Messages By: ghstwheel

 I have done both with my daughter. Both of my children like school for the social aspect, but my daughter came home one year and said "I can't hear myself think in that class." She was right, and the school would not transfer her to another classroom without moving a currently happy child out of that classroom into the noisy one.  So I took my child and went home.  She had a great year, learned more about math and science than was taught at school, learned to read for enjoyment instead of to fill out a list the teacher could check off, learned cursive, when her Public School  counterparts did not, did a report on the Twelve Labors of Hercules on her own initiative, mummified apples, researched ancient egypt and the pyramids, etc. We baked (fractions), programmed robots, found different ways to carbonate soda, biked, hiked, and she went back to school the next year (her choice)  in far better academic shape than many of her peers.  She has had two years of great teachers since.  It just depends on what you are getting. 

Both of my children had miserable Kindergarten and first grade experiences for different reasons than most of the posters here-the teachers wanted too much.  The used a first grade curriculum in K and a second grade one in first.  No surprise than in this affluent area, 25% of every class we have been in have children that were held back a year by their parents so they'd be learning the proper level for their age, and not be behind. 

My son is dysgraphic, the school had no idea what to do until I told them.  The kid tests at 4th grade level comprehension and no teacher can get that, because he cannot write.  The district won't help, because they don't understand what dysgraphia is (call him ADHD, then they can help you-Don't think so!) We fought, and finally won, and we did it BECAUSE he likes public school.  When he doesn't (for good cause), I'll homeschool him.

Bottom line, if your child is getting a good education, and you like the school and your child likes the school, you're good to go.  If it's not working, try something else, home school, unschool, whatever works for EVERYONE in your family.  Don't rule out homeschool, unschool until you try, same with public school if your child wants it.  It's not about a rigid position, it's about what is best for your children.  Not every teacher is good for every child, including their own mother and/or father.

Depends on how you live, though, don't you think?  Baking is a fractions lesson, sale shopping is a percentage lesson, eating in a restaurant is a manners, patience, articulation, grammar and language lesson (ordering what you want, returning it when it is incorrect),  traveling is a geography and social studies lesson.  You CAN learn it all through unschooling, especially if the learning is pointed out in a way that shows the child they have accomplished a new level of knowledge ("Excellent calculation on the price of the dress.  Can you afford it with the tax, or not?") All things are possible, it depends on the execution.

But now I'm pretty sure I must not.  She is ten, and gift giving times are frustrating because she rarely has anything she wants that she does not have, but she is not a designer label kid (more like a sparkly sweatshirt kind of kid).  When she asked if we could have a bigger house and I said we couldn't afford the taxes if we bought a bigger house now, she said she'd save her money to help pay for a second level on the house we have now.  She has now saved $300.00 towards her goal. :~)

 

I was thinking that because she always had everything she wanted (in her opinion) she must be spoiled, but maybe she just understands that you don't need everything to be happy.  How'd I manage that without trying?  Can we bottle it?

 I read a lot of complaining about how terrible the mother is acting (I agree she needs help learning how to deal with this), but are there any suggestions for how a parent can help their child?  I feel so bad for my own daughter, who also loses out on life because it can take her up to 4 hours to complete an assignment.  The poor kid sits and stares at the computer screen for 45 minutes, because she cannot think of a topic to write on (this is a GATE seminar kid, mind you)  Hand her Math or Science and watch her go (talk about saving her self esteem, we really play up her math abilities)

The first years of elementary schoold were hideous for her.  Fortunately, in 4th and 5th grade, she has had wonderful teachers who work with us to get the most of her time, but some teachers just hand out a stack of worksheets (pet peeve of mine) and expect everyone to get them done.  Period.  Or you fail the homework for the day, even if you did part of it.

A) Parents need to talk to the teachers and principal of the school when your child cannot complete homework.  Children are only supposed to work on homework for 10 minutes for every grade level (still way too much by high school-anyone wonder why we have fat children?) and if your child is taking longer, you have to document that they worked X time on this assignement, and turn it in incomplete. 

B) I have never found a use for homework.  I had very little growing up, and do just fine (graduate with honors, College degree, good jobs, etc)  Perhaps parents should stand up and demand less homwork from the schools.  I'd rather be searchin Nasa.gov with my child checking out the Mars Rover pictures, that having the poor kids filling out yet another worksheet.

That's my 2 cents.

Maybe it is just me, but here we have an HONEST man who returns money when he obviously needs it, and a blunt woman (who could have been kinder about notifying the girl about her appearance, there is such a thing as tact) and the Dr. Phil show thinks the man who has to borrow money for groceries needs only $100.00 for groceries, but the  woman needs $1000.00 for clothes?  I'm not understanding that at all.

Someone get some help for the parent as well as the child.  I have two great kids, one with dyslexia and dysgraphia (that his first grade teacher almost destroyed), and one with a dyslexia combo that the neuropsychologist is having a heck of time figuring out (reads great, but grinds to a halt when she has to spell-in other words, EVERY time she writes). It seems to be inherited from my husband's side, so I had no idea what to do to help them.  But I learned quickly.  My children were NOT giving up their childhood for homework so a teacher could put a check on a box for their report card.  My kids do ten minutes of homework per grade.  I pick the items on the homework assignments, they prove to me they understand the concepts by getting the answers to those problems correct, and that is it.  Essays are slightly more difficult, but not impossible.  Just put it in writing to the principal and teacher that your child is going to do the required TIME of homework, and no more.  They are to be graded on the content of what they have done in that alotted time. If it is 100 percent right, they get full credit.

What I'm not seeing people understand is that no child should ever have to give up their childhood to do homework.  Angela needs help to understand that she needs to advocate for her son to work for only an acceptable amount of time.  If you've never had to deal with a child who CAN'T (and I mean really can NOT) move any faster than a snail's pace, especially when you are a type A, 100-mile-per-hour kind of person, it's a complete shocker to watch your child's brain freeze up and watch them drift off to somewhere else. You talk to them, and they are still not present.  You yell to try to get their attention, and they focus back in (for a few minutes).  You keep yelling because that was all that works. (but it doesn't really)  You have to find a way that works for your child, and most people can't do that on their own.

Whatever happened in the past, happened in the past.  Teach the poor woman how to move forward without making her child work for 6 hours. It doesn't matter if you allow your children to work on their own, or don't yell.  They still should not work for longer than a specified time on homework. 

 Seriously, this person who is not eating very much still consumes more calories than the average person. Even assuming she is really only drinking 3 liters of soda (it is more likely 4 to 5, because it is hard to keep track of when you drink partial bottles)
3 liters of soda 1250 calories
French Vanilla Coffee 255 calories for single serving (and who really drinks 8 oz?)
1 bagel 360 calories (more if a big bagel)
Cheese whiz 10-1000 calories, depending on how much you put on. Most people's one ounce is more like 3 ounces. (assume 300 calories)
OR cheese 10-1000 calories, depending on how much you put on.
Steak  230-460 calories (most people consume even more than the high amount here)
Corn 1 cup 132 calories  PLUS it probably was cooked with margarine or butter add 100-200 calories more.
3 " Baked Potato 278 calories Plus if it has margarine, butter or sour cream another 200 calories
That's around 3400 calories already. If you use more butter, or have more coffee or eat more corn, it adds up quickly.

That being said, I know many skinny, sedentary people who eat that many calories per day.  It's not always how much you eat, it is often what you eat, and sometimes what combination of things you eat.  That high fructose corn syrup in the soda is a killer (give me sugar any day) and I don't think a body even knows what to do with all the gunk in processed cheese foods or margarine (give me butter any day).  Some bodies funtion better with more protein  and some function better with more carbs.  We don't all fit in one box.  To say someone eats too much is incorrect.  Sometimes, they just eat the wrong things for their body.

The pity party is another story.

JMO

Information for those who do not know how to deal with a child that does not fit into the standard mental "box":
Make sure it really IS the child who has the problem, not you.
Don't put them in a box.  Of ANY kind.
Put dead bolts with keys on your outer doors, not the kid's door.  And an alarm with a speaker next to your ear.
Child proof your house, if you need to.
Ask another person what they would do given X situation ("my child pee's all over his bedroom, and I don't know how to help him")  Ask ANYONE!  Someone will steer you in the right direction.
Put a fence with a childlock (with a special way to open it) around your yard.  Even if they get out of the house, they can't get to the river.  And with the alarm you have next to your ear, you can stop them before they climb over the fence.
Find something they do well, and encourage them to do it.  Do it with them.
Take your child places.
Hug them a lot.
Show them how to do things.  Let them experiment under supervision.
If you cannot be there all the time, find someone who can.  Don't just lock them up and leave them alone.
Eat meals together.
If they make a mess, have them help clean it up.
There are many ways to do things.  It doesn't have to be "your" way, as long as it gets done.
Be fair and consistent.

There are dozens of way to keep a child safe without locking them up.  This is just an informational post for some people who don't seem to know what to do with a child who is not the norm. 

 Remember, she was only 24 at the time, not much older than these "boys" people think to seem are so young.  The note thing was dumb, but not bizarre for the age.

My opinion is that yesterday's phone accuser was lying, and could not back down because his family "would be humiliated", and he doesn't have the backbone to stand the kind of guilt his family would pass down. Today's accuser was taking something that might have been marginally inappropriate (banter, comments, mannerisms) and made it into something it wasn't, and now cannot back down without losing all credibility.  The teacher may have done something marginally inappropriate (banter, comments, mannerisms), and second guessing what she had done (as to whether it could have been taken wrong or not) felt/feels guilty for being so naive. I've SEEN this in action with inexperienced teachers-she could only have been teaching for a few years.  You don't magically do everything exactly perfectly just because you get a teaching credential.  Her attitude of "just the facts" is all she has left to work with. How do you defend something if it DIDN'T happen?

 I didn't hear anyone putting down a race of people.  I heard a man using a word he may have grown up with, and knowing it was considered a derogatory word, was explaining to his son why there would be a problem with him using the word to describe his son's girlfriend.  He even said it in a way that indicated he knew it was a bad word to say, but that they just used the word, and that would be a problem.  He knows it is an incorrect word, but you cannot just change your lifetime speech patterns overnight.

I had friends who used the N word (and some others-all of which I was unfamiliar with).  They were not racist, but their parents were.  They had NO IDEA that the N word was derogatory, nor did I until my parents explained it was not appropriate.  At that point, someone may have thought I was racist, because I did not know better (I was 11 years old).  Not all of us grew up with parents who explained every single thing that anyone possibly could consider an insult depending on what state you are in and who you are talking to and what color you are.  Come on!  Why would you cover all that if you aren't racist?

Words only have as much power as you are willing to give them. You don't change the prejudice by changing the vocabulary, and if you hear the vocabulary, at least you know what you are dealing with, instead of a secret racist.  There's power in knowledge, and that includes knowing who those who don't like you are.