Charles, Dr. Phil was correct in introducing your sons into the matter of your infidelity by showing one son's impact. My father was an insurance salesman and thus had thousands of opportunities to meet single women in the 50s. He took advantage of that and adopted a secondary lifestyle of cheating on our mother. I discovered his other lifestyle at the age of 10 when one of the women he had been having sex with sent a letter to him with my parents' address on the envelope. My mother opened it and discovered naked photos of one of the females he was interacting with. Additionally, many nights my father would not come home until well after midnight and others until early morning. My mother paced the hallways of our house, heartbroken about what she suspected was occuring. Choosing not to discuss these matters with her at the age of 10 even though I observed she was experiencing emotional trauma and didn't want to subject her to my personal impact, I went to bed. However, night after night I would experience a sudden feeling of the environment around me pulling away into space with me shrinking drastically. No matter how many blankets I pulled over my body, that scared the heck out of me and terrorized me for a long time, but I knew it was a result of not reaching out to my mother and discussing with her what she was experiencing. I felt I was not emotionally and mentally equipped to deal with the reality around me because of my age. Even though I've never forgotten his horrid behavioral patterns, I finally let his flaws go after he died two years ago when I reached the age of 50. Yes, I forgave him for his sins which affected my mother, me, and my four other siblings and I forgave myself for choosing to hold onto the reality of those sins for so many years. I now have a clear mind and silent emotions about him. Thus, do not choose to burden your sons with emotional dirt regarding harmful choices you've made and might choose to make in the future. Dr. Phil informed you about how many precious days/weeks/months/years you have left, and to that I would add who is going to attend your funeral service--who is going to bury you if you've crashed and burned because of sordid behavior you've alienated your family members with? Instead, do what works well for you and your wife and children. The payoff will be substantially better!
Terry (in a very successful 30-year relationship!)
