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Messages By: teri_id

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July 30, 2005, 10:00 am PDT

Wow...

Quote From: kimbrem

 I have issues with guilt as well. I share a similar type of event with you.

 A little over six years ago, I left my pekingese with my father so that I could go meet my now husband. I was going through a rough time in life and, after talking with my husband for some time about computer things and each other, I felt like it was time to meet and find out if he was too good to be true. I planned on either returning or returning to get my darling pekingese to take with me as soon as possible. I spoke with my father and he said he would take good care of him. My father is a man disposed to violence after drinking, and had not too long before left a sizeable( 12" or so) cut in my arm, not to mention choking and ultimately ended up at the other end of a 9mm I had bought (which I sold shortly thereafter, because I didn't want to end up pulling the trigger). He is not a nice man when he drinks, which is often. This I knew, but failed to adequately consider when I left that sweet, defenseless puppy there.

Needless to say, I went back a few weeks later, having realized my mistake in leaving him and being filled with terror at finding him poorly disposed, I went back to get my darling. I found him with a ulcer in one eye that had eaten to the retina. We took him for treatment, but he was permanently blinded in that eye and forever left disabled and not whole.

 The worst part, I have no idea what he endured while there. I can only imagine, and it makes me so full of sadness for his suffering because of my very poor judgement. I can never forgive my father for his injuries. He was defenseless. I am still riddled with guilt for my own part in his suffering.

The best part... my little darling, my husband and I are a very happy family. My husband helps me spoil him by giving him more attention than I possibly could have alone. The spoiled character gets the best of healthcare, the best of food, massages at least every other day, tummy rubs several times a day, playing always and laps snuggles whenever we sit. We carry him outside, down the stairs four to six times a day to potty, since he can't on his own. He has a full life and the vet is amazed at his health. He is still as healthy and happy as a puppy. I am forced to admit my husbands insight is correct. It happened, it's terrible it ever did. My little darling is still the happiest, spoiled, healthy and sweet doggy to ever walk the face of the earth. He's alright, so should I be.

He is now thirteen years old, and has recently lost the sight in his other eye. I assuage my own guilt by making sure that he is well taken care of. He is spoiled and I am happy that way. He has forgiven me, he never held it against me. Animals are great that way. He has never associated me with that pain. He associates me with salvation from it. We should take our cues from them. You didn't hurt him, the stick did. We do the best we can. They love us for it. Just treat him with the best you can and make him happy.


I want to thank you for sharing your story with me.  That must have been hard, realizing you left a loved one in danger.  I am glad you can spoil your doggie and love him the way you do! 

 

I gather from reading all of your posts that you have had many struggles in life.  Amazing how abuse can become the great equalizer, isn't it? 

 

You have much to offer people, and maybe by letting others see you as human, with the deep feelings you have, will help.  I can relate with not wanting to be a part of a society where hostility is ok and acceptable.  I know the best I can do is not be, and try to love everyone around me and be kind, be loving and be forgiving.  This is not always easy, yet it has been worth it! 

Thanks again for your kindness!

Teri

 
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July 30, 2005, 10:54 am PDT

It's cool...lol

Quote From: ritehere

 I guess I read your original post too quickly, I thought you had said Mackay passed away. So glad to hear he's still around! I'm glad I was able to help you. I lived on 2 different farms growing up, and have experience with animals. We do ourselves and them no favors by trying to project "human-isms" on them. Although sometimes pets can learn to communicate with us, their nature will usually come to the fore in a crisis. Knowing and understanding this helps us to be better caregivers.

Ritehere,

 

I understand how you may have read and thought Mackay had died.  I just got back from doing the morning cleaning and doctoring.  He is definitely doing better, and we got a lot of junk out of the wound.  It is a hole big enough for my thumb to go in, and there was a piece of the stick in it.  A lot came out this morning of the stick, which gave him obvious relief! 

 

I will try much harder to look at a goat communication point of view, and I do know now to do thorough exams after hikes.  Even under the goat, as this particular wound is in between his front legs on the chest....pretty hard to find unless you are looking there. 

 

Thanks again!

Teri

 
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July 31, 2005, 8:17 am PDT

Ahhh

Quote From: blgspc

I am often inspired by your posts. Thank you for the beautifully sensitive way you responded to this particular issue. I adore the ways in which you express your uniqueness.

 

It has been my experience of you, via this board, that you actually and actively are an astute observer, appreciating, whatever special 'gifts' others bring to this mix called humanity!!!!!

 

 

 

Thanks, Again!

 

 

Brenda

 

 

Brenda,

 

How does one thank you for a "thank you"?  It is true, I am learning to appreciate what makes people different from me, and to celebrate it. 

 

I was at a street dance last Saturday (not yesterday) in Hamilton, Montana.  It was a Blues festival where they have about 4-5 live bands come and play and it lasts from 4 in the afternoon to midnight.  You take a chair and water and kick back as long as you can until this amazing phenomenon happens....

 

People from all walks of life, all ages and all mental states start to dance.  Some are great dancers, some are WILD, and some are just grooving to the wonderful music.  Here, on a street, in a little town on the western edge of wilderness, people danced, and danced their hearts out!  I watched two teenage kids do the Lindy and do it well!  I saw two people who obviously had mental illness do some kind of dance I can't even begin to describe.  I saw people in their 80's dancing as well as small children dancing with their parents.  Families danced together and people danced alone.  We were all different, yet here, we were the same.  We were all moved by this blues...so we danced.

 

When I first picked up Self Matters and I did the exercise where I circled words, I realized there are many things I want to be, many words I wanted to describe me, yet I knew I had to be open to becoming those things.  I want to be observant, I want to be an active participant in this thing we call Life.  I want to look around and be able appreciate everyone for being a part of this world I call home. 

 

So Brenda, Thank You, for seeing this and recognizing my efforts.  It means I am growing as a person, so I truly appreciate your observation and smile warmly at you with gratitude.

Teri

 
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August 1, 2005, 7:00 am PDT

Feelings

Quote From: molbio

Hi!! again

Thank you for your input. Sometimes you just need some one else to tell you what you maybe already know deep insight.  And you are right, I have to embrace my emotions, stop looking at them as a weakness and try to be in the present, just try to be in the moment. It’s just hard.

As far back as I can remember I always had to ignore my own emotions and always had to keep track and be on the look out with everyone else’s feelings. I had the feeling that if I didn’t the people that I loved would stop loving me and then they wouldn’t have anything to do with me or if I messed up that would be the finale blow that would push them over the edge.

So you are right I have to remember that everything is new and that it’s a journey. I have to allow my self to feel the way I do. That’s the difference between then and now.

 

 

Kristina

 

 

 

Kristina,

 

Accepting you are a living thinking feeling being and have a right to have emotions just as anyone else does can be a real big challenge sometimes.  I know I struggle with putting my feelings on the back burner so that those I love can have what they want.  It is interesting, as the relationship I am in now is the first one where I am practicing expressing how I feel.  As they say, practice makes perfect, yet I am far from perfect in this arena.  I have done the similar thing as you, assuming my feelings would make me unlovable.  Fortunately I am learning differently.  I learn when I express myself, taking responsibility for my own feelings, people respect me more.  I try to make sure I don't give an impression that someone has "made" me feel something, as that is just not possible.  People's actions can influence my reactions, but ultimately the choice is mine. 

 

I salute you on your journey of self discovery and self acceptance, as that is truly what this is about.  Good luck!

Teri

 
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August 1, 2005, 7:18 am PDT

Oh, how we deflect....

Quote From: blgspc

It doesn’t seem real to me yet, but I am ‘Officially’ retired.

I had a very interesting week. People said things that genuinely surprised me, some were even shocking!

I was taken aback by the shear number of people who made a point of stopping by to say, ‘Good-Bye’.

So many people made comments about how “different things (were) going be, now…” (I though they would miss me just because I came to work regularly.) However, folks made statements about the “standard” I set, pointing out that regardless of how “crazy” things got that THEY felt I had consistently REFUSED to compromise fundamental principals! Others, described ME as their ‘LEADER’ and “Captain of the Ship”! I didn’t even know that they even knew or cared about my stance on anything!

There were hugs, endearing gestures. I couldn’t believe it.! (Many had fussed and fumed over every single decision I reached!)

Others were there laughing and re-counting stories about everything from my response to the ‘System’, to the eulogy I once wrote for a very ornate spider, I killed. (Well, someone had to do it! He had no family, locally!)

I almost got a swelled head! Then it occurred to me, ‘Hey, Girl! This is just a send-off. If you hadn’t been here to do this job someone else would have. Maybe even better than you did! Don’t loses your head! You just did a job, period.’

Now, it’s on to the next step…

 

Brenda J

Brenda,

 

I am giggling somewhat with your description of ego stroking.  You know, sometimes it is OK to have a bit of a swelled head, to enjoy people telling you they appreciated your presence in their life. 

 

Sometimes we tend to belittle the impact we have on other's lives.  I was told once that this is quite arrogant, to assume we can interact and not impact.  I don't know if I will go so far as to say arrogant, yet I do believe it is naive. 

 

I am sure you brought something good to each person at your work.  Aggravation can be a good thing, as it teaches us patience, their memory of you being solid when it comes to ethics, wow!  What a legacy to leave behind!!!  It is too bad they waited for you to leave to tell you, yes? 

 

It is on to the next step, and never having retired before, I have no clue what it is other than DON'T STOP!  Keep doing things that make you happy and help you grow as a person.  I believe giving of yourself is something you would really appreciate.  Who knows how many lives you can touch now that you are not wrapped up in the corporate world....

 

Teri

 

P.S.  Maybe taking the time to develop a personal mission statement would be a good thing to do...here are some websites that may help if you want to check them out.  http://www.franklincovey.com/missionbuilder/  http://www.nightingale.com/tMission_PersonalStatement.asp?source=INTROHR

 

 

 
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August 1, 2005, 7:25 am PDT

A touch of the poet

Quote From: ritehere

 I could never fill in with the finesse LS has, but I thought I would share some lyrics from a song by my favorite band- Runrig. It's for all of us touching our authentic selves, and those of us making the attempt.
 
Maymorning

I'm alive again on a  maymorning
Gonna wipe the slate clean
Follow my dreams
All the yearning buds are here again
With the promise of a new life to come
Spring is here again

The sun is melting over the hills
All our roads are waiting
To be revealed
For this day in history has brought us to here
Now it's all there for the taking
The day is what you see

The light's returning, the work is in hand
All the cynics have vanished
From where we stand
All the chances wasted are drawing me near
And all around there's new life rising
From the winter fields

I'm alive again
I'm alive again!

Ritehere,

 

Thank you for stepping in and sharing this wonderful poem with us!  This is the feeling I have when I wake up, filled with excitement, knowing today is the first day of me living life authentically.  I don't have to allow other's past experiences and interpretations to color my own.  I got elated reading this poem!  Thanks, cuz I need that! 

 

Only two more days until we leave, and I am getting very excited!  We will be gone about 3 weeks, and I will miss this board, yet I shall return when I get back.  I will be carrying your wisdoms with me as I go!  I want you to know I appreciate you.

 

Teri

 
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August 2, 2005, 6:53 am PDT

YEAH!!!!

Quote From: ritehere

Here's a picture I snapped from the highway, this is the big climb hubby and I are taking this weekend. Yes, I finally set the date, sometimes you just have to let go and have a little faith. Each is over 14,000ft high, the trailhead starts just under 10,000ft. The entire hike, round trip going to both summits is about 8 miles, so it's not as far as I first thought. Longstory, sorry I didn't wait, but I felt the time was "right", if you can understand that. There's enough time to plan other hikes this year too, so maybe we can do another later. Thanks for all the support and tips everybody has given me to make it this far, I couldn't have done it without you, and you will all be with me in spirit as I climb.

Ritehere,

 

Now THAT is what we are talking about!!!  What an adventure!  You will be in my thoughts and prayers this weekend, and my biggest prayer is that your lungs will expand and give you enough oxygen to see the peak.  If you are camping on the mountain overnight, I wish you the most wonderful moon, many stars, and lots of harmless wildlife.  If you hit snow, take a plastic garbage bag with you so you can sled a little, or if you have those soft foldable camp chairs, they make excellent sleds too!  I am grinning from ear to ear for you!

Teri

 
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August 2, 2005, 7:33 am PDT

Ruminate

Quote From: blgspc

The SURPRISE retirement party left me very nearly speechless. I really had NO idea that all of these folks saw me as having 'Power' of some sort. I really was reluctant to accept the things they were saying. I suppose it is a bit naive to believe that you can't have an impact. I really didn't know what to say except, "Wow." The gifts, the expressions of THEIR belief that my absence would make a difference. Wow.

 

The laughter and re-counting of all of the funnies over the years I could accept-because my humor isn't just left field but deep roving left!

It's a time to reflect as I contemplate my next step. I appreciate your insights and feedback during this time of transition. It means a lot!

 

Thanks, Again!

 

Brenda :-)

Brenda,

 

Enjoy your time of reflection.  A roving left field sense of humor must be a good thing, as you learn to laugh, and laughter is good.

 

I shall miss reading you on the board.  My boyfriend/mate and I are heading North for a bit of a vacation.  We are hopefully going to end up at Vancouver Island for some serious sea kayaking.  If we don't go there, as he is shy of crowds and quite nervous about this journey, we will be going to Kootenay lake, just north of Idaho in British Columbia.  Either way, we shall have close to 3 weeks of fun and adventure, which we love when we are together. 

 

Take care and I will "see" you when I get back. 

Teri

 
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August 2, 2005, 9:02 pm PDT

A peaceful moment

I am sitting with a cup of tea, relaxing before bed.  We have packed and we have packed...then I had a two hour session of acupuncture, which left me rather emotionally exhausted.  It was good, I needed it.  We then spent some time with my boyfriend/mate's daughter and came home to pack some more. 

 

In the morning we shall be dragging out and I am so glad to have an opportunity to spend the time with my "sweetheart" that I am getting.  We adventure well together. 

 

I wanted to say I will miss you all and will look forward seeing you again soon.  Take care everyone and be good to yourselves. 

 

Teri

 
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August 9, 2005, 5:41 pm PDT

How Wonderful!!!

Quote From: ritehere

Hey gang! I made it! This is me recuperating at the top before the descent. Only made one one summit, this time. The altitude was difficult for me. On Mount Everest there is the "Kill Zone", for me it was the "Sick Zone." I really wanted a victory dance picture, but this will have to do.

The day was glorious! The universe smiled on me, it was the perfect weather, no thunderstorms came up to force a hasty retreat down the mountainside. I'm looking over Ruby Gulch here.

Ritehere, 

  

I am smiling big for you right now!!!  I am still on vacation, but we happened across a wireless connection so I thought I would send some affections and excitements of my own.  I finally got to surf on the ocean!  What a rush.  We have little sit on top kayaks that we surfed with and it was great fun!   

  

I am proud of your accomplishment here!  What a wonderful view.  No wonder they call it Ruby Gulch.   

  

More later! 

Teri 

 

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