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Messages By: hun911


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worried
July 25, 2005, 3:24 pm CDT

is love enough??

I have had an off and on relationship with a guy for about three years.  We had broken up in the beginning of the year after he went through a personal trajedy and withdrew from me. in June he came back begging asking for another chance and he made a mistake.  Since then we have been trying to make it work, but my mistrust of him that he may leave again is taking a toll and may ruin us for good.  I am having a hard time getting over him hurting me but I don't want to lose him again.  I can feel myself pushing him away and recently he has told me that it is getting to him and he feels I will never get over what has happened.  I have put a lot of doubt in his mind.  I don't want to lose him again and I know that he doesn't want to lose me, but there is a big wall between the two of us that is very difficult to breakdown. 

Even if two people love each other very much, is that enough????????

Please give me some advice, I don't know what to do next!!!!

 

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blank
July 26, 2005, 5:59 am CDT

so what do you do??

Alysha, what were your problems with your ex-fiancee and why didn't you give it some more time??  I guess that is where I am having the problem, when is enough enough.  I am not ready to give up, is there a point where I will be ready???
 

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blank
July 27, 2005, 5:51 am CDT

space is sometimes a good thing

I don't necessarily agree that if someone says the need space it means that they have something on the side.  I am recently trying to forgive a boyfriend that broke up with me after he went through a personal trajedy and became very depressed.  He has come back begging for forgiveness and for a while it was okay but I am still pretty bitter about the whole thing (which is my issue).  We can't seem to get along right now and it seems that everytime we talk we talk about us, it's like beating a dead horse.  So we are taking space, we still talk, but a little less frequently until the both of us can cool off and refresh ourselves.  Sometimes when you get into a pattern of arguing and fighting and things don't seem to be resolving, space is sometimes a good thing in order to step out of the situation and look with a clear head.  In a perfect world,couples would be able to communicate all the time and everything would come out find, don't take me wrong I know communication is key, but sometimes people get into the routine of fingerpointing and running around in circles.  Give it time and see where things go.
 

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blank
July 27, 2005, 9:46 am CDT

is space okay?

I was in a relationship with someone for three years.  He went through a personal trajedy and was unable to deal with it, ultimately leading to a breakup.  Six months later he came to me saying that he had made a huge mistake and apologized for pulling away from me.  I am having a very hard time forgiving him for just letting me go.  We have talked about this numerous times and I have explained everythign to him and him to me.  This was about one month ago, but for the past couple of weeks we haven't been getting along.  I know it stems from my bitterness and I think he has kinda lost his patience.  We are unable to speak without talking about US, and it is getting us no where. Since this fighting, there are doubts going through both of our heads.  He is the type of person that needs some space, like less frequent phone calls, etc.  He thinks we both need to think.  Is space okay??  I just need some advice on whether or not we can salvage this, I really want to but I think I may have pushed him away by how hurt and non-accepting I was when he was trying to get me back.  Any advice?????
 

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blank
August 1, 2005, 12:57 pm CDT

when is enough enough?

I have written on this board several times, and all about the same guy.  We have been off and on for about three years, and are both 25.  When we first got together everything was great for the first year and a half, until we started fighting a lot.  I have some trust issues and it seemed like a lot of fights would stem from that.  We then got back together about 4 months later, adn things were great again.  But then he had a personal trajedy and went into a big depressoin that eventually led to us breaking up again.  About 6 months after that he came to me saying that he made a huge mistake and wants me back.  So we have been trying but it has not been successful.  I can't seem to get over that he hurt me, and on top of the trust issues, I can't seem to get past the bitterness and resentment.  This causes us to fight and he then has doubts that this is not how it should be.  I love him, and ultimately would love for things to work out, but when is enough to much??  Right now we are trying to take the "intensity" out of us and have some space.  I am also his first serious relationship and sometimes worry that he will eventually leave because of this.  I try to stay positive because being negative really doesn't help any.  Does anyone have any advice about what we should do??  Should I even stick around if he is having doubts too???
 

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blank
August 12, 2005, 11:32 am CDT

don't know what to do?

I have been with my boyfriend off and on for about three years.  For some reason we just can't seem to get it right.  I love him and he does love me, but after a recent trajedy that he went through we are trying to things good between us.  He came to me very intense about us getting back together and I was scared and stand offish because he broke my trust.  Since then he said that we should slow things down.  so that's what we are doing right now.  He tells me he wants this to work out and that he wants to be with me but feels that it is good for us to slowly get back into things.  He is probably right, becuase there are things that we need to work out between the two of us.  The thing is that it's very hard to go from a serious relationship to something a bit more casual.  Neither one is seeing anyone else, and don't plan to, but gradually moving in towards seeing each other more and talking more.  I am a very impatient person and just want to work on things, when he would rather take time and see where things go.  How should I handle this situation??
 

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blank
August 17, 2005, 2:03 pm CDT

Breaking Up

Quote From: maida_d

Hi.... well i been with this guy for almost a year and i love him so much that i cant even put it in word .... we broke up before 4 weeks or so after he told me that he's not sure how he feels about me.... couple of weeks pased after out break up n he told me he loves me like always but we just cant be together because he wants 2 go 2 school n if i am with him he might fell all of his classes ... i realli love him and im willing to wait as long as i have to.... but will he stop loving me?
I don't want to seem harsh but I think that his excuse for failing his classes, is just that an EXCUSE, and if you asked me not even a good one.  If he needs space and time then you need to give that to him.  I understand that you want to wait and do that but make sure that he is being honest with you.  I don't know you, but from the way it sounds, you deserve much better than that.  If he does stop loving you, then that just means it wasn't meant to be.  Even if you can't see it right now, like all things this to will pass, and like they say "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be."  But the worse thing you could do right now is smother him.  Give him the space he needs, and then if he comes back it willl be that much sweeter.  Make him miss you!!
 

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blank
October 19, 2005, 4:04 pm CDT

wanting to make things right

I have been in and off and on relationship for about three years.  I love this guy so much and he to loves me.  Any of our issues all roll down to the same thing, I have a huge issue with trust in intimate relationships.  He has never cheated on me, and I truly don't think that he would, but I can't seem to let my guard down.  It causes frequent arguements and it has come to the point where he is questionging if I will ever change.  I just get nervous that he will leave me, and constantly need reassurance.  I want this to change, and I really don't want to lose him.  He wants his space right now, but says that he wants things to work but is afraid that the constant arguments aren't going to go away.  One relationship I had, ultimately ended due to these same things, and I really love this guy and don't want to lose him.  Does anyone have any advice, please????
 

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blank
October 22, 2005, 11:39 am CDT

Breaking Up

Quote From: lcnekw

Hey. I understand what you are going through. I signed up a few weeks ago with kind of the same problem, I couldn't get over my past. I am currently in therapy and things are going alot better. No matter what anyone tells you on here you will not change your feelings until you realize that it is you making you feel this way. I know you don't want to believe it but Dr. Phil is so right that you make you feel the way you want and any of your past has nothing to do with the way you are today. PLease take some advice from me, my therapist told me to read this book called "Learning to tell Myself the Truth" by William Backus. It has truly changed the way I feel about my life and feeling all in less than a month. Take care and good luck.
Actually I have already tried to do that.  I do want to get over some of these things between us and within myself.  Hopefully, I have not pushed him so far that he does not want to make things right.  That is what I am anxious about right now.
 

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blank
October 26, 2005, 4:13 pm CDT

do I stick with it??

I have had an off and on relationship with a guy for close to four years.  Things have not always been easy.  I have many trust issues and this causes many arguments.  He is the kind of guy when things get tough he needs space, I am not like that.  When he needs space he does always come back but I freak out in the mean time.  Well recently we have not been getting along.  Most of our fighting stems from my insecurities and mistrust, I have begun to seek professional help.  He is so sick of us fighting about this stuff that he says he needs some space.  He says that he loves me and will stay commited to me but he needs time to find himself.  I know I have pushed him away but should I stick it out.  I don't really feel like this is a good way to handle a situation or is it just not a way that I would handle it.  I love hime and want to get over some things and am completely dedicated to doing that.  He asked me to give hime time to feel better and then come back.  Am I being to optimistic or should I see what happens after space???  Please help I really don't know what to do, and if their are any guys that can relate, please give me some advice if this is normal...
 

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