Dr. Phil.com - Messageboards

May 22, 2006, 8:30 pm PDT

Michael

Quote From: lcb81860

Michael, from the looks of the coming attractions, your "mother" who abandoned you probably did you a favor in the long run...for one, she doesn't appear to be too stable, plus she doesn't seem to want to be held accountable for her actions. I hope to learn that those who eventually became your caretakers all these years did their best for you, and provided you with a loving and nurturing home! This meeting with your "mother" should only serve as closure for you so that you can get on with the rest of your life. Many blessings!

OXO
Lucy

I agree with you Lucy, I am an adoptive mother and I pray that I have given my children a better life than if they stayed with their birth parents and familys. I know the stories about their lives and it isn't a pretty tale. A lot of re-union shows between birthparents and children are not the usual stories. I figure that if you gave your child up or had the child taken from you for say severe drug use, than you don't get to come in on my Childs life after they are all grown up! I was there when my children were sick, needed me and became my child with a bond on so strong. I believe MIchael will be hurt all over again and I can't see the good in that. I will pray for you MIchael. Cheryl

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December 4, 2006, 12:58 am PST

out of control hubands and Bobby

I remember watching the former child tv strars show. At first I liked it, thinking he was really trying to get help, but the more I saw of it the more I came to realize that everything is always about him. Now I realize that when there is someone in the family with that kind of problem it is beyond hard for them. But here is the kicker..it is beyond, beyond hard on his wife who he has treated horribly. I think there comes a time when she should say stop! Let's seperate, get a divorce, and move on. She deserves to be happy and I think he just loves all the drama about him. When does she finally count? When she has the courage to say, I love you (if she still does), but I want my own life back..MY identy back. I hope she find the courage to do that. If he gets sober, and stays sober for a long, long, time and she wants to reunite then thats up to her, but I think the relationship is toxic. It's sad really, but who wants to watch that? They need help without the cameras. My opinion, cheryl

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December 4, 2006, 1:33 am PST

Danny and his wifes story

I wrote earlier, but I don't think it got posted correctly, so I will repeat it and if there are two, well then just throw one out. I remember watching the show about him trying to get help with his drug problems and at first having respect for him for that, but it just didn't work and the way he treated and still treats his wife is just horrible. I know he has this terrible problem, but where does her life come in? She deserves to be happy and he is abusive emotionally to her. I think she should leave him, and I take vows very seriously, but enough already. He is so full of himself and maybe it is the drugs talking, but I think that down deep he just wants everything to be about all his needs. She deserves a life without all that stress and drama and make her own way. I think she would find such peace that she hasn't know in a long time. Danny can get help without her and should I think. I pray they both find happiness and clarity. Cheryl

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January 18, 2007, 4:03 am PST

gross

Quote From: jessilynn6

You are so far off I don't even know where to start.

First, ANYONE can get an STD. If you have had sex, you can have one. I am sure you aren't aware of the statistics, so let me enlighten you.

About 80% of people have or have had HPV, the virus that causes warts and can cause cervical cancer.

Up to 80% of the population has some form of herpes, and 1 in 4 has genital herpes type 2. 30% of all new genital herpes cases are caused by herpes type 1, as a result of oral sex. 90% of those with genital herpes don't know they have it because they either have no symptoms, or have symptoms so mild they attribute it to something else.

Even if you are married and you were both virgins when you married, you can get ghsv1 if your spouse has it and you receive oral sex from that partner.

There are millions and millions of new chlamydia infections every year in the US alone.

I won't go on, but you get the idea. Have YOU been tested? You might be shocked by the results.

You can also get STDS when using protection. Herpes, HPV and syphilis are all transmitted by skin to skin contact, and condoms don't cover every bit of skin you have. Condoms also break, fall off, etc. They also have to be used from the time the clothes come off till the end of any skin to skin contact to be effective.

Also, Alex is 14. She isn't capable of making intelligent decisions with forethought yet. You are placing adult blame on a child.

I haven't read all of these messages, but it sounds like you are part of the family. If you are, I hope you stop using blame, shame and guilt to motivate Alex into making healthier lifestyle choices.

Jess

I think this is one off the worst shows Dr . Phill has put on. I actually love the show most of the time, but it seems to be getting into the gutter a bit . I feel for the 14 year old. I even feel for the Mom, but know that she is probably afraid to admit to some mistakes. The 14 year old is old enough now to take more responsability for her behavior. She may not be an adult, but she needs to make some serious behavior changes, which she says she knows. To say she has a poor self image is an understatment and I hope that Dr. Phil can help. It will, I am sure require a lot of intervention and therapy. The Aunt is just plain scary! She yell, screams, degrades, insults and on and on....she is family though and won't be going away anytime soon, so she needs major help also. The show just gives me the creeps though. Cheryl

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January 21, 2007, 8:27 pm PST

family's like this

Quote From: mi_lilly

THANK YOU DR. PHIL!!!

Thanks for having shows like this time and again. There are so many family members like Enza, who dont know what to do. I am in a similar situation. I did the wrong things, but I tried to do something. One therapist, working thru the school, quit after meeting so much resistance, from the family member of teens he was trying to help. Thanks, Dr Phil for your dedication and innovation in treating families.

That is scary, there are a lot of problems in my own family. One large one due to the fact that my 22nd year old son who is mentally ill because his biological mother took drugs is one. My husband and my other grown children have had to deal with these mental illness issues, never mind the fact that my Son will never have a normal life because of someone elses problems. We have always gotten help for him and continue in many different ways to help including letiing other agencys help him. So , I guess, my point which isn't coming out clearly is. these shows kindof make me sick. Here we did nothing but help our Son and the problems never end for him or us and this family with that Aunt is just so terrible. Yelling, pointing fingers, drinking problems and on and on. I hate this particular show because is shows such dispare and we here at our house, who have only tried to get the help my Son needs, sees a family that has been in denial for God knows how long. I wish there could be some happy endings to these t ype of problems , but when you have family memebers that make things worse, it will be nearly impossible. All of a suddend the girl won't be ok, just because Dr. Phil stepped in. It will be because of his vast resources and ties that can get the girl away from her family.
My Son, like many other metally ill people , who need help and many times refuse it will continue to struggle along day by day. That's life, there are no guarinteens, I know, and sorry about the spelling issues here, but I will not give up on my Son , but with the laws the way they are, there is only so much I can do . He must want help also and if t here are other poeple out there with relatives with mental health issues, le me know......sable

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January 23, 2007, 12:01 am PST

from sable, mental illness

Quote From: campers97

my 15 year old son suffers from autistic spectrum disorder,which may lead to schizophrenia

the school has mainstreamed him but now high school is not only a challenge but very scary,as hes heading tward a rough school..you are not alone.,god only gives special children to special people..keep your head high..my nightmares have been very real,but if you have a tough time imagine what the children face..my son goes to school every day being picked on and when he says something or acts out guess whos sent home?Just hang in there god bless and know your not alone out there...i hope you recieve the help your looking for..

It is ironic, that the day after I wrote this my son ended up in the hospital again. I was called by an ajency that I had got involved with him that helps our family cope and helps him with jail deversion programs and helps inform the other agencys involved with his care a young adult. They also make sure everything that can be done is. It is a sort of relief that they can help and is one of the best things I have been able to do to help him and us. Of course there is only so much they can do and much of what goes on depends on my Sons actions. He is being asked to leave his present apartment because of the many problems he has caused in such a short period of time. I would love to know if there are places for our our adult children who really need for their own safety to be in some sort of resdential treatment center on a perminant basis. There is not this kind of program anymore as far as I know because of the trend that shut donw many places that had abuse situations going on. Great, I agrea, but now What? There is simply put people who llike my son should be in something like that in a better place of course. There are none. I have researched it and although the local agencys have tried their best and then some , great help is needed. I hope t hat you get some much needed help for your son. Thanks for writing.

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January 23, 2007, 12:18 am PST

sable

Quote From: annalon

Sable, I feel for you. We have similar problems. Our daughter is 21 now and refuses to take her medications. We've been to hell and back with her for the past 7 years, therapy, meds, hospitalization in a locked unit, special programs. We are no longer young but have realized we can never retire as all our money went for her care, etc. Insurance does not fuly cover mental illnesses. And now that she is an adult she is on her own legally and cannot be covered on her father's health insurance. She, of course, cannot afford health insurance and her jobs never offer anything. She is not incompetent. Just unwell. I understand your pain that Dr. Phil is helping others and not you. Maybe someday he'll do a show on parents of adult children with mental illness. It is painful but we must accept that their lives are out of our control and we can only be there to pick up the pieces if necessary. Don't give up on your son. It's hard, but hang in there for his sake.

I feel for your also. There are agencys that can help your daughter get on disability that can take some of the money stresses off of you. If you have not , check with your local mental health agency, Young adult division and let them know your situation. Our son is on state aid. We will not always be around and I have had lupus, sjrons sydrome, reynoids syndrome, and a horrible nerve damage problem caused by being on high steriod during a large flair up. I had shingles onthe right side of my head and neck, causing unbearable pain and finally was able to get a
nuro-stimulator implanted in my chest, like a pace maker size and then leads go up to my head and the stimulation they give, which I can control gives me relief. It is not a cure, but it is a wonderful device that has saved my life. With all this the problems with my son of course did not ease and my husband has been great in helping and loveing me. I have a wonderful daughter and another son also who have been able to grow into wonderful people. MY children are adopted, I wasn't sick when we adopted, . So all is not negative and if it were not for my belief in God, and friends I should be out of my own mind. God gave me a sence of humor also. And many more blessings, one other being other family,like a twin....Sorry this is so long. Thanks for your encouragement, and I hope the suggestins help you if you have not already looked into or tried these things. sable

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January 23, 2007, 12:25 am PST

sable

Quote From: mi_lilly

I have thought the same things you have written here. I am almost 50 years old, so this has been going on for a long time. YOU HAVE BEEN TRYING! THAT IS SO GREAT!

I am Christian, don't have much bible study though. When I was very young, I read the part where GOD says; I AM THAT I AM, don't worry you cannot understand, just believe. I don't know why your family or mine has been put through so much pain. Sometimes it seems cruel.

But, GOD is not cruel, the devil is. Anyway, you have not quit and will not quit. I think you get it.

I taped the show today. Got home in time to see just the last 20 minutes. Do you believe I feel lucky? I hope you can see the progress you HAVE made. Your work has had results. Pat yourself on the back and smile: even just a little bit. I am going to. Then I am going to get back to work.

I don't know who you are that has written to me, but thanks. I am almost 51, a twin, which a blessing that cannot be messured. She has family problems also. Not like mine, but I guess the point is we all do. I have many medical problems also, but a wonderful husband and angel friends I know. I don't give up because of God that is the only logical reason why. I wish though, Jesus would come again and save us all from the suffering in our world. But no one knows the time he will do that , but him, so yes I will keep on plugging away and have tried o pay attention to the rest of our family . Thanks for your reply., Sable

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January 26, 2007, 10:46 pm PST

getting further help

Quote From: gmanuia

I too, like you have a loved one that suffers from a mental disorder. My younger brother who is now 34 yrs old lives with my 63 yr. old mother and she cares for him and his illness. Sometimes I feel guilty in that I cannot let them both live with me, but because I have 4 children and a husband my priorities are with my family and making sure they are safe and watched over. We live close enough that I can and do check on them everyday, but with his illness he suffers also from addictions to everything harmful to his body. He recently stopped smoking and I'll tell you what we celebrated like there was no tomorrow!!! He has violent outbursts that keep him from living in any facility, because you don't know what's coming around the corner. My mother "bless her heart" loves him and knows that she will be blessed as she continues to stay healthy and look after him. There are facilities that do look after our loved ones, just keep asking, keep talking to anyone who will listen until you become such a burr under their skin they WILL want to help you!! Thanks for the message we will all continue to move forward with hope and love!!!

Hi, I am happy that someone out there knows what I feeling and going through with my son. He has now been moved to another hospital for longer care help. It was just a short month and a half ago when he came out of another hospital after four and a half months. I got to see him before he left for that placement and he actualy hugged and kisssed me. They had put him on adavan and he was nice. He has callled me a lot allready and is talking again about moving to another town when he gets out. Always looking outward for that magic bullet that will change all his problems instead of working on himself , as much as someone like he can. I have found out about a doctor who may be able to help Joe. So we are going to be writing letters, and having meetings again and hoping that Joe is open to this as part of his treatment plan. We shall see. But he has to want to and they said that they give him high insentives at the beginning and then as he gets better in some areas, say like washing himself and caring about how his scent affects other, the lower the insentive. I told on of the current workers on staff who was telling me about this that my son had those same t yps of insentive when he was at wood services in Penn. for five years mind you , when he was younger. The insevtives had to stay high and he could never get below high and my question to him and the doctor will be is what if it is always going to be high,, will they give up? I Know through experience t hat he will alays require 24 hour care and why aren't there places out there for people like my son who should be in a facility that is positive yet highly structured? My son also, now tht he has tasted freedon outside, once out of the hospital stay, will go right back to the current or same old behaviors and one day end up in jail or dead despite all that we have tried to do to help him. I hope this new doctor really has dealt with others like JOe. I am going to write to the ne doctor who told us years ago that this is the way JOe would always be because of his natural mother taking drugs and how they made it like some parts of Joes brain did not develope and trying to get him to work on himself would be to go around another way to teach him. Well, it's been years doing this and when he turned 21 and decided aha! now I can drink and do as he pleased including not taking his meds, fooling around with girls hoping to get someone pregnant....God forbid. I am sorry this is so long. We are trying again. I hope that you are also if possible, but know that some day, if he isn't changing for whatever reason he will be dead or in jail. I hope and pray for you and yours and please do the same for me. Sable

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February 1, 2007, 9:44 pm PST

long term recovery program

Quote From: sldente

I am a recovering addict and have been sober for 15 years. 15 years ago, although I did not do it, I was capable of killing anyone. I truly felt your Dad was sincere today. He did a great job for only having 58 days sober. I so respect you for wanting to have a relationship with him. I completely understand. Please, give your dad some time. He needs to prove himself and that will take awhile for you to trust and believe in him. If he drinks or uses all bets are off. But if he stays sober there is great hope for forgiveness on both parts. Him of himself and you, of him. I suggest a program called Alanon for you and I suggest that one of your stipulations for you to be willing to mend this relationship is that he go to a LONG term recovery place and 5 meetings (AA) a week, It will take some time. It took along time until people believed in me and I had to understand and respect that. I am a person who lived on the streets, robbed cheated and lied. I am now a "soccer" mom of two beautiful children and happily married living a very productive life. Please learn more about addiction. I believe it was the disease that lead your father to kill your mother. I can also understand how he used right when he got out of jail. Jail does not offer a program of recovery and to recover you have to be in a strong program. Find out more about addiction. Talked to addicts--we know the power of drugs-under the influence you are capable of anything. I felt your dad was as humble as he could be today. Thought he did a great job for 58 days sober. Let me know when you are on again. I would love to follow this process. Pray for your father Sharon sldente@verizon.net

I beleive that he needs to be in long term recovery, but he has been in jail and may view any in program like jail, so maybe an outpatien program would be best. This is such a traggic story and will not come easily together. The emotions of hate, love, fear, wanting, needing a father all are mixed up and have to be sorted out. I bet she wonders what others, family and friends could possibly think? Like how could you even want to forgive him and call him Dad. I believe that only God could do those things for them and it seems like they both are reaching out to God fo quidance along with the help of Dr. Phil and his staff. God holds both the Father's and Daughters hearts in his hands and yet they have the free will to decide what to do wih all these emotions and if they will move forward. I think that the Father walking off stag was from the emence fear he felt the closer he go to how his actions affected his daughter. I pray for their healing. Sable

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Messages By:

Michael

out of control hubands and Bobby

Danny and his wifes story

gross

family's like this

from sable, mental illness

sable

sable

getting further help

long term recovery program