Messages By: whatdoikno

If we are wondering why the father doesn’t protect his children from their mother, it is because the courts will not let fathers separate the children away from the mother.   

In my opinion: Until children are given human rights in our country, this type of abuse will continue to happen.   

In practice the Family Courts believe the children are the property of the mother and unless there is severe black and white evidence against the mother, the mother will almost always get custody.   

It is disgusting that in my area the joke is “The only time a father gets custody  of his children instead of the mother is when the mother is in prison.  And the only way a mother can permanently lose custody of a child is when the coroner signs the child’s death certificate.”   

If a father tried to take the children away from an abusive mother, and the mother contests there will be a big custody battle in court which will put the children in the custody of the mother until the case is decided. Or if there is evidence like this program the children would be put in foster care for at least a year, until the case is decided.  Then all the mother has to do is wait 6 months and go to a counselor for a couple of months so that the counselor is able to testify that he has not seen anything that would guarantee the mother would abuse the children.  Then the judge would give custody back to the mother.  

Someone needs to get real.  Don't criticize your husband or wife!   

Show each other that you understand each others position by trading places for several months.   

If you can't walk the walk - don't tell someone else how to walk or criticize how they walk. 

The biggest reason for problems in marriages roles today is centered around the fact that society "ie schools and family" never bother to teach young people how to quickly and easily do the traditional work of the home and family.  Today there are no traditional men's roles and traditional women's roles, so both men and women need to know how to do all the jobs that used to belong to the other sex.  And today few men and women know how to do much of anything. 

for example both the husband and wife need to know how to do the following by themself, as well as together: 

Prepare a budget and follow it!   

Furnish a home so that it is quick and easy to clean and maintain.   

Buy clothes that are easy to wash and put away.   

Change the brakes on the car 

Reset the circuit breaker when the power goes off 

prepare and paint the rooms 

Change the sparkplug on the mower and Mow the grass 

Plant flowers and shrubs 

cook fourteen meals from scratch and have them on the table in less than 30 minutes.   

The above is a small list of a lot of necessary jobs in a funcitioning family. 

IE Everything that needs to be done in a family and when nobody really knows how to efficiently do the job it results in big unwinnable battles and deep resentment. 

As an over 30 male, divorced, employed professional, church going, non drinking, father of one who does not want to date till my son graduates from high school. I find it is not that hard to enjoy the life I have,  where I am today.   

I would be lying if I didn't acknowledge that I miss having a relationship with someone I can trust with my heart.  And to have no one to share my thoughts, feelings, and dreams with is a form of pain I find hard to put into words.  It is a lonely life I have but to be available 24/7 to my son as he grows up, is more important at this time.  

I get to talk and socialize with a lot of single, widowed, divorced men I would  be proud to introduce to my sister.  So I thought I would share the words of many single men who don't date. 

With a world that produces attitudes like this in Good men.  The pool of available men for dating is severely depleted leaving too many men I would not want my sister dating or marrying. 

But I am shocked the number of women who don't realize how many men don't want anything more to do with women.  Here are some hard comments I have heard repeated from single male friends about dating, being married and women. 

1.  I would give a million dollars to bring my deceased wife back, but I wouldn't give a nickel for another one. 

2.  What do you call a wife who has the attitudes and actions of an abusive husband? 

3.  All women are controling and vindictive if you don't do what they want. 

4.  Show me a husband who can have a two way discussion with his wife about her opinion during one of her moods. 

5.  If I have to be accountable to everything my wife says, I expect her to be responsible for everything she says. 

6.  Why would I want a relationship with a woman who won't show the same respect and interest in my interests, as she expects me to show in her and her interests. 

7.  I am good enough to marry, why am I never good enough to be married too? 

8.  I have never met a woman who wants her husband to treat her and talk to her the way she treats and talks to him. 

9.  Why would I want to spend the rest of my life dealing with some woman's negative moods. 

10.  Show me a woman who is strong enough to be kind and I will ask her to marry me. 

11.  Go into a primary gradeschool or churchschool and ask the children who makes the decisions in their home, mom, dad, or mom and dad.   They will say mom makes all the decisions.  Then ask them what happens when dad disagrees with mom.  The answer is that mommy will get real mad at dad and there will be a terrible fight. 

12.  I have been on church retreats and have asked the other men how they make decisions in their marriage?  At the beginning of the retreat the answer is that they will discuss the question and come to a decision together.   

By the end of the retreat and the men trust and open up - the question "who makes the decisions in your house?  The men answer, my wife makes the decisions. The men are then asked, But what if you disagree?  They answer I never disagree unless it is really important.  Why don't you disagree?  And the men answer,  My wife will take it personally.  What does that mean?  They reply my wife will start saying every hurtful thing she can to push my buttons,  and she doesn't get what she wants she will start throwing things or hitting me.  And it is World War III or the Cold War for a long time.  What happens if you apologize?  My wife won't accept an apology for a long time until she believes I understand how much I have disrespected and hurt her.   

In my words;  these ladies are now getting to know and be true to their own positive self.  Before their divorces they are not the same person they are today.  In fact they used the trajedy of their marriages and divorces as an opportunity to become better people.    I hope I can learn from them, how I can avoid a failed marriage and divorce and become a better person. 

When I was divorced I tried to make abuse charges in court about my wife in order to get custody of my son.  I was told husbands cannot make abuse charges against a mother without supporting black and white evidence such as hospital or police reports.  I was told I could ask for a psychological evaluation which would cost me $5000.  But I was told by several different lawers that only If my ex wife would do something wrong like injuring my son in front of the psychologist.  Something like that would force the courts to grant me custody.  But even if that happened, all a mother has to do is go to several counseling sessions and not say or do anything wrong.  In six months a mother could repetition the courts to regain custody and unless she would repeat the abuse in front of agents of the court.  She would be granted custody of my son.    

Also I was warned by the lawyers that the courts have a double standard and that my wife could make unsubstanciated abuse charges against me and I would then have to prove that I was innocent.  And would lose contact with my son. 

Where I live in the joke against fathers is this:  the only time a father gets temporary custody of his children instead of the abusive mother is when she is in jail.  And the only time an abusive custodial mother can lose permanent custody of her children is when the coronor signs the children's death certificate.  

The fathers and mothers actions must be evaluated in such a way that they will apply to both programs  "Finding Allene and Mollie" and "A mothers rage".    

In fact the actions of all parents must be held to the same standard.  No special breaks for fathers or mothers.     

Too many posters are appearing to favor one gender over the other at the expense of the children.  What's right is right for both.  The children come first!    

We cannot become blind to reality by taking the father's or mother's sides and then look for reasons to support our prejudices.  

What position would each of us take if in this situation we weren't allowed to know if it was the mother or father who took the children away?    

Children are not pets or toys!  They are human beings that deserve love. 

Just because most people can make babies does not give anyone the ability to fulfill the responsibilities of parenthood.   

The three R's I was taught: 

Untill I am responsible, my spouse is responsible, and we are in a responsible situation/relationship, we don't have a right to be a parent.   

Children are a responsibility that can only be fulfilled by a responsible family.  Dads can try, Moms can try, but when both try together the responsibilities have a better chance of being met.  And the parents soon realize that grandparents, aunts and uncles and friends are still needed to make it work the way a responsible parent wants their child or children to grow up. 

It is my opinion that controling people, both men and women have never learned how to carry their own weight in a marriage, much less to respect what their spouse is doing.    

They have incomplete life skills like being able to quickly and correctly do things like the following:  cook, clean, do laundry, budget, follow a budget, change a flat tire, change the oil, paint a room, fix the commode, etc.   

Today the family, schools, and church do nothing about teaching our youth and adults what they need to know to function as a husband or wife before they are married.  Our youth can do most anything if someone would teach them.  It is too late for some people, but it is not too late to start teaching our young people the marriage and life skills they need to know before they commit to or get married to someone who can't be a partner in marriage.

1. These two adults need to be held responsible for their actions.  They can never be fixed or made right.  They are as evil as child molesters.

2. I can't believe that some viewers would excuse either parents actions because of the other's wrongs.  The excusers are as bad as the parents.  Two wrongs never make a right.

3.  These two make me believe in giving the state the power to forcefully divorce people and neuter them.

4.  If the children aren't taken away from these parents permanently, I am ashamed of our child welfare agencies.

5.  I am afraid that the children have been permanently ruined by these parents.  Only a miracle from God could help these children.

You are right: In a perfect world anyone can be redeemed. 

But I am trying to say that we need a zero tolerance policy on the abuse of children!  In fact we should have a zero tolerance on all abuse in our society!

But in our real world very few people like that ever appear to ever be redeemed.  We need to address why our society seems so unsuccessful at redeeming abusive adults and putting an end to future abuse. 

But why as a society are we so far from being successful at stopping abuse.  I was not trying to suggest that we give up on children, but to quit giving abusive parents any excuses that they can abuse children and the children will turn out ok in spite of them. 

Our society is also saying that adults who were abused as children will also abuse children.  But there are many abused children who have refused to become abusive adults.  With help and love many have stopped the chain.  Another one of the reasons that some succeed is that the successful ones have developed a zero tolerance policy on all abuse.