Messages By: lzj4v6

I am a mother of three children and the sleeping habits of all three h ave been incredibly different...Steven (8) had to share a bedroom with me as we only had a one bedroom apartment so he ended up in my bed most of the time due to the fact that he would sleep there and I had to work at 6am...at the age of 1 we moved and he had his own room and I put him to bed on his own and there were about two nights when he woke up and cried but on the second night he realized he was in bed to stay and I have never had a spot of trouble since...Kirstin (3) started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and we made the decision to move her to a toddler bed at age 2 and it was fine for a while but now at 3 she has a nightly routine of getting out of bed a million times before she finally falls asleep...her bedtime has been the same since she was an infant so I am hoping it is just a phase she is going through to test the waters...this past saturday she got her babies taken away for a week unless she stayed in be everynight...seems to be working so far...Justin (9months) is a champion sleeper...he started sleeping through the night at 3 months and hasn't been a lick of trouble since...there have been a few nights (teething and tummy aches) where he has ended up in our bed(we are 1 bedroom shy so his crib is in our room for now)...I can honestly say that has only happened about 10-15 times his entire life...I think the main thing parents have to remember is that no one is perfect and you sometimes just have to go with the flow and let you children steer you in the direction of what works for them and what doesn't...I DO however think that if your children are interfering with your marriage or your sex life then you need to draw the line...sometimes as a parent you will be called upon to make tough decision wether you like it or not and you have to make them without guilt and with the utmost confidence you are doing the right thing otherwise your children with sense your hesitation and use that to their advantage... 

  

  

Potty training is definitely not easy...my son (8) was almost trained when his father came home after being away for 6 months(he serves in the military) then he regressed and this made his father mad...he had never been around from day one and wasn't sure how to even be a father...needless to say we divorced and it was almost a year later when my husband (my sons stepfather) and I finally got him to use the potty but we let him do it in his own time...my daughter (3) was trained at the age of about 2 and she decided one day that she still wanted to wear diapers so w let her (much easier than changing her clothes or sending her to her grandmothers(daycare) and letting her deal with it...about a month later she asked to wear panites when she got dressed that day and has never had an accident since that day...I think you have to just let them do it in their own time...I feel if you force them they are going to see it as punishement or something they know they can intentionally use (accidents) to get attention...this is just based on my experiences though so you have to do what is best for you...

I have it all! Some may not agree but I beleive it is in the eye of the beholder... FIRST I have the greatest husband in the world...he accepts me for exactly who I am even on the days when I don't get a shower and am sporting my Eeyore pajama pants (which he is always quick to tease me about how sexy they are)...he knows I can't walk around the house cleaning and cooking and taking care of three kids in a Teddy...how unreal is that...he walks around in sweats or old ripped up shorts and he is still sexy to me...I know he feels the same way about me...my cooking isn't always superb but he eats every day (three meals) and never complains...I keep the house neat and orderly...he is a great help in this respect...he quite often does the laundry (wash,dry and fold) and vaccums...he is great with the kids and tends to them from the moment he gets home (he spends a hectic day as a mortage banker and still has time for the kids so don't ever let a man use the excuse that he is just too tired!)...SECOND I have three wonderful children...Steven 8, Kirstin 3, and Justin 9 months...what mom could ask for more!...THIRD I have a full time job...YES! YOU CAN DO IT ALL!...that woman who says you cannot SHOULD NOT propose to speak on behalf of everyone...I CAN and LOVE to do it all... 

  

oh and did I mention that dinner is on the table everynight when my husband gets home and NO he doesn't expect it...it is just a nice thing I like to do for him...as a matter of fact my husband doesn't expect anything from me except that I am me and we will work the rest out from there... 

I disagree with you statement that you cannot give 100% to your family and to your career...I think that is a bold statement to make when in truth I beleive this is not true for everyone...it may be true for you but you shouldn't make the generalization that it applies to all...I give 100% to my children, my husband and my job...I look at it this way...my job is just that  A JOB...when I am there I give my all...then when the day is over I pick up my daughter and son from their grandmothers and we discuss their day...and then we go home and look over her activities that she did that day (my mother has a preschool type setting for her in the morning) and we look at her homework ( a paper my mother has prepared so that we can do an activity together before dinner or bedtime so she feels like a big girl)...we then feed the baby his dinner and get our dinner started so it is ready when daddy gets home...my other son then gets off the bus and we go over what he has done for the day...we review his lessons he has brought home and I help with any homework(if he needs it) and then we all listen as he practices his guitar...I am involved in every aspect of my childrens lives...I am there for evey gymnastics practice and every guitar lesson and know all about my sons afterschool activities (per mediation and choir)...short of going to school with him I don't think I could be much more involved...the children then attack daddy when he gets home and we all eat dinner and then is play time and bath time and story time and the kids are in bed by 7:00 silently reading to themselves until 7:30 then lights out...it is all very peaceful after that and my husband and I get a few hours of quality time together...I couldn't ask for more..I think it is all a matter of WHAT WORKS FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY  and between you and your husband...I don't think there is a right or a wrong...

BRAVO!!!  What a wonderful man you are! My husband is like you but so many of my friends whine and moan everyday about how lazy and useless their husbands are and I count myself lucky that my husband and I have a loving and respectful relationship...not to say we don't have our moments...we ask don't demand and we give kisses and I love you's every morning and night (and a lot in between)...I don't think we would make it if not for each other...like you stated he is my best friend... 

  

  

After reading about other peoples mothers I feel blessed to have mine...my mother and father insisted that while I lived in their home I must abide by their rules...which I didn't always do but I ws appropriately punished and that was the end of it. I wasn't always allowed to do everything my friends were and that bugged me at the time but then I came to realized ,after hearing the kids in my high school talk about their weekends, that this wasn't a scene I wanted to be a part of anyway and I found solice in the simple boring things my friends and I did such as go to the mall and go to work...I am now 30 and have three kids of my own and I plan on treating them the same as my parents treated me. I am involved in their lives but I trust them until such a time as they prove me wrong...that is what my mother did that I think was so important in teaching us  to make responsible choices...we knew what was expected of us and were taught how to act responsibly and respectfully in public and only if we acted inappropriately or broke any of the house rules thus disrespecting my parents were we punished.  

  

I have to say that I am so lucky also in that becasue my mother trusts that she raised good kids ready to face the world and with the abilities to face any challenges that my arise she isn't the type of mother who has ever dolled out unsolicited advice. She lets us do as we please and if we ask we can get an opinion but otherwise she just assumes that we are adults with the ability to do as we feel is necessary for ourselves. She takes care of my children on a daily basis and has never presumed to tell me that I am not doing something correctly, she is exceptionally respectful of my wishes and do as I ask her to do with my children and not as she feels might be better for them...she has always recognized that I am their mother and have the final say in how they are raised...I have to tell you that it all boils down to this: 

  

TRUST YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE INSTILLING IN YOUR CHILDREN THE WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE NECESSARY TO FACE THE WORLD AND ALL OF ITS CHALLENGES HEAD ON MAKE THE WISEST CHOICES THAT THEY CAN AND IF THEY FAIL KNOW THAT THEY WILL LEARN FROM THE MISTAKE AND GET BACK UP AND TRY AGAIN...GIVE THEM THE CONFIDENCE THEY NEED WITH LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING AND GUIDANCE FROM YEARS OF YOUR OWN EXPERIENCES...EVEN IF IT SEEMS THEY ARE NOT LISTENING AS THEY ROLL THEIR EYES AT YOU OR DISMISS YOU WITH A 'WHATEVER' JUST TO GET YOU TO LEAVE THEM ALONE...THEY ARE HEARING YOU AND THAT WILL STAY WITH THEM FOR A LIFETIME 

  

  

First of all GOOD LUCK! to your son college isn't going to be easy but it sure sounds like you have prepared him and he will do wonderfully!...I have a sister and brother that both went off to college and both now have successful relationships (not without trial and error of course) and great careers (my brother works for the Family Independence Agency and my sister works for the procurement department of a bank).  

  

As far as your new role...my mom has always taken on the role of supporter...she says she may be our mother but we are adults and untimately the decision is ours to make and she is just there to back us up whether it is the decision she would have made or not...I also consider her my friend...she has seen me through a baby(she was my support person when I had my frist son 8) and a bad marriage (to my sons  father), two 3000 mile moves(my sons father is in the military) and then she quit her job to take on the role of daycare provider when I remarried and had a daughter (3) and now I have another son (9months). She is a saint if you ask me...I don't know how she does it everyday...she says it is because when we were little she had to work and missed all the joys of being a stay at home mom and now she is in a position where she can stay at home and yet send the kids home...I am truely thankful everyday for her and my dad...my hope in life is that when my kids are grown they feel the same about me... 

  

Oh by the way mom mom always kept pretty close tabs on us too...I can tell you there were times when I did stupid things and was punished...but I can also tell you now that I can't blame her one bit and I completely understand why she did it and will do the same with my kids...your son may not appreciate it now but he will some day! 

I always thought good Christians didn't judge others...granted I wasn't raised attending church but I do beleive in GOD...I just think that a lot of christians preach but don't practice what they preach... 

  

I have three small children and I will teach them to be accepting of others whether they are black, white, asian, purple, green, pink , gay or straight...isn't that what makes the world go round...DIVERSITY... 

  

I have a lot of gay friends and they are probably the most wonderful, caring, non-judgemental people you will ever meet and yet everyday for them they encounter mean spirited and judgemental individuals...do you think that is easy for them...is it the life you would CHOOSE?...I doubt it...but the fact of the matter is they are who they are and they deserve love and acceptance the same as anyone else...have you ever stopped to think that they have feeling also that can be hurt just as easily as yours?...walk a day in their shoes and maybe you would understand... 

  

Accept the fact that EVERYONE SINS! I am sure that you yourself sin in one way or another...I know I do but I also know that regardless of my sins I will be welcomed into Heaven and forgiven...granted I cannot quote the bible but that does not make me any less of a beleiver or any less of a Christian...just as being gay does not make a person anyless faithful or Christian...you can choose to accept these people for who they are...kind, wonderful human beings deserving of love no matter where they choose to find it or you can persecte them...is that in keeping with the Christain spirit you speak of to love the person and not the sin...I just wonder if you worry about what everyone does behind closed doors becasue the reality is I don't know you from anyone and I know I certainly don't worry about how what you do on a daily basis affects me

I just want to say...YEAH!!! I am not gay and can't even begin to understand what it must be like for you but I do have many friends who are and have seen first hand the price that is paid by them for the ignorance of others...I just wanted to say congrats to you for being yourself and not letting anyone elses beleifs change who you truely are...