the size of your pinky-finger's nail) on your bedroom floor (I was alone), why I wasn't studying (high school) as I never brought books home (which makes me smile when I heard other people say they didn't open their books, but they took them home and I graduated higher than a 4 - 4.3, I think), not turning on the heat in my bedroom the windows shattered because the ice built up so tightly..., turning the heat  on too high.  Trash baskets more than half and not being burned.  That was too much. Leaving any grass, including trim work, which was taller than the rest of the yard, etc. Applying to colleges who offered scholarships because it was a declaration (that) he was incapable of providing for the family,  applying to a good school because it had a 93% placement rate into one of the better medical hospital, but that school cost too much money.  Oh, stepping back to avoid a swing meant doubling the punishment.

After thirty-two years (fifteen years ago), my mother decided to make a break for it, contacting us about two weeks later.  Her ex (which is how I refer to him, and it drives my wife nuts, even now) went nuts heading to all of the various doctors he thought she used, going bonkers when he confronted an OB/GYN...who wasn't her doctor.  He thought she had a "hormone problem".

When you've gone through all of this, you can come back me and tell me what we felt and we can commiserate over a margarita or two. Just be prepared for me to bring a few dozen other things.

From the time I was thirteen or fourteen, I had the ability to beat the ever-lovin'  prunes out of him. When you are that young, you weren't in a position of packing up and heading out. Today, a criminal charge -- against a parent, is a good thing can be understood by a lot of people. You wonder why some kids take a baseball bat to their PITA parent. I'm not justifying it, just pointing out where it comes from.

[1] Dr. Phil's "guest" has a short, very short fuse, as many have already pointed it out.  The problem for her is every time she seems to be able to handle it, he turns up the stove a little bit, step-by-step until it  becomes a problem where she cannot protect her self and kids. If Mom were to cut out without the kids, you can guess who would receive the brunt of his inner rage.  No matter how old they are or how trusting, anyone, they are going to become another generation of victims. Right now, it's physical (trapping her in the basement + anything else he's done which hasn't come up, emotional, and verbal.  The physical is only going to escalate. The less it appears to faze her, the worse he'll get. He doesn't want a subservient spouse. He wants someone who will stand up to him just enough.  It's an addiction for him. If Mom & the kids get out of there, and if he were any less controlled than he appears on the show, we'll see him with a couple of rifles at the clock tower. I'm not joking about this.  If you were to get Dr. Phil to play his cards, face-up, I have no doubts he would agree with this.

I wrote about what should happen & how in the previous episode.  It's time to yank her & the kids out of there and move them to parts unknown. She was lucky she didn't require their makeup staff to cover her bruises.  I also mentioned during the previous episode the revelation of "The Rain Maker" with Matt Damon and Claire Danes, the latter of which had the ever-lovin' snot beaten out of her, and finding a good use for his baseball bat . Fortunately, the laws+court system recognized what had happened.

p.s.

It was too late into my adulthood, but right after I graduated from college, the state really cracked down. And it made things very, very difficult to deal with a patient and paying attention to what else was going on in the household. The reason?  it's was (and still is) an an A-Misdemeanor --  if you suspect it and don't turn it into the proper authorities.  My mother  has taught 3rd-grade since they  invented dirt.  Do you think she has no problem walking a tightrope with that criminal charge vs. they are bruised, other symptoms, from playing? Now you know why I fell back on my degree (Computer Science). I could take messy, as that's what I'm accustomed to, and caring for practically any situation.  But I couldn't help those who had been abused...unless they were the patient and I knew we were getting them out of a bad situation.

Does this mean I'm less vigilant? No chance.  When I see a kid in a store/mall and the parents are commiting verbose+emotional  abuse on a small child, and are yanking them around, my knows where I'm headed: the parking lot.  Am I dumb enough to intervene? Are you kidding? That's all I need: a dead witness who might have seen something.  I can promise I'm far enough away they don't know me from Adam, see the color+type, and license plate, then watch to see where they are leaving, relaying all of this to the proper authorities. 

No one here will go  without saying something to the mindset, "I can't believe the moms..."

I am sitting here, practically busting a gut because of what the mothers are doing.

As for the kids, I feel sorry for them and the others who have chosen to live through their children.

For some of the things, I'd like to see some of the settings with a one-way glass -- like you see in police lineups, where someone can see in one direction but the other side cannot.  It would have been interesting to see the mothers behind such a situation and how bonkers they'd be going because they cannot pull the strings of their puppets.

And yes, I realize this is cruel, but it would have been even more telling.

It's no longer available online (and it goes into pretty deep analysis, but here's the title:

"Unskilled & Unaware Of It: How Difficulties In Recognizing One's Own Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-Assessments"

In other words, many |most people tend to severely overestimate their talent & have a near impossible time estimating where they fit on the overall skills.  Generally, people have an exceptionally inflated estimation of their abilities.

This is what we're seeing going on here:  parents are doing this with their children: they severely overestimate their child's ability.

p.s.

I work in the software world. When I'm asked what subject areas I'd consider myself to be, my response is always, "Nothing. And I like it that way.  It makes it possible for me to ask stupid questions about whatever topic is at hand."  (i.e., "I live for the learning curve")

(You'd be surprised how other people repond to the question when they face it)

  
I won't make a trip to Mt. Soapbox, but I mentioned previously there should  have been one-way glass.

Dr. Phil made a huge oversight:  they (the parents) are demonstrating themselves & how their children should behave.  What have they done wrong? 

Abuse. Emotional & Verbal. I'm baffled as to how these kids can stand up to their parents' expectations. This is something my namesake doesn't let pass through. It's a "deal breaker", but nothing was done to  and it was a topic he should have pointed this out.

I feel sorry for the kids because their moms are going to burn them out.  Agents, Managers, Talent Managers, etc. are  going to learn very carefully (that) their kids are lugging a lot of extra garbage and they are making a self-fulfilling prediction.

Sure, the kids from the same circle of Disney Mouseketeers, including Britney, et al. 

The mothers will never admit to this, but they have the same intentions.

It's a question Dr. Phil should have asked (as we know the show isn't current)

Is anyone else watching "The Age of Love"?

I'm forty five, but my wife lets me watch it.

A spectrum of women in their 40s vs. those in their 20s, competing for an Australian Tennis Pro. I think he's 30 +/-.

Before the younger group  joined the hunt, and even to a certain degree thereafter, it was interesting to watch those in their 40s at a skating rink.  He wasn't as good as the ladies were, but they (the women) had fun together - nothing at risk because he was busy trying to acclimate himself. Actually, they had more than fun.  They had a ball. Screaming, laughing, they were into what was going on. Aside from worrying about getting the boot, they've continued to have as much fun, as those who were lifetime friends. I wouldn't be surprised if they (at least started) to communicate afterwards, perhaps some type of reunion.

The 20s have been so busy trying to get him to look at them, even if it's covert. ("please, please, please look into my eyes", "please, please, please hold my hand", "please, please, please kiss me", "please, please, please slip me the toungue", etc.)

Me my me my me my.

The 40s are concerned, but they are more relaxed and nudge things a bit, but just play the cards face up and see what happens.

Even when it was only the 40s, he had decided age means nothing, but you could tell he was almost surprised how much fun he had with them, almost as if he was totally in shock. When the 20s showed up (and the 40s collectively said, "Oh, my God".  But the attitude the 20s have shown consistently they targets are ripe for being let go. And the 40s have banded together, even though they remember, it's still going to be one person who will be removed, one who will win out, etc.

This last week, one of the 40s decided she didn't want to continue and started to try to talk. He paused, then talked her into staying. I don't think he'd do the same thing with the 20s.  I'm certain the issue (either the 20s or people watching) might see the possibility of children, but the 40s might be a bit more risky for defects, there's nothing to doing it "naturally".  Besides, there is always the possibilty of adoption.  (If someone has a problem with the kids they adopt, but think they wouldn't have the same problem with "natural" kids are showing they wouldn't have been good parents, even with "their" (blood) kids. I know of adopted kids have had some problems because there are family members (aunts, grandmother, cousin) who didn't get their fair share and contest the will, as if they aren't "part of the family".  I think that's when you send Guido to ring the doorbell and kneecap them. Twice.

No, we don't have any kids, but babysit a lot. We don't have any adopted kids in either side of our families. We have no problems accepting the responsibility from friends & family who have asked if we would do so, as though we'd say, "No".

Before I hit [submit], I'm watching the advice about how to find a man over 35.  Neither of us have worn our rings in some time, but he's telling them to be a little naughty & friendly, when ever I've been talking to someone who strikes up a conversation, somehow they bring up some type of a reference which doesn't apply to me, I bring up the issue of, "You like to do that?  So does my wife."

Some understand the reason I say it, others really don't care.  If she pushes it, "I'm sorry, you'll have to ask my wife for permission. And I pick back up where I was before talking to her."

They don't stop saying things which allow me to hit the [submit] button.  re: the golf course.

The cell phone?  Anser it and ask, "Can I call you back?"  This indicates you are interested in him, not the phone call.

"My dad used to play golf, but he (he's) never taught me."


For the ladies:  If he asks you for a date, get-together, etc. and you cannot go (but would like to), that's where you say, "I'm busy then but how about...?"  When women say, "No", a guy doesn't know whether you mean "No" because you're are busy or "No" because you have no interest.  This is also the time women would respond, "Thanks, but..."  That's when you have to show interest, even if it can't occur on the day he asked."  Rather than be shot down a second (or worse) time you ask, "No means no" unless you help take care of it.  After all, are you expecting him to ask, "How about Saturday?", "Sunday?", "Monday?", "Tuesday?".

Make up:  usually this is a problem with younger women, as in college and younger. They use blue or green makeup. That's nasty.  Women who have more experience will use something which is just a little darker or lighter than the surrounding skin. You don't want to look like a clown.  Watch women who have makeup (see: TV news folks) and are the air.  You can "almost" see how it's "just so" compared to their facial skin. This has a subtle effect and men are drawn to it because the lights are accentuated but not overdone.

As far as meeting men in general -- the mentione was made about "no one looking at a golf course", think about things which are (almost) exclusively "men's clubs".  If it's a sports bar and a big game is underway, there will be a ton of guys there as well as a few women. If you want to make some interest with "Mr. Right", it's easy if he's on the back row: either talk to them when the score isn't on the screen (see: an ad), tell you just got there - what's the score?" If you sound of interest, he'll tell you. One thing leads to another....if a connection appears, you can always say "I need to get a chair.  If he's interested, he'll say something ala "Here, take mine.  I'll go get a seat for me." Besides, you'll see how polite he is.

I just thought of another thing:  whenever I was (and now, if I'm out with "the guys"), it wasn't unusual to hear women talk about some guy (and figure out which one it is).  "I couldn't help but overhear you.  Wanna meet him?"  If there's even mild interest, that's when I go over to the guy, a quick exchange, then turn & point to the guy who is most interested in him. You don't know the guy and you don't know her, but if it works out, that would make a good story, "How I met your grandkids story."  Besides, if they aren't interested, they might find that situation for you to help them out.  Of course, I don't deal with them being interested in me if one is leaving without the other.  Simply because I can't. I'm not going to go home and ask for permission.

Another way to gauge men (and I did this when I was single), I made it clear at some point in the date when you know thigs are good, "Don't let me forget -- I'll need to know how much to pay the babysitter." I doesn't look like the saying about, "If he's paying for supper, it dooesn't mean you owe him something like "party favors"" That's why they shouldn't do that up-front. The same is when she asks you out, "now remember, I'm still paying for the sitter ... (so pick your favorite sitter)".  If they you, then tell them she can pick up the tip." (but they really aren't given the chance.  I wasn't interested in throwing money around, but I wanted to take care of the things which would normally make a date more expensive. Any clock watching cuts out one of the two reasons: reduce the babysitter fees or looking to cut things short. (and they start watching the clock.). This means they're looking to cut things short.

This means something else (guys)  need to take care of, just to be polite:  If you are in a restaurant and there's a line throughout the time you're there, let the wait staff know that whilst there's a line, "Don't worry - you aren't losing money for another party to come. I intend to rent the table for a little while longer." And make sure they are tiped well -- enough that they'd appreciate it if you brought business groups for lunch/supper and they wish you'd ask to sit in their station.)

The other thing to do for waitstaff:  If you pay with plastic, tip in cash.  And that's why my reciepts say "Cash" in the section which asks, "Tip:"  The IRS really butchers these folks by assuming how much they are paid vs. how much they are really paid.  There's no reason for someone to question their paperwork.  They don't know how little or more they were tipped. Screw 12%-15%. If I have a good time, it was always 25%-30%. (and if it was subpar, that's where you give the tip to the floor manager and let them know why you're doing it).  That's an opportunity for them to remain aware of what's going on and can determine if the problem was staying up all night with a sick child or relative in the hospital, or probably, "isn't just going to work out."

Finally,

p.s.

The missus will be fifty in November. And she's as much (and haven't ever not been) a stunner as I could imagine. When she came along, I knew I was out of my league and it would be a huge step up. That's why, after six weeks of dating, the question popped up. We had our 20th last December.

How did I get her?

Here's my story:

When I decided it was time to find my soul mate (I was 24, she was almost 29):

I went to God and gave him a list of things I'd like to see in a wife.  He took the list, read it, and laughed.  "This is all you want?  Be patient, I'll bring someone into your life which will make you laugh at what you gave me."

And he did.

Doesn't "Mom" act a lot like Marie Barone (Everybody Loves Raymond)?


yadda yadda

Ponder when this is taking place:

Imagine what would happen to Cole if this wasn't 2007, but 1907, perhaps into the '50s.

1) He'd be chained in the basement, mental institution, etc.  A family "secret".

2) Imagine what would happen to him in a  non-medical situation where he would be analyzed and diagnosed as possessed by deamons and an exorsist.  I'm not condemning anyone who feels as though I'm speaking against any form of religion. It's not so. I'm merely pointing out (objectively) what would (or could)  have happened before now.

 

 

 

"The first can come at any time,

the rest take nine months".

Someone mentioned early on the show -- I hate "show", as it doesn't seem adquate to what he (and his crew) do. It's 3:45pm in Indiana, so I'm guessing most peoplehave already seen all of it.

Here in Indy, the leading station -- first in all of the various categories -- has a "HealthBeat" where something important is covered.  MRSA was covered several weeks ago ... including necessarily info, without overkill.  Oh, and it was the affiliate (Ch13), which carries Dr. Phil.

My suggestion?

Find a good link everyone can settle upon.

At the bottom of your email or blog post to post something like:

Johny Appleseed,
__________________

Learn about the SuperBug (MRSA): The SuperBug
http://drhil.com



That last address is obviously just a placeholder.