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Messages By: teri_id
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January 26, 2006, 7:13 am PST
 Quote From: marcia52 Teri welcome back ... I was worried about you. You and Feliss disappeared about the same time and I was worried.
I highly suggest that the therapist teach the children the cognitive behavioral tools ... what they are saying to themselves is going to affect them the rest of their lves and one day they will be like us, having to read SELF MATTERS and address the beliefs/tapes they have written when they were children. Marcia,
Between you and Linda, you both hit the nail on the head. Listening and giving my children tools is the best gift I can give right now. They are both open to the therapy, so I am eager to get them started, yet it seems I am procrastinating to make the appointment. I think it has something to do with today. I have a job interview today. It is part time, which would be perfect for school, yet I am under the impression that it may not be what I can handle. It is the director for the local Hospice. I have prayed about it, thought about it, talked with Erv about it, and we decided we will wait and see if it is offered. If it is not offered, then there is no problem or dilemma other than the usual money one!
Thank you for answering, and I will keep you posted. Right now I am facing college Algebra, and I am still standing!!! This has been a fear for a long time, and I am facing it. It feels good!!! I have managed even with the crisis of my ex-husband's health. My kids know I love them, and they hear from me twice a day plus we exchange notebooks every time we meet. We write to each other in the notebooks, so we get to see the daily dose in another light.
Thanks, hugs to all, and I am here...not always responding, but always reading! Marcia, your writing is very helpful to me, so thank you! Teri |
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January 28, 2006, 7:21 am PST
Quote From: ritehere Sometimes just being available, and letting your kids know that you are availble and willing to talk about anything they need to talk about, makes for an easier ride through the crisis. And having them see a therapist will help them to articulate their fears. As for your fears, you realize you can't win the lottery unless you buy the ticket don't you? I'm a little confused, you did go to the interview correct? Or, you decided not to and are waiting for the position to be offered? It sounds like the type of position that requires someone who is not only interested but has the desire.By waiting you are sending the message that you're not that interested or motivated. What's the worst that can happen? You find out that it's too much for you with your existing responsibilites? What if it's not? You'll never know until you try. You've come such a long way, and you are such a strong and beautiful individual, don't second-guess yourself, go with your original impulse. As for Algebra, I commiserate! My youngest son is taking college calculus this year as a senior in high school, he maintains an A- to B+ average and loves it. He didn't get it from me! Linda,
I did go to the interview for the Director's position. I let them know I was interested. I really enjoyed the interview. It was with members of the board of directors and one of the volunteers. It was comfortable, warm and I felt very good about it. I also know in this small town often people choose who they are going to hire long before they advertise the job. They have to go through the motions for some silly reason. That has been the problem with me getting a job here. I am not a native and quite often I am overqualified for positions. That is why I pray about this job. I really want it. It is a place where my compassion fits very well. I do know there were at least 5 other people who applied for the position, so we shall see. I figure if it is supposed to happen it will. There have been other jobs I have been grateful I didn't get a few months down the road.
I have made a point to set my kids up to just be heard. I have tried to listen without a judging ear. I have tried to let them vent. They have fears. One of those fears involves me talking to my parents. I guess my parents have really put me down to them. My son especially feels very bad about this. I have told him it is perfectly ok to tell people not to talk like that with him around. When I do contact my parents, it will be with the understanding I am taking care of my end of things, not trying to placate them. I will be letting them own their stuff and I will own mine. My kids are trying to understand this, and it is hard for them. I think the counseling will give them the opportunity to talk to someone unbiased about this and then be given some tools to handle what emotions come from that. I want that so much for them.
This situation has taught me a lot about making myself available. I am reaching to them even when they are not reaching back. I am letting them know I am here, loving them. I call and hug them each morning and each night. I do try to give them their space, yet let them know I am ready to catch them if they need a net.
I am doing better than I thought I would be in Algebra, yet it is really taking some intense work! I have legal research as well this term and that is really getting me! These are both heavy classes and I figure if I can get through this with a decent grade, then I can handle pretty much anything coming my way.
Linda, thanks for the words, the cheering, and the vote of confidence. I appreciate you! Teri |
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February 1, 2006, 6:50 am PST
Quote From: chickadee_ My True Authentic Self Buried deep inside me is my true authentic self. “I feel when you're not happy, you know it hurts me too?” I grabbed my self up off the couch and looked into her soul. Feeling sorry for my self I stroked her soft and smooth. She jumped upon my tired legs and put herself in place. “Hear my words and heed them dear, right 'til the very end. “The lines from laughter as a child, a Mother and a wife, “The key to life is “make your self feel good when you don't want to.” “You must learn to celebrate, your work here is not done. I told my self, “You are so wise, I really needed this talk.” “Put your hand against the glass, with mine as its reflection. I examined her much closer now, and saw my inner beauty. “Don't miss a chance to see your self when going past this mirror. “That's great advice,” I told her “and I think I'm going to take it. She jumped up in my folded arms just like a little elf. How do I look at life these days and celebrate my changes. Embrace your self my sisters, accept just who you are.
Andria Donnelly copyright june 2005 Thank you for posting this poem. It moved me as it has moved so many others. Thank you. I needed that! Teri |
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February 1, 2006, 7:04 am PST
Quote From: blue_white Hello again! MY NAME IS Kathy. This is some of "my story." I have posted on the drphil.com boards for over two years as Blue. As Blue, you know, I usually write rhymes. But in the last few months I have used MORE THAN ONE USERNAME. My thinking here WAS something like different strokes for different folks --or perhaps I was just afraid to be REAL. Its not easy being Blue here. Just FOR NOW I wanted you to know that Im struggling. It is hard for me to come here and tell you this. I am just coming to grips with a diagnosis of BIPOLAR DISORDER that I have sidestepped for many years. Very recently, I started posting on the Bipolar Disorder Message Board and found support there. I know, from personal experience, that these boards really help! I need the support I have found here as well. I am afraid of the STIGMA of MENTAL ILLNESS but feel I want to be honest with you folks before I go any further here. Admitting I am mentally ill really doesnt bother me all of a sudden! I know this has nothing to do with my character. Im proud of WHO I AM and WHAT I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED in my life generally, and specifically, on these boards. This is just another step forward, I guess. What gives me problems is taking the medication that has been prescribed! Its like Im GIVING IN! For 10 years I accepted other diagnosis's MAJOR DEPRESSION/ Borderline Personality Disorder/ Post Traumatic Stress etc. etc. LABELS the different doctors stuck on me. I took their drugs. Did the cognitive work... Ya-da-Ya-da! In the summer of 2003 I lost my medical coverage and WENT OFF MY MEDS, as we say. I was looking for an excuse anyway because medications really didnt help. But the COGNITIVE THERAPY I received worked! So then I started to work on what I could do FOR MYSELF. I read a lot about mental and emotional problems etc. AND ate up SELF HELP books and tapes. Then I found Dr. Phil at the library (Life Strategies) --Started watching the show --Got on the Weight Loss Challenge (WLC) boards. Started my own board here. Lost over 65 pounds! Started another support board here for military families. AND FOUND MY WAY HERE/ WOW! WHAT A LOOK IN THE MIRROR! / You will notice the NEW profile picture for Blue. Its only temporary for something Im doing on another board. --by the way thats one of the reasons Im explaining all this. I (sort of) FORCED this OUTING of myself because I uploaded this picture recently and I post a lot of places on these boards. Previously I didnt want folks to know much about the person behind the Blue mask. Anyway... Its really scary for me to be posting this for the WHOLE WORLD to see. But its PAST TIME for me to Get Real! I have posted a version of this on my Shared Diary, so my friends will know --But dont think its necessary on other boards because Its just wont be relevant to those discussions. This is probably all part of this SELF MATTERS process. For now, my plan is to be at peace with: 1.) MY DECISION to accept the PROFESSIONAL opinion of my doctors and my Therapist. 2.) The reality that I am STRUGGLING and need MORE help then I can get on-my-own. --So I have started taking the proper medication prescribed for Bipolar Disorder. (Lamictal --somewhat similar to lithium) I am also in individual and group therapy and will now see the Psychiatrist every month (formerly it was every 3 months.) 3.) The fact that there are other people and resources that will HELP ME LIVE this NEW chapter. I know this is one safe place. Many of you have faced your "demons here and have survived! Thanks ahead-of-time for everything! Thanks for listening and standing with me in this struggle! I appreciate your understanding! Kathy ______________________________________________________ USERNAME red_white (a.k.a.) Mikes Mom BETTER known in the drphil.com neighborhood as: USERNAME blue_white Blue Kathy,
It is good to get a glimpse of who the person is behind the persona, if you will.
There are so many here facing demons and surviving. I admire everyone here. I pray I have the strength to do what I see so many others doing...get real with myself. It can be hard, it can be frightening, yet it is not impossible.
Take care Kathy. Teri |
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February 15, 2006, 7:10 am PST
Quote From: marcia52 I just read in O mag, bottom of page 160 - They are doing studies on why some individuals do better than others when exposed to adversity. "Richard Davidson, Ph.D. - director other laboratory for affective neuroscience at the University of Wisconsin. They did brain scans on folks who took an 8-week meditation course and it showed an increaed activation in their prefrontal cortexes.
I do visuals and meditation - I'm really good at it. I used to take a long time to get relaxed before I could do it. Now, I can close my eyes anywhere, under any circumstances and go to my santuary. Isn't that cool.
Marcia,
Long time to write...and I realize I missed a post during my madness of Algebra and dealing with my kids's crisis....yet I want you to know I really am glad to see you here.
I would really like to be able to meditate and visuals better than I do. It seems the best one I have is opening my shakras and closing them. It still takes quite some time for me to wind down. I will try to meditate and I get almost an adreline rush, and this is frustrating. The study you read about is very interesting, and it indicates how people with some balance and ability to balance themselves handle the "unknown" better. Thanks for sharing that!
Teri |
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February 15, 2006, 7:20 am PST
Quote From: blgspc As you WELL know, this journey is about progress not perfection. Personally, I’m STILL blow away that in standard articles put out there for those in the healthcare that they would acknowledge something like that. I had ALWAYS assumed that benefit from ANY kind of psychotherapy was LEARNED. It never occurred to me that the use of psychotherapy could actually alter brain chemistry.
And, for you, another door opens. While you become acclimated to what “HERE” really means for you, you have the satisfaction of knowing that while you were growing emotionally, your brain and it’s neurons were making changes to prepare you for, “HERE”! I found the change in the neurons fascinating!!!!
Be Well,
Brenda :-) This is a phrase I have heard many, many times. We are all about our journeys, not our destination.
I had an interesting conversation with a 70 year old German man yesterday. He explained to me how schools in America teach children nothing useful. They teach kids the ABC's and the numbers, and then they fill their heads with a bunch of facts that do not encourage children to develop their minds. It is his belief that we need to be taught to expand our minds, to think broadly, and to learn how to learn...that is the most important one.
I can see his point, and to some degree, I agree with him. I do believe when we look at the chemistry and makeup of our brains, we find we are our best physicians. We can heal ourselves emotionally, albeit with help.
Brenda, I have missed chatting. School has be extremely intense this term and my kids are still dealing with the aftermath of their father's quadruple bypass. I wanted to reach out and let you know I am still here. (Smile) Teri |
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