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Messages By: jb7ctx
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August 15, 2005, 7:30 am PDT
 Quote From: 101160 Hi i saw this and right away wanted to post here.my sister in law has to be the strongest woman live today.her and her husband have ten kids .they all have gone through school except for two.she has had it hard also .one of her kids almost dies from menigitis and wass left a little slower to progress .now she looks after everything at home her husband is no help whats soever but wants the glory of the way his kids are raised not his doing for dam sure.It was all her after she had her second last bably ,her dr. told her not to have anymore because she was at risk of dying or the child not being born without anyhandy cap.well what does she do gets pregnant and not her fault either he does not believe in birth control so they were just cautious ,huh !not cautious enough.well her last baby was born with downs first off.then when she was 8 months old had open heart surgury new this when she was born with a heart defect.then if that was not enough she (the baby)gets a bacteria ecoli poisoning not much older maybe a year or so now her husband takes her to hospital baby was airlifted to hospital out of province ,he takes her there waits for some of us to get there and he leaves and comes home.Now his child is fighting for her life and the docs said because she had downs thats what saved her they fight harder than any normal child would so she my SIL is there herself at hospital and hes home working .can leave when he wants has no excuse not to be there the other 9 kids at home were all well looked after and he stays home.anyhow she escaped that one by the skin of her teeth.but thats not all than because she was so sick from ecoli she is now a diabetic inssulin 4times daily maybe a little less now that she is older.M y SIL has to learn how to give her needles and manage her diet and look after the house and other kids he comes home from work go to bedroom and watches tv.now this little walking miracle has just the fight to live ans she wasn't going out without a fight either.now she's in grade1 almost can talk quite a few words thaanks to my SIL goes to school knowing her ABC'S THANKS TO MY SIL, KNOWS NO#UP TO TWENTY THANKS TO GUESS WHO AND LOOKS AFTER ALL THE REST IN BETWEEN.BOY WOULD I EVER LOVE TO OWN HIM FOR A DAY HE'D LAY IN BED AND WATCH TV ALRIGHT.BUT YET IF THERE IS ANY FUSS MADE TOWARDS THEIR LITTLE MIRACLE HE IS RIGHT THERE TO GRAB THE GLORY.NOW THATS A MOTHER.
Wow! She definately has her hands full. I, too have a 5 y/o who is diabetic and is insulin dependant. That alone is a JOB in itself! Bless her heart. God has given this woman courage to do all that she has done for her children, maybe he will give her the courage to put this man out on his butt. (sorry, just my opinion). I am glad my husband helps me with our son who is diabetic, it gives me a break every now and then to "de-stress". Give her a pat on the back, because she definately deserves one! Give her husband a kick on the rear, he deserves that one. |
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August 16, 2005, 6:23 am PDT
Quote From: bunny42 I sent a msg last night but it did not take I guess, anyway, I have not posted in awhile my old user name used to be nobody1, anyway the question is sil continues to cuss me out she made a fool of herself at her parents anniv. party she cussed me out for not being in room when her parents cut the cake, heck I did not even want to be at the party I was only there for my h anyway after the party she made up some lie like she always does and mil calls my h and says I ruined the party, she cusses me put in front of 15 people and I get blamed for it? what is wrong with these people? My h says to just let it go and that is what he has been doing for 46 years and it does not seem to be working for him or me she does not stop. I want to confront her on this and all of the other times she has done this to us because it needs to stop she had no right to talk to me like that and everyone knows it but everyone just turns the other way and lets her get away with it, and Im sick of it. she has talked to me, my son and my husband like we are dogs and I think it is time to put an end to it. What do suggest? Not to mention it well help me get rid of this anger I built up for 18 years. You need to get your anger out. The only way to do this is to confront the problem head on. Do it in a calm but "point noted" manner. No one deserves to be treated like that. Who does this woman think she is? If you allow her to continue to treat you and your family like this, it will never stop. Time to "nip it in the bud" now or one day you will explode and lose your cool on her and you dont need to stoop to her level. One thing that will help you loose some of your anger is by writing everything on paper, that you want to say to her. The more you read it, the better you feel. Then when you get ready to confront her, you will know what to say to her (in a calm manner) and how to say it. I would avoid her until you are ready to straighten her out. If I were cussed out in front of alot of people by my sil or anyone else, I would say to everyone there: "I am sorry that my sil or (whoever) acts like this, so I will leave so all of you can enjoy yourself". That not only lets everyone see how she is, but it also lets them see who the "bigger" person is. |
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August 18, 2005, 8:57 am PDT
Quote From: tsalvis My mother-in-law was wonderful before my husband and I got married. We were together 6 years before we go married. We have been married for 7 years. After my son was born, she changed. She even went so far as to give my husband's ex-girlfriend our phone number to ask him out to lunch!! She will put what she wants for her birthday or Christmas in layaway and tell him to get it out because "he never gets her what she wants". And she thinks that since she "raised" him (don't get me started on what type of mother she was), he owes her nice things now. Even if it means canceling our vacations to pay for it. He cooks for me, my mother and her on Mother's Day and she always cancels and makes him take her out to eat. We have 2 children and we do okay financially and all of this would not be so bad, if she didn't EXPECT it.
He doesn't give in to her as much as he used to and she does not come to our house. She lives 2 miles from our house and only sees her grandchildren on holidays and birthdays. However, my husbands brother and his wife and 2 children share a driveway with us and she goes to their house all the time. She never calls unless she wants something.
Her birthday is 4 days before our anniversary. We never get to do anything nice for our anniverday because we are always doing something for her. My husband always apologizes to me and I feel bad for him because she makes him feel horrible if he doesn't bend over backward for her.
We built a house 2 years ago and the last time she was there she fussed at my husband because our landscaping wasn't finished yet. I told her that he was doing the best that he could and that I was the one who had to look at it and I wasn't complaining and I would appreciate it if she would complain about it in my house. If she puts him down in her house, I don't feel like I should say anything to her. Then it is between her and him. However, she will not come in my house and put him down. That is my turf and I won't have it. He is a wonderful husband and father. She never says anything about that.
How can I make her stop doing this to him and see that she has a wonderful son (she criticizes everythign he does) that she is losing because of how she is treating him? GEE! I wonder if your inlaws are related to mine? They sound just alike. Your husband needs to stand up for himself and tell his mom how she makes him feel. If he wants to cook for her on mothers day and she cancels just so he will have to take her out then she just missed out on her mothers day surprise. She should have to wait until next year then. You cant plan your life around your inlaws, you have to plan your life around the family you have. If she doesnt like what you guys buy her, then give her a dollar amount (that you can afford) and that is it and let her buy her own gift, that way you guys arent stuck footing the "high" bill she wanted. My inlaws dont see their grandkids either and we live behind them, but you know what? That is THEIR LOSS not OURS. You cant change her and her behavoir, but you can change how you react towards her. For instance, I dont like my mil, because of her selfish ways and how she does our kids and my husband so the best thing for us to do is to stay away from her until she wises up about all the hurt she has caused. My husband will not talk with his mother because of how she treats all of us and him. Maybe one day she will wake up and realize what she had. Sometimes it takes months of staying away from them before they wake up and realize you guys are human too, but in our case it is going on 2 years and going......and going........ |
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August 19, 2005, 8:11 am PDT
Quote From: babsp99 Maybe some of you can help me with this problem: my 5-year old granddaughter hates kindergarten! She's been going every day since August 10 and I was hoping this was a problem that would eventually go away but instead it keeps getting worse every day. She cries and clings and makes her mother (my daughter) feel very guilty. She attended pre-school for three years without all this, but it's a new school, new kids, new routine. We've tried de-emphasizing the negativity by emphasizing the positive aspects but still the behavior continues. I feel sorry for her and don't want to be cold-hearted so what's the answer? The teacher and principal have told us to tough it out and it will get better in a few days. Yesterday I had lunch with her at school and she asked if I could take her home so I think I made it worse instead of better. We went through all the crying and clinging again when I thought my visit would bring her comfort. We've tried putting her favorite stuffed kitty in her back pack for comfort but this doesn't seem to have helped. Some of her comments are "I would like to bulldoze the school," "My teacher is annoying and I don't like her," and "I hate PE most of all. It is stupid and boring. They make us dribble-I hate to dribble!" Should I just be patient and give it more time? I'm the one who picks her up in the afternoon so of course then she's happy but no so in the mornings. P.S. She's in good health and can already read and gets enough sleep and eats well. My son went to a pre-school last year and he did the same thing. What broke him of that crying and clinginess was his teacher had to hold him in her arms while he cried, as I left him there. He did this for 2 days and with the help of his teacher hanging onto him so I could leave, it eventually made him realize that the crying and clinginess isnt going to work and he had to stay at school. I know it breaks your heart to see her go through this, but if the teacher can help by holding her as you walk away, it will get better and she will adjust to it. My son is in kindergarten this year and every mourning he tells me he dont want to go to school. He hates it too. But I get him up and dressed and fed, and drop him off at school and they walk him in. He knows he has too, even though he dont want too. Give it some time and it will get better. When you drop her off, stay in a spirited mood even though she isnt in one, and tell her you will see her this afternoon. It does make us feel guilty leaving them somewhere they dont want to be, but it is what is best for them even though they dont realize it yet. My son gives me mean looks as I drop him off like, "I cant believe you are making me go here". But in the afternoons when I pick him up , he is glad to show me what all he did that day at school. Good luck!! and hang in there! |
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August 22, 2005, 2:29 pm PDT
Quote From: minerj73 About my "bed wetting" 10 yr old... We tried some nose spray...didn't seem to work.
The pediatrician acted like it was not a big deal and eventually it would go away, but I feel so bad for my son having to deal with this.
I don't think he had any mental issues...he doesn't display anything related to any disorders, but it may be something to look into. ?
He is a big boy...90% of his age in height and 97% of his age in weight. Maybe that could play a part in his ability to hold his bladder???
His father and I have been divorced for several years...maybe the insecurity issue plays a part???
I just don't know:( May need to try another doctor.
Thank you HI! I'm not trying to scare you by saying this, but you say your son is wetting the bed. Does he stay thirsty alot? Headaches? Hungry alot? Just wondering and the reason is bedwetting is sometimes related to diabetes. My son who is 5 started wetting his bed alot last year and craved water and stayed thirsty. He got diagnosed with type 1 diabetes last year. This may not be your sons case, but I just wanted to share this with you just in case it could be. I would keep an eye out if he is showing any of these signs: bedwetting, constant thirst, leg cramps, headaches, fuzzy vision, irritability, and cant concentrate. |
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August 28, 2005, 4:40 am PDT
Quote From: everlast Hi all, first time poster. I'm a 21 year old male from the great state of Michigan. I was in a relationship for over 4 years with whom I thought was the love of my life. From the start of the relationship we had issues (I would say a combination of me being jealous and her not being able to let go)...Needless to say we had many of issues with her ex boyfriend. Years went by and I kept finding out she was being unfaithful, persay, in that it was per a verbal agreement not to talk to our exes (we both had one in particular we each needed to stay way from). I would find out she was either talking to him or having phone sex, either way very hurtful. We would break up or take time and end up back together. So let's cut to last December. I discovered she had been talking to him again, behind my back. More phone sex. I found this at the same time I was looking at rings and we were looking for an apartment. I promptly dumped her. The next day I had a death in the family and quickly fell back into her arms. We fought and were unhappy for several months until 4 months ago she wanted a week apart to see if we would appreciate each other. I went to a party, met some new friends, and she saw pictures. She freaked and it went down hill from there. I personally went downhill, and became addicted to some prescription drugs (valium or xanax, and vicodin) with alcohol. Still to this day I am addicted, but it helps relieve my anxiety; which I've always had issues with. I just cannot fix this issue at this point and have accepted it for what it is worth. During this past few months she has changed so much. She met someone new, quickly lost him, and is infatuated with him. Being typical for herself, not being able to let go. So now SHE drinks heavily and parties hard and it just is not the girl I fell in love with. Not to mention she talks to her ex all the time now and he is engaged to a woman. She seems very interested in him and that situation is going to be nasty. Now we are attempting to be friends (have so much in common), but both have expressed not being interested in each other at this point in time. We talk nearly daily and recently have started cuddling, kissing, and hanging out a lot. One night I spent the night at her new apartment..Big mistake, we made love, and I woke up in her arms. But she continually asks how I feel and ensures that I know she doesn't wish to date me. She keeps getting everything she wants from me, I just cannot say no. No reason she doesn't want to date; I'm no challenge. I am here numb and don't know what else to type. She's the complete opposite of who I fell in love with, and I am so angry with her. I think of getting back with her and having to worry about her ex all over again and everything else.. But yet being in her arms and kissing her feels so right. I don't know how to say goodbye, or if I should. I don't know if I have hope for the future but I really don't know how to approach her with this situation and I really cannot take much more. Between the drugs and alcohol and depression this path cannot get any worse. One of these times i'll end up without a pulse or in a coma.... Thanks You are in a very "unstable" relationship. You need to move on and let it go. Do it for your sake and the sake of your life. If things are like this now with you two, it isnt going to get any better. First, you need to get help to get off taking the pills and leave the alcohol alone. You need to face your fears head on with a "sober" attitude so you can handle it like a man can. There is someone for everyone here in this world and it is not this girl for you. Someone out there is waiting for you but you wont find her until you clean your act up and clear your head and take charge of "YOU"! Dont let this girl, or drugs or alcohol control you, YOU control YOU. Do you really want to be with someone that you cannot trust? That you have to worry about? She already hid this from you before with her ex. dont you think she would do it again? I say, move on and get on the right track. Life is too short to live like this. YOu will get past this.I know it hurts and you are already depressed about it, and by drinking and popping pills, it is only going to depress you more. How can the two of you ever have a normal relationship if you guys are turning to drugs and alcohol because things arent what you want? LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT!!! I used to be like you. (except I am a woman). It took me years to wake up. I am glad I finally did. No-one is WORTH the torture you are putting yourself through. I finally found a good man and married and had kids. NOw I have a child who is fighting diabetes and wants to live. God does not give us anymore than we can handle. Your situation could be worse, you could be living with a deadly disease that you may not want. Be thankful for what you have and not what you dont have. There is a reason for everything. You will find the right person for you one day, but you wont find them while being in a different frame of mind. Pull yourself together and let her see what she had, but lost. Step into the real world and face your challenges. You owe it to yourself. What may feel right, does not always mean it is. Enjoy life!! Stop hurting yourself!! Let it go and move on and you will find happiness again. I did. Take care and remember, LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT, it doesnt make you. Good luck! |
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September 9, 2005, 7:27 am PDT
Quote From: julibriggs Thank you for this information. I will never have a decent life ever again because of how much glee the Alabama DHR swallowed and decided that rather than understanding that our internationally adopted children had severe attachment disorder that hadn't been treated or even given proper continuing diagnoses since we left northern Virginia and moved here in Apr 2001.
The children were in control of the home, made all sorts of false allegations and did other nutty things, most of the allegations were against me, which is understandable when you examine their psychoses that came about from their neglectful and abusive background in Russia, but they did blame both of us.
When we met them in the orphanage in Dec 1997, I told hubby that this was way more than we could handle (we hadn't even asked for a sibling group, we were looking for one child, but then the government did a bait and switch on us and no one gave us any advance warning about how the pseudo-parent (older sibling) wouldn't ever relent, and how they would gang up on the rest of the family all of the time. He needed to be a dad so badly right there and then that he completely overruled my upset, claiming "I wasn't giving myself enough credit." He is less equipped than I am to deal with emotional disturbance because he grew up in a very emotionally insulated home and their communication style was oblique at best. I never dreamed that I was marrying an ostrich when we took our vows.... a very controlling ostrich, that is.
Anyway, the kids managed to get themselves ripped from our home for a very long time, and he hired his own lawyer to fight to get them back, saying to DHR that he was willing to "try" to continue raising them and it was clear to everyone that I didn't want them in my home and were glad they were gone. He attends therapy sessions they order, etc., but there isn't going to be any improvement. I was totally left out of the family reunification plan! The stupid caseworker told our older daughter, 15 at the time, that she was going to get 50% of the overall decision about what would end up happening with her life. Well, she may have been physicallly 15, but is emotionally TWO according to the experts I have been working with. So sad..... I threw a major fit about the caseworker giving a mentally ill child that kind of power, and her only answer was that "she needs to learn to accept responsibility for some of her decisions" whatever.
Anyway, I was left to have to ask the court for an attorney to defend me and he was so clear that I needed to get the other 3 nutty members of my family out of my life that he scarcely did anything. I wasn't ever, ever allowed to say a word in court and he never came to any of the treatment meetings. My husband was convinced by his zealot of an attorney to divorce me because getting me out from under the roof was the quickest way of getting DHR to go away.
It doesn't look like it is going to get any more tolerable.. I have no idea when the divorce will be over. I am offering to surrender my parental rights and he still thinks he's going to get child support from me!!! I am a 50% disabled veteran and I am having a hideous time of getting any employment. I can't get any solid support agreement set up in the meantime and I am living hand to mouth.
All of this because I gave in to try and save my marriage, and then I threw away a brilliant career to stay at home and deal with all of their special services for the first 4-1/2 years they were in our home. My career won't ever recover and I am so hopeless..... Thank you for letting me vent, and I would really appreciate some further discussion on this topic. Sorry it took so long to get back here, I've been having problems with my computer and lost my ISP, so now I have one that works. CPS is very difficult. It is bad that you had to go through all of that. I dont think your husband can get child support from you if you if sign away your rights. BUT, he has to be willing to let you sign them away. If he isnt williing, then I would fight it if you can. Did you check out the site: http://forum.fightcps.com ? Type this site address name on your browswer and it will take you right there. Go to "Investigations" and type your post there and someone will answere you. I am sure there is someone on there who can give you more information about how to deal with these situations. When children are taken away from their natural parents it is a big adjustment to them and they WILL act out because they want to be with their parents. Once false accusations are made on someone and it is reported to CPS you are in for a huge battle and in most cases, it is hard to win. You have to jump through hoops and loops all the time, and you end up losing everything you have to try and fight the system. I would highly reccomend that once you get your case closed with CPS/DHR that you get your name "expunged" off the list of registry. This site will also tell you how you can go about doing that too. I hope things are better for you. I am sorry you are getting a divorce because of this. Keep in touch and let me know how things are going for you. jb7ctx |
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September 9, 2005, 7:35 am PDT
Quote From: earthangel Please if anyone has an idea How I can find out or know who I should talk to find out if they were adopted? My daughters birthday is coming up and she is going to be twelve , I know that is a critical age, where my daughter could testify who she wants to be with. They forcibly took away my rights. Help In Ohio? Just wondering, who took away your rights? Were you involved with cps? I will see if I can find some information for you as to where you can start looking. If you had your rights taken away I dont know if they would still let your child make a decision to be with you. I'm not sure about this. There are alot of similar stories like yours on this website and maybe someone there can help you. Type in this link on your web browser and it will take you there. http://forum.fightcps.com Once you get there, go to "cps investigations", click on that and post your question and someone will help you. Good luck. |
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September 13, 2005, 10:29 am PDT
Quote From: ru1096_2 I would like to start out by saying I'm 29 years old and I'm looking for some advice on how to handle my family. My parents have told me that they never wanted me and that I'm a total disgrace to them. They kicked me out when I was 13, so I lived on the streets of a big city. I turned to drugs to help me with my fears and now I'm clean. They have wiped all my feelings, and emotions away from me. I go through this life everyday wondering what I did. My mom has ruined my life by telling my friends that I'm a slut, opening credit cards in my name, calling social services on me because my daughter fell off the slide. My problem is that I am so afraid to touch anyone. I can't hug, hold hands, or look people in the eye, but I have the biggest heart. I make sure everyone around me is okay and doing well, but I'm dying inside and I don't want them to see it. I had to take psych classes just to try to figure me out. I want to ability to hug someone or receive a hug from someone without crying or having an anxiety attack. I want someone to explain to me how to love someone and feel love. I can't handle the pain of keeping this inside anymore. I still talk to my parents, but they just abuse me. My dad does whatever he feels like to me, and my mom is always calling me a Bitch. I recently started to cut myself to release pain, that's when I realized I had to talk to someone. I figured this is the best way. I'm afraid of most people, won't give anyone the chance to get close to me or touch me because I'm afraid of touch altogether. Please, some advice on this matter. I don't want to live my life like this anymore. I hope this message brings you in good spirits. You need to focus on "you and your daughter" for now. You cannot change your parents or their mistakes they have made towards you when you were growing up, but you CAN change how you react to them as of today. You do not need them in your life "yet", you have been on your own since "13". You are now a mother. Love your child like you wished to be loved. Show her what love is and you will find it "within yourself". I would press charges on your mother for using your name for credit cards and possibly "ruining" your credit before you even get it started. Dont let your parents control your emotions inside by causing you to cut yourself. You are in control of yourself now. Let them go. Stay away until you are doing better "physically, emotionally, mentally and stabelly". I can relate to the cutting. You dont want to have scars to remind you of what you have been through, dont do that to yourself no more. HOld your child each night, play with her, love her, and SHE will show you what love is. Your parents failed parenthood. You learned from their failure. Show your child what you have always wanted. "LOVE" and God will reward you in many ways that you have never dreamed of. NOt all people are toxic like your parents are. You will find a mate one day who would love you as well as your child. Dont give up hope. Keep your feet in the ground and keep reaching for the stars! You will overcome this anxiety. Pull yourself together, be the best you can be, and enjoy life with your child until God sends someone your way. Take care and keep in touch. |
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September 14, 2005, 7:44 am PDT
Quote From: 1stbabydue I have a question... Is it right for my inlaws to expect us to dole out money every holiday for expensive gifts they have choosen? They also invite us on trips for thier birthdays and expect most of the time expect us to foot 80% of the bill. For an example of the gift thing my MIL picked out a new recliner and wanted us to pay for half of it! I've decided to put a stop to it this christmas and stay in our budget and get them things that aren't on thier lists. Is this a good idea? I would pick them out what you want to get for them. I know I woudnt pay half for a recliner for a Christmas gift unless it was MINE. Stay within your budget and get them what you can afford to get them. My opinion only, Christmas is for kids. We get our inlaws a box of candy and a card. The big money we spend on the kids. They way my inlaws act, they are lucky they even get anything. I should just go outside and pick a bundle of "switches" for them. lol (kidding) however, only buy for them what you can afford. It's the "thought" that counts. |
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