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Messages By: teri_id

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July 22, 2005, 2:02 pm CDT

Back and with a new face...

Well, looks as if we get our message board back...I have missed reading everybody's input....

Hope everyone is doing well.

 

Teri

 
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July 23, 2005, 8:48 am CDT

Defining Your Authentic Self

I have missed the board too , glad to see you back hope to continue to learn from everybody.

Summer is wonderful in Quebec Canada it has been the most wonderful summer since 20 years.Just finishing my 2 weeks vacation and feeling great .A lot of great things going on in my life, starting witha newhouse we are buying, an operation that is goingto give me a part of a normal life so life is treating me good.Hope you are doing fine too.

Nice to be back for a new beginning

Sincerly Lyne

Lyne,

 

I am so glad to hear you doing well!  We are planning our vacation, and it looks like we will be going north, to Vancouver Island.  We live in Idaho, so this will be a treat for us.  We love to kayak, and this looks like a wonderful place to sea kayak.

 

Life is good.  I am trying to stay on track with my goals while taking a moment to play.  This is hard for me, as I tend to become pretty focused. 

 

I hope healing from your operation will go smoothly and quickly!  I rejoice with you for your happines!

Teri

 
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July 23, 2005, 8:54 am CDT

Defining Your Authentic Self

Hi thereI am new to this, so I hope that you can bare with me--I am from New Zealand on the other side of the world, there was a time in my life that I thought thatI was crazy, and you know those who thought they were experts were the ones that put me there (in my head anyway)well over time, I decided not to continue with the theapy and you know it was the best that I did for me (its not for everyone) I decided who I wanted to be and have now continued down that path for the last 6 years, once I knew that I was not who they kept telling me i was , I went back to those who dammed me and let them know that they were book people and didnt know anything about life...I have lived on a natural high now ever since, never had a bad day, life has taken me down many great journies since, and will continue to for many years to come. The greatest part was being able to communicate with all my children, let them know I was sorry for what I had put them through and today I am not justa loved mum but a very much loved grandmother of 16 wonderful beautiful granchildren many who have a varity of nuerological disorders (inherited) they all have great qualities and will make a great life for themselves because I will not allow the negatives to intrude while they are growing - Thanks Dr Phil you re an inspiration even in NZ..regards and love Moira

Moira,

 

Something I have learned is that a good therapist will listen and guide you to find your own answers.  Quite often we know the appropriate answers for our life's challenges, it just takes saying them outloud to be recognized.  Good job! 

 

It is wonderful that you get to share this gift with your children and grandchildren.  Often we don't go towards our lives confused on purpose...and our children usually figure that out.  Your gratitude shows, and I celebrate it with you!

Teri

 
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July 26, 2005, 7:28 am CDT

How true....

Quote From: grub48

You have taken the first step in finding your authentic self by coming to the boards and asking the question.

For many stories have a look in the Archives - however the journey that I started to find my authentic self commenced 3 years ago and whilst I am now comfortable within myself and my world I keep finding new things about myself - the journey will continue for me for the rest of my life.

And I think that is what it is all about for life is a journey and happiness is not a destination it is a part of the journey.

Like most of those who come here I worked on Dr Phil's Self Matters and Life Strategies books - the work was long and exhausting but the result - which was me and my authentic self - was worth it. Give it a try.

I think one of the main things to remember - is that you should not try to define yourself by what you do or where you live or what you have - the real and true definition of who you are lies deep within - not in superficial world.

Grub48,

 

I love how you put this.  We are not defined by what we do or where we are or what we have.  I find when people are asked to tell a bit about themselves, these are the areas they go immediately.  Instead of saying "I am a person who..." they say they are a lawyer, a doctor, a CNA, a Mom....Learning to identify ourselves for WHO we are can be a wonderful challenge.

Teri

 
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July 26, 2005, 7:33 am CDT

taking it easy...

Quote From: ritehere

It's good to hear from everyone again. I missed checking in everyday, and getting LS's daily thought provoking quotes. Haven't taken the big hike yet, but I think it's getting close. Everybody, continue to send your thoughts and prayers out to Lynn618, she could use them.

Ritehere,

 

Good to see you back too!  We are getting ready to take the "big Paddle"...gonna hit the ocean!  I am really looking forward to it! 

 

In reference to another of your posts, those spinning plates...our acupuncurist told us once that balance is continually strived for...that is the true balance...the effort against the chaos.  So I imagine you spinning your plates and when they fall a hearty laugh and a new plate is started.  Actually, it makes for a pretty cool mental image!  Thanks and I am soooo glad to see you here!

Teri

 
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July 26, 2005, 7:44 am CDT

similarities

Quote From: turtleplus

Hello there,

I am new to message boards and don't often get to post/get on the net. I am 45yrs old, single professional counselor and just feeling really lost on my spirit's journey. I spend a lot of time just working with families and adolescents and trying to fit in time for myself. I like to jog, and do so 4miles per day, and swim for 2 miles, it helps to reduce stress, keeps me fit and trim and hopefully makes me attractive to a potential mate. I am Native American and participate to two different worlds. It's getting hard to keep it going... When I have my professional hat on, it feels so natural and I have such fun with it, despite all the problems I deal with with my families. Yet, when I come home and I am alone, I often wonder if I have walked my path in truth and made a difference. I have no children, and no partner except Spirit. I often find myself wondering why my Higher self would choose such a path for me, yet, I accept this path but, not sure anymore how to continue the walk/journey.

I welcome any feedback/ideas.

Spirit Bless,

Monica

Monica,

 

When I worked in the hotel industry years ago, I had a good friend who was the head housekeeper for a rather upscale hotel.  She had the place spotless!  She worked hard to keep her staff on task and thorough.  Well, one day I went to her home for a get-together and I was shocked to see a dusty, cluttered home!  I don't know why I was so shocked...as a teenager I used to detail cars, yet my car was always dirty and I never vacuumed it. 

 

My point is, often when we are organized in our profession, we tend to overfunction/underfunction in our personal lives.  You stay trim, fit, and hope to someday attract a mate, yet I wonder where you have time to go where you would meet someone who could potentially fill that role.  Of course, having Spirit as a companion is not a bad thing, and learning to live with yourself is a good thing, being alone can be quite lonely. 

 

I suppose one thing I would do is identify my needs and make a plan to fulfill them, keeping in mind I need to be open and listening for the "whispers", as I call them.  Quite often we pray and ask for guidance, listening for a shout as an answer when really the gentle whispers are the ones that carry the true message, if that makes any sense. 

 

I commend you on your journey my heart goes to you with smiles and good energy.

Teri

 
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July 27, 2005, 7:55 am CDT

Confession is good for the soul they say....

You know, Life continues to be a learning experience.  My boyfriend and I have pack goats.  We take them into the mountains, and they faithfully carry anything we ask.  Our oldest goat, Mackay, was with us the last time we went in the middle of June.  While we were hiking, there was a rather large log we all had to cross.  Everyone made it across, yet afterwards, Mackay stumbled a bit.  He didn't complain or give us any indication that he was in pain, so we continued. 

 

 There have been may times since we came home from that trip that Mackay came and rubbed us with his head with tears in his eyes.  I even remarked that I did not know goats could cry, but seeing this had a deep effect on me.  Appearantly not deep enough.

 

Last Sunday we were in the barnyard giving the baby goats their last bottle and found Mackay laying down.  At first we thought he was dead.  He did pick up his head when I walked to him, and when I touched him, he was incredibly hot.  We immediately gave him water to drink, which he drank half a bucket in just a few seconds.  We got him to stand up and he stumbled on his front leg.  I felt over his legs, seeing if there was any heat or anything and when feeling under his chest I found a very old wound, infected and gangrenous. 


Turns out, when we crossed that log, my boyfriend remembered a stick poking up, and when Mackay crossed, he must have punctured his chest with that stick.  He had been suffering from this the whole time.

 

We started right away, doing all of the right things, trying to save our sweet goat.  He is doing better, but only time will tell. 

 

I have not slept well the last few nights because of the guilt I feel for not heeding those tears I saw.  I felt it in my gut that something was wrong, and I ignored it.  I have learned a huge lesson at an innocent friend's expense.  Thus, I am carrying guilt. 

 

I am not sharing this story for anyone to tell me not feel bad, how could I have known, etc.  I am sharing this because I am trying to own my part, which was not listening.  Anyone have any solid advice on how to help the guilt?  It is not really helping anything, yet it has even effected my appetite.  This sort of thing cannot be good, and in the past my M.O. has been to ignore it, pretend I didn't feel anything.  Well, being authentic means being real, and my real right now is I feel guilty and I am not sure what to with it.  Any input would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks for "listening" to me.

Teri

 
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July 30, 2005, 8:59 am CDT

Thank you

Quote From: ritehere

I know you're not looking for excuses, but I'm sorry, you COULDN"T have known your goat was hurt unless you had been through this before. Animals instinctively hide injury and illness. In the wild, any indication of ill health marked the animal as a target for predators. Your goat hid it from you because that's what they do. As (sometimes) intelligent beings, we feel guilty because we project human qualities on our pets and other animals. You will continue to feel bad for awhile, it's inevitable, but Mackay does not hold you in any kind of reproach for not seeing his pain. On the other hand, now that you have learned this lesson, I know that you will keep a sharper eye on the rest of the herd, so Mackay's death was not in vain, and served a purpose. I'm sorry for your loss.

Ritehere,

 

Thank you.  You put some things into perspective.  I suppose I never considered that Mackay would hide his injury instinctually.  That did give me some peace.

 

You will be happy to hear he is doing better.  The wound still shows obvious signs of infection, but he can limp around, he is eating again, and is interested in being pet and scratched.  He is also a quite affectionate goat and has been the perfect patient, so treating his has been simple, as he has allowed all of the surely painful things to be done in order to clean the wound, plus endured multiple injections of antibiotics. 

 

I still feel the guilt, yet it is lessening.  Understanding that I have learned from this eases that a lot.  I doubt I will ever repeat a mistake such as this.  Thanks again for all of your kindness!

Teri

 
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July 30, 2005, 9:09 am CDT

Thank you

Quote From: marcia52

I have said a prayer for you.  You have and are doing all that you can for your beloved. And he knows it.  You feel guilty because you have 1001 things you should have done and didn't.   That is the past and you can not do anything to change it.  It wasn't done deliberately and dealing with guilt isn't going to help you with your beloved, Mackay. 

 

Give him your special attention and it means doing whatever you feel is the right thing. 

 

Know that you have learned from this sad time in your life.   You will never let it happen to Mackay again or to any of your other beloveds. 

 

I came home from a trip to find my beloved Victor (my cat) had an open sore.  He got hit by a car for the 2nd time.  I can't keep him in my home and I can't live with guilt because it's his choice to be an outside cat.  all I can do is pay the medical bill (for the 2nd time in 4 years) and pray that this time he's learned that when it comes between him and a car - he's going to lose.  The first, I felt so guilty but then I had to remember, they do not listen or behave in ways that we do.  In fact, an animal when hurt will hide it because in the wild, they would be left to die. 

 

Because you are doing your best and you are taking care of him with all that you can - know that Mackay understands.  He will survive because you give him strength and love daily. 

Marcia52,

 

Thank you for your kind words.  As I told Ritehere, you may be happy to know Mackay is doing better.  He is interested in the things around him and has even had the energy to be cranky with the baby goats...which is good in my book.

 

Ritehere had a good point, giving human attributes to an animal.  Mackay is a goat, which I have come to learn are quite spiritual beings in some ways...and they are loyal and want to please.  Mackay loves affection, and he is getting quite a lot, as well as good care, good medicine, and good food.  ( We cut fresh willow every day to help him manage pain.)  I have also discovered that I will go into places I would have never considered before because of this.  I have lost close to 10 pounds from loss of appetite cleaning this wound, yet I find I can handle this.  I have also learned that Mackay knows when something is helping him because, despite the obvious pain in puts him in, he stands still for me to clean him and give him shots.  So...even though he suffered, he and I have both learned from this a trusting of sorts.  I figure that is pretty cool. 

 

Thank you so much for your prayer and your understanding.

Teri

 
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July 30, 2005, 9:48 am CDT

Torn...

Quote From: kimbrem

 Please, whatever happens, when you read this, don't think me full of myself. I'm not. Although I do know the gift of my intelligence, I would sometimes love nothing better than to be an idiot.

I haven't read any of the books. Maybe someone could give me some good advice who has read them. I am an intelligent person. I have been labelled as "gifted" an "anomaly" "genius", etc. I have heard all my life how "lucky and different" I am. I am not sure of the idea of being different. I know that I am odd. I know that because I am mostly off the charts if I put any of me into it.

 I have a great difficulty in dealing with the social stigma associated with what I am. It isn't difficult when I am in social situations. It's not difficult not to respond when it's just a conversation. When I am in school and the purpose is learning and exploring knowledge, I stand out like a sore thumb. I am going back to school again. I love studying and learning. I love knowledge like it is water. I don't exactly fit into the classroom setting. I know I shouldn't care what others think, but I do. I am wounded when I hear groans after I announce a topic of study that may seem a bit over the heads of my fellow students. I am crushed to be the object of hostility from classmates who think I may have messed up their chance at getting an A off a curve, because I have one honestly. The honest joy that comes from learning is tempered by the fact that I don't seem to fit. I don't really wish to be a person who stands out, but melting in takes the joy out of study. I do feel that it inspires in some jealousy. I would rather be seen as a person on the same ground, just who is a little more inspired.  It is a little depressing to be outside the social circle. I have, in the past thrown my grade a bit. I never strive for a hundred percent. I really don't want a bad mark, but sometimes I just want to fit in more smoothly.

A couple of days ago, I ended up feeling very hurt and being more frank than I should have been. After one person said I was messing up the curve for the tenth time and asked the teacher how this was affecting their grades, I stood and said "Do you really think I am going to fall anywhere on your curve. My score will likely be discarded as an anomaly." Rather than making me fit in better, I am sure I just emphasized the differences between us and fostered more discord.

How can I honestly be what I am, and be part of what they are?

I'm a real person not a prodigy or savant or genius or whatever social label. I have a million hobbies. I love my dogs. I never remember where my keys are. I have to check the iron twice to make sure it's unplugged. If I lose my glasses, it's slapstick comedy (Think crawling around the house two inches from everything). I think sometimes people only see certain parts and forget I'm just like they are.

After reading your post and pondering for a bit, I found myself leaning two different ways as far as what I would suggest.  I am currently working on Self Matters, yet some of what you mention in your post takes me to some things I learned years ago in a 12 step program. 

 

I understand that you are not coming from a place of arrogance when you talk of your "gift" of intellect.  Most people I have met that are gifted in this area often have a difficult time interacting with people on a pleasant social level.  My son is gifted, and I see his tendency to isolate, thus I encourage him to be a kid, do normal teenage things and get into a little bit of trouble, as that is what builds the character that will enable him to interact with his peers. Of course, I also encourage him to use wisdom and be safe. 

 

What I have learned is not one person is "terminally unique".  We all have something in common somewhere, and it often is overlooked as we tend to focus on our differences.  If your grades are an issue to your fellow students, do something to help them pull up their grades.  If you know your area of interest is "above" their heads, bring it down a notch, or else look for peers who can identify.  Join Mensa or some other group that will put you in touch with those who can relate.  As far as grading on a curve, I have never liked it, yet there are students who depend on it.  I am a current 4.0 student myself, and I have to work for it.  It does come easy sometimes, yet I have to remain challenged, so I know I throw off any curve there is.  I ask my instructors to allow my grades to stand alone, not affect any curve they may use.  Most instructors are glad to do this, as well as ask me to tutor other students.  Use your differences to inspire others, rather than to be inspired.  Share some of the "real" things about you with others.  If you continue to see yourself on a different plane as your peers, you will be.  If you visualize you are all on equal ground, then you will begin to feel this way.  Everyone has gifts.  Yours is academic, intellectual.  Maybe celebrate someone else's gift in a social area, or athletic.  Celebrate all differences, as this is what makes it such an interesting world. 

 

I wish good things for you and peace with yourself.  I hope you will begin to feel comfortable in your own skin.  Good luck!

Teri

 

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