Messages By: jb7ctx

If I were you, I would have to ask myself, whats more important? Letting the child be with them while drinking or even drinking and driving with the child in the car OR  my childs well being? All it takes is one second to wreck while under the influence and if your child is with them when that happens, you will never see your child. Dont put your child in danger just to satisfy someone else. IF they want to see your child, let them come to your home and see the child. I wouldnt even let my child stay at their home if they are drinking. What if your child got hurt over there and they are too drunk to take the child to the hospital? Should you do an intervention? Yes. If the grandparents cant quit drinking long enough to visit the child, then they dont need to be around the child. What type of influence are they putting on the child? IF you go to thier house for the holidays, there is going to be drinking going on, so I think it is something you really need to think about. It is not fun being around alcohlics. No wonder they put the child to nap for 2 hours, so they can drink.. I would feel like you do. Set some boundaries on this drinking. The alcohol is not worth a childs life or anyones life. YOu should be worried when your child is there. What if they pass out from being drunk and the child woke up and wondered off somewhere or got seriously hurt? Do you know who would be held responsible? Not just them but you too, because you knew they drank all the time and the courts would look at you for failure to protect your child. I have a friend who went through a similar situation a long time ago, she lost her kids to cps and it took her 6 and 1/2 months to get them back. It was a long court battle. Follow your motherly instincts. If you feel it in your gut about your child being there, dont let the child stay there no more. It is not worth it. Good luck and dont let anyone talk you into something that may turn out dangerous.

67 years old? There has got to be a way to get him to pay child support. First, there needs to be a paternity test done. Father or not, it will be best to have one done in order to proceed. Just because he sends money now does not make him the father.  Even though they are married, she left to have the baby in another country. She needs to come back to America and sign up for legal aid or something if she cant afford a lawyer in order to "prove" he is the babies father in order to receive any benefits the baby is entitled too. Sue him for a paternity test. BUT....once this is done, and it proves to be his child, then HE will have parental rights to the child as well. Thats the way it works in America. He wasnt there to sign the birth certificate, so he can easily say the child isnt his.  She needs to prove it first. The only way to do this is come back to America and do it. How old is she? He is mighty old to be having babies.

I can relate to your sons needs. When my daughter was about 1 year old, she started having breathing problems. It started out with a cold. She went to the DR. and he sent her to E.R. Come to find out she had Bronchial Asthma. She was put in a croupe tent and had to do breathing treatments. She developed pnemonia in her left lung. From this day forward, she would she go into the hospital twice a year with the same thing. She had allergies. She was allergic to dust mites and grass. We had to remove ALL of our carpet out of our home and replace it with vinyl flooring. We had to put plastic covering over her mattress. The DR. prescribed her a breathing machine to take home for us to use on her during these episodes of Bronchial Asthma. She was prescribed many medicines. She had to go to  a specialist for breathing exercises as well. My daughter, like your son, wouldnt do as I told her and it was a struggle too. But she would listen to others who told her to do what she had to do. Maybe you can get a friend or a neighbor to help you when he has to do these excises and you go to another room and let the friend do this with him. For some reason kids will listen to other grown ups before they do their own parents. (At least mine did anyway). My daughter is now 16 y/o. She has outgrown most of her Asthma attacks. She may have one when the weather changes, but it is not as severe as it was when she was little. I also have a  6 y/o who is insulin dependant. He is diabetic. He has to have shots everyday. Sometimes, 3-4 shots a day. Now I have to struggle with him to get him to take his shots. He too, does the same as your son and refuses to take his shots, so I will tell him in firm voice to get over here and take your shot or I will call the DR. back and tell him you wont do it. I tell him his life is depending on this shot. I had to explain to him the dangers of his disease and how important these shots are. He doesnot want me to call his Dr. so he will take his shot. He isnt as bad about it as he used to be, he is adapting to it. It took him about 8 months to get used to it. It is something "new" in your sons life that he isnt used to doing, so it will take some time for him to get used to it. He will eventually adapt to doing these things, just be patient and keep working with him.  I hope this helped some. I know how you feel. Good luck, and take care.

Jumping on the trampoline, swimming, playing kick ball, or soccer with him is good. Even putting him into Martial Arts will help. Maybe even having a race between the two of you. Do things to make it like a game. My daughters specialist had some type of thing that looked like a clear plastic square with balls in it, and she had to blow into a tube to make the balls go up in the air while in the plastic square. I will search the net for things like this and tell you when I find a site. As far as discipline, yes I had to discipline her when she wouldnt do what she was supposed to do. I  would ask her if she wanted to do a art project together. In order to do the art project (be it coloring, painting, playdoh, etc.) she had to do her treatments first and quick so we would have time to do the project. If she refused to do her treatments, she would not be allowed to watch her favorite cartoon or movie until the treatment is done, or even get a snack. I would put her in her room and shut the door and go back to her room every 15 minutes and ask her if she is ready now, so she can come out and do her treatment  so she can play or watch her movie. Every time she did her treatment, I gave her her favortie snack or let her do something that "she" wanted to do. I had to be really firm with her when she refused to do the treatment. I had to let her know I mean bussiness and it has to be done so she can breathe better and we can have fun afterwards. Now with my son who is diabetic, I try not to get him upset (even though he does me) because when he gets upset, it makes his sugar rise. So when he refuses his shots, I take control and make him lie down so I can give him his shot. He will cry because he dont like it, but it really hurts me more seeing him cry but it is something that has to be done. Take control over this with your son and he may not like to do these excercises, but he is going to have to do them anyway. He may get mad and cross his arms now, but dont let him take control over you to where he wont do it. If you have to hold his hand and run around with him, do it and make him follow you. Let him know that you are in control over this. What kinds of excercises does he have to do? I might be able to give you other ideas of getting him to do these. Write me back  when you get a chance. Thanks

Geez, your mil sounds like mine. My mil has nothing to do with our kids either. It is now 15 months since she even saw them "personally" , but 2 years before that she saw them 3 times only.  (we are walking distance away from her home). She has not seen them at all this whole year nor has she called to speak to them on the phone. She just dont have time for them I guess. (her words). Anyway, she called my husband on Christmas Eve and got into a huge argument on the phone with him concerning his other child from a different relationship who he cannot see because of his mother and the ex, (long story)  and she was wanting our kids to come down to her home and see him and get the gifts from her. HOwever, she has not seen our kids but 3 times in 3 years. She ignored their b-days for the past 2 years.Never calls them or ask about them. She has never called me personally, in over 2 years. BUT, my husband told her no that the kids are not comming down since she couldnt make time for them at all throughout this whole year. Our son has a life threatening illness he came down with last year and she has not called one time to see how he is doing. Anyway, because my husband wont let her see the kids, she wont let them have the gifts she brought for them. It doesnt bother me at all, because my kids dont know her anyway. She was once their grandma, but she lost that title when she choose to ignore them all these years. If she wants to "play" grandma again, she has to "earn" that title back at "OUR" conveinence! She also (like yours) thinks that we need to put all this in the past and move on and forget about it. Well, I got news for her. We cant just forget about what all she has done and did not do, especially when she messes with our children like she did by ignoring them. ESPECIALLY when our son has a life threatening illness and she never called ONCE to see if he is dead or alive this whole damn year! Just because she is ready to start over, does not mean we are. But we are starting over WITHOUT her. She claims she feels "uncomfortable" around me. WHAT? I have never been mean to her , I have always been nice even when she pissed me off. But now, she NEEDS to feel uncomfortable around me. If she can choose to ignore our kids all these years even though one has an illness, and she dont care, and she thinks we are going to let them come to her? (head meets desk)! The only reason she feels uncomfortable around me is because she feels GUILTY for what she has done to us!!!! She knows that I know what game she was playing. She knows she was wrong for acting the way she did especially towards the kids AND she dont really want to see our kids, she only wants them down there so her "favorite" grandson will have someone to play with because he is BORED at her house now! WHEW!!! (I needed that vent)!!! I ride by her house and wave at her and she snubs me, and she does it to my husband too and then she wants to know why we didnt come to her party this year? (head meets desk, again). Question....if someone ignores you for years and has no words of communication with you at all or your kids, do you think they like you? Are you supposed to start over because they want too and risk getting hurt all over again because they are so controlling and vindictive and it has been a repeated cycle year after year after year? (head meets desk).

You cant please everyone. All that should matter is how you two guys feel. If they cant accept your husband or even your child to come, then it would probably be best to move on and live your lives the way you two see fit. I would not play into the game at all. Keep your head held high, be nice to them but also be firm about what decisions you make in life. Set boundaries when it comes to "respect" reguarding your husband and child and you. Dont tolerate any crap they may dish out to make you feel uncomfortable or your husband. You guys are one now. They will have to accept it or accept the fact that you are going on your own without them involved. It is their choice on how they want to act, it is your choice on if you want to tolerate their actions. They cant make decisions for you, you are a grown woman. They can either "accept" all of you, or "forget" all of you.

What your sister isnt realizing is, she dont want to see her dad in that position, but she isnt thinking about her dads feelings. I am sure he would want to see her reguardless of his position. I am sure he dont like the position he is in no more than your sister. She is being selfish to you and your father. She needs to help care for him too because who knows when it may be the last time she ever gets to see him. I would tell her to put her feelings aside, and think about your fathers feelings. He is probably feeling neglected by her. There is a reason he is still here. She needs to help him why he is still here. I am sure it may hurt her to see him like he is, but it is hurting him worse by her not seeing him at all. Let her know that God does not put any more in front of you that you cannot handle. I admire you for taking care of your father at  24  y/o. You will be rewarded for doing so. May Gods Blessings be upon you guys.

You cant allow your mother to put a guilt trip on you for seeing your dad. Your mom and your dad have problems with "each other", the problem is not with you, so dont let her make you feel guilty for seeing your dad. She will have to accept the fact that you and your dad have a relationship, just like you and her. I would still be nice to her but also let her know that just because she and your father had problems in the past with each other, doesnt mean that you have to carry that problem with you on deciding to see him or not. A parent should not criticize the other parent to a child for any reasons. Life goes on. Enjoy each parent for every day. At least you and your family will have lots of love from your moms side of the family and your dads side. If your mom still gets angry that you are seeing your dad too, then tell her in a nice way, this is your life now, and this is how it is going to be.

Have you had your child checked for Dibeties? My son was potty trained when he was 2 also. When he turned 4 he started wetting his bed alot. He would have angry tanturms and hit himself as well.  He craved lots and lots of water or liquid drinks. He would become confused at times. We had him checked for Dibeties and sure enough he was diabetic. He is insulin dependant. His blood sugar was extremely high and that is what caused him to wet himself and act abusively. A normal BG reading is 80 - 120, our sons BG was over 600 when he was admitted into the hospital. He is a miracle. If you havent done so yet, I would have her blood sugar tested for dibeties. Signs of Juevenille Dibeties: extreme thirst, frequent urination, headaches, confusion, leg cramps, tantrums, violent behaviors, flushed looking in the face. Please have her tested for Juevenille Dibeties. I hope she doesnt have it, but it kinda sounds like she might. Good luck and let me know.