Messages By: jb7ctx

Quote From: flashd44

 Oh no, I am in my early 20's! Graduated from university and preparing for graduate study, hopefully research, in international security environment and the role of NSA's in global politics.

Yes I have had gf's before, but its been awhile. Maybe 18 odd months. I know these thoughts are wrong, but lately I've had a bucketload of these incorrect thoughts, and want to "stop them", but "cant".

Zack
x

Quote From: flashd44

 Thanks for the reply.

She's in her mid 20's, a few years older then myself.

I am unlikely to try anything. I am not a freak, I know whats wrong...and actually have quite a strong moral fibre running thru my body.

Yes we live in the same house. Perhaps I do need a gf, question is how to find one.

Quote From: joaniebabe

Iv been with my partner for 7 years,just resently we have been having problems. His mother doesnt have anything to do with our three year old daughter she say is because our relationship is so rocky and she is worryed i will leave and take our daughter and she wont be able to see her ive told her its not the case and i would never stop her from seeing her granddaughter but she keeps pushing her away and has more to fo with my partners sisters child than she does her first grandchild and this is really upseting me and i dont know what to do. Ive asked my partner to talk to his mother about it but he just doesnt seem to care. Has anyone got any suggestions on how i can get  my mother inlaw to have more to with my daughter?

Quote From: joaniebabe

Iv been with my partner for 7 years,just resently we have been having problems. His mother doesnt have anything to do with our three year old daughter she say is because our relationship is so rocky and she is worryed i will leave and take our daughter and she wont be able to see her ive told her its not the case and i would never stop her from seeing her granddaughter but she keeps pushing her away and has more to fo with my partners sisters child than she does her first grandchild and this is really upseting me and i dont know what to do. Ive asked my partner to talk to his mother about it but he just doesnt seem to care. Has anyone got any suggestions on how i can get  my mother inlaw to have more to with my daughter?

Quote From: lklaughlin

   
October 23, 2005, 9:12 pm PDT Help for nieces and nephews
I could really use some advice if anyone out there is willing to share! I am a single/divorced aunt with no children to a 15-year-old nephew, 12-year-old niece, and 5-year-old nephew. All are good-hearted kids, and all three have separate fathers. My 36-year-old sister has moved in with many men over the years because she dislikes living alone, and all have, of course, failed.  The kids have witnessed all the problems between their mother and whatever man was there and have stuck together as best they can with the help of my parents who have cared for them most of their lives.  They have bounced back and forth between my folks' home and my sister's home. She has once again moved in with a man who has five children of his own. They all live in Arizona with their mother, and there is contact between his kids and hers about every other month. All seem to get along, but the problem is my sister. When my folks care for the three of them, they all confirm that my sister spends little if no time at all with them, stays in her room and only comes out to cook for her boyfriend while the kids cook and take care of themselves. My parents have confronted her on this, and her response was to keep the kids away from our entire family. She becomes angry with the kids, telling them to keep their mouths shut or they'll never see their grandma and grandpa. She is verbally abusing them, and the 15-year-old is very much aware of what his mother is like, even going so far as inputting her cell phone ID as "I hate her" onto his phone. He does not bring it  up, but when asked about it, he simply says,"I hate her. She never takes care of us, and she cares only for herself and her boyfriend." If any of us were to confront her on this, she would know the kids were talking about it and take it out on them.Each of the three have confirmed the same actions, and none of the three have told their fathers. The fathers see the kids on regular visitations and basically are decent people, regardless of their relationship with my sister. The kids know if they were to speak to their respective fathers, the same thing would happen, they would be "in trouble" for opening their mouths. My older sister, my mother, my father, and my older brother and I want what is best for these kids, but we are unsure how to proceed. We have tried to intervene, but the result always ends up putting the kids in a worse position than they are already in. They are not starving, without clothing or material things, but are emotionally battered.  Please, any advice for us?

Quote From: yvette01

I saw this thread "Toxic family relationships" and knew it was where I needed to post for advice on this particular issue. I feel torn as to the right course of action in this case. My mother-in-law is.... well unhinged. I have never in my life met someone so disfunctional. My husband and I had issues with her when we first got engagedin 1999. We took the action of ignoring her and got married anyway. She seemed to soon come to terms with this, apologised and was reasonably civil and attentive and if not excessive so. That was until we had our first child in March this year. Whilst visiting us shortly after her birth my mother-in-law came to a new level of repugnance. As there was no obvious trigger I can't say how it suddenly came about but she declared in the most vile way to her son, my husband, that she did not love him, did not even like him. My husband did me very proud and remained cool and calm and simply said if that be the case she should leave. This of course was not what she had wanted - I believe she had done this to try and get my husband to suck up in some way. So a new onslaught ensued from her to which I will not go into detail but to say it would have been the closest thing to a human spewing toxic waste from their mouths with every viporus word. We cut all ties with his mother for two months until his dad asked us to come and try and sort things out. We did not trust her but thought that we would at least hear her out. Wisdom dictacted that when the first thing she said was "do you just want me to say sorry and get it over and done with or do you want to talk this out" it was a hopeless cause and we should have left straight away but we didn't. We stayed to listen to what she said. I had expected her to manipulate but had not been ready for how exceptionally tallented she was in this area and found myself halfway through the manipulation before realising it. Of course once it was realised we left immediately and have had nothing to do with her since. The sad thing about this story is that we have no grudge with my husbands father, who through years of living with this women has had his spirit crushed and constantly settles for a cheap peace. However, we can't have anything to do with him without her involved as well. It is my "unproffessional" opinion that she has narcissistic personality disorder and is not to be trusted or have the character not to Chernobyl in front of or manipulate our daughter. Despite this it rubs raw to deprive our daughter of her grandparents, especially when one merely suffers a lack of backbone. I do not know however how to get this women to maintain the boundries of respect even when given very limited access to our family. There seems to be no right answer, each case has pros and cons, some more destructive then others. I do not have peace about the decision to cut ties, but nor do I believe I would find it if I had chosen the reverse. Based upon this very limited account of her (as there is far more that could be said of other things she has done) what would be your advice?

Quote From: schaefer26

My husband and I have been married for 7 years.  About 3 years ago he starting using Crystal Meth.  We seperated for a few months about 2 years ago and he might have gotten another woman pregnant (no DNA test have been done).  There is no contact between them now, however I had him arrested and he spent about 3 months in jail.  I filed for divorce because I didn't think he would change.  However while he was in jail he called and appologized for everything that happend and he wanted to work on our marriage.  So I took him back.  He was given probabtion for 2 years.  About 2 months ago he was arrested on a probabtion violation and was sentenced to a year and half in prison.  We have 2 children together one is 6 and the other is 2.  My oldest knows what is going on and that he won't be home for a while.  My little one just asks for him.  He says now that he has learned his lesson and that he only wants his family and nothing else.  I am a stay at home mom and don't make much money.  We are in debt up to our eyeballs and I am having problems with bills.  Is leaving him a better choice and if so how do I let him go as I do love him and he is a very good man when he is not under the influence

Quote From: rcmartin

My husband and I have been married for 8 months and we have a five month old son. I did get pregnant while we were dating and we decided to move in together to see if we could really be in a serious relationship. Everything was going good for us, yes we had our fights, but who doesn't. I never really had a problem with his parents until after we had our son. Now out of the blue, they are asking him to do a paternity test on our son to make sure that he is my husband's child. That of course angered me to pieces and I could not believe that they would say such an absurd thing. I mean they might as well of called me a slut. I know deep down inside my heart that my son is his, but because of their (in-laws) suspicions they wont have anything to do with our son. My parents tell me that I should get a paternity test and prove it to them once and for all and my husband says not to worry about it cause he knows in his heart that our son is his. I know that as long as my husband knows the truth that that should be ok, but I have to live with this uncomfortableness because my in-laws have doubts. My question is... should I just go ahead and get a paternity test or should I listen to my husband and let it go??? Please help!