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Messages By: nicole984

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July 25, 2005, 8:14 am CDT

ending toxic friendships

 me and my friend have been friends for 8 yrs. we met my freshman year in high school, her sophmore year. about 2 years ago, she changed a lot. she became very boy crazy, jelouse, and she started to steal. she would hit on my boyfriends, and even changed her clothes infront of them and me. She slept around a lot. and my new live-in boyfriend, cant stand her. we get in to arguements about her all the time, b/c he doesnt like her in our house. i actually cant find anybody that truly likes her. she doesnt take care of her self, and has bad hygiene, and is overwieght and wears clothes that are way to small.  she got arrested for stealing, i bailed her out, and now she stole again and is back in jail. everytime i talk to her she makes me feel so guilty. and i feel i should help her. but i know that if she  gets out, shes going to want to stay with me, and i dont want her around my b/f. not really worried about him. she has no where to go b/c nobody wants her living with them.... not even her parents. should i just leave her in there? maybe this is a lesson. i dont know. i want to help my friend, but i dont think its s good idea for me to assossiate my self with her anymore.. that sounds awful, i dont know.

 
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July 27, 2005, 1:46 pm CDT

Ending Toxic Friendships

Quote From: dreamer313

I need some advice... my friend had asked me to join her on a short vacation with some of her family. I agreed many months ago and paid her my portion of the trip expenses. About a month or so before we were suppost to leave on our trip, she received a better offer to go somewhere else.  Knowing she could only pick one of the two trips, she picked the better offer.  Now, I'm out of a few hundred dollars.  She mentioned I could go ahead with her family -without her there and not knowing them too well at all.  Maybe I'm totally out of my head, but I don't feel thats any position for me to be in. I'm not very happy with this friend or the situation right now.  Lately, she's been making me feel as if it were my fault and getting very hateful with me. I honestly wouldn't be this upset if there weren't money involved, but there is, and to me, it's quite alot.  What should i do?? 

you should explain to your friend that you are not comfortable going with her family, considering you dont know them well, and the only reason you agreed was because she was going. maybe talk to her about the way shes been acting, and demand your money back. that was very irresponsible of her and should have stayed with her commitments. its unreasonable for her to change plans and then get upset at you. if it was me i would demand my money back. because a few hundred dollers doesnt come by easily.

 
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October 6, 2005, 11:32 am CDT

get real

there is nothing wrong with handing out condoms in school. parents need to realize, that what they are not learning from them, they learn from there peers at school, and even worse, they glamorize it. reality is, that so many parents are so afraid to talk to there kids abou the reality of sex, that sadley, it is up to the school to educate them. it is good to teach kids about abstinence, but its nieve for you to think that just b/c you only discuss absinance, thats all they're going to do. i dont believe having sex before marriage is unholy, as long it is done with some who respects you and who loves you, and you can only make that kind of decision at an older age... not ...14, where im finding, 14 year old girls are being allowed to date. they are not old enough to make responsible desicions to not have sex...but parents assume they wont do it...why?...."because we told them not to" thats a good reason. they need to know all aspects of having sex, the risk that comes with it, but just saying... dont do it...has that ever worked? nobody wants to talk about oral sex. but you know one of the leading diseases that are happening to 6th graders...gonorreah of the mouth... 6th grade! thats 10 yrs old!  majority of young kids, think oral sex isnt sex. b/c nobody taks to them about it. condoms dont promote sex, they keep you safe. they are making your children more aware, b/c most of you are to afraid to do your self. you should be thanking the school and offering your services to make the class better. they emphasize on abstinence. but the dont ignore the obviouse....your kids are having sex.
 
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chillin'
October 6, 2005, 11:47 am CDT

real quick on breastfeeding in public.

it makes me real uncomfortable to see someone breastfeeding in public.at a grocery store. i bent down to pick up a can of apple sauce looked up to a breast staring at me... they say, its a beautiful, natural thing so it shouldnt be a big deal, then why dont you give birth in public..we can set up a  tent in the parking lot, and play guess my gender.
 
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October 6, 2005, 2:01 pm CDT

first

Quote From: badtrip

I think the reason people don't take your suggestions and opinions seriously may be because you're ridiculous. Birth is one thing, breastfeeding is another. While I don't see any parallels between nursing and birth - birth being a time when you expose your genitals, poop, blood, amniotic fluid gushing everywhere, and the obvious necessity of being in a safe and sanitary place while giving birth,  please answer this, should women who choose to offer their babies the healthiest food be locked up and shunned from society for the often 20 hours or more per day the baby is latched on? What about when the baby gets older and it's less than 8 hours. Do you really think that we should avoid nursing in slings at the grocery store, or at the dinner table, or spend our whole lives hiding? Should we let our babies cry and let ourselves develop mastitis? Do you even know what that is? All the while our babies starving just so you can avoid seeing a boobie? Meanwhile the formula babies are being fed bottles everywhere. I don't see this "prude" attitude as true prudence, to me it is nonsense and not far from selfishness and oppression. Think you're keeping yourself pure by not looking at boobies? Get over it - I think God would have a different opinion.

i have my on boobies to look at, and thats enough for me. i never said anything about keeping my self pure, and who are you to say what god would say on this matter... i'd love for you to show me in the bible where it says, breastfeed your child for all to see. thats irrelevant anyway. obviously you got offended by what i said, and i dont care, it was my opinion to express. but seeing your maturity by calling me ridiculous and questioning my intelligence really drives your point home. you must be an excellent mother. 

 
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October 6, 2005, 3:28 pm CDT

ok

Quote From: badtrip

I do think I'm a good mother. Your comparison of nursing to giving birth in a parking lot IS ridiculous. Have fun looking at your boobies. By the way, you chose not to answer the question I asked. Do you think nursing moms should be shunned by society? 

  

"BREASTFEEDING LEGISLATION: AN OVERVIEW

In the United States, breastfeeding legislation has been enacted nearly one-third of the states over the past six years, and many more states have pending bills. This article gives some pointers on enacting legislation.  

THE CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO BREASTFEED

In looking at legislation, first look at the language of the case of Dike v. Orange County School Board, 650 F.2d 783 (5th Cir., 1981) . This case sets forth that mothers have a constitutional right to breastfeed. In that case, a teacher wanted to nurse her baby on her duty free lunch break. The school claimed that insurance provisions prohibited teachers from bringing their children onto school property, and also prohibited teachers from leaving the school grounds during the day. The trial court ruled that the mother had no right to breastfeed. In Dike, the appeals court reversed the case and remanded it for a new trial, stating that breastfeeding is a protected constitutional right. "Breastfeeding is the most elemental form of parental care. It is a communion between mother and child that, like marriage, is "intimate to the degree of being sacred," Griswold v. Connecticut, 381 U.S. at 486, 85 S. Ct. at 1682, 14 L. Ed. 2d at 516. Nourishment is necessary to maintain the child's life, and the parent may choose to believe that breastfeeding will enhance the child's psychological as well as physical health. In light of the spectrum of interests that the Supreme Court has held specially protected we conclude that the Constitution protects from excessive state interference a woman's decision respecting breastfeeding her child." 650 F.2d at 787  

Constitutional rights are not absolute, and often collide with legitimate, recognized interests. Sometimes the courts must balance individual rights with state interests. In the Dike case, the trial court determined that the state had a legitimate interest in restricting the teacher's comings and goings because of certain school policies . Although the appellate court ruled that mothers have a constitutional right to breastfeed, Mrs. Dike did not have the right to leave school to go home and nurse her baby, or to bring her baby on to school grounds. Keep in mind that this constitutional right may not apply to a mother who is breastfeeding in a private location, such as a store or restaurant. And although there are some other legal theories upon which the right to breastfeed can be based (discrimination laws, equal protection, etc.), breastfeeding legislation is the best way to clarify the right that women have - to feed their babies where they do.  

RESTRICTIONS ON THE RIGHT TO BREASTFEED

Can states restrict the right to breastfeed? We think not! Women have a constitutional right to breastfeed, and no one has the right to discriminate or segregate against breastfeeding mothers. However, some states initially considered limiting a mother's right to breastfeed, while considering legislation that would clarify a mother's right to breastfeed in public. For instance, New Jersey's Assembly initially passed an amendment to their bill that would allow mothers to breastfeed in public only if there was no designated area for them to go. This amendment was rejected by the NJ Senate, and caused quite an outcry from the public and press. This is why the City of Philadelphia enacted an Ordinance that not only prohibited discriminating against breastfeeding mothers, but expressly prohibited segregating breastfeeding mothers. (Amending Section 9-1105 of the Fair Practices Code, 1996). They felt strongly that it is segregation to tell a mother that she has to go to a certain place or area to breastfeed. Some other states considered requiring a mother to breastfeed discreetly. However, this legislation restricts the right mothers already have, and would impose an arbitrary and subjective standard on breastfeeding. The purpose of legislation is to clarify the mother's right, in the hopes that it will increase the incidence and duration of breastfeeding. Restrictions would defeat the entire purpose of breastfeeding legislation, and could deter a mother from making this healthy choice! " 

  

Source,  http://www.lalecheleague.org/Law/LawEnact.html you can go to the website and look up laws in your state as well. 

  

Here is a link to references about breastfeeding in the Bible. 

http://www.texas-midwife.com/breastfeeding.htm#metaphor   "...breastfeeding was a fact of life in Bible times. It was so common to the culture of the Bible lands that the image of a nursing mother influenced even idiomatic expressions and figures of speech. In fact, I'll take that conclusion one step further. Breastfeeding was an everyday, common occurrence in Biblical times because it is God's design for nourishing an infant. He who created mankind as male and female designed them to procreate (Genesis 1:27-28). And in order to nourish and nurture the children born from the union of man and woman, our Creator designed the female anatomy for breastfeeding an infant. As the patriarch Jacob put it in Genesis 49:25, it is "the Almighty who blesses [us with...the blessings of the breasts and of the womb."

the giving birth in public comment was a joke... i see that obviously flew over your head, b/c you take everything way to seriously.b/c your showing me legislatures, that im not going to read. i did answer you question,maybe you should read it again, but since i see you have a habit of missing things, ill say it again. its simply my opinion. im not going to tell a woman to go somewhere else and feed her baby. i personally dont like to see it, thats all, i figured that woman would want to know another perspective.  As far as the bible... again... if you read what i wrote before, i said where in the bible it says to breastfeed in public?, not in general. obviously some woman need to breast feed. .. i dont think its indecent and yes, you are a very informative mother at that, so if you child makes a comment that  you feel is wrong, do you belittle them and hand them a bunch of information to try prove them that your right, too? or do you just do that to strangers? 

 
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October 6, 2005, 5:22 pm CDT

ok

Quote From: acwklo

Anyone who is uncomfortable with breastfeeding should not watch women breastfeed.  I nurse where ever I am regardless of whos around and I have never put my breast in anyone elses face.  You saying you are uncomfortable with breastfeeding is like me saying I am uncomfortable with someone bottle feeding in public.  It is a choice for each women to make (hopefully an educated choice).

first, i dont watch women breastfeed, its kinda shoved in to where i happen to be looking. you nurse wherever you want. 2nd, bottle feeding is different, it doesnt involve a breast...in case you didnt know. obviously, this isnt about feeding your child specifically, but the fact, that your taking out something that otherpeople more than likey dont want to see..including myself, whether or not its to feed your baby. b/c trust me...some guys are not staring b/c your baby's so darn cute. would you flash yourself?... sure you can say...its a different context, but flashing a breast is flashing a breast, i dont care what your doing. like i said before. i personally dont think its appropriate, but im not going to go up to a woman and tell her to stop. she has her rights. its my opinion. 

 
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October 10, 2005, 6:14 pm CDT

im probably the only one but...

Quote From: mlrocz

All I have to say is the Bible has a lot to say. 

  

Don't take things too literally...it is not meant for you to take everything literally 

i agree with everything you've said so far. 

 
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October 11, 2005, 6:47 pm CDT

i agree

Quote From: heyaamya

I completely relate to you BCurry.  I have heard that I talk "white" as well, and I have to constantly reply with, "No, I speak properly!!"  And that's all that's to it.  I think it has now become a problem where people now feel there is a certain way that a person is supposed to be based off of their color, which is so far from the truth.  I really hate that it has gotten this ridiculous.  I have a two year old daughter and now they comments are that she talks white.  It's almost as if black people often feel they are beneath white people; when they are not.  Everyone is equal.  And if  you feel less than another person, that's something you need to work on within yourself, or ask to go to the Dr. Phil show and he'll straighten you out.  Comon' people, can't we all just get along.

i can also relate. growing up, i couldnt be-friend a single black girl, because i was too "white." i never understood what that ment. i was called everyhting in the book. i dont speak ebonics, and i cant understand it when other people do. nobody believes me when i say im born and raised in florida, b/c i dont have a southern drawl.  the thing that bothered me the most, is that i got made fun of by other black woman more than anything. i wasnt to light skinned, but i wasnt really dark either. im half indian and half jamaican, so they said im not really black.(explain that to me). and i had my hair pulled on all the time, b/c they wanted to know if its a weave. i didnt experiance any racism except from the black girls in school. so, b/c i didnt talk to them, i was labled a snob. i dont understand why some balck woman are turning against others, just b/c they're different, when we should be supporting each other. 

  

 
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October 14, 2005, 1:23 pm CDT

i agree

Quote From: ladypawn

  

  Is twenty years old too old of a girl for my daughter of 16 to want to "hang out" with? 

I think so.. now.. how do I tell her that. 

She gets all ticked off at me when I tell her that she is too  old for her to be hanging with.  This girl is married with two kids and one more on the way.  She got pregnentt in her early teens obviously, and I think the influence is terrible.  She doesnt do drugs.. or anything like that.. but I feel as if her lifestyle of being pregnent in her teens and now being married looks too easy for my daughter to be deterred from doing the same thing. 

My daughter wants to babysit for her and sometimes I let her.. but. Im not comfortable letting her do that either. 

There isnt any supervision when she is there.. its whatever my daughter wants to do. 

I dont like it.. now how do I tell her that? 

  

ladypawn 

im 21 yrs old, and i agree that she is too young to hang out with a 20yr old. i think that the mentality and the experiances are differant, and it does, in a way, make her think teen pregnancy is easy. her lifestyle is inappropriate for  your daughter to be in. 

as far as you daughter getting ticked... who cares? your the parent . i used to get so mad at my parents when they wouldt let me do things, and now that im older, i realize they were right. sure, i hated them for about a day, but i get over it. its all about the delivery. if you demand that she never see her agin with out explenation, she might do it behind your back. explain to her about your worries speak camly, and since she thinks she an adult, speak to her like one, and she might respect you decision , if you get an attitude from her, remind her that, its not very mature to act that way, and its not how you get what you want. 

 

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