Messages By: teri_id

Marcia52, 

I really appreciate your post this.  I made some connections in my mind with what you were talking about.  When I am riding a mountain bike down a trail, I have to look where I WANT to go, not where I don't want to. If I concentrate my energy where I want to go, then I don't find myself following the path I didn't want to be following.   

I guess it has to do with positive thinking.  As long as I am looking ahead, towards the future I want, I know I will get there.   

Thanks for sharing these wonderful books you are reading.  I appreciate what I am learning from your posts.   

Teri 

Longstory, 

This picture looks amazingly similar to the Crags area southwest of here...Near the Frank Church wilderness...yet I understand you are in Colorado.  How interesting.   

Beautiful photo, and easy to understand just how free and good it feels to stand and view.   

There is nothing like being on a ridge, on "top of the world", and seeing the amazing scene as it lays out before me.  Thank you for sharing this photo. 

Teri 

When it all clicks,  when I feel as if I have found my calling, then I feel at home.  When I am doing what I believe I was intended to do, then I feel good, at peace and effective.  What a goal to work toward.  Thank you. 

Teri 

And we get to decipher what that is.  I am learning that wisdoms come in many ages.   

As I read your posts, I find a reference to a map.  A life map is such a wonderful tool!  My boyfriend/mate and I were discussing goals, and how they are much like maps.  We see where we are, put the proverbial "X", and then we mark where we want to be.  How we get there, however, is just a detail that works out as we go along.  Often there are many ways to reach the same destination.  Freeway is usually the most direct, yet often not very picturesque.  Sometimes we can find side roads that take us through the interesting places, yet are smooth.  Then we can take the back roads, which can be rough, hard to navigate through, yet almost always with a spectacular view.  Each way of reach the goal is right, yet maybe not each way is right for each individual.   

I triage my goals and decide my routes based upon the urgency I place upon them.  I have only one goal right now that I feel requires the "freeway", the rest are back-road types of goals.  I want to know my path intimately, and I want to fill it with interesting people, and I want to hear the music as I go along. 

Teri 

Brenda, 

In a situation such as this, you have a few choices on how to react, interact and act.  I suppose the first choice, and usually the least confrontational, is humor.  You could always interrupt your own conversation with a demonic possessed voice saying "GET BACK!!! SHE'S MINE!!!"  I also found that picking pretend bugs off of my clothing would cause people to pause and increase the personal space between us.   

Humor is all and good, yet if you want to be taken seriously, or if you feel threatened by the behavior this guy put out there, then directness .  What would be wrong with saying, "I need you to finish building my home.  I have no interest in any relationship with you other than professional."  If it goes further, is he really the guy you need to finish your house?  I don't know the particulars here, yet often there are others who are willing to be professional.   

Now, to address your comment of " I'm NOT an attractive person."  Obviously you are, or men would not come on to you.  You may not believe you are, yet what you see as not attractive may be to someone else.  I am a redhead.  Most men do not find redheads attractive.  That does not mean I am not, though.  Of course, it doesn't mean I am either....hmmm.  Anyway, my point is this, whether or not you believe yourself to be attractive does not mean that you are not attractive to someone.   

Did you ever consider that there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, as the men are coming on to YOU???  You are not encouraging it.  Some people have no desire to keep their commitments, or their agreements.  This is not under your control.   

In the world of 12 step programs, there is a saying.  There are three things we have no control over....People, places and things.  You only have control over yourself.  If you are not coming off as flirtatious, and you are not encouraging this kind of behavior, then realize it "isn't your deal", so to speak.  Not much you can do about it other than let them know it is not OK to bring their deal your way.   

I don't know if this helps, yet it seems you are taking responsibility for something you have no control over, which is just not necessary, you know?  (smile)  Accept the ego stroke of someone flirting with you and then hone those A** kicking skills and understand you are a better person for it.   

Good luck, 

Teri 

We put out more effort than we realize creating our own situations.  How amazing it would be if we consciously directed that effort towards creating the ideal situation for ourselves?   

Teri 

I have been struggling with an anger issue since Saturday night, and I am not sure where to go with it.   

I spent Saturday with my kids, who live 3 hours away.  I drive there in the morning and then after spending the day with them, I drive home.  I get home around 8:30-9:00 p.m.  Well, this last Saturday when I came home, my boyfriend/mate said I smelled as if I had been drinking.  This is the second time he has said that when I have come home.   

I suppose this would not bother me so much if I actually HAD been drinking, yet I had not.  The first time I just shrugged it off as strange and didn't give it much thought.  This time, however, it seemed to strike a nerve that really irritated me.   

He was not rude, and he was just telling me what he thought he smelled, yet for some reason I am angry.  Maybe because I saw distrust in his eyes.  I don't know.  I know that I have felt myself distancing from him, which is probably the last thing I need to be doing.  I have tried to talk about it, yet I feel like crying when I even try to bring it up.  The thing is, I don't believe I am angry at him, but I am angry, and hurt.  This boggles me, as things such as this don't usually effect me this way.   

He has been distancing himself also.  I am trying to just observe our behavior and see how we bring some resolution to this issue, and I know we are both harboring feelings that we are not talking about, yet maybe that is because we don't have to.  I don't know.  I know that look of distrust really hurt me, and I can't imagine his feeling distrust didn't hurt him.  Wow.  Relationships are not my strong suit.   

I know I am rambling, yet I need some feedback, even it is to just put things in perspective.  I see this situation as representative or symbolic of deficit in my relationship, and I need to know how to replenish my part.  Being authentic would mean I would just plainly say "I am angry and I don't really know why" to him and working it out.  I guess I don't like the idea of people being upset with me...lol...does that sound familiar to anyone?   

Any feedback would be appreciated.  Thanks everyone. 

Teri 

Lyne, Ritehere, Brenda, Grub48 and Kimbrem, 

I want to thank you all for your feedback.  You are all correct, honesty in a relationship is vital, and Grub48, I appreciate the way you described the 4 sides of honesty in a relationship.   

I listened pretty hard to my "gut", and I had an epiphany as to why I was feeling this anger.   

When my ex-husband and I divorced, he was very angry and possessive.  When he realized I was not going to stay, he started to sabotage my relationships with my family by telling them I was doing drugs.  Now, I don't do drugs and had no intention at the time.  Because of the nature of divorce, I lost some weight during that time.  He used this as a reinforcer for his claim.   

This hurt me deeply, as even my own parents believed what he was saying.  I guess I have not recovered from this at all, as even writing about it now brings me to tears.   

When I saw the distrust in my boyfriend/mate's eyes, it hurt just like it did with my parents.  I know I wasn't drinking, so I am not hung up on that so much as the distrust.   

Once I realized where the feelings were coming from, I was able to open up and talk about them to him.  He understood, and we recognized the distancing and we stopped.  We made special efforts to be closer and spent much of the day just appreciating each other.   

As far as the smell, well, I had 2 take and bake pizza's in the back seat that had been rising the whole drive, and had been drinking lemonade, so we think the yeast smell mixed with the lemonade caused a "boozy" odor.   

I want to thank everyone for their feedback again, as I don't think I would have handled this near as well without it.  Thanks again! 

Teri 

Ritehere, 

Our inner voices tell us when it is time to move on, to branch out and push forward.  I do hope you pop in here, as often as you can, as your input and wisdoms have really enriched my way of looking at things.  It is good to practice what we learn while living.  Getting a job is one way to REALLY practice things, as we often get thrown into a mix of personalities that can truly test us...lol.   

Thank you for being here and being who you are.  I also really appreciate your love of hiking.  I hope to continue to send things to you when we do a great hike, and maybe someday we can meet in a new place and do a good haul.   

Teri 

This is interesting, as it applies to all sorts of choices made in life.   

My boyfriend/mate and I were having a discussion yesterday regarding the property and our future plans for it.  We have discussed turning it into a micro-business and marketing our own brand of salsa.  (We had a fish taco stand a few years ago and the salsa was a GREAT hit.)  We realized that in order to protect crops from the deer, we would have to get a dog.   

Now, I love animals.  I grew up with dogs and cats, I have a deep appreciation for birds, and goats are just wonderful...but I don't want a dog.  I don't want to get attached, and have all of the stuff that goes along with having a dog.   

Pros and cons....deciding if I will "hide" in my "bunker" of fear of loving another pet just to lose it, or will the loving of the pet and the experience of having it be something so worthwhile that I won't want to say no.   When we got our kitty, I was the same way, but the mice were such a problem that we felt we didn't have a choice...as poison is just not our way.  So, now we have an absolutely spoiled sweet little kitty who is temper mental, and plain mental, but knows her people love her and she takes good care of us.  I can't imagine life around here without her...would it be the same with a dog? 

I know this is not near as deep as the quote Longstory has provided, yet I am trying to learn to draw parallels, so my understanding of concepts spread.  I want to be able to apply what I learn across the board, so to speak.   

Teri