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September 4, 2005, 8:27 pm CDT

Thankyou again Dr. Phil

Thankyou again Dr. Phil. This husband is identical to my now-ex boyfriend and I am grateful to you cause, even though he has made it clear he no longer wants me (I am not blonde with an hourglass figure and a May West sexuality, though it took him three years to work that out...dah!) it still hurts me and I am torn between feelings of intense love and hatred and revenge. It was good to see there are other men like him and to hear again the wake-up call that this is NOT an okay way to live. You can lose your sense of perspective when you believe you are in love. I did and this intense, almost unbearable pain I now have to endure is the price I have to pay.
 
September 4, 2005, 8:38 pm CDT

Dont agree.

Quote From: nisela25

This is all about competition--neither woman wants the other to "win" and the so-called "prize" is Brad. To me it is suspicious that both women got pregnant within a month apart from each other. My guess is that the mistress purposely got pregnant after she heard that the wife was pregnant because she can't let the wife win. Someone needs to step up and make a decision because Brad is having his cake and eating it too.

Hello, I don't agree that it's about the competition for I was there. It's about a perceived feeling of love. I so loved my guy and he was every bit the liar and manipulator that Brad is. He made me feel that I was the only woman in the world, that what we had was special and that it was all over between him and his wife. In fact, they'd even agreed to lead their own lives, long as they came home to the children. I believed it cause I wanted to but it wasn't true. Turned out he believed that sleeping with as many women as he could was an indicator of his power and status in the town. I didnt want to "beat" the other woman, I wanted to know it wouldn't hurt her if I took her 'cast off.' Unfortunately that wasn't true.
 
September 4, 2005, 8:47 pm CDT

Sex Maniac

Quote From: fthayer

I find it rather astonishing that Brad remains married. If Brad is such a sex maniac, then why not have sex with his wife all the time? Once Brad got married, he made a vow not to be dishonourable to his wife. Having just cheated once on her is bad enough. But with 19 other woman????? It's totally dispicable behavior. Brad is neither deserving of Michele nor the other woman. He needs to isolate himeself as the problem and deal with it by himself. Sara and her own husband need to distance themselves as far away from Brad as possible to deal with their own damage. It may not sound so humane to ostracize Brad but after going through 19 other women, that's all he deserves. Brad needs to go into councelling to deal with his own sexual impulses and leave it at that.
I said I'd be there 24/7 for my sex maniac. I loved him and lusted him too. His wife didn't like or want sex he said. Wouldn't you think a guy would be happy with that? Ohhh nooooooo! He liked the chase, the challenge and the novelty. Once he'd 'scored' he got bored and wanted to move on. He said there was something very wrong with me that I could not just have sex-no strings and move on. He also wanted me to have sex with other people while he watched and, cause I couldn't do that, he dumped me. I HATE HIM AND ALL MEN LIKE BRAD! I hate that what they do isn't against the law, that they get away with it and other men pat them on them on the back and consider them 'lads around the town.' I hate that I wake every day with the pain of it. I try to forgive him, Dr. Phil, but guys like that steal your heart and break it if you're not savvy to their world. I know I am stupid to have let myself be involved with such a man and also that this is mean but I wish their appendages would fall off~ roll away into the gutter, be picked up by some bird (the feathered kind) and be fed to their babies in the nest. GRRRRRRRRRRRR.
 
September 12, 2005, 4:22 pm CDT

Am I not pretty enough?

My whole life seemed to be defined by attractiveness or lack of it and I would hope that we are now becoming more aware of this bias and would seek to work past it so our children are not similarly affected. At primary school, the girls with pretty faces and clothes naturally won the teachers affection quicker than we more plain ones. At dancing school you had to be pretty as well as skilled to dance in the front row, entrance to the local ballet company was judged solely on your body shape as you walked in front of the panel. I know ballet is a specialised and demanding field but all the work and honours grades in the world did you no good if you didn't look like a porcelain doll. Even now, prettiness wins hands down in all areas of life... career opportunity and popularity,  and I ashamed to even catch myself showing favour to beautiful people too. A prime example of this is my ex who looked wonderful... could give any movie star or model a run for their money, yet he behaved so badly and disrespectfully to women. But he got away with it and still does as one look at him 'just melts ya.' I know this is a shallow and stupid way of interacting with the world but, nonetheless, it is the way of the world, unfortunately and I can't see it changing.
 
June 26, 2006, 10:15 pm CDT

PS.

PS. LEAVE HIM!!!!!!! Narcissistic sociopaths (internet definition of them: assholes) never change, never care. I waited too long in the hope that mine would. "SHOW HIM THE DOOR AND HOPE IT DOESN'T HIT HIM ON HIS WAY THROUGH!
 
August 21, 2007, 5:40 am CDT

bruises might be better.

He was never physical but the emotional slights hurt just as much... each time he was blatantly unfaithful it felt like razor blades slashing across my heart; when he spoke he lied constantly... even about unimportant things and he would never even concede that he loved me (as he was a wounded person who was incapable of love) ... he just said he liked me enough to screw. He constantly reminded me that he hated the female race, teachers, brunettes... everything I am and seemed to take a peculiar pleasure in witholding his affection; only being nice when i got really angry or when I was a good girl and didn't ask for too much.

Why was I such a sucker for him? He constantly looked wounded and sad, I loved him so much and would do almost anything to help him feel better. He said his wife didn't care about him and that they lived their own lives, only sharing their family home for the sake of the children.

If I disliked me as much as he seemed to, I would have never had sex in the first place, let alone time after time after time. I have only just completely broken all ties with him so it feels lonely and strange but I know I had to or end up in an asylum. What was good about him, you may wonder? He was cute and aroused the same kind of love in me as you feel for a new born baby; had loads of charisma and charm and did always seem to be intimately sharing confidences and his own vulnerability. When it was good, it was so very good but those moments were as rare as hen's teeth. I thought if i just kept hanging in there he would eventually see that I really loved him and would be good for him and we could live happily and peacefully ever after. Shame I was living in one big fairytale!

 
August 22, 2007, 3:06 am CDT

Painful Porn.

It's hurtful when your guy goes to a porn site on his computer after he has been with you... or instead of being with you. It makes you feel inferior and not good enough... taps into all your insecurities. But the truth is that it's not your failing but his. He's choosing to live in a fantasy rather than in a real relationship. He is ever-searching/ never finding for that ideal, ultra-sensual experience just doesn't exist or cannot last beyond a few encounters and using someone else purely for self-gratification is thoughtless, mean and selfish. Not to mention the lying and hiding that visiting these sites involves. My guy said i should get in touch with the real world and stop living in Lala Land but if his world is the real world I can't live there. It's too painful.
 
August 22, 2007, 3:18 am CDT

Liar, liar pants on fire.

Quote From: hamelcamel

Been with my husband since I was 18.  Great sex for me.  I am in like, love and in lust with my husband as much as I was when we first got together.  He is so awesome and everything I would have ever wanted in a man.  I just look at him and still he gives me chills down my back.  He is a great Dad also.  About 4years ago I found porn on the computer and he blamed it on the neighbor kid that came over and did homework.  He's never lied to me before so I had no reason not to beleive him.  Well it popped up again about 2 years later and with the time lines it could be nobody but him.  He denied it and only after I proved it could have only been him, he confessed. He said he was ashamed and thought I would think less of him for looking at the porn.   Through out the years he always made up excuses why he didn't want to make love or have sex more often and I believed him.  As I go back over the years everything just seems to be a lie.  It's been very hard but going from complete trusting him of whatever he says to wondering if he is lieing feels horrible.  I've again found it on his computer. After confronting him again he's been telling me it our oldest son.  Today I found some more and he was the only one at the house today.  I am so fucking pissed, hurt, unsure, and still in love.  Please help me understand what I can do to settle this in my head, is it just in my head, do I have a right to upset, is it his fault that I am not what he wants?  God, please help me, LIsa

Some guys just can't help lying (like mine)... by the time they are that age it comes as easily and naturally as breathing and eating. It's not so much the porn or cybering* or resultant affair as the lying. It's sick and hurtful. I was and am still in love too but can you really keep putting yourself through all that agony? I know it's easier said that done but for your own sake you need to confront him and insist you tackle this behaviour together (with counselling preferably) or he should go marry his computer and leave you to enjoy whatever life you have left. My guy got so dependent on it it couldn't function without it. I had to show that sweet, patholgical puppy the door. No, he probably doesn't even miss me and though I miss him, I miss the me I should be even more.

*Why isn't cybering illegal? It may be sexy but it's also grose!

 
August 27, 2007, 2:31 am CDT

Cybering/ web camming

Quote From: our4sons

Some guys just can't help lying (like mine)... by the time they are that age it comes as easily and naturally as breathing and eating.

 

Oh yes they can! They can certainly change that behavior, if they want to.

 

WRT "cybering"; is that like web-camming?

I guess it's web-camming... if web camming is doing the whole strip/ masturbation thing on camera. I honestly don't think the guy I know could stop lying... it even seems that he doesn't know he's lying... he tells them so well he even believes himself and no, it's not in my imagination as he sometimes says.  It's a habit... and why should he want to stop when it all works so well for him and his life is carefree and a constant meeting of his needs with  no conscience or self-examination. An enviable state??? except that it doesn't seem human but animal. Still, it's very sad.
 

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