Quote From: twizzlersI had some similar experiences in my life to which this lady is currently going through. Fortunately, I wasn't engaged to either of the psycho guys. One of the guys who from my past which was very similar to this stalker guy, I had never dated though he was so obsessed with dating me and I wasn't even allowed to live my life normally without having the fear of him being behind me at all times. This guy who was just a friend, not a real close friend, had gone as far as calling the operator to do an Emergency Break-thru because I had been on the phone (no call waiting) with a my best friend making plans to go shopping together. He would call my friends and family and threaten them into telling him where I was living and how he could get in contact with me after I had moved to another city. His parents had called me "jail-bait", but I was nothing close to being so-called Jail bait as there son was the one so obsessed with me and all I wanted was to get as far away from him as possible.
Now the 2nd guy who I was involved with had been a nice guy in the beginning. As time went by, he finally worked his way into my life and the longer we had been together the more controlling he would get. He would make me have caller ID service so that he could screen all my calls and told me who I could and could not speak to. My friends and family all disliked this guy, but I at the time I was young and stupid with tunnel vision and didn't see anything that everyone else would see.
He was a Con-Artist, conned me out of so much money, would make me think that I was a horrible person and that I was doing the right thing by supporting him by paying his bills for him.
As years progressed, things only got worse. I was afraid to leave him because I had seen what he had done to other people who didn't make him happy. Finally nearly 5 years of being with the guy, I had the nerve to leave him, scared out of my mind wondering what would happen next. He went as far as calling the police and filing false police reports on me and constantly hanging out in the parking lot of my apartment building and yelling/whistling for me.
He tried several attempts to ask people who lived there to let him in as he was worried about his "fiance'", many people didn't by it as they thought if he had a fiance' that he was actually worried about he would have a way to get into the building.
I feared for my life every time I would go out, I had a hard time leaving my apartment after the break-up without having a friend with me because my ex would always hang out either in the parking lot in his car or behind a tree waiting for me to come out.
Needless to say, he had a better time getting the police to do things for him then I ever did, which I felt was so unfair. I was the victim in this relationship not him, he was the one who wanted to control my ever move in my life, tell me when I needed to be home, curse me out when I didn't call him to tell him where I was.
I no longer live in that state, so he has no way of ever finding where I live.
When I hear things like this happening to other women, it makes me remember of what I once had to live with and deal with. It breaks my heart to think why a woman would want to stay with a guy who is such a dirt bag and doesn't deserve her love.
No woman and I mean no woman deserves to be treated like a piece of meat by some guy who thinks he is all that and feels that he can do anything to a woman and not give a damn about it and how she feels.
No man who is like this ladies fiance' deserves to have a woman to love him in return.
My advice, just get as far away as possible. You have so much evidence of what he has done to you, that you have every right to get a restraining order against him.
I beg you, from a woman who has been in a controlling abusive relationship, its not worth the headache and long term pain, just get out before it is too late. You can find love and happiness with a guy who deserves to have you in his life.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Young girls are vulnerable to men such as the one you describe. What I'm concerned about is you say you had TWO such relationships. I had a habit of attracting alcoholics. After the 3rd one, I thought, "What AM I doing wrong?" I realized that God was going to keep sending me Mr. Wrong until MY EYES WERE OPENED TO MY OWN FEELINGS OF POOR SELF-WORTH. FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY, I realized that the sameness of my behavior was going to get me the same results. If you even suspect something isn't quite kosher when you meet a guy, walk away before you have to run. These men are terrorists and cowards. If the cop on the corner, the green grocer or the postman angered him would he act toward them the way he acted toward you? Not a chance. So, don't look at what a guy says to you. They know flattery will get them anywhere with some women. Look at what the guy does and particularly, how he treats others. Anyone can be a model citizen for a few hours an evening. AND MOST IMPORTANT, DON'T CONTINUE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE NOT A WHOLE PERSON UNLESS YOU'VE GOT A GUY IN YOUR LIFE. MANY WOMEN LOVE THEIR INDEPENDENCE AND LEARN TO LOVE THEMSELVES BEFORE THEY LET SOMEONE INTO THEIR LIVES. And if the guy NEVER comes along, NO BIG DEAL. We have a saying in my ethnic heritage: "YOU'RE BETTER OFF ALONE THAN IN BAD COMPANY."
