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Messages By: jb7ctx
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September 19, 2006, 8:13 am PDT
 Quote From: firebomb
my hubby and i are having that issue right now...he is angry with me right now and that means that he will not be speaking to me for at least a week and then he will finally explode and it will all be because he did not get sex when he thought was due...at least that is the impression that I get....I hate not knowing what he is thinking...but on the other hand, if he is going to act like a child and not sleep in our bed and not speak to me...I feel like that when he does not get what he wants, he just starts to whine....but I am going to act my age and just let him get over it....I know that my husbnad would like for me to do the same that your wife does for you, but i am not confidnet enuff in myself to do that...we have been married for almost 6 years now and have two kids...sometimes i think that he is comparing me to the women that he spends time looking at when he is online checkin out the porn!!!! if this relates to anyone,please respond My hiusband dont look at porn, for I am against it, and vice versa. I "used" to be a "pouter" also when I didnt get my way and run to the couch. It even made me madder, that he didnt come and get me off the couch and ask me to go to bed. I did that because I was wanting him, to want me, in my own childish way. But me, being like your husband and pouting, my husband like you, cant read our minds. BUT he surprised me one day while I was pouting. I left to go run some errands and when I came back home, I went into the bedroom and lo and behold, what has he done?! Boy was I surprised! He decorated the bed frame with fake roses and wrapped them all around the bed post. He put real rose pedals all over the bed (after he made the bed), the room was clean, he had 1 dozen of roses sitting on my nightstand. He put chocolate covered cherries ( my favorite) in a decorated bowl next to the roses. He had lit some candles and had them all over the room. He had also brought me 3 boxes of presents sitting on the bed from Victoria Secrets. Oh my gosh! My pouting ended that day. What made him think of something like this, I dont know, but it made him and I become closer and I did tell him why I went to the couch the night before, in hopes that he would come and get me off the couch so I would feel wanted by him. He said from now on, you will not sleep on the couch and we will talk if we have a problem before we go to bed and get it resolved.
I too feel that I am not confident in myself to dress up for night time pleasure, I am insecure with myself because I am now older " ancient" according to my teenager, but life is what you make it. I think your husband would rather see you then the women on the internet. My husband gave me the confidence I needed when he did what he did. It is for his eyes only anyway. We have 3 kids, and when they go to bed, the remainder of the time, is for us. Surprise your husband like mine did me. Set the mood for him, and you be the person for him to look at , to get his mind off the internet. I am now thinking of a way to do someting special for my husband like he has done for me. I am going to go buy him, some outfits. LOL!
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September 19, 2006, 9:39 am PDT
Quote From: jaimie1974 Your plan to invite them to your home for the holiday is excellent!! You are taking control!! When you hear that negative voice within you saying, "what did I do wrong..." you need to force yourself to remember you have done NOTHING wrong, you are trying to do everything right. If you wait around for the in-laws to accept you with open arms and be loving and close, you will be dissapointed- they aren't that type of people. You are turning over a new leaf with a new attitude and all that matters is that YOU feel good about it! I am already starting to feel better. I am going to take control and have fun! |
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September 20, 2006, 10:37 am PDT
Quote From: pensiveme i was reading your message and i started to laugh. brought back memories of when my adult sister was living at home and my parents did everything for her and her two children. made me so damn angry. how was it we as children had to bust our butts if we wanted extra money and here are our parents allowing the now adult sib to mooch??? makes you wonder if your parents had lost their mind. anyway, it came to a situation the mooch had become super monster mooch, (she 'stole my parents rent money for drugs) and i, me the sister finally kicked her out of my parents house. years later, she finally told me it was the best thing that ever happened to her and she thanked me. she finally had to grow up and face life on her own two feet. she's 44 now and i thank god she lives life on her own. hopefully your sister will some day realize the damage she does to encourage her children to continue living life at a childs level. in the meantime, don't forget to breath. and thanks for putting a smile on my face. hope you will smile too when you read my post traumatic stress memory. hang in there. Sorry I gave you a post traumatic stress memory. And yes, it does turn my stomach pepto pink. My sister called me yesterday wanting to know if she could borrow some money from me because her (adult daughter living at home, who dont work, and has 3 kids) is sick and she needs money for medicine! Sorry, but here I go again, I told her that her daughter needs to get off her butt and get a JOB so she can have money for her own medicine! What am I supposed to do? take care of this grown lazy child? I have my own kids to take care of and they are young. THEN, her grown adult daughter, who dont work and sits on her butt all day, gets mad at me for not giving any money when she is desperatelty sick! The only illness she has is called : LAZY-I-TIS! It would be one thing if I loaned her lazy daughter money, only IF I can borrow money from her, but I cant borrow money from her because she dont know how to WORK! PLUS, she would never pay me back and why? because she dont know how to work. I guess they think I am stupid. |
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September 21, 2006, 4:09 pm PDT
Quote From: harobe Tried to post to you earlier, lets see if I'm able to manage now. Anyways, it's good to see you happy, excited and with a positive outlook! Replacing the negative with positives require thought and effort, especially in the beginning (replacing one habit for another is a challenge). You also need to be kind to yourself, need to raise your self-esteem!! There'll always be something to deal with, it's our reactions that either make us or break us so get yourself in a good place.
About the birthday - your thoughts also came to my mind, I wondered if the little one's birthdays were earlier in the year.
About you wondering if perhaps you've done something wrong - highly doubtful. And if anyone had some expectation you didn't meet, that's there issue, not yours... just because people have different perceptions / become offended, it doesn't mean the other person has done anything wrong (I have a BIL who becomes hurt / offended because people breath air). Sounds like you had a really nice BBQ... it took courage on your part to, it was a lot of work, shows your good will and you saw for yourself that people enjoyed themselves.
If you need a reason to touch base with MIL, perhaps you could take her a small pumpkin, pot of mums or get her a 'Thinking of you' card with a line mentioning you enjoyed the BBQ and the time spent with her. Or you could walk the children down with a picture they've drawn or colored.
I hadn't thought of Christmas until your mention of it... glad for the reminder as I need to plan better this year so time doesn't get away from me! Sounds like it will be fun for you to have a family gathering at your house... do you think BIL & SIL be able to manage it? This is my daughter's year to spend with her ILs (we take turns). I imagine Halloween is on your little one's mind right now? I saw a little boy at the grocery store the other day dressed as superman (very serious yet proud look on his face)! He was so cute. Got to go... keep in touch.
And by the way - Everything I ever say to you is for your benefit and because I care about YOU and your best interest - I couldn't care less about your MIL. Thanks for the reply! Guess what I did today? I called my mil! I was a little scared , but I did it anyway. ( silly me). I asked her how she was doing and I also told her about our 2 kids making the "Student of the Month" and to let her know their picture will be published in the newspaper. We had a good conversation! She was glad I called and thanked me for telling her about the kids. She even asked if the kids could come down to her home and help her decorate for Halloween. YES!! I am all excited for them and her!! I told her yes they can to just let me know what day she will be doing it , that they would love to help. She even spoke to my youngest child on the phone. She asked my child if there was anything she wanted to tell her, and of course comming from a 5 y/o she said , " yes, I love you". lol! Mil was wanting her to tell her about the student of the month but instead my daughter says I love you. She congratulated her and also told me to tell my son the same( he wasnt at home). She asked about my health. ( I have previously been to the Dr. for headaches and have severe sinusitis). Other than that, I believe I let my imagination run wild again when I was thinking the worst. ( and yes, I am gonna stop that too). I am gald I called. I think she might be glad I called too.
The kids are super ready for Halloween. They want to go and pick out costumes. I am super ready for Christmas. I cant wait! I know I jump ahead of time, but I cant help it. I love toys. I am more ready for Christmas than I am Halloween. I guess I better slow down some and think about Halloween first, then Thanksgiving. But Christmas is my favorite!
I think the next time I feel like we might be being avoided, I am just gonna pick up the phone and call mil. It made me feel better. Thanks for your kind words Harobe. I know you are looking out for my best interest, that is why I always post to you or a n other. You two know more about my situation and have good advice to offer. ( not leaving you out jaimie, you give good advice too)! I am gald I can come here and find you on here. Reading your post to other people about how you have managed things yourself, lets me know what kind of person you are. You are a good person Harobe, and I am learning from the best! Thank you for being here for me and thank you for all your words of wisdom!
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September 23, 2006, 7:00 am PDT
Quote From: never2learn About a month ago my husband and I let my step-daughter that is 19 move back in with us (she has gone from her mother to boyfriend and to us for the past 2 years) she has been in trouble with the law and has also been a stripper before she came here to live. She came here over a month ago and thankfully she has gotten a job (a very nice one at that) anyways now that she is an adult are there still rules and regulations that she needs to follow while she is under our roof? How long do we allow her to stay to "get on her feet"? Do we charge her any rent? We have arranged for her to have a car, do we continue to help by paying her insurance? Do we allow her to eat our groceries or do we make her buy her own? Does she help pay bills? I have so many questions and would really like to have some help. I would have her contribute something to the household expenses and put it up for her without her knowing. Also, since she is the one driving the car you guys got her, then she should be the one to pay for the insurance. My daughter is responsible for her insurance as well, and if she cant pay it due to spending her money elsewhere, she cant drive. Her insurance is a responsibility of her own and it should come first above " new expensive pants". As far as groceries, I would let her eat the food in the house, but also if you have her give you some money for expenses, do put it up. What I do with my 17 y/o who is still in school, if she uses my phone calling her friends on their cell phone, ( some of her friends cell phone #s are long distance), I make her pay for the long distance calls on my phone bill created by her. It is called " teaching them responsibility", so that way when they enter the "real world", they know what responsibility is. |
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September 25, 2006, 7:32 am PDT
Quote From: nurse45co HiI am divorced and have 3 children. My 2 daughters are in college and it's me and my 14 year old son now at home. I started dating a wonderful gentlemen about 1 year ago. He has 2 sons, one is almost 19 and the other is 21. The 19 year old lives every other week with his dad and the 21 year old lives with his mother. You are probably already starting to see where I am going with this. We have had just a wonderful fun year together, really enjoying each other and learning about each other. Well, recently we have started discussing some long-term plans about spending our futures together. I love this man dearly... however, I have some real concerns about his sons. The 19 year old that lives with him every other week and has not graduated from high school, has no job, and smokes. The 21 one year old living with his mother graduated from high school, has a job, but he smokes too. I am nurse and smoking is just not healthy, but I understand it's a choice, but I don't want anyone smoking in or near our home. He seemed to handle that one well. Well, the thing that really got my goat was that the 19-year old told his father he needed new tires on his car (which is his father's) so my boyfriend who works over 60 hours a week went out and bought him new tires. I was livid! I stewed and stewed for a few days over whether it was my business to say something or not. He works so hard and the 19 year old is not doing anything, so I kinda' let it rip last night the best way I knew how. Needless to say, it didn't go over very well. There has been several incidents like this that have happend in the past and if we are talking about our futures together I decided it was my business. I honestly have tried really hard to get my children out on their own and to be accountable and responsible. And, my children aren't perfect either, but I have always been good about lighting a fire under their butts! During the course of this conversation that turned really sour my boyfriend said that he didn't want to take away to much from his children (ADULT) because he was afraid he would alienate them and then they wouldn't come over to his house anymore. Plus, apparently the ex is wacky and he HAS to be there for them. I tried to be supportive and went through the whole thing about do you want to be a good role model and parent or do you want to be their friend...etc. This has been our first so-called fight and I am very sad. Sad because I went home crying and he went home pissed plus I forget my doggy bag at the restaurant and I am not sure if I can live with children that don't seem to be motivated to do anything. It's not the end of the world, but it can sure make things pretty uncomforable for me. Is it my business? Do you think these adult children will ever be motivated to move on with their lives? Is my boyfriend and his ex playing the game of who can be the best parent? Do you think my boyfriend is not emotionally available and still living in the past? He says he's not. Should I stay in this relationship or call it quits? The more and more I write the more confused I feel and the more things sound so screwed up to me. I am starting to feel like I am in the middle of something I shouldn't be. So much for making a long story short. Thanks for reading and listening. Any thoughts would surely be appreciated. "What you see, is what you get." What I mean by this is, only your b-friend can stop this cycle with his grown kids. No matter how much it may upset you and you guys argue over it, only HE can stop it. He is enableing his 19 y/o to be "dependant" upon him. That is not good. He should make his 19 y/o get a job and take on responsibility. IF you are preparing for a future with this man, then it is your bussiness. Because once you two marry, you will have to deal with this too, if it dont stop. The only way these adult children will ne motivated, is only if, their father quits "enabling" them. He can be there for his kids emotionally, but financially, no. They need to learn how to take care of themselves. Staying in the relationship is your choice on if you can deal with your b-friends behavior or not. Who pays for the cigarettes the 19 y/o smokes? Does he or your b-friend? If you stay in the relationship with your b-friend and you two decide on marriage, I would ask your b-friend to at least make his son get a job and pay for his own responsibitlities. He needs to quit trying to "buy" his kids. They are not going to alienate themselves from him and he is not taking anything away from them. He would be doing them good , by letting them grow up. One day his sons will eventually get married themselves, and then who would your b-friend have? If he loses you? His sons are grown and he needs to think about you two and your future together. |
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September 25, 2006, 8:22 am PDT
Quote From: fairytale I have a toxic son, and ex-daughter in law. Both are addicts, and have two sons. One son is 18, and is now going to college, because his other grandmother and I care enough to see that he gets there. He has worked hard, and is a wonderful child, despite his parents. The other child is 14, and is currently being shoved from pillar to post, because the buearocrats at the DHS, refuse to do their job. My daughter would like to have guardianship of him so that he can have a stable homelife, as well, as a family. We feel that since he is fourteen that he should be able to determine where he wants to live. His mother has threatened their lives, has used verbal abuse, and pyhsical abuse, but the powers that be keep taking her side. I am so angry that this is the way it is, not just where they are, but everywhere. Who says that children are "better off" with the parents. If this is so, why do so many end up either dead, or badly injured, or in foster care for the entirety of their lives. When there are family members, who would be more than willing to take them and raise them as their own. I fail to see that the Child Protection Services, are even close to living up to their name. I am sure that they have protected some children, but, it seems that in this day and time it is really a mis nomer to call them that. Read the news from Nevada, and you will see what I mean. There have been 67 deaths since the first of the year, by so called "watched and wonderful parents" Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get this child out of this situation. We have hired an attorney to try to get the guardianship. But, the mother has custody, and seems to be able to weedle her way around everyone to do with the system where she lives. She has been picked up for drunkenness, breaking a court ordered restraining order, and other things, but has spent no time in jail for any of these offenses. My son who is a crack addict, can't hold a job for any length of time, so far has not had any run ins with the law, but has lost almost everything he owns. I don't get it. I have tried to help him so many times, but it doesn't seem to do any good. Why won't they help themselves??????? Cant you supeona the court on behalf of your grandson, so that he can tell the Judge who he wants to live with? it does sound like both parents are unstable. Usually a family member will be taken into consideration first. Some children are "better off" with their parents, but in your situation, it does not seem this way. Also according to statistics, there are just as many children killed while in foster care. visit http://fightcps.forum.com/ If you visit this site, there are some people on there who can give you some good advice on how you can get your grandson out of this situation. As far as your son, you cant reason with someone who is on crack. Only he can wake up and realize his own mistakes and try to do better. And your ex dil, start documenting everything. I am really surprised that DHS is not taking this seriously. Has the 14 y/o spoke to DHS about any of this that is going on? See if your attorney can petition the court on behalf of your grandson. Good luck! |
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