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Messages By: cat172

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July 27, 2005, 8:21 am CDT

This age difference thing..

bsmith77 wrote: "Rememeber, women on average mature 7 YEARS than their male counterparts."

 

I'm not too convinced by this! The boyfriends I've got on best with in the past have been a year younger than me, and recently a male friend who is only 5 years older than me said that I was "much younger than him"!

 

I have never had a boyfriend my own age, only younger or much older guys seem to be interested in dating me. Something about my youthful apptroach to life seems to put them off, as they're all busy trying to make it in their careers in their mid-thirties, and I just want to enjoy life without being a slave to the wage :-) Not that I'm flaky, I'm responsible enough to have always had a job and payed my own way, it's just not the top priority of my existence to make it big in business..

 

Maybe this is off-putting to guys but I don't really understand why.

 

cat172

 

 

 
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naughty
August 9, 2005, 6:25 am CDT

People like us

Quote From: rsthoughts

When you say, "people like us"?  Do you mean in your age group or is there something I missed?

I think a good policy is to never "generalize" all men or all women into a category.  Yes, there are men who are trying to find a fantasy woman that doesn't exist and therefore never are happy in any relationship and are always looking for something "better".  At the same time, there are men out there who are looking for someone to love, care about and spend the rest of their life sharing everything with each other.

I know it's easy to give up and think you won't find anyone.  Having a positive outlook when you've faced disappointment is hard but it really does help.  Don't give up.

LOL! I think she means anybody who isn't a 25 year old, blonde, busty model! Sometimes guys can be pretty insensitive when they start going on about their fantasies in front of the rest of us who don't quite measure up. To them it's just part of being a guy - that's the kind of woman they are "supposed to" go for, and it's something to talk about with their buddies. These days their buddies are as likely to be female as male, and I think they sometimes forget that. 

  

I also think that as women we should develop our own style, which shows our natural attributes off in their best light, rather than try to compete with a fantasy. In the long run it's better for our self esteem :) 

  

Cat127 

 
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confused
September 13, 2005, 6:54 am CDT

Translation from Man talk required!

Wondering if anybody can help - I recently met a guy at a week-long seminar, who told me he had a girlfriend. Ok, let's be friends, I thought - we get on great and you can never have too many friends! Then on the last night we both got drunk and one thing led to another...  

   

Since then he's come to see me every weekend, and calls me often.  

   

So why did he tell me he had a girlfriend when he didn't???  

   

Translation somebody?  

   

Confused Cat172  

 
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confused
November 21, 2005, 7:14 am CST

How long does it take

for a guy to decide if he's really into you? Do you give him a week, a month, six months, a year? I'm really confused about this! 

  

I know how to spot the signs that he's not into you, but I don't know how long it takes a guy to decide he is, and if it's unfair to drop him before he's made up his mind.. 

  

Cat172 

 
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November 23, 2005, 6:43 am CST

Re: How long does it take

Quote From: lindalunov

Hi cat172 

  

I think it depends upon the guy as to how long he'll demonstrate that he's "into you."  Also, does he have good  communication skills, sharing about himself in other areas? I read that you can spot the signs he's not into you, so if there's no glaring red flags about him, I'd give him time.  How long have you been dating him?   

  

 I'm in the same position.  My guy is a great guy but he has not given virtually any positive feedback about his involvement with me or me.   He does demonstrate behaviors that he's interested in me and we spend ample time together.  (We are exclusively dating and sleeping toether)  W've been dating since end Aug 05.  Also, it's my birthday tomorrow; he's out of town on vacation.   He did not mention my birthday before he left.  A few weeks ago he addressed my birthday and asked me what gift I want.   I'm worried he may completely ignore my birthday.  If that happens what do you think I should do?  I've been considering ending relationship with him based upon some things he said in our conversation (like he doesn't know what love nor romance is; he was married 18 years) 

  

Let me know your opinion and how it goes with your guy.  Cheers. Linda 

Hi Linda, 

  

I've been seeing my b/f for the same length of time you've been with yours - freaky! HAPPY BIRTHDAY btw!!! I won't ignore it even if he does ;-) I really hope he did remember after all. If he didn't it's ok to ask him why - and if you get the "too busy" excuse that's kind of a big red flag.. please let me know what happened if you want to. 

  

My guy is out of town a lot weekdays - he's a travelling salesman. That I don't mind if he remembers to call me or text me - I told him it upsets me if he doesn't and he did take that to heart. His main fault is not making plans with me in advance. 2 weeks ago he called as he was passing by on his way back from work, wondering if he could drop in. I said no, I wasn't home (out shopping) and I let him know that I don't feel valued if he wants to see me on 5 mins notice! It takes way too much prompting from me to get him to make plans for the weekend though. Sometimes I think we're more good buddies who also sleep together rather than b/f and g/f.... only my friends don't have any problems making plans in advance with me! 

  

He does communicate (I don't give him any other choice!) but he admits he's not good at delving into his feelings (show me a guy who is :-) ) and I know a lot about him and his past. Right now he's going through a divorce, living in a room in a rented flat, and he was very ill last year, so he's not wanting to commit too deeply as he hasn't  got his future sorted out as much as he'd like to yet. I still don't know how much time I should give him to decide tho :-( 

  

Thanks for your support - it means a lot. 

Take care, 

  

Cat172 

 
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December 1, 2005, 5:59 am CST

Communication

Quote From: tiggr1000

I went on a date with a man whom I felt I had a great connection with and felt like this person had that connection also.  He did not say that he would call me but he did give me every indication that he was interested.  We met through a dating service.  The date did end with a kiss when I expected a hug.  My question is how long should you wait for a phone call for a next date before you move on - a few days, one week, two weeks, one month?  I did e-mail him the next morning and told him that I enjoyed the date and had a wonderful time and thanked him for dinner.  Short and simple.  I don't want to be overbearing or pushy.  I feel I have placed the "ball in his court".  I have only been back in the  dating scene for a few months now after being divorced for four years and tend to be a bit old fashioned  - the guy calls the girl thing.  It has only been five days since the date so maybe I am expecting too much to soon.  Any advice?

I think it's fair to wait up to 2 weeks for a phone call from him - you don't know what else may be going on in his life after only 1 date, so give him that long. Any longer and forget him - move on to your next date! 

  

And don't email him thanks the day after the date, wait until 2 days after, so you can let him know you enjoyed yourself without seeming too pushy :) 

  

Good luck! 

  

Cat172 

 
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December 1, 2005, 6:03 am CST

Communication

Quote From: jmath48

 My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. We love each other very much. We have talked about marriage, babies, and have started to look for a house. We recently had a huge argument because I had built all this resenment up against him for little things. Not having the house clean for me when I get home, not cooking dinner EVER little things like that. I also have a resenment because he has not propsed yet. He says when he thinks it is the right time he will do it. Anyways I let them build up and it turned into a disaster. He is now very mad at me. He is not speaking to me and he says it is to teach me a lesson. It is always the same situation when we argue. I am not happy with something he does or does not do and we end up almost breaking up and him "teaching me a lesson" 

HELP! I love this man. I really want this to work 

  

Sorry hun, but this guy sounds like a real control freak and that ain't good. 

  

In future anybody who says they're doing anything "to teach you a lesson" is not a person you want to have in your life. At all. Ever. 

  

You are not his daughter or his student - he has no right to "teach" you anything. 

  

Please go out there and find a genuine guy who will treat you with respect by communicating with you adult to adult. 

  

Love, 

  

Cat172 

 
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December 7, 2005, 6:48 am CST

yeah weird..

Quote From: skippy373

hey all, 

  whats going on? i must say today i'm watching the show and well i'm kind of pissed.. he's got a few women whom are single and hes teaching them how to be better at the whole dating thing. it's just not women who are having problenms in this feild.. i just wish he would help all of the lost souls looking for love in the wrong places... 

Maybe it's because Dr Phil wrote the book for women, so that's who he'll focus on. Most guys I know don't read books like that (or at least don't admit to reading them!) so perhaps Dr P thinks there is no target market there. That said, at least one of my friends would read a book like that for guys if I threw it at him, then it would get discreetly passed around our other single guy friends ;-) 

  

My main problem with Dr P's advice is that all my friends are guys (it's been that way since I was 3 or 4 years old) so I don't have any gal pals to go out looking for dates with. According to Dr P that will put men off as they'll think I'm with someone already :-( I can go out on my own but then there's the safety issue.. 

  

Not sure how to get around that one! 

  

Cat172 

 
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December 9, 2005, 6:06 am CST

Give her a chance

Quote From: doc2405

I started dating this girl within the first two months she introduced me to her parents and we we went to a vacation to mexico with her aunt.  well all was great until she decided to go to Europe.  She has a friend that is staying in Barcelona and this was her chance to go and have her dream vacation.  I freaked out and then we broke up then we talked about it and got back together but ever since we have been having all this little fights.  Then she thought I was taking her freedom away and started going out with her friends.  I freaked out even more and we eventually broke up.  I would like to work things out and she just does not want anything to do with me.  The worst thing is that WE WORK TOGETHER.  I am always talking to her and she is pushing me away.  I am so heart broken that I am trying to hard that I made things worst.  I should give her space and stop bothering her but its amazing that she told me that I was the one and she loves me.  and after all this not even give me a chance to work out.  And by the way we stopped talking on Monday 12/5/05 but the week before that we still had awesome sex.  She tells me she enjoys being with be and feels safe.  then she stops talking to me.  WHAT IS SHE THINKING?  Please advice ladies.  I NEED YOU HELP>  

Give her a chance, how can she miss you if you're always around? If you give her some space and time, she will come back to you if she really loves you and truly thinks you are 'the one'. If she doesn't come back, she isn't that into you, and why would you want to be with somebody who doesn't love you as much as you love her? 

  

Be a gentleman, respect her individuality, and don't hassle her at work. 

  

You will have your answer before you know it! 

  

Good luck, 

  

Cat172 (A lady) 

 
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hopeful
December 12, 2005, 2:34 am CST

Know what you got, know what you want

Over the weekend I sat and wrote out two lists. List one was "What qualities do I have that I can bring to a relationship" and list two "What qualities am I looking for in a partner". I came up with 12 items on list 1 and 11 on list 2 - wow! Afterwards I felt liberated, enlightened, empowered and hopeful. Dr P says you gotta name it to claim it! 

  

Anybody who hasn't done this yet, DO IT!!!! It is so worthwhile. Start with your own qualities first then the ones you'd like in your partner. The sky's the limit, picture your perfect partner and get him/her on paper. 

  

Hope this helps y'all as much as it helped me! 

  

Cat172 

 

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