Messages By: the_indian

I had no problem with what Irishmom said, and I do know what it's like to grow up with alcoholic parents.   

I, too, felt that Sheila's situation was somewhat glossed over.  Her anger issues have nothing to do with her hubby's problems, and the fact remains that she came incredibly close to murdering him in front of her 2 little girls.  I'd say she was very lucky on that one.   

Anyway, on her anger, there was mention on the show of couples counseling, and then something at the end about her getting help.  But, like Irishmom, I'm nowhere near ready to applaud her just because she's lost weight and has her job back.  Yes, it's a good first step...but it's all about her.  There's still that pesky little issue of 2 little girls and what they saw. 

You seem to think that just because we weren't there, we have no right to criticize or that we don't want a positive outcome.  Not true.  However, to use one of Dr. Phil's favorite terms, her behavior on that camera was a dealbreaker.  It's all well and good to talk about second chances, but some of us can't get past what those 2 little girls were forced to endure.  Therapy is fine, but like an earlier poster mentioned, these kids will live with this memory for the rest of their lives.   And therapy doesn't take that away. 

I'm glad Sheila's turning it around, but she's not a hero yet in my book.  The proof of what she's done with her "second chance" will come when these little girls become adults.   I don't need to "walk in her shoes" to know this. 

I'm not sure where you got the idea that I was suggesting the kids be removed.  I totally agree with you -- it wouldn't be right. 

I was just agreeing with the lady who said Sheila's almost-murder of her husband got kind of glossed over.   

Stop and think how you'd be reacting if a male had done that to his unconscious wife and now had custody of 2 young kids.  Would you feel completely comfortable with that?   

That's all I meant - there was a lot of support for how she's looking etc., but I personally would have liked to see a bit more explanation of her "anger issues", which were obviously very severe. 

Of course I remember you!   I used to laugh at your difficulties navigating the message boards -- this new one is even worse!  So try deep breathing.  Also, I'm not angry like my emoticon says -- that seems to be a glitch I can't fix.  And it makes me angry :) 

First, it really is good to hear from you!  We lost several people in the transition to the new format, which is unfortunate. 

As for your plan, let's just say my little antenna went up a bit.   But I'm unsure about so many details it's really hard to say.   

Before I launch into my response to you, I just have a couple of questions.  One,  when you say the drinking has become worse, can you be more specific?  Second, does the doctor/therapist know how much you've been drinking and for how long?  Finally, can I ask which anti-depressant they're recommending? 

I do get the gist of what you're saying, and I've seen it work once when the person wasn't really an alcoholic -- he was just drinking very heavily right after his divorce, and a situational depression actually turned into a clinical one.  However, if the person is truly an alcoholic, going on anti-depressants doesn't change a thing.  Many of us try that route, however...me included.   

Anywhoo...if you get a chance to answer my questions, I shall be a bit more explicit :) 

Awww....you sound like such a cool person!  And I'm really sorry you're going through all this. 

One of the most valuable lessons I learned in rehab is that many physicians are sort of brain dead when it comes to alcoholism, particularly in the area of medications that are addictive or will make the problem worse.  I once had a doctor tell me that valium is ok for a recovering alcoholic.  And the lesson I was taught in rehab is that we all have to be responsible for our own disease. 

With you, I'm really beginning to think you are an alcoholic, which means among many other things that you have to be incredibly careful what meds you take.   And that is what leaps out at me most from your comments -- a "nurse" (I assume you mean a nurse practitioner) is going to prescribe medication for you.    Nurses rock, but I imagine that most operate under the same misconceptions as doctors when it comes to alcoholism (unless they're in recovery themselves).  So please please please....if you do get something from her, do not take it until you let us know what it is.  Not to sound like your mother or anything :) 

In fact, you can probably google the drug yourself but just make sure that your info is from a reputable medical or government source.  Many websites have names like "New and Improved Drug Information Resources" (I just made that up) and the website turns out to be operated by the company that manufactures specific drugs. 

Anyway, I'm sure I mentioned this to you before and I can't remember what you said, but....have you been to an AA meeting?  I know you live in a small town and probably don't want to do this, but it's important that you not feel so isolated right now.  Folks in AA are usually fountains of information on a variety of topics and someone there might have some good ideas for you, not just about quitting drinking but also your other issues. 

The really tough thing you need to do is get gut-level honest with yourself.  It doesn't matter if you lie to the world, but you need to be asking yourself if your drinking is actually causing some of your problems (like the hermit thing).   Did drinking have anything to do with your abrupt decision to move the way you did?  (This is called a geographic cure and many of us tried it, including moi!).  Are you drinking to escape certain feelings or are you drinking to get a certain feeling?   

Finally, on the issue of your little maniac...not only does that sound unfair, it sounds like your lawyer might not have really fought for you.  Is there anyone else that could look into this for you?   I don't know much about all this and it varies from locale to locale, but it seem that you should have other options.  How far away does he live from you? 

OH well...talk about clogging the board!   But your post obviously struck me, mainly because I see so much of myself in all this. 

First, I have a suggestion. 

There are a couple of people here in situations almost identical to yours.  Have you read through this whole thread yet?  It might sound silly, but there aren't all that many posts, and you might find it interesting, since the advice is always the same. 

Anyway, if you can do that and then get back with specific questions, it would save all of us a lot of time! 

Also, please be aware that Klonipin is addictive just like the other benzodiazepenes (valium, etc.).  He shouldn't be taking it. 

I hadn't forgotten you -- I've just been really busy. 

When I said you remind me of myself, it's not so much the specifics as it is the reactions you're having  (although, like most chicks my age, I do have my male horror stories :)   

Here's the biggest issue, I think:  You sound really bright.  For what it's worth, so am I.  And bright people sometimes have even more trouble with accepting alcoholism because we're not used to taking such a simple concept at face value -- we want to analyse it, we want to complicate it, we want to explore all options blah blah.  In fact, when I got out of rehab, I told my boss (who had been incredibly supportive) that most of the traits he valued in me as an employee -- such as my analytical mind -- actually worked against me in AA and in fighting all this. 

So, while everything you say relating to chemical imbalances may or may not be true, if you are in fact an alcoholic, addressing these chemical imbalances will not treat the alcoholism.   I do think people can situationally drink too much, but it won't "make an existing imbalance worse" simply because the imbalances themselves are different.   

A weird analogy would be if you were diabetic and got fat, and then became depressed by being fat.  Antidepressants might help the depression, but your pancreas still has that pesky insulin issue :) 

I do have a question for you.  As busy as I've been, I haven't forgotten that you were to see the nurse last Friday (I think)!    Did you get a prescription of any sort and, if so, for what? 

PS - I don't mean to sound like I'm lecturing, but again...there's a lot of me in all this.  If your goal is to be alcohol-free, you can't get caught up in every side issue that comes along (and there are lots of them!).  It's not complicated at all unless me make it that way to avoid addressing the fundamental issue that we cannot drink safely.   

Howdy.    I'm sorry you're going through all this. 

I am the oldest of 3 and I, too, grew up in an alcoholic household.  My mom drank from the time I was in 1st or 2nd grade and she steadily deteriorated.  She died at 48 when I was a senior in college from esophageal varices (a byproduct of cirrhosis).  My dad started drinking heavily when I was in about 6th grade and basically spent the rest of my childhood in a blackout.  I, too, am an alcoholic with 15 years sobriety (as of last week!). 

I do understand everything you're saying, especially the feeling of powerlessness.   Here's what I would specifically suggest: 

First, you need to get yourself asap to an Al Anon meeting!  You will find lots of support, ideas and understanding there. 

Second, it's true that alcoholics won't change until they're ready, but that doesn't mean family members can't provide a bit of a jump start in that direction.  For example, is your mom healthy enough for an intervention?  In case you don't know what these involve, one person in the family "spearheads" the session by inviting concerned family members and hopefully at least one outsider to attend.  Everyone tells your mom what her drinking has done to them and how it has hurt them.  However, the most important part of all this is that there must be a plan in place.  Does your mom have insurance that would enable her to go to rehab?     

There's a couple other ideas about interventions that I can share if you're interested.   

Finally, in terms of stopping the cycle in your family, there's nothing you can do about your genetic blueprint, or that of your family members.  However, a little education goes a long way!   Every family member who is married to an alcoholic needs to be at Al Anon.  It's not just the support they'll get there -- it's also that they will learn how to not enable the alcoholic.    

Most alcoholics who live with others are able to continue to drink because of the enabling of these people.  They don't realize they're hurting the alcoholic (in fact, it's often done to "help) but it allows the alcoholic to continue drinking and at the same time to maintain family membership.  This is what needs to change. 

I'm sorry you're having all this trouble, but if your question is related to getting off the clonazepam, you might be in the exact right place! 

Just so I'm straight on this, are you saying you have been taking 3 mg per day for almost 5 years?  In other words, what I'm wondering is - has your dosage increased at all during this time? 

Howdy.  

I'm not a doctor, but there's something else going on with your daughter besides the Vicodin.  I say this because people addicted to prescription narcotics do not typically exhibit the symptoms you describe, particularly hearing voices.   

I'd guess that either she's taking other drugs she hasn't told you about (which wouldn't be surprising at all) or she has an underlying mental illness that is complicating matters, which is also a possibility.  In either case, she sounds borderline psychotic. 

Have you talked to a lawyer about having her declared incompetent?  Laws vary from state to state, but she needs to be in a facility (hospital, psychiatric institution) that can completely evaluate her medically and mentally.     

Is this a possibility? 

I don't know why you crack me up so much!!!   

On the reply with quote thingie, I usually don't use it myself simply because it doesn't have an edit/delete feature, so you end up reproducing these massive posts over and over.   But it doesn't really matter because it's easy to see the new ones -- there aren't that many. 

Anyhoo...you'll be pleased to know that Mother doesn't object to the Wellbutrin :)  I do hope that they cautioned you about alcohol, however...some antidepressants (and Wellbutrin is one of them) can interact with alcohol and in many cases they suggest you avoid it entirely.   

And, of course, congrats on the court order! 

PS - Let me think about the e-mail thing.  I really don't like it (for a variety of reasons) and I usually don't have time for it but I also understand why people in smaller towns might be concerned about privacy type issues.