Messages By: joyceymay

There was an article in  the NY Times a while back.  It's title was something like "How about NOT Curing us? some Autistics are pleading."  The reporter interviewed several students at a residential school for people on the Autistic spectrum.  The were vehemently opposed to being "cured" of their disorder, saying that they wanted to be accepted as they are, rather than cured.  They all had had ABA and felt like people were trying to change their behavior while denying them their true feelings.  I have also read on message boards (written by people on the spectrum, who were writing from personal experience) that people who appear "normal" on the outside because of a behavior modification approach still don't feel normal on the inside.   

That's the problem I have with ABA.  The focus is on changing the behaviors, rather than trying to understand an address the reasons for the behaviors.  Often an autistic person's behavior that LOOKS abnormal or maladaptive to non-autistic persons might really be adaptive behavior--IF you were experiencing the world from the perspective of the autistic person. 

I think that you were wrong to spank him.   

I would have let him calm down first (and helped him calm down, if necessary).  And then we would have had a calm, rational discussion, which would have included some ideas about what he should do differently next time.  I also would have tried to get him to consider his behavior from others' perspectives (which is what kids with Asperger's have a tough time doing).  Those kids were cruel, but they aren't going to start being nicer to him given how he reacted. 

I might have taken his bike away though, as a natural consequence for not taking care of it properly. 

I absolutely agree with the above message.  There are a TON of resources available for people who have autism spectrum disorders, including Asperger's, and you introduced just one--one that happens to be very expensive . . . You have a forum in which you could do a lot of good.  In this instance, you have done more harm than good.  I have been a fan of Dr. Phil since I first saw him on Oprah.  I hope that you guys will do another show that covers the subject of Asperger's or Autism Spectrum Disorders in a more complete way. 

I hope that the follow-up show will show that there is a lot of VARIABILITY among people diagnosed with Asperger's and related disorders.  About the only thing people with the same diagnosis have in common is their BEHAVIOR meets the criteria of the DSM-IV, a rather artificial distinction.  It's no coincidence that there are so many people with "co-morbid" conditions, such as ADHD, bipolar disorder, OCD, etc.  It's hard to pigeon-hole human beings and their behavior.   

As the mother of a boy who was diagnosed with AS almost 12 years ago, I can tell you from personal experience that understanding and addressing the multiple CAUSES of my son's behaviors has been the most effective way of helping him to reach his potential.  That, I believe, is why there is no single treatment that will work equally well for everyone.   These disorders have multiple causes and every individual is different.   

You're right that early intervention makes a huge difference and way too many kids are having to wait way to long to get appropriate interventions, with devastating consequences.  When the proper interventions happen early enough, Asperger's doesn't turn out to be the "extreme disorder" that was shown.  That point should have been made on the show, and I don't think it was. 

You're right that early intervention makes a huge difference and way too many kids are having to wait way to long to get appropriate interventions, with devastating consequences.  When the proper interventions happen early enough, Asperger's doesn't turn out to be the "extreme disorder" that was shown on 1/17.  That point should have been made on the show, and I don't think it was. 

If people think that Asperger's is always an "extreme disorder," I'm concerned that kids won't be diagnosed soon enough.  People won't want to "stigmatize" them with a diagnosis unless the behaviors are extreme, and we end up with a vicious cycle. 

You mention 2 issues that become critical for AS kids when they reach their late teens:   

getting a driver's license and getting a job. 

You are wise not to hand the car keys to an angry teen.  Unfortunately, for many young adults on the autism spectrum (which includes Asperger's), anger management is not the only issue to worry about when they get behind the wheel.  Many have issues with attention and/or sensory processing which would make them very dangerous as drivers.  Some high functioning young adults are safe drivers.  Others are not.  They need to be evaluated on a case by case basis to determine if they are fit to drive. 

Getting and keeping a job is another major obstacle for adults with autism spectrum disorders--even for highly intelligent people who are able to complete an education.  But there are supports available for adults with special needs who are seeking employment.  In my state (NY) there is Living Resources and VESID (Vocational and Educational Services for Individuals with Disabilities). 

My son had multiple physical symptoms, in addition to his developmental delays.  In our search for answers, we had some blood work done and found out that he had antibodies (allergies) to 18 out of 20 foods (including beef, chicken, turkey, pork, beans, milk, tomatoes, potatoes, corn, wheat, and 10 other common foods)!  Most people say just eliminate the foods the child is allergic too.  How long do you think my son could have lasted on a diet of just cod fish and baker's yeast (the only 2 foods we knew that he didn't react to)? 

We chose instead to delve a little deeper and figure out WHY he had so many food allergies.  Then we discovered the problem with gluten and dairy products.  We eliminated those problem foods and added some supplements.  His gut healed.  He's eating most healthy foods (except those containing gluten and milk protein).   

He is much healthier (hasn't missed more than 1 or 2 days of school in several years) and takes less medication for allergies.  The "side effect" is that he has fewer symptoms of Asperger's. 

The above quote was directed at someone who question the value of using diet.  This message is directed at that same person who questioned the value of the diet. 

My son had multiple physical symptoms, in addition to his developmental delays.  In our search for answers, we had some blood work done and found out that he had antibodies (allergies) to 18 out of 20 foods (including beef, chicken, turkey, pork, beans, milk, tomatoes, potatoes, corn, wheat, and 10 other common foods)!  Most people say just eliminate the foods the child is allergic too.  How long do you think my son could have lasted on a diet of just cod fish and baker's yeast (the only 2 foods we knew that he didn't react to)? 

We chose instead to delve a little deeper and figure out WHY he had so many food allergies.  Then we discovered the problem with gluten and dairy products.  We eliminated those problem foods and added some supplements.  His gut healed.  He's eating most healthy foods (except those containing gluten and milk protein).   

He is much healthier (hasn't missed more than 1 or 2 days of school in several years) and takes less medication for allergies.  The "side effect" is that he has fewer symptoms of Asperger's. 

Yes, you should tell them.  They're bound to figure out that something is up and will worry more if you're not straight with them.

But you and your husband need to talk to each other first.  Come up with an action plan.  Do you have some savings that can tie you over?  Are Dad's job prospects good?  Can Mom go back to work if Dad can't find a job with similar pay?

Knowing that Mom and Dad have come up with a plan should be reassuring to the kids when you tell them about Dad's job loss.  I wouldn't say too much up front, but be ready with answers to their questions.