This is one of those things that women (not all) do that infuriates me to no end. If the man is not the father then he should not have to pay child support. Now if he decided to adopt the child then yes...because at that point he is legally saying he is willing to be responsible for the child.
For the father to walk on on the child makes me upset...I can see how one would be hurt and confused so I can understand some distance...but the reality is it is not the child's fault. It is the mother's. Place the blame on her. Think of the child...the older the child the more hurt and confused the child will be. If you really love the child then her not being "yours" should not make a difference. I am adopted (a little different I know) but I was never considered not "theirs", and having met my birthparents I would never consider my adoptive parents not my parents after all I am who I am because of their love for me.
It makes me so mad when women do mean stupid spiteful things like this. I knew a gal who did this same thing....even had her husband have a vasectomy. When the child was 15 years old she decided to tell him the truth. Yes they divorced but he never turned his back on the child and he was ordered to pay child support because the judge said he had emotionally accepted the child as his all those years. Well of course he had...he had been lied to all those years.
I suppose one can argue... you do what is best for the child, after all you contributed financial support to the child while you were married. In my heart I believe it is wrong for the woman to go after child support from a father that didn't know the child was not his until they were divorcing.
If he knew from the very begining I would stand by this. I realize the man stood by for x number of years, he helped raise the child, contributed both financially and emotionally to the care of the child, but he is not the birthfather, go after the birthfather.
Furthermore if this man truly cared for the child then he would pay some type of child support but I do not believe he should be forced to do so.
