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Messages By: owlwho

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August 14, 2005, 12:52 am CDT

don't protect

Quote From: darlaash

Bless your heart!! I understand what you went through with your uncle because I was raped by my mothers boyfriend when I was 12 Im now 38 and it still effects me.Your husband had every right to put his foot down that is what a good husband should do.As for your family if they want to take your uncle's side and not your's shame on them.They should be there for you but if that's the way they want to be than let them stay out of your life and be with the one's that will love you and protect you.When they wake up and realize you were violated and treated so unfair and apoligize to you then try to make amends.But until then be happy with the family you do have that loves as it sounds like your husband does.If it was my husband he would have showed my uncle a few things thats probably why your husband didn't want to go to any family functions in fear that he wouldve done something to him and that wouldve just brought more heartache to you.
There seems to be a pattern here my sweet, you've being protecting your aunt, parents and anyone else that's part of the equation, even the low life who raped you, but who's protecting you. Have you always played these games in life when you protect others, maybe it's time to put your feelings first and let them deal with theirs and don't carry their guilt anymore. How they react is not your problem you didn't ask for it to happen. Would some of these people back you up like you do them? Make sure your partner stops playing your game as well and the two of you will fight through this together as that's the support you need in this situation not others approval or judgement. Maybe you've been barking up the wrong tree to get through this heartache. I wish you well, Love Lauren
 
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August 14, 2005, 5:26 am CDT

my mistake

Quote From: wifey31

Please bear with me, as this is very painful to express. 10 years ago, I was raped by my Aunt's husband the night before they were to be married and never said anything. They had a party, everyone was drinking, I passed out and thought I was in a safe place (My aunt's house). When I woke up, he was having his way with me. I grabbed my clothes and ran out. So here I am, all of 31 years of age, now married to a man who refuses to attend those family functions because the rapist would be at the family gathering. Thats understandable, right? But for 7 years, my hubby hasnt came to any family functions, and it has really started to screw with my marriage, starting with the family taking pot shots at my hubby for not coming around (little do they know why!) So on my Dad's b-day, my grandmother kept belittling and berating my marriage and my husband, so I blew up, and the truth came out. The truth would've never came out if my hubby hadn't put his foot down about how he feels about this. Since I put my family in check, they obviously side with the rapist, and now I've lost the family I thought I had. This guy isn't even blood. We were a tight knit Italian family, but where's the love? My mom and dad told me that I should've just kept my mouth shut. What the f--- is that? Someone, anyone, what the hell is going on here? Yes I know I should've spoken up back then, but I love my Aunt so much, I didn't want to speak up and ruin her wedding day!

Hi, I posted you a response but in the wrong section, so if you go through the darlaash entry you'll see it. See ya! Lauren
 
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February 4, 2007, 10:03 pm CST

totally agree

Quote From: swchick

 "My heart truly breaks for my son and I'm not really sure where we go from here"

Mommy96,  you should be sure to take your son out of that damaging, toxic environment...now.  If you have to homeschool or move to a new school district or send him to a private school,  do it. Because that's what parents do for their children,  In a way, You are participating in the bullying yourself by allowing him to be tortured on a daily basis and not removing him from the situation.
Hi, I totally agree with this person. If you've done everything in your power because it's your problem not your sons and nothing has succeeded from this, then you get him out. He doesn't have a choice but you do and the first decision to make is to protect him no matter what. You have to go with the facts, are the school been responsible for his well being, are you being responsible for his well being and if there are more negatives than positives then you have to make the decisions to change things to benefit him. Being tormented as a child is one of the worst things that a child can cope with in life. Some can cope more than others but they're not ment to, they haven't learnt all the skills of life yet and they are not suppose to of, that's why we're there to teach and guide them, our love is what teaches them confidence to live life for them. So if you've tried to get the school to listen, maybe tried talking to the parents of the bullies and tried at home with your own support and nothing is working, then cut him a break and change schools, doing your homework first and finding out their polocies on bullying. Kids learn first from the home, if you can own the problem and show some back bone dealing with it then that's where he'll learn pride for himself. You don't have to put up with it any longer and either does he. You're not running away, you have tried and it didn't go to your expectations so you go to plan B. Unfortunately we can't solve all the bully problems but you can save your son he should be your only concern not the kids bullying, as that is now the schools problem and who would want their child going to a school like that, they don't deserve him. Teach people to appreciate him and that he doesn't deserve any less, good luck. Lauren
 

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