Messages By: cat172

bsmith77 wrote: "Rememeber, women on average mature 7 YEARS than their male counterparts."

I'm not too convinced by this! The boyfriends I've got on best with in the past have been a year younger than me, and recently a male friend who is only 5 years older than me said that I was "much younger than him"!

I have never had a boyfriend my own age, only younger or much older guys seem to be interested in dating me. Something about my youthful apptroach to life seems to put them off, as they're all busy trying to make it in their careers in their mid-thirties, and I just want to enjoy life without being a slave to the wage :-) Not that I'm flaky, I'm responsible enough to have always had a job and payed my own way, it's just not the top priority of my existence to make it big in business..

Maybe this is off-putting to guys but I don't really understand why.

cat172

LOL! I think she means anybody who isn't a 25 year old, blonde, busty model! Sometimes guys can be pretty insensitive when they start going on about their fantasies in front of the rest of us who don't quite measure up. To them it's just part of being a guy - that's the kind of woman they are "supposed to" go for, and it's something to talk about with their buddies. These days their buddies are as likely to be female as male, and I think they sometimes forget that. 

I also think that as women we should develop our own style, which shows our natural attributes off in their best light, rather than try to compete with a fantasy. In the long run it's better for our self esteem :) 

Cat127 

Wondering if anybody can help - I recently met a guy at a week-long seminar, who told me he had a girlfriend. Ok, let's be friends, I thought - we get on great and you can never have too many friends! Then on the last night we both got drunk and one thing led to another...  

Since then he's come to see me every weekend, and calls me often.  

So why did he tell me he had a girlfriend when he didn't???  

Translation somebody?  

Confused Cat172  

for a guy to decide if he's really into you? Do you give him a week, a month, six months, a year? I'm really confused about this! 

I know how to spot the signs that he's not into you, but I don't know how long it takes a guy to decide he is, and if it's unfair to drop him before he's made up his mind.. 

Cat172 

Hi Linda, 

I've been seeing my b/f for the same length of time you've been with yours - freaky! HAPPY BIRTHDAY btw!!! I won't ignore it even if he does ;-) I really hope he did remember after all. If he didn't it's ok to ask him why - and if you get the "too busy" excuse that's kind of a big red flag.. please let me know what happened if you want to. 

My guy is out of town a lot weekdays - he's a travelling salesman. That I don't mind if he remembers to call me or text me - I told him it upsets me if he doesn't and he did take that to heart. His main fault is not making plans with me in advance. 2 weeks ago he called as he was passing by on his way back from work, wondering if he could drop in. I said no, I wasn't home (out shopping) and I let him know that I don't feel valued if he wants to see me on 5 mins notice! It takes way too much prompting from me to get him to make plans for the weekend though. Sometimes I think we're more good buddies who also sleep together rather than b/f and g/f.... only my friends don't have any problems making plans in advance with me! 

He does communicate (I don't give him any other choice!) but he admits he's not good at delving into his feelings (show me a guy who is :-) ) and I know a lot about him and his past. Right now he's going through a divorce, living in a room in a rented flat, and he was very ill last year, so he's not wanting to commit too deeply as he hasn't  got his future sorted out as much as he'd like to yet. I still don't know how much time I should give him to decide tho :-( 

Thanks for your support - it means a lot. 

Take care, 

Cat172 

I think it's fair to wait up to 2 weeks for a phone call from him - you don't know what else may be going on in his life after only 1 date, so give him that long. Any longer and forget him - move on to your next date! 

And don't email him thanks the day after the date, wait until 2 days after, so you can let him know you enjoyed yourself without seeming too pushy :) 

Good luck! 

Cat172 

Sorry hun, but this guy sounds like a real control freak and that ain't good. 

In future anybody who says they're doing anything "to teach you a lesson" is not a person you want to have in your life. At all. Ever. 

You are not his daughter or his student - he has no right to "teach" you anything. 

Please go out there and find a genuine guy who will treat you with respect by communicating with you adult to adult. 

Love, 

Cat172 

Maybe it's because Dr Phil wrote the book for women, so that's who he'll focus on. Most guys I know don't read books like that (or at least don't admit to reading them!) so perhaps Dr P thinks there is no target market there. That said, at least one of my friends would read a book like that for guys if I threw it at him, then it would get discreetly passed around our other single guy friends ;-) 

My main problem with Dr P's advice is that all my friends are guys (it's been that way since I was 3 or 4 years old) so I don't have any gal pals to go out looking for dates with. According to Dr P that will put men off as they'll think I'm with someone already :-( I can go out on my own but then there's the safety issue.. 

Not sure how to get around that one! 

Cat172 

Give her a chance, how can she miss you if you're always around? If you give her some space and time, she will come back to you if she really loves you and truly thinks you are 'the one'. If she doesn't come back, she isn't that into you, and why would you want to be with somebody who doesn't love you as much as you love her? 

Be a gentleman, respect her individuality, and don't hassle her at work. 

You will have your answer before you know it! 

Good luck, 

Cat172 (A lady) 

Over the weekend I sat and wrote out two lists. List one was "What qualities do I have that I can bring to a relationship" and list two "What qualities am I looking for in a partner". I came up with 12 items on list 1 and 11 on list 2 - wow! Afterwards I felt liberated, enlightened, empowered and hopeful. Dr P says you gotta name it to claim it! 

Anybody who hasn't done this yet, DO IT!!!! It is so worthwhile. Start with your own qualities first then the ones you'd like in your partner. The sky's the limit, picture your perfect partner and get him/her on paper. 

Hope this helps y'all as much as it helped me! 

Cat172