Messages By: the_indian

Oh, I knew that's exactly what you meant, mischif.  I just think that, in addition to the 12 step info, it would be so helpful for a cutter who comes here if they found other cutters on the board.  I've got anorexia and panic disorder covered in case it's needed, however :) 

And thanks mucho for the update on dopigirl.  Her story was so full of lessons in many ways.   

PS - I'm calling my emoticon ecstatic today.  It's just a test. 

Hi Joanne...I'm glad you're still here and you're hanging in there!  I think the most important people on this board are the ones starting that road to sobriety...you're living what some of us are preaching. 

Please take this in the spirit in which it is given.  But what concerns me about your situation is that I sense a lot of isolation.  I don't mean from your family or co-workers -- I mean from other addicts.  And that leads me to a question. 

You mentioned a 12 step meeting you went to, but you didn't indicate if it was AA/NA or some other group.   The reason I'm asking is that I find it really hard to believe that an AA or NA meeting would simply tell you to come back once you've "quit".  These groups are very clear about that....the only requirement for membership is the desire to quit.  I've been in meetings when people were high and as long as they weren't disruptive, there was no problem.   But, in any event, there's usually someone to welcome newcomers and give them advice.  It's not that I don't believe you -- I just wonder if you ran into a really bad meeting of some sort.   If this was an AA/NA meeting, is it possible for you to find another one? 

I say this because, while I'm very proud of my 14 years of sobriety, I give a great deal of credit to the people in AA I met early on.  It was easy for me, because I was in an inpatient program and I met them "on the unit", so we just extended our friendship after we got out.  But this fellowship was critical for me -- it wasn't enough that my other friends offered to abstain from drinking in my presence.  I needed people who knew what I was going through and I needed people who knew what my rewards would be if I persevered.  I needed a sponsor to kick my butt (in a loving and sometimes humorous way, but always firm).  You don't have this, and that is why I'd be concerned. 

There is no substitute for it, and that includes anti-depressants.  I've seen too many  people look for a quick fix by getting a diagnosis and yet another drug.    

I do think you and your BF are trying to get through this the right way by controlling pill dosage.  My fear is that, even if you succeed and manage to get drug free, you still have the addiction that needs to be treated and you still need the support of people who have been/are where you are at.   

Please continue to keep us posted with your progress and I really do wish you the best of luck with this. 

I don't know if you'll see this and I don't usually say this kind of thing but:  BLESS YOU!!! 

In my mind, people like you are the true heroes since you'll probably get less publicity and thanks than the others. 

I'm glad to see that the Mayor of Galveston had the brains to figure out an evacuation system that included pets. 

And anyone who doesn't get the importance of animals shouldn't be in rescue work. 

Thank you so much for being there!!! 

Howdy!   

Before I go into one of my long rambling responses, how long have you been "sober" and are you in any kind of support group?  Support groups are essential and if you are not in one, or it isn't serving you well, that's the first thing that would help. 

Ma'am, all I'm doing is pointing out a few facts about the US justice system.  Why would you automatically assume I'm not from the US?   

Like I keep saying, it's possible to have a lot of empathy for Natalee and her family and still be realistic about our own system, which is far from perfect.  Not only do we have wrongly convicted people in prison, we have cases like the Ramseys in Boulder that will probably never be solved because the local cops waited too long to call in the feds.  We have pedophiles who shouldn't even be on the streets murdering young kids.  We have celebrity justice, which allows people like OJ to walk around free among us. 

I truly don't get why you can't understand this!  It's why we sometimes look so ridiculous to the rest of the world.   I'd be the first to agree this case has been bungled, but the indignance and fingerpointing and mass hysteria and calls for a boycott are downright laughable.    

What happened to Natalee could happen anywhere in the world.  And that is that. 

What?!?!   You have to be kidding! 

This case has received more media attention than I can ever recall in a missing person case. 

There's a point where it almost becomes inappropriate, especially when a foreign government is involved. 

And we've long since passed that point, imo. 

I agree with you about these boards.  One thing that helps, at least for me, is to open a separate window when you're responding to a long post (I'm doing that now with yours).    

First, I really sympathize with you.  Ultram is one of those "borderline" narcotics that for some reason took a long time to be identified as addictive.   

Second, I completely understand your fear of withdrawal, but trust me...if it's medically supervised, it isn't that bad.  I've been through rehab twice and both times the withdrawal was relatively easy, since the pros know how to calibrate your symptoms.   And, In my case, it was alcohol, which is even harder than many narcotics to withdraw from. 

Here's the sentence of yours that struck me:  "However, this med gave me a euphoria and instant good mood and it worked for the pain."   

Like many narcotics addicts, you "got started" because of a pain issue.  However, at some point, that became secondary to the high you were seeking.   This is a really critical point, because in so many cases I've seen (including my best buddy from rehab, who was addicted to vicodin), there's too much fixation on the pain aspect and that sets up an unrealistic expectation that you're not like "other addicts" since you first took the drugs for pain.  It doesn't work that way, because your body doesn't pay attention to what got you started :) 

And this means that everything that applies to addicts and alcoholics applies to you, too.  You will more than likely need a medically supervised withdrawal (ideally in a treatment center) and then you'll need support (ideally AA/NA).  You may think this sounds nuts, but it really isn't... 

For starters, do you have insurance to cover any kind of treatment? 

First off, how did you get your usermood to change?!?!?  This is driving me nuts!  I can't get mine off angry! 

Second, I'd have to agree that attending meetings is probably impossible for you, and I suspect that is a good part of the problem. 

Just so you know, I'm not one of the more "hardcore" AA types (in the sense that there's only one way to do everything).  I did go to about 5 meetings a week for my first 3 years and then gradually tapered off.  But what was so critical about the meetings was the fellowship, for lack of a better word.  I made awesome friends and I always knew I had a place to go if I felt squirrely.   

It does sound like you're exploring as many alternatives as you can, but there just isn't a substitute for actually going to meetings and being with the people there.  That's why it's difficult to come up with alternatives. 

This may sound kind of strange, but is there any possibility you could relocate to a more urban area?  I know it sounds bizarre, but ideally you shouldn't be this isolated right now.   I know if I had been, my thinking would have been very similar to yours.   

PS - I almost never bring this up, because in general I think it's a mistake.  But do you think there's any possibility you're clinically depressed?  I don't like bringing shrinks into the early recovery process (they complicate it, which is the exact opposite of what AA is trying to do) but if you're really at about a year sober, it might be worth exploring as long as you realize it is not a substitute for treating your disease of alcoholism (which is my other complaint about it). 

I'm not a physician but....can I ask what drugs you take on a daily basis and how much?\ 

This would include those prescribed and those not prescribed :) 

And it would also include alcohol. 

I'm just wondering if you're not overdiagnosed and overmedicated.  Many drugs, especially when combined with alcohol, can have significant affects on your mental and physical heath.   

That was awesome! 

It's unfortunate, because the real enemy in all of this is lack of education.  And when whackjobs like Tom Cruise speak out (I saw him with Matt Lauer and he didn't even use the right medical terminology for antidepressants!) it just serves to further confuse a serious problem. 

Just because there are too many parents out there who'd rather dump Ritalin into their kids than provide the discipline and stability the kid is screaming for doesn't mean that ADHD is not a legitimate disease.   

But the hierarchy for fingerpointing doesn't just include the pharmaceutical companies -- it includes physicians, it includes parents, and it includes patients.  This even extends to demands for antibiotics when one has a viral infection but wants to "take a pill" even though antibiotics are ineffective in that case.   

We all need to re-wire ourselves.