Messages By: debgirl27

I was dating a man for almost 3 years that never committed to me, we did not communicate. We saw each other strickly on weekends and barely ever talked on the phone during the week. I wrote in a while back and was given the advice that he was a control freak and to leave him because he was never going to change. Well I found my backbone and left him on christmas and have never felt so free. now heres my problem about a week before i broke up with him i met an amazing guy who has swept me off my feet and he is already living with me.I never cheated on my ex nor did i leave him for my new bf but everything happened so fast that sometimes it feels like it could seem that way. I miss him when hes at work and we both have a very real sense of  "soul mates".I have never been a person to throw caution into the wind and jump into anything. I must always analize then over analize then take everyones opinion then usually do the opposite anyways. I just finished self matters and i did every exercise in there as if it was my life on the line. i guess what i'm saying is that i am scared to death of this new me and wonder how long it will last. i have absolutely no feelings left for my previous boyfriend except maybe sympathy. I am wondering if i am moving to fast in this relationship or is it actually possible to know exactly what you want early on and acheive it. I also have my moments where i think "holy man this is like a whirl wind" but it feels greatand i feel happier than i have in my entire life I have had a perma grin since christmas and my cheeks hurt. even faced with all this truth sometimes i am scared that i will just go back to my ex so that i feel comfortable with no real forward movement even though i know that it is the LAST thing on this planet that i want to do. Is this the kind of thing that people go through when they finally start doing for their authentic selves or am i still fooling myself that i really am getting better? Help! 

i need some help with my present situation. i have been with my boyfriend 8 months and we live together. we already had our merging period where we fought like banchies for 2 months and weren't sure that we would make it. we both worked really hard to get through it and we succeeded coming out strong and knowing that we are both looking for marriage out of this relationship. We have done pretty much everything together that was done on the boot camp including 3 12hour trips where neither one of us knew how to get from a to b. if i do say so myself we have passed every test with flying colors i even said Dr. Phil would be proud of us. Anyways i only have one problem with him at this point and i need to know if its me or him. he looks at other women which i have explained really hurts me so he tries hard not to do it in front of me then last night im playing on his cell phone and find this video called bare brunettes as i'm watching it its more like a runway show because there is no skin. as im typing this im thinking that this sounds very silly, its not about the action though its about how it makes me feel. i feel soooooo worthless and like he could just trade me off on a better model. like im not enough for himor im ugly and fat cause i always compare myself to them. i dont look anything like the girls he looks at. he never takes time away from me to look at things i guess it must be at work and i dont really suffer attention but it makes me wonder if he really is attracted to me or if hes just using me for something. i am a very jealous person and i feel as though i cant breath when i see him watch other girls and the more i type the more i think this really is just me being overbearring if this is true then please help me with some advice to try to change it i've tried various things and run out of ideas. if not please let me know if you believe that this means he will become a cheater because so far i think he would rather pluck out his eye than cheat he even refuses to go to strip clubs with the guys cause he tells them that he would rather be at home with me. HELP ME please im losing my mind

thank you

so i took the advice given to me and i feel alot better because i have realized that just because other women are beautiful that doesn't mean that i'm not again thank you. i don't fell so bad when he looks at other women now and he has been trying not to do it around me so much and deleted the video on his phone which i did not ask him to do or even hint about so here i go thinking that he cares about my feelings, wrong. over the last few days i have noticed that there has been a lot of pornography looked up on my computerand it s always when i'm at work. i have a 13 year old daughter so i keep very close track of what sites are visited. in the beginning of our relationship this was an issue and i told him point blank that i could never be with any one who is really into that stuff. now i know that i am about to tar everyone with the same brush, it has been my experience though. i have known 4 men in my life that were into porn, 2 are child molesters, 1 was a cronic self pleaser shall we say, and one is one of the worst cheaters i've ever met. so needless to say it has left a very bad taste in my mouth. anyways a couple days ago i sat down everyone in the house and aknowledged that there was porn being looked at on the computer and i didn't single anyone out just stated that whoever was doing it better stop i was up front from the beginning and will not accept this into my life i told him that if he was the one doing it and it didn't stop he could pack his bags. when i came home from work last night and he tells me he was looking up porn and i will be mad. i stopped caring about him right there and i dont know what to do i have lost all sexual interest in him and cant even look him in the eye. i dont want to do anything for him and i have lost will to even discuss it. usually im right in your face telling whats wrong cause i want to fix it this time i dont even care if he ever knows whats wrong.

i'm very sorry about the length i didnt know how to shorten in

please reply