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July 25, 2005, 11:45 am PDT

how to let go

4 years ago, after 24 years of marriage, my wife told me she was not in love with me anymore. no abuse by either party, no infidelity(for sure on my side), my crime was i took her for granted. for the last 4 years i have tried everything i can think of to fix our marriage, to no avail. my problem is that i don't know how to leave. we have been together now for 31 years. i don't know how she will survive financially. our two daughters are 20 & 25 and they are both surprised that i have not left before now. i just don't know how to leave without alot of guilt/concern about her survival, and my own future.

any help would be appreciated

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dfielder

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November 21, 2005, 6:42 pm PST

thanks for the reply

Quote From: qqqhhh

How do you know that your leaving her won't be the best thing that ever happened to her?

How do you know that she won't find the second love of her life -- if she's that lucky?

Isn't she responsible for HER life?

Aren't you being somewhat presumptious? Sounds to me like she managed to take care of a house, make it a home and raise 2 kids to adulthood -- that's not nothing. Being a Stay-at-home- Mom or Dad is HARD WORK (and I've always worked) and I bet there are PLENTY of employers willing to have that kind of hardworker on their payroll.

Let's say that you do begin divorce proceedings... will she not get 1/2 the house and any other assets including your 401K? If she has been a homemaker for 31 years, odds are, she will also get alimony at least for a set amount of time. So she won't be completely penniless.

Besides, have you asked her whether she really wants you to hang on? Maybe she doesn't? You won't know until have that conversation.

Something along the lines of... how can we separate so that BOTH of us are OKAY?

And just because you end the marriage doesn't mean you guys HAVE to be enemies. You could even be friends if you wanted to -- refreshing thought I think.

I can tell you one thing... you only have ONE LIFE on this big blue ball we call Earth and to be unwilling to live it to it's fullest is a tragic waste of life -- in y'all's case tragic waste of LIVES.

Time to get OFF the pot. Limbo is not living.

My two cents... (and I really wish the BEST for you BOTH, really I do.) Q

i am not being presumptous, she was a stay at home mom for the first 5 years of each of the kids lives. we both have spent alot of time raising the kids, and you are right, it is hard work. we have always split up the work, even when she was at home (WORKING). our lives were good up until she realized i was taking her for granted, which she learned from her shrink she was seeing.

anyway, it's 5 months since i wrote my original question. we have decided to split while we still kind of like each other .the house is going on the market jan 1st, we are going to pay off all of our bills and split the rest. then say seeya. am moving back to california and see if i can find ME........

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dfielder

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September 20, 2006, 4:16 pm PDT

YOUR RIGHT TO FACE YOUR ACCUSER

Tasha sounds to me like a woman who has been dumped a number of times, and is taking it out on every man she can. i can't imagine that there is a man willing to marry a person as angry at the male race as she is. he better be careful as he may be her next target. i, as a man, believe in womans rights, equal rights, at home, at work, and in life in general. although reciently it seems that male bashing has become an epidemic! it is on tv, radio, talkshows, and everywhere you turn. although there allot of people of both sexes that deserve a good bashing, to do it anonymously, is as wrong as it gets. if i'm not mistaken, in a court of law, the accused has the RIGHT to confront the accuser. why should tasha's web site be any different. if you have the guts to do it, put your name on it. i hope in court, she is forced to either take down the web site, or make the accusers identify themselves.

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dfielder

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September 20, 2006, 7:27 pm PDT

the law

Quote From: hi_d_h

These allegations can affect his employment and relationships. Unfortunately, your attitude is a common one nowadays: "If it doesn't affect me personally, then "who cares?"

how does anybody know if any of the things posted were true, or were they put on the site strictly to destroy him. according to the constitution, you have the RIGHT to face your accuser, so if you are going to put postings like that where everybody can see them, then have guts enough to identify yourself. i'm sure there are guys out there who deserve to be bashed, but i wonder how many guys out there have been falsly depicted as a total lowlife? we are not all bad, as some people want everyone to believe.

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dfielder

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September 20, 2006, 7:35 pm PDT

bull

Quote From: hepper

I get so tired of people hiding behind the First Amendment. This issue goes beyond that. Tasha is being irresponsible by exposing people's privacy to the world's biggest public forum - the Internet. It's one thing if it's inside a book, or somewhere you have to know to look. But everytime Todd's name is put in a Search engine, Tasha's site comes up like he said. Prospective employers will see it. His parents, his children, anybody who knows him. I'd sue her ass too if my dirty laundry was exposed without my consent to the entire world. He has NO control over it. How would you like that to happen to your name?

and there are many many more, against you. if this is so right, then the posters need to identify themselfs.

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dfielder

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September 20, 2006, 7:36 pm PDT

09/20 Revenge of the Exes

Quote From: momto4kidz

Don't you also have the RIGHT to free speech?

all they have to do is identfy themselfes, so the accused can defend themselfs.

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dfielder

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September 21, 2006, 12:22 am PDT

well

Quote From: dfielder

and there are many many more, against you. if this is so right, then the posters need to identify themselfs.

there must be a lack of communication. i agree with you, she is being incredibly irresponsible. what she is doing is mean and rotten, and i hope he rakes her ass over the coals.

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dfielder

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November 21, 2006, 3:47 pm PST

nastassia

RICHARD, YOU ARE AN EMBARASSMENT TO YOUR/MY ENTIRE GENDER.

NASTASSIA, YOU SHOULD RUN. THER ARE SO MANY GUYS THAT WOULD TREAT YOU WITH A LOT MORE RESPECT THAN RICHARD DOES NOW, OR EVER WILL. SOMEONE WITH HIS VIEWS TOWARDS YOU AND MOST LIKELY ALL WOMEN IS THE MAIN REASON BEHIND THE MAJORITY OF THE MALE BASHING THAT IS SO COMMON NOW. NOT ALL OF US ARE AS DUMB AS RICHARD IS.

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dfielder

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November 30, 2006, 4:44 pm PST

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Quote From: foxiev

Glad you took the time to write your note! Too bad I didn't meet you 28 yrs. ago!

too bad i wasn't as smart then as i am now, if i was i wouldn't be seperated from my wife/life as i currently am.

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dfielder

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January 2, 2007, 3:01 pm PST

am trying

Quote From: lucky24

Maybe it's not to late to do the work you need to do to get things back on track?

thanks for replying. i have dedicated my life to fix my stupidity, currently at 8 months. spend sundays together, but she won't go to counseling at this time. says she is enjoying being alone, although she has our 21 year old daughter living with her. doesn't sound like she's alone to me. i still don't get it.

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Messages By: dfielder

how to let go

thanks for the reply

YOUR RIGHT TO FACE YOUR ACCUSER

the law

bull

09/20 Revenge of the Exes

well

nastassia

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

am trying