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Messages By: jb7ctx

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July 24, 2005, 5:21 am CDT

I would keep the photos

What to do with photos of prior relationship

My daughter was married at 22 and had a baby. The wedding party included many of her younger and distant cousins who loved being in the wedding and getting dressed up in their cute little dresses. Within a couple years, she had an affair with a man who was also married. They both split from their spouses and began cohabitating, and produced a child as well. She is now divorced, but he is not.

We have a family website on a commercial server that is private. All the members of the website are just those on our (and her) side of the family. We use it's message board, upload photos, recipes, etc. It's a great place for the grandparents, too, to keep in touch with all of their children and grandchildren.

When she was first married, I uploaded photos of the wedding to the website, especially since every single personon the website was at the wedding, and someone from each of the families was actually IN the wedding. There's one or two photos of her ex-husband and her with their child.

With her new relationship, we have also uploaded 'family' photos of her with her new boyfriend and their baby.

My problem is, she doesn't want her current boyfriend to see the wedding photos or any picture on the site that includes her ex-husband. She asked me to delete them all. I mulled it over for quite awhile, and had she had no children by her husband, I probably would've obliged. However, her ex-husband is always going to be a part of her life, and ours, because they have a child together. I don't think it's fair to their child -- our grandchild -- to delete or remove any photo just because her ex-husband is in it. I told her I would never display photos of her ex-husband on our walls (and I certainly wouldn't expect her to!), or carry them in our wallets, but to delete them out of our online website (and they are 'buried' way downbecause there's been 100 or so posted since then) or remove them from our personal photo albums at home seemswrong. Their relationship... from when they met, then married, then her affair... lasted about 4 years.

I explained to her that unlesswe marriedour childhood sweetheart, whateverfurther romantic relationship we have is always going to come with a bit of our past relationships, and sometimes a bit of baggage as well. "It was a part of your life. You loved him at one time and have a beautiful child together". She openly admits she's a very jealous individual, and says she hates seeing photos of her boyfriends wife, and says her boyfriend (in his mid-30s) would feel jealous, too, if he saw that we kept those photos on our family website, and that he would think we don't want him as part of the family. (I disagree ... in fact, he even gets along with her ex-husband and sees him frequently when they switch custody of her child) I also explained to her that I had several boyfriends before I met and married her dad, and they're still in my old photo albums. My husband's seen them many times and sees nothing wrong with it.

What does anyone out there think?

I would keep the photos where they are on the website. It is a memory for their child that they share together. I have a daughter from a previous marriage and I am remarried again. I still have my wedding photos from my first marriage in a photo book and that book goes to my daughter when she gets old enough so that she can see that her mom and dad were happy together at one time and plus it is the only photos that she will ever see of her mom and dad together. I really wouldnt worry about what the new boyfriend thinks since after all he is still married. He should be more concerned about divorcing his wife instead of worrying about your daughters ex husbands pictures. Just my thought.
 
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July 24, 2005, 5:56 am CDT

Hi muggens

My daughter turned 4 in April and she still won't pee in the potty! (she does poop in it so thank God for some miracles) It isn't that she isn't "aware" or can't control it. She just simply refuses to go. She holds it for as long as she can and then goes in her pants during transition (i.e. en route to the grocery store) or when she is upset with me. I recognize this as her way of controlling what she can and was given the advice (almost a year ago!) by her pediatrition to ignore it and she will eventually just start using it. I'm still waiting for that day and seeing no light at the end of the tunnel. Her teachers are concerned, I'm concerned and very frustrated. My daughter and I have had many discussions about this being social unacceptable, isn't it uncomfortable, etc., etc. SHe does recieve a popsicle for going but that has lost it's impact and I feel like I have no leverage left. I'm begining to consider therapy for her and have been worrying that she's been sexually abused! Anyone out there that can tell me I'm not alone or tell me what to do would be much appreciated. My patience is slipping! Frustraed in Seattle
I have a couple of ideas that you might can try. Each time you go to the restroom, take your daughter in there and put her on the potty as well. Also turn on the water facet and let it run smoothly and sometimes that helps them to tinkle in the potty. Another thing to try is to get her a baby doll that drinks and wets and let her give the baby doll the bottle to drink, then let her sit her baby on the potty to tinkle. She will be amazed at this to see her baby doll do this and each time your daughter does this with her baby doll, make a big party out of it. (party blowers, confetti, and clap your hands and jump up and down). Your daughter will eventually start doing this as well and give her a big party each time. Another thing to try is put her on the potty and get a warm cup of water and put her finger tips in the cup, that helps them to use the potty also. (usually works very well first thing in the mourning when she gets out of bed). I have a 4 y/o daughter also, and she is potty trained during the day, but at night she still has to wear pull ups to sleep in. Your daughter is normal, and will start using the potty on a regular basis when she desires. Each child is different and will do things at different paces in their life. Some children are a little behind others in their age groups. My first daughter (15 now) was potty trained at age 2 completely. But my 4 y/o is different. It is taking her a little bit longer, but dont give up, she will get there eventually. Hope this helps you some. God Luck!
 
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July 24, 2005, 7:25 am CDT

Living with Diabeties

I have a 5 y/o son who is Type 1 Diabetic and insulin dependant. I feel pain in my heart for him. Each day is a struggle for him. He has to have 3 shots of insulin a day. He is angry. He yells: " I dont want diabeties! I dont want no shot, it hurts! "  I know he has to have these shots in order to live, but he doesnt understand that yet. I have done alot of research on diabeties. His life span is 10 years shorter than someone without it. He is at a higher risk for heart failure, kidney disease. He is subject to start having heart attacks and strokes in his late twenties, early thirties. His vision will eventually get poor. If his blood sugar gets too high or too low he is subject to go into a coma or even death. We/he have to take special care of his feet or he will lose them later on in life. He has some days where he will scream and hit the walls and cry if his sugar is too high or too low. All of this is tearing my heart up. I keep asking God, why? Why him? Why did he get this? I sometimes sit in my room and cry. My 5 y/o son came in one day and saw me crying and said: " I have diabeties, what's wrong with you "? I know he can live a healthy, productive life if we take good care of his diabeties. He was diagnosed in November, 2004 when he was 4 y/o. His blood sugar was over 600 when he went into the hospital. God saved him. When ever I feel depressed and have  a problem, I think about my sons life and my problem is no longer a problem.  We monitor him closely. We check his sugar 4-6 times a day. He is on a special diet. He starts kindergarten this year and I am worried about him going to school. I know he will be fine, but I cant help but worry. There is an old poem that really helps us in times of desparation. It is called: "footrints in the sand". I feel for everyone who has to live their life with some type of pain, but with the Grace of God, he will carry us all through it. Just wanted to share our story. God Bless you all. jb7ctx
 
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July 24, 2005, 7:44 am CDT

Footprints in the sand

I have a 5 y/o son who is Type 1 Diabetic and insulin dependant. I feel pain in my heart for him. Each day is a struggle for him. He has to have 3 shots of insulin a day. He is angry. He yells: " I dont want diabeties! I dont want no shot, it hurts! " I know he has to have these shots in order to live, but he doesnt understand that yet. I have done alot of research on diabeties. His life span is 10 years shorter than someone without it. He is at a higher risk for heart failure, kidney disease. He is subject to start having heart attacks and strokes in his late twenties, early thirties. His vision will eventually get poor. If his blood sugar gets too high or too low he is subject to go into a coma or even death. We/he have to take special care of his feet or he will lose them later on in life. He has some days where he will scream and hit the walls and cry if his sugar is too high or too low. All of this is tearing my heart up. I keep asking God, why? Why him? Why did he get this? I sometimes sit in my room and cry. My 5 y/o son came in one day and saw me crying and said: " I have diabeties, what's wrong with you "? I know he can live a healthy, productive life if we take good care of his diabeties. He was diagnosed in November, 2004 when he was 4 y/o. His blood sugar was over 600 when he went into the hospital. God saved him. When ever I feel depressed and have a problem, I think about my sons life and my problem is no longer a problem. We monitor him closely. We check his sugar 4-6 times a day. He is on a special diet. He starts kindergarten this year and I am worried about him going to school. I know he will be fine, but I cant help but worry. There is an old poem that really helps us in times of desparation. It is called: "footrints in the sand". I feel for everyone who has to live their life with some type of pain, but with the Grace of God, he will carry us all through it. Just wanted to share our story. God Bless you all. jb7ctx
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand-one belonging to him and the other to the Lord. When the last scene had flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints and noticed that many times along the path there was only one set of footprints in the sand. He also noted that this happened during the lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you would walk all the way, but I noticed that during the most troublesome times of my life, there was only one set of footprints. I dont understand why, when I need you most, you deserted me". The Lord replied: "my precious, precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering when you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you......"
 
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July 25, 2005, 7:24 am CDT

your thoughts

What are all of your thoughts on schools having a "full time" nurse at the school? My son will attend kindergaten this year. He is a diabetic child on insulin. The school he will be going to has a part time nurse. She goes to different schools each day throughout the county. I had to sign a  piece of paper when I registered him for school this year stating that the school would not be held responsible for anything that happens to him at school. The schools are granted immunity. I later found out that if anything happened to my son at school pertaining to his disease, that I would be held responsible for "medical neglect". I dont think this is fair. We are now pushing the school to get a full time nurse for his care while he is at school. I have contacted the American Diabetes Association and got a copy of all of my sons "civil rights". He cannot be discriminated against because of his diabetes. I was told that he has to have his glucagon kit kept at school so that way the school will be forced to get a full time nurse. I have also contacted the Board of Education about this and the man said that if the  school got a full time nurse, the school will have to pay for the full time nurse. (I thought the Board of Education pays for this). Either way I think the school is going to be upset that we are requestiong a full time nurse, because they are not wanting to pay for one, but I know that the school is receiving funds for my child attending there and I think they can use those funds to pay for his nurse. Whats a concerned mother to do? I want to have "peace" in knowing that my child will be taken care of properly while in the schools care.  I think ALL schools ought to have a full time nurse. Anything can happen to anyone while being there. What do you guys think?
 
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July 25, 2005, 7:35 am CDT

Not to worry

My daughter Valerie will be 3 years old in a few weeks. For the past few months, she has pretended to have an imaginary friend - with a twist. You see, instead of having an imaginary friend, Valerie IS the imaginary friend. She says she is "Timmy" and that "Valerie" is someplace else - usually in the forest picking flowers and sometimes on her lap or sitting with her in the car. This is disturbing to me, as I don't know if she's being unusually creative or just kind psychotic in this behavior. Is she casting off her own identify for some reason? And how can I get her to be herself again?
My sister who is younger than me, used to have imaginary friends also. She was about 3-4 years old at the time. Their names were "Frankie" and "Johnny". One was red and the other was green. She would constantly talk to these "invisible" people and play with them. She would aske them questions and according to her, they would answere her back. It was phase she went through. My toddlers ages 4 and 5 do the same thing at times. It is only their own imagination being creative. One thing that helped to get my sister from having imanginary friends was that my mom took her to play with other "real" kids. Eventually her invisible friends went somewhere else. I think it is just a phase they go through and they are just being creative in their imagination. My sister was the baby of the family and she had no one to play with so she made up her own friends. Hope this helps some.
 
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July 25, 2005, 5:32 pm CDT

The catapillar

My son and his sister (4&5) found a catapillar and brought it inside the house and was playing with it in his room. I made him take it back outside. They were by a tree watching it. I called them inside and my son came in barefoot and was huffing and puffing " I cant find my catapillar! I lost it outside"! He took another step in the door and yelled "YUK"! He picked his foot up and looked at the bottom of it and said": "my catapillar, I squished my catepillar"! He got a little embarassed and said: "I guess I'll have to find another one".
 
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July 28, 2005, 7:53 am CDT

angry!

My husband has worked with his father in his fathers bussiness ever since he was a teen. He is now in his 30's. We have children. We have been married for almost 7 years now and for the last 6 years, we have never received a tax refund. My husbands gross pay is 600.00/week. His father holds out 100.00/week for child support that my husband owes and 100.00/week for taxes. His bring home pay is 400.00/week. His father claims him as a partner in his bussiness (even though he really isnt). He does this for tax purposes only. His father holds these taxes out of my husbands check but we never get a refund. The tax accountant said that my husbands refund is being rolled over to pay his social security that he owes. (now keep in mind his father holds this money out of my husbands check). So therefore we are not entitled to a refund, we have to pay! my husband told his father last year that he had better send in his taxes so we can get a refund for this year. But guess what? We have to pay again! (actually, we just dont get a refund). Shouldnt his father have to pay us our refund himself since he held the money out of his check? My husband is not a partner with his dad in his dads bussiness. My husband has never received any profits of the money made. His dad does this for his own tax purposes! I feel we are being cheated out of our refund by his father. This year my husband is doing his own bussiness and he has his own employees that he has to pay. He is no longer working for his dad. BUT...his dad is planning on claiming my husband again NEXT year as his partner. He cant do this! My husband is scared to say anything to his dad for some reason. But I am tired of it. We are entitled to unearned income due to the kids, but dont get it because of his father claiming my husband as his partner when he really isnt! How can I get my husband to "open" his eyes as to what is going on, before I decide to leave him because of it? His parents dont have anything to do with us.  They are such control freaks over my husband. They use my husband to their own gain. How can I stop this?

 

Harobe, glad to see you back! The inlaws came down about 3 weeks ago but did not get out of the truck. They had to get something from my husband. Our kids were walking right in front of the truck and my mil said hey to my son but my son just looked at her and kept on walking. Our daughter was right next to my son and she didnt even say anything to her. I was outside too and the kids were walking to me but mil acted as though she didnt see me, she just kept her head down. It has been 10 months since they spoke to me or even seen the kids. I am tired of them. I am tired and angry especially about the income tax refund! These people dont care about us.

 
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July 28, 2005, 11:06 am CDT

How I survive credit card debt

I have credit cards as well and one thing I do is when I go to pay my payment each month, I look on my credit card statement at the "finance charge". (it ususally is in a dollar amount). I add the finance charge to my minimum payment and pay it. Sometimes if I have more money, I will pay more towards the credit card. If you dont add the finance charge to your minimum payment, and you just send in the minimum payment you will see an increase in your credit card balance because they will add that finance charge to it. (a creditor told me this). Also I send in my payments at least a week before it is due, due to the mail running late or holidays. If I dont it may get there late and they will add a late charge on it. Another thing I do is whenever I receive a pre-approved credit card notice, if it has a lower interest rate on it, I will transfer one of my higher interest rate cards on to it. I will pay on it until the interest rate goes up (after a certain amount of time) and then I will transfer it to another low interest rate card. There have been sometimes when I didnt have enough money to pay on my credit cards, so I would take a "check" from another credit card company and pay on one of my credit cards if I cant make that payment that month. I make the cards work for me. I always shuffle them around and find ways that make them work for me. I keep some of my credit cards open even though they are paid off  (thanks to another credit card transfer) but some of them I close out once they are paid off so it wont be on my credit report. I try not to do many credit reports from other companies, because the more credit reports you do, it will eventually go against your credit. (A Credit Union told me this). Always look for the lowest interest rate to do a balance transfer. I had one credit card application that was for 0% interest rate and I transfered one of my cards to it. It was 0% up until 8 months then it went to 7.9%, so I transfered it to another 0% interest rate and finally got it paid off. Just wanted to share some of my experiences.

 
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July 28, 2005, 11:32 am CDT

Hi James

Quote From: jamesstein

Mary I can relate to some of what you said in your post but Social Services goes way beyound just ignoring the fact that children are in their care. DSS harms more than just the child or children, they actually harm the entire family in most cases. DSS does not care about what trauma or problems they cause the children from being removed from loving and caring parents. I would like to note here that DSS in chesterfield south carolina does infact take children out of loving and caring homes and they tell the foster parent any reason they want to why the children was removed. In south carolina it is illegal to tell the foster parents any information about the case but DSS still does do it. DSS is not always truthful though and they will do what they want and say what they want. I am a Victim Parent of Social Services and I have lived through the illegal activities of Social Services. DSS removed our 4 children from our home based on nothing more than what DSS felt like saying. DSS said our children was isolated from the outside world and has never had any contact with any other child or adult ever. DSS got an Ex-Parte order for removal based on nothing more than their words. No proof, no evidence, No medicals, Nothing but their words. What DSS did was wrong and the statements they made was false and according to the law they have to prove what they say but yet DSS does this same thing over and over and never having to prove anything. DSS does more though and the courts allow it as the more children that go in foster care and stay in foster care the more money the system gets which includes the lawyers, judges, and social services. DSS made many false claims on court documents with no proof at all. DSS made claims my wife could not take care of her children due to her disibility and that she will admit she cant take care of her children. DSS has no right to do this but the judges and the state allow it to happen and nobody says anything. Does DSS have any medical degree ? does DSS have any documents from a medical provider ? The answers are NO they have nothing but what they say. The above is considered slander under the south carolina laws but yet the judges said nothing. Our daughter who was 10 years old when she was put in care was put in the hospital 10 months after being in care. DSS did infact abuse and neglect our daughter by not doing anything about her being sick after in care. All DSS did was blame my wife for the whole thing in court. How could my wife abuse a child that is not even in our care ?? She Cant!! Our children was put into foster care in March 2003 and our rights was terminated in Jan 2005 based on DSS making claims my wife refused to apply for her SSI check ( which was apply for in April 2004 ) and based on DSS saying we did not complete our treatment plan which was done before the merits hearing. The judge just took DSS's word for it and terminated our rights. DSS had proved nothing and just said it and the judges ignored anything we said in our defense. DSS implimented an illegal treatment plan that we did infact do but DSS ignores the laws and did not impliment the treatment plan according to the law. Yes again we did do the plan but it was not good enough for DSS. DSS has broken court orders for visitations with out children. Think the judge or the state said anything about this ?? No. DSS can pretty much do what they want to do and get away with it. My wife and I in noway ever abused or neglected our children and I do actually have proof of what DSS did was illegal. I have filed a civil case on DSS and plan on filling criminal charges on them. I have no lawyer and any help anyone wants to give would be apprciated. Mary just remember though that not all children belong in social services and not all parents abuse their children as social services claims. I personally have no faith in the system as my wife and I have seen how the system can destroy a honest, loving, and caring family. -- James
I agree with what you said about DSS. My neice is fighting the system as well. Her children have been in 3 different foster homes in a period of 4 months. No one could handle her children (because her oldest (5 y/o) was acting out due to "separation anxiety" according to his counselor. DSS gave her her children back.  My neice did all the things required of DSS, counseling, drug test, parenting classes etc..when they gave her her kids back, but now again because of her ex friends making false accusations on her they want her kids. This time she got up and moved to another state. Our whole family cannot see her or her children. They are gone. BUT, get this, DSS knows she has left he state, but her ex friends have called in on her again making false accusations against her and they know she is not even in the state but DSS wants her again. What's wrong with this system? She has never abused her children or neglected them, but that is what they are going on is because that is what the ex friends keep saying. I know a site that can help you and give you some valuable information concerning your rights and childrens rights and how to fight the system. Type in: fighting cps on your web page and look for the link that says: fighting cps and false accusaitons. There is a message forum you can go to and get all the help you need. Or type in on your web browser: fighting cps message forum and you will find the message forum . That is where you want to go to look and get information. Good luck
 

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