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Messages By: 2nephi

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July 25, 2005, 5:38 am CDT

still trying to handle it also

my dad died on july 9 of a heart attack and my family and me are still trying trying to handle it as we all miss him so much..  it is so hard but with each other help we are getting thru it and God s help also.  I still cry alot sure but we will make together as a family and with Gods help and guidance we can get thru this trial in our life if we only ask of him.  as each day goes I know we can have happy memories of him and talk of what we did with dad and the car rides we did when we was little.  we will always have that.  also pets can have a great hold as a family member also when they die also as our cat died 2 hours after dad died. a blood went to his back legs and the vet said there wasn't nothing they could do.  so we had to put him down. he had a heart problem also.  Love comes in all sorts of ways.  just have to look for them......they may be tiny,or big,but love can come from anywhere.  2nephi
 
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July 26, 2005, 5:31 am CDT

how I get thru my loss

I too lost my grandfathers in 2001 3 months apart and my just recently, July 9th, plus my cat 2 hours after my dad died.  one has to come together as a family, or if the family doesn't want to then friends then.  as long as there is support for someone plus to to go God also will help.  Family is so important, but if the support isn't there for them,  a loving friend is family.  that is their support.  with going thru the loss of my dad my family has gotten together to make sure mom is ok and she doesn't cancel no appts for drs like she wants as we care for her.  we all mis dad so much but getting thru this together is what we need especially with their anni. and his b-day coming up on aug.1 which will be so hard.   he would be 65.  he was young, yeah,  the same age as mom, but keeping the memories of him alive is what we do. I just scrapbooking pages of my dad so we can remember.  scrapbooking has helped me get thru this and helped me show the family the pictures of dad and the fun times we had with dad.  maybe you can do a scrapbook about your grandfather the same way so that will help you also.    2nephi
 
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July 28, 2005, 5:53 am CDT

coming togethetr as a family

Quote From: missbilly

I feel for you on the loss of your father as I have lost my own father back in May of 1997 to cancer. He was diagnosed with bladder cancer a couple weeks before Christmas of 1996 and it rocked my world. My dad and I did alot together and were very close and when we lost him six months later it was very hard on all of us. He ended up having pancreatic cancer also and they operated on him and a routine 2 hour operation took six hours because they had come across problems and had to call a specialist in before completing the surgery. I miss my father everyday and it was like I said hard. I think about him everyday but I have moved beyond it, however the source of moving beyond my fathers death is not helping me cope with it. I lost my dad in 1997 and three years later on October 29, 2000, I myself ended up in my mothers shoes, having lost my husband to a car crash at the age of 47(him) and I became a widow at 38. To this day I have not been able to move on with my life. I feel like my life is over. I cannot even help my daughter with the loss because she was 14 when he was killed and my son was 12.  I want so much to try to help my daughter but am at a loss because I did not lose my dad until I was 35 and I don't know what my daughter is feeling she won't talk about it and she doesn't want to talk about it and pushes it to the back of her mind.
you need to come together as a family and part of it is talking about your husband and their dad.  we talk about my dad and what we did all the time and that we miss him yeah, as thats the truth.  only keeping it in will it fester.  somehow you have to come together as a family and do things as family as you once did before, but minus one.  Keep his memeory alive as as maybe doing a scrapbook together as a family might help or maybe counsiling might help.  But you need to do something.  also ask God for help as he is always there for you if you just ask.  He always answers if you just learn to listen to with your heart.your kids need you so much.  my family talks about my dad and what we did and where we went and everything with him, don't let his memeory die also, I know you miss him so much but his memeory deserve to live on thru you all and you know he is watching you from above and he loves you all so much.  I am sure he didn't want to leave either. I know that you all can get thru this together as a family and by talking with a counsilor or someone you can do it.  you need to get back as a family unit as your huband wants you too.  your children depends on you.  think,  on getting some help please to get thru this.  I know you can do this.  I will be praying for you and your family.  don't forget that maybe scrapbooking your husband and their dad's lifes might help also.  look at all the great times you had.  the great memories will always be there.  I will always be here for you.  2nephi
 
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July 28, 2005, 9:00 pm CDT

going forward

Quote From: tierd5

Lets see were do I start. I guess with the fact that I was raped 8 years ago and wound up pregnant by the whole ordeal. Four  months after the rape the man that I loved more than anything died in a car accident (I also have an older daughter with him). I had my son five months later and when he was a week old my sister died of brain cancer. So needles to say my whole life was turned upside down without a warning. My family refused to talk about my rape they wanted me to just go on. I tried but it was impossible. Then when everything else started no one wanted to talk about it either. I seen a psychiatrist, but it wasn't enough I needed my family.

A year after my sister died I started dating a man that I thought would be there for me and I married him, but he's not. I used to love him, but I don't anymore. I still have feelings for a man that is no longer alive, and I am trying to make my husband into him. My husband however doesn't think that there is anything wrong.

How am I suppose to move on knowing that I cant have a man that died almost 8 years ago??

you need to talk about this and get some support from a family member like a grandma, cousin, aunt, uncle,ETC.  if you can't I see by reading your currant husband sounds like a great support system.  but not talking about it will not make it any better.  you need to get it out so you can heal from the rape.  and loving a dead husband is ok but just don't make your currant into him. your currant husband is his own being and can bring so much more to your life if you let him.  sure you can remember your husband before and the great memories you had those you can't forget. :)  Let your currant husband be himself and he could be the support you need to ge thru all this and sounds like you still need counseling also.  But talking to someone or a group would help you.  you can't sweep this under the rug and hope this gets better like your family hopews it would.  you need to pray to god to God also and ask of him all these questions you have and I know you will get answers if you just learn to listen.  God always answers.  But please go to for couseling as you still need to talk about all this still.  You have a wonderful husband who will support you, it will be hard, but he is his own person ,and if you let him show you wow what a wonderful couple you both will be.  I know it can happen.  it takes works but you can do.  .  2nephi
 
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August 4, 2005, 5:13 am CDT

going forward

Quote From: missbilly

Thank you so much for the kind words. I have been on a rollercoaster ride so long I wonder how I'm still here but I am. There are so many nights,days and hours I wish he were here holding me like he used to. My common sense says I need to move on but my heart inside is still shattered after almost five years. One thing I do find myself doing is talking about him alot, things that happen that make me think of what he did or would have said and I have to smile even though the loss is so devastating. He was my one and only love. I was never like other girls in school, I didn't go out partying and I was always made fun of over the color of my  hair which was ridiculous but Billy never ever hurt me he did all to protect me and its that strong sense of protection and love that I miss so terribly. I tried moving on a couple years ago by dating but all I felt was guilty like I cheated and I hate that feeling. I think about him alot and then there are times like when I'm busy and don't think about him and then wonder how can you not think about the person who was the most important person in my life. I look at his daughter Ashley who looks just like her daddy and personality is daddys and have to cry cause he won't see her graduate and he won't walk her down the aisle at her wedding and it hurts so much knowing how proud he would be of her. I just don't know anymore the easier is getting harder.  I had a counselor but they are more interested in money and being stick straight on time that they dropped me when I told them I had a kidney stone passing and waited till the day of the appointment to cancel. I could have passed it and then went but when I called to reset it up all I got well you didn't give twenty four hour notice so we can't see you for at least three months. I was furious and told her well guess next time maybe I should tell my body oh no don't get sick now its not allowed on appointment day. Also told them to keep there service since it was evident to me they are just in it for the money.
you can go forward as you and your husband are as strong as a family.  sure its ok to cry but your husband that died he still sees all and knows what your going thru and is watching and is hoping you make all the right decisions as you still have a daughter to raise.  His memory will live  sure but like I said before let your current husband be hisself as i see a strong family there.  Never forget him but, never make another into another person.  you can be surprised what can happen when the love can flow all around.  Your right there all they do care is money.  God and family is first.    pray for help from God and he will guide you and your husband is your strength you need also.  :)  when it comes time for her wedding(daughters) have you ever thought of asking your current husband??  it might just give him the biggest thrill of his life also.  Just knowing that the love of heart is there would be so great and make him so happy.  just a thought.   Keep the faith and strength,  and lean toward your currant husband as he is your strength you need.  you have a wonderful family and you can a family night together where you can do something together and have some fun.  dinner and movie, shopping, picnic, BBQ, Beach,ETC.  pick something where you do something together as a family 1 day a week and have fun.  keep that day always as family day.  it don't have to be where you have to spend money either, think and of other ways where you don't spend money to spend family time to have fun.  :)  I know you can you can do it.  I have faith in you all.  keep up the good work.  2nephi
 
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August 11, 2005, 9:38 pm CDT

parkinsons & altzheimers

Quote From: mohabee96

My Mom, bless her, has been diagnosed with Parkinsons. My Dad is afflicted with altzheimers. Mom and Dad are 79 and 80, respectively. They have lived in the same house for nearly 30 years, and have had a marriage for nearly 60 years. Up to this point, they struggled with the common things couples struggle with, but remained committed to one another. My Mom, the stronger of the two now, has a number of tasks to shoulder, many of which she has no experience with, or is physically unable to complete. They have a woman clean the house twice a week, and a neighbor man comes around to mow the lawn and do handyman tasks.

 

I just came home, to where I live in California, from where Mom and Dad live, in Pennsylvania, after the annual trip I make to visit them Things have changed in the house this time, though. I found myself getting sad that my Dad was unable to drive, let alone ride a lawn tractor, which was once his favorite outdoor activity. He is mostly lucid, and can read a newspaper and talk intelligently about the articles he read. My Mom is unable to fold linens or to cook, though she's able to drive a short distance to see the doctor, or to take herself and my Dad to a neighborhood buffet restaurant, to eat one meal a day.

 

I guess my love for my parents and my compassion are real, but I'm concerned that they will both need a helper, in order to continue living in their house, and maintain health themselves. My Mom is worried and cried many times on my shoulder. She's scared. I found myself sobbing with her, but I kept my composure despite my sadness.

 

I hope that someone on this list can help me understand what Parkinsons is, and what Altzheimer's is--these are two diseases that I'm aware of (my Dad's mother and sister died with Altzheimer's), but need some education about how to deal with two parents and these illnesses.

my grandma had parkinsons and she also had altzheimers later on. when she was living at home she did really great.  they just need to keep on moving and excercise.  and the medication  that is out there.  Don't let her give up either.and please don't put her in a nursing home as thatn will make her give up easily.  once my grandma was in a nursing home it didn't take long at all.  its the activity and keeping her mind active around family memebers that will help.  as for your father,  time will only make him lose his memeory.  my grandma lost her memeory but 1 thing,my dad chewing his tobacco. and then she wander about why her husband wasn't coming to see her and he has been dead for years but with altzheimers setting in she didn't remember it.  she thought he left her.  we visited her and kepted up talking about everything as normal.  up to the day she died.  your mom will shake some yes with parkinsons but don't let it bother her, have her keep doing her normal routine around the house.  maybe take a short a walk if she is able or get a tread mill also.  have her stay active.  your parents will do just fine .  turn to God as the altzheimers gets bad, and you need help and may many Blessings come to you and yours.   2nephi
 
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August 11, 2005, 9:59 pm CDT

When a Family Member Gets Sick

Quote From: bdbarry

I am a faithful follower of Dr.Phil Show, I never thought I would ever, ever have to write to someone to help me with my own illness, which to this point I thought I was managing fairly well, until tonight....a quick history, became quite ill at the age of 43, after extensive diagnostic tests, I learned I have Muscular Dystrophy, I was working full time and loved it, I could drive anywhere and loved it, now 10 yrs. later at the age of 53, Muscular Dystrophy has taken over my life, I can't walk very far, although I am still able to shuffle about, heaven forbid I should trip...I can't get out of regular chair, without assistance, I can't get out of any low riding vehicles, without assistance, food doesn't impress me anymore, could take it or leave it, after all these years of coping with this disease, I have been having seizures for the last couple of months, I don't know I am having or had them until I can't remember something, it is getting more and more frequent..I am scared to death...I cry at a drop of a hat, don't even need the hat, I cry all the time, it seems for no reason, I get confused, my whole body has sensations that I have never felt before, burning up and down my arms into my fingers, not even really a burning sensation, just alot of pain, I am on alot of medication to try to control the seizures now....but for the life of me I can't seem to deal with this new part of my illness...I thought I handled my illness very well in the beginning, people have said they never knew I was ill, I hid it well...but as the disease progresses, I am getting more and more paranoid, of what's to come, God willing i will be around alot more years, if I can just get a grip on what life is handing me now. I have a wonderful husband, we just celebrated our 33rd wedding anniversary, we have a wonderful son Danny who is 32 yrs. old...and two adorable cats, the comedy relief team...my husband has been unwavering, he has been through it all with me, through think and thin, I knew I made the right choice when I married him and we said it would be forever, cause it has and will be, my son has been another rock in my life, as his mother I can do no wrong, according to him, he is my precious gem....I'm so sorry if i have rambled on, but it seems I have found my niche, I guess I just needed to vent, i really, really appreciate anyone who reads this. Hopefully life won't throw anything more my way for a while, however a grandchild would be nice..Thanks so much for taking the time to read my mail I feel a little better  warmest regards from Windsor, Ontario, Canada  Dale   aka  bdbarry
I know what you are going thru.  i am losing my sight and my hearing and I have a heart condition.  my husband is my tower of strenghth and gives me so much support also.  we are so lucky to have them.   when i first started losing everything as I had worked for 25 yrs in restaurants I went for counsiling to deal with it all.  it helped me and also praying to God.  You know he listens also and answers our prayers if we just learn to listens.  Now with everything else I have deal with i have headaches that are worse than migraines that I have have everyday and the dr. is trying to find the right medication and dosage to control them.  I make it day by day.  I still do just about everything but work my job as I need my eyes and ears to do that.  But I know you can get thru this also.  you have a greeat support system there with your husband.  you can do it. I have plenty of faith in you and i know that you can get thru this as it is just a shock right now.  once you decide you its ok and you are going to live your life to the fullest and like you want and like you always do, don't let it beat you. some days might be a bad sure. I have them everyday with my headaches but i keep going.  I don't let it get me down.  I have things to do.  I know you will come thru this just fine and be able to handle it as God will be with you. ask god to be with you and guide you during all these tough times and trials.  Many blessings to you and yours,  have faith, I know you can do it.  I have faith in you and i know you can get thru it.  2nephi
 
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August 19, 2005, 10:08 am CDT

migraine headaches

Quote From: catsassy

On October 23, 2003 my husband killed himself. We were separated at the time. But the grief is something that i wonder if I will ever overcome. He left no note. He acted fine the night he shot himself. He was 47 and had had migraines since he was 13. No surgery could cure his pain and I think he just gave up. I miss him terribly. The worse part is dreaming that he is alive and then waking up to the reality that he is gone. We were very close and now I wish I could have done things so differently. I think if I did maybe he would still be alive today. Grief and guilt seem to go hand in hand for me. He was a wonderful man and I wish he would have been able to see that the world needed him - that I needed him. I still need him.

Thanks for listening.

Jen
I know about the headaches more than anyone.  i have worse headaches that are worse than than migraines.  i go to the dr. and he is trying to help me. i am not giving up.  Sure sometimes the pain is too much at times but I have too much to do and a life.  I go to one person that will help me and I know i will get answer.  God.  sure sometimes my meds don't work at all and i down for 3 days, but i i don't care.  I have a very supportive husband.  plus I am now legally blind and losing my hearing and have  a heart condition also.  I have didn't know what to do at first, but i went for to talk to some people and it helped me so much.  Now I get on with my life, and take care of my husband and the apt.  I even still do my crafts.  :)   Faith is whats its all about.  and getting the help you need.  I have my headaches everyday.  they never go away.  but I learn to deal with them and do what i can.  Don't blame yourself for anything.  I am sure that you if you knew how to help him you could and would.  :)  Pray to God and ask of him any questions you have and he will answer you.  just learn to listen.  he will answer in his own time.  :)  Have faith!!  I am sure that he knows how much you need him.  God always answers. Like the bible the always says ask of God.  he will answer.  ask him and keep asking.  and learn to listen for the answer.  he will answer you.  :)  God is with us.  he never left us.  Go forward in your life.  show your love for your husband by doing a scrapbook of him and you.  just a thought.  2nephi
 
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December 1, 2005, 3:33 pm CST

12/01 House Call Intervention

I know how this family feels. we are going thru the same thing with my brother in law.  it has been really tough on all of us but keeping together as a family is what its about for us.   he always denies and lies and we do not believe  anything what he is telling us.  my brother in law is in his 30's but deep inside I know the good man is there but the drugs is hiding it.  the sad part is he went thru drug rehab once already.  fell back onto drugs by hanging around others who do drugs and sells it. One has to keep together as a family and stay strong to make it thru and pray to God for help and guidance to make it thru.  thats whats helped us thru this so far.  I know the family on the show will make it as they have each other for strength and God will help them also while their son is getting the help he needs also.  Have faith and keep strong.  2nephi
 
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December 3, 2005, 7:23 pm CST

book

Quote From: djbeastie

Hey guys, 

                     I'm new to this message board. I was watching bits and pieces of the show today, and saw some guy on the show with a book about teens who take drugs, etc. Instantley I thought of my best friends dad. My best friend that I have known for 20 years, and I have quit hanging out with the psat few months because he has resulted his life to drugs. Also, his little brother who is 17 is a big druggy, and steal's from the family, lie's, etc.  

  

So I figured this book just might help my friends dad.  

  

Does anybody have the name of this book, and who it's by?  

  

Thanks alot for anybody that know's. 

  

Take care, 

                   Bobby. 

it might be called Family First by Dr.Phil.     his son also has books also.  you can see them here on the website.  just click on the store at the top.   

  

sounds like thats family does need help and good luck to them and God Bless them and many blessings to them.  2nephi 

 

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