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January 8, 2006, 8:41 pm PST
It's all in what you believe . . .
I have had some very personal experience with this topic, and am glad to hear the discussion on it.
My belief is this, very simply, it's all in what you believe, and what you allow to have control in your thoughts and in your mind. I do believe in both angels and demons; it stands to reason that if there are good spiritual entities (guardian angels, spirit guides, angelic presences of dead relatives), then a counterbalance of bad ones would be necessary. I have had a lot of experience with "supernatural phenomena" from my earliest childhood, and was taught that these things that I seemed to be capable of were maifestations of the Spirit, and were blessings from God. They needed to be used for the good of myself and others, and not exploited or tainted by money, profit, or greed.
I was living with a man who acknowledged, after some very bizarre and violent incidents, that he had allowed himself to be possessed as a teenager -- even though he did not realize what he was doing at the time.
He and a friend found a big leather-bound book in a dumpster on the way home from school one day, and were fascinated by it. It had strange words, pictures and symbols, and they wanted to find out what they meant, so they took it with them. It was a spellbook, or grimoire, used by a black magician; it contained spells invoking demons, as well as other spells. The boys found one they wanted to enact, and they did so in his friend's garage one Saturday night.
Until this time, according to the man I was dating, he was a very sickly kid, and bed-ridden due to kidney disease for most of his early childhood. He said that within two years, and the high school yearbooks prove it, his physique was robust and fully filled out instead of bony and sickly, he had become a very good cross-country runner, and had stamina and strength he had never had. He was healthy enough to join the Marines at the beginning of Vietnam and served two tours, returning with only minor injuries. He rose throught the ranks after his combat tours, and acheived some very elite duty assignments. All of this he credited to the spell he did that night. He swears that he never could have or would have survived had it not been for the presence of this entity he had allowed to take control of him.
The downside was that he has never acheived any kind of success in the field of personal relationships. Personal relationships aren't supposed to be combat, but that is the way he still treats relationships; the mate is the "enemy", and whether it's just him or the thing he credits for his sucess, he has to be right and "win" at all times, and the most vicious things in the world are fair game.
When this vicious behavior began to surface in our relationship, and when I figured it out that it had something to do with demons, I began to do research into which one it could be, and what it could be capable of. My thought process was this: he obviously believes it, and gives it a lot of credence, so to combat it, defeat it or get rid of it I had to believe that he believed it, and act accordingly. He was Catholic, and was raised in the Church, so I had him go see the priests of our local diocese for advice and counselling.
They recommended a full battery of psychiatric tests to rule out any organic brain pathology or defect before they would consider his behavior any evidence of supernatural acitivity or possession. They did tell him that in most cases Western medicine finds some sort of explanation for the events which occur, and most times exorcism is not ever really considered. In the rare cases where no pathology is found, then spiritual illness, including possession, is then ready to be considered. Even in those cases, actual possession is incredibly, incredibly rare, according to this priest he consulted with.
In the case of this man I had been living with, he decided not to have the testing done; he saw no point in it, and refused to take the time to do it. He insisted to the priest that he was sure of what it was, and the testing and observation was a waste of time. Upon further counselling, the priest told him that if it was true that this was what he said it was, then the only way to free himself was basically to willingly give it up, and he could exorcise it and renounce it himself if he so chose. If he did not, then everything that this man loved -- his mate, his music, his house, his terrific job, his cars, everything he really cared about -- would be destroyed. The logic behind this was simple -- the demon wants to keep the person all to itself, it hates to share, and will do everything to keep the person enslaved to it and retain possession. If everything one loves is destroyed, then one always needs help to rebuild and achieve sucess. If the demon has always brought success one would always turn back to the source of that sucess.
This man decided he'd rather keep his demon, and risk hurting or killing me, rather than give it up and find another source -- a positive one -- from which to draw strength.
I tried everything I could think of to help him, and to protect myself; from the prayers I learned as a child to the most advanced ritual white magic I could find. In the end the emotional and physical damage that was done to me was tremendous. I had to end the relationship with him because the emotional abuse and physical abuse was just too much to handle. I fully believe that during one incident, the last physical assault, that had I not prayed aloud when I did that night, I would be dead right now (had a bad concussion rather than a fully split wig, and who says miracle don't happen?)
When I first came to the message boards about this a little over a year ago, I really felt like most folks thought I was nuts, or I was letting my imagination run away with me. This was no imagining . . . it was the worst waking nightmare anyone could ever conceive of. I know this because I lived it.
It all boils down to this -- if you believe it is possible to be possessed, then you can be. If you want to be rid of it, you can be, but you have to replace it with something else that is positive. As Dr. Phil says, we don't break bad habits, we replace the bad one with a positive one. The same is true of this phenomenon; if you leave the void where the evil has been, it will return, and often times 7-10 times stronger than before. If you replace the evil with good and positive activities, then you have a good chance of beating it.
Then there's the sad cases where the possesed decides they'd rather stay that way, and one cannot help those who do not want to be helped.
I hope this helps somone out there; I hope that this gives someone hope that if they are in the situation there are ways out. That is all I hope to accomplish by revealing this. So please folks, do me a favor . . . be kind if and when you reply. This has been very hard to say, and I really don't need to know how many of you think I'm barking mad.
Thanks for reading . . .
Pearl2purl
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