Quote From: mismindles So if I had to be really honest with myself I'd say I saw a little of myself in a couple of these moms. I know Dr. Phil did this show to help those of us who are in this business and need to step back and analyze our situation so for all of the people who think this show was done just for ratings and all the moms out there who have child actors I ask you to please be honest with yourself and see if you fit the profile of any of these ladies.
I think I find myself as a cross between Kiki & Susan. Kiki is rational and supportive, but she pushes Gracie at times when she needs a moment of space. Perfectly normal I think- all moms do this occasionally. Susan is a bit of a perfectionist and doesn't let Meagan think for herself. Susan pushes Meagan to the point that she is almost in tears and then yells at Meagan for getting upset. I regret to say that I have done this in the past. As for the rest of the moms....Psychoooooo!
I think what I am taking out of all of this is that it may have been the childs idea to start this business, but once the mom gets her mind around stardom she becomes obsessed! I find myself always torn between letting my son fail if he decides not to rehearse or if I should push him because he will thank me later. I think of it like making your child do homework or practice piano even when he would rather play outside. I took piano as a kid and I didn't practice and eventually my parents made me quit. I wanted to take piano, but I didn't like to practice. Now i could kick myself and my parents for not making me stick with it because I can sing and write lyrics, but I can't play an instrument and I ask myself all the time if they should have forced me to practice. I don't have an answer to this question, but I am curious what others might think.
I don't let my child fail at anything. If he tells me at 10:30 that he forgot he had to have his report ready the next day, I will send him to bed and type it up for him. If he forgets his lunch money I drive it up to him instead of letting him eat peanut butter & jelly & learn the hard way. Forgot his backpack- drive it to his school. Left homework on the tabel- drive it to the school. I know that's a problem I just don't know when the right time is to let him fail.
In the acting business if you don't book work you get dropped by your agent. If you book work and don't walk on set with it ready you get dropped by the production. If you gain weight in some cases you get dropped and if you lose weight you can get dropped. Bad attitude, tardiness, tiredness, almost anything can get you dropped and sometimes it's like a walk on a wire to stay in the business. Moms know this, but kids don't always get it and they say they want to be actors, but some of them have no idea what it takes to "make it" I know my son doesn't always get it unless it's a role he's just dying to get and then he practices a lot, but commercials don't thrill him and sometimes commercials are the gateway to televison and film. We don't live in LA so film is rare and television is almost obsolete, so commercials are how he pays for trips to LA. I offer to let him do what he wants if he chooses to give up all of this. Just the other day on the way to an audition I calmly and gently told him that:
"Daddy and I don't care if you decide to play sports or do something else. You let us know when you want to quit because I don't want to spend my time and gas money and all of our extra money going to LA and paying for acting classes & headshots if you don't want to hold up your end of the bargain by rehearsing and giving your 100%"
He immediately started crying & saying:
"I want to act, Mom. I just get tired of going to auditions and not booking work, but I don't want to quit because it's the one thing I am really good at." (which is not true because he loves science and has the mind for it)
Now maybe my way of saying it could be looked on negatively and maybe that makes me a stage mom, but honestly, would you want to fork out thousands of dollars if your child wasn't going to be in it 100%? And the fact that he started crying really bothered me, not in an angry way, but I understood that sometimes the pressure gets to even the most resilient kid, because he has never voiced anything in the 4 years he has been doing this that would make me think that he actually felt rejected until now.
That's how it is for these kids, but to tell him it's all over because it's too much pressure would make him feel even worse because he would think I didn't think he had what it takes to make it and that would also be a really bad thing to do to his tender little spirit. SO what do I do? He has what it takes when he wants to give his 100% and that's not just my opinion. He has a good agency and a manager that believe in him because they have seen his work.
Another thing parents on the outside who say, "let your kid be a kid and not worry about acting till later" don't realize that unless kids were wiped from movie screens there will always be that kid who WILL take the part and it's the kids who spend all these young years taking lessons and booking work that sometimes already have a bridge to a career as an adult. I know- has been child stars...blah blah blah, but there are just as many success stories of kids who started out around 10ish and are now big time actors. It's hard for an adult to break into the business and much easier for kids.
I don't kid myself. I know my son is not the next Josh Hutcherson. (the male Dakota IMO) but he talented and he needs more classes and coaching and obviously, work, even if it's lowq budget or for free, to hone his skills even better.
Anyway, I have learned some things and I have passed on some knowledge to all of you who don't understand all of this madness. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want my kid to make it. His dreams are my dreams and I have always said that perhaps he will not be an actor and all of this training and auditioning is preparing him for another field that will require these skills. He may be a pastor. He may be a scientist, he may be a lawyer or a missionary, but I don't believe God gave him these gifts for no reason and I know that the oppertunities that he has had are all in a plan to shape who God wants him to become. I just need to step out of the way and let that happen naturally failures and all.
HI, you didn't say how old your child is or how long he's been trying to be a star. When you said to him that he didn't have to be a star and you would rather he be truthful and tell you so that you wouldn't waist money, says to him. Have i waisted Mom and Dad's money so far and if I quite they will be mad at me for waisting it. It seems like a very stressful life for the child and parents and do you have other children? Maybe if you put your question to him like this. Hey , if you don't want to be a star anymore and would like to just go to school and hang around, do the normal school thing that's ok. We all need a break I think from this right now. No ones fault. We're just all tired. What do you think? Give him a week or so to give you an answer while you don't go to any auditions or headshots..just be a kid for him and a Mom for you.. Same goes with the rest of the family. Do you think you, the Mom could do it.? ch