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Messages By: bhm1rn

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April 19, 2006, 8:21 am PDT

The cycle CAN be broken

To the girls in the abusive relationships (and YES, Corwyn, he IS an abuser, and will only get worse)--the cycle can be broken and you can take back your power and have a positve, successful life.  We received the gift of a beautiful, bright daughter-in-law 2 years ago, who had been in an abusive marriage from the age of 19 or so. She sensibly  grabbed her little boy and ran for her life. Her brother helped her move, with the assistance of a couple of his friends. One of those friends was my son. She moved home, finished school, regained her self-esteem, got a great job and married a super guy who loves her without needing to control her. She says he was her knight in shining armor in Ford pickup! WE got the daughter we have always wanted, and a fabulous grandson as well.  Now there is a new baby that we are just foolish over.  The point here is that with work and family support, there are people out there who want good things for you and believe that you can change your life for the better. Both girls seem to have that--it's not like they are out on the street!  Katie and Corwyn, please don't go back into these relationships. Katie, if he hurts you, he will hurt that baby. Abusers are always sorry until it happens again, and they never, never kill themselves, no matter what they threaten. They just go on to someone else. You are only a victim if you let yourself stay in the relationship, and you both seem too smart for that. Move on with your lives before it's too late!
 
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May 15, 2007, 11:04 am PDT

stardom and kids

I wonder that none of the parents have considered the course my son has chosen, nor do they seem to be presenting this idea to their children.  His goal is to be a consistently working stage actor. Stardom would be wonderful, but a regular paycheck will be a really great thing, too. To achieve this, he acted his way through middle school and high school in a school district that has a very strong arts program. He also earned a black belt in TaeKwonDo and played basketball and soccer. Blessed with a very strong baritone voice, solid drama skills and well-trained in several types of dance, he enrolled (with a very nice scholarship) in a university to further his knowledge and polish his skills. He will graduate in August with a BFA in dance, and an area of concentration in vocal performance.  He has been able to travel all over the world at university expense to intern with prestigious dance companies, and has had major roles in some well-known stage shows that attract audiences from all over the world.  Along the way, he has done a very good job of polishing his crafts, learning light and sound management, pyrotechnics, served as a stage manager, learned set and costume design and construction, and most of all, learned that while not everyone is a star, everyone concerned with a show is important. Not even the most important star looks good in the dark or in an ill-fitting costume.But most of all, he will have a completed education that will help him become a whole person and the wisdom and discernment (I hope) that will save him from so much of the blatant exploitation experienced by people in the entertainment field.  Will he be a star?  Maybe, if the breaks fall his way.  Will he be happy?  I really think he will be, and at the end of the day, I think that's the greatest gift of all. He has always known we stand solidly behind him, from paying for lessons to driving rehearsals to seeking out the strongest, most competant coaches .  It would never have occured to us to take him out of school or to speak to him the way these parents speak to their children. Even at 22 years old, he knows he can expect respect from us, and we expect the same in return.  We do chuckle, however, and sometimes remind him not to forget the "little people" who helped make him who he is!
 
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May 15, 2007, 12:55 pm PDT

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Quote From: callmejuls

ppppuulllllleeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeee. a star? how about a performer? i think people who want to be stars are insecure and need constant admiration and validation!.. why be a star. how about just be a performer.?. instead of being a celebrity, why not be an entertainer.?. the words star and celebrity are words you should not want to be used to define or describe you 
Aspire to literacy and punctuation, please. If you had read carefully, you would have seen that the specifically stated goal was not stardom, but consistent employment.; a huge difference in that world, I assure you.  The second is often quite achieveable, while the first is so much more  a fluke-being in the right place at the right time in front of the right people.  Will that happen?  Odds are SO against it. But being able to make a good living in the field he loves is not a far-fetched dream at all, and much more rooted in reality than all the star-studded junk we see in the print media and on trash television.  The point of the post was to encourage attention to the children's education and to form them as whole people-not little meal tickets or reflections of parents' wished-for glories.  There are so many places in the entertainment industry for talented, educated people to work--not everyone is destined to be in front of a camera or dancing center stage. Education protects these kids from people (including parents) who merely want to ride their coattails to riches, then drop them when they aren't little and cute, and making tons of money. They need to be able to read their own contracts, handle their money, and know how to put investments away for the day when the next contract doesn't come or the callback doesn't happen. That comes to all performers at some point--they get older, dancers' knees give way, illness can happen to anyone.  Having alternate skill sets just makes sense.  I know he will never have to be center stage to pay his rent and put food on the table--he has the credentials to do many, many things well in his chosen world.
 
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February 15, 2008, 1:39 pm PST

Lies and betrayals

Quote From: charissems

 If in fact it was necessary, I'm sure the producers at the Dr Phil show had Matt sign a release in order to get his educational information disclosed from the universities. Maybe he thought they wouldn't do a background check.
I think to some extent, this guy actually believes his own lies! His ego is enormous!. In my opinion, he is obviously mentally unstable and his (ex) wife should terminate any and all contact between herself & the children and him (unless and until, he agrees to get psychological help.) At this point, if I were her, I would consider getting a restraining order, changing the locks, her phone number, maybe even move out of her state and begin a new life - even if it means no child support! This guy is definately NOT to be trusted! He is the type of guy to do something crazy and desperate. Better to be safe than sorry!

Matt reminds me so much of a man that lived near us a short time ago.  After his wife divorced him and his drinking escalated, he also thought his children were "dead to him." He tried to pick them up anyway one evening, was able to get in through the back of the house, take the kids hostage, and proceeded to kill 3 of his children and cripple the baby. The ex-wife survived only because she had been able to get out the front window and run for the nearby police station.  They were unable to get the children out in time.  We live in a quiet, sweet, small town, and if it can happen here, it can happen anywhere.  All the people involved with this man need to get him out of their lives and keep him out.  He is dangerous.

 
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April 1, 2008, 2:35 pm PDT

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Quote From: lnlygal0516

Last October I got these sores in my nose that are VERY painful and would not go away. In December I went to the doctor for another problem and asked about my nose. I was told I needed to leave the scabs alone, apply antibiotic ointment to the sores and they would go away. Well, they finally went away in early January, but they are coming back.

 

I first heard about MRSA about the time that I got the sores in my nose but no one ever mentioned that the infection could affect the nose so I blew it off. Now, after watching the show today I am scared to death! I could not believe how many times it was said that MRSA could be in the nose. I have two children and a one year old grand daughter that I am now very concerned about.

 

What testing needs to be done to verify if this is MRSA? What questions should I ask my doctor without sounding like a paranoid freak? I just so happen to have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning and I want to ask about it, I just don't want to sound stupid. I know nothing about MRSA, except that it's highly contagious and can be deadly. Any help that anyone can provide would be greatly appreciated!

As a nurse that sees lots of sores in noses, I would venture to guess that you had ( and have again) an infection commonly known as impetigo.  It is, indeed, a staph infection very common in schools, daycares and nursing homes that occurs as a secondary infection. Kids get it often from scratching insect bites or other lesions with dirty fingernails, and a persistent nose-picker will have case after case.  Not that I'm implying that about you!!!  However, schools require treatment with oral antibiotics as well as topical antibiotic ointments before students can return.  We also remind the family members to be very conscientous about handwashing, and to be sure the affected family member used only their own linens and towels.  I suggest to parents that they launder sheets and towels daily for 3-5 days in hot water and a hot dryer, using bleach if possible.  If you are breaking out again, go back to your dr. and ask lots of questions--that's what you pay him/her for!

 

Want to know more about MRSA and general staph in your community?  Ask a school nurse! 

 
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October 29, 2008, 9:58 am PDT

Gender confusion

We were blessed nearly 3 years ago with the most beautiful grandson anyone could ever have.  However, he had some genital anomalies that we knew were going to require minor (we thought) corrections as he grew.  However, after 6 months and delayed growth (but not development) we had genetic studies done, discovering he has a condition called "XY-XO Mosiac Sydrome."  Genetic tagging tells us that he is very lightly affected--he's had 2 surgeries to repair hypospadias and 1 to remove tissue in the abdomen that started out as an ovary, but did not fully develop.  Some of these children are much more severely affected, and it can be difficult to tell gender at the time of birth.  It is a complex syndrome, and the effects are far-reaching. Some of the children have mental delays, particularly in the area of mathmatics and spatial reasoning, most will be very short without the early administration of growth hormones, and some of them are sterile.  The condition occurs very, very early in gestation-we were told during the first 92 hours following conception, and, simply put, means that not all of his XY (male) chromosomes are complete.  As they grow up, some of these folks identify female, even if they look male or have had reconstructive surgery to appear male, and a significant number of them choose transgender surgery in their late teens and early 20's  Our grandson appears, at this point, to identify completely male, but should that change, we, with his wonderful parents, will love and support him, and provide whatever he needs to become the most complete, productive human being he can be.  Because isn't that the real goal of a loving family and a truly tolerant and educated society--to make its members complete, contributing and productive?  What they have inside their underclothing is just nobody else's business.
 
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October 30, 2008, 12:35 pm PDT

Hang in there!

Quote From: dylanelectric

I believe that the way people want to be is up to them. Me being 15 and gay and having to deal with my parents and others in my community hating the extremely feminine side of me really got me interested in the show on what other people views are. I have come to conclusion that these people (who are against transgender, bisexual, homosexual...) care about everything but themselves. They need to stop worrying about others. The reason GLTB (gay, lesbian, bisexual. transgender) people are so called 'killing themselves' is because of these people! Especially people like Glenn Stanton, whom upset many greatly because of his mediocre assumptions and ideas.
This show really made me think about many things and was extremely personal.

I give the parents of the children MUCH respect for having to face disbelievers in their child sexual orientation daily.
I can't  imagine how hard things are for you at 15. It's a tough age for everyone, never mind having to deal with feeling different. One of my best friends in HS was gay, and regular high school life was so hard for him.  But he made great grades and got into a wonderful college with a very strong arts program, located in a major city.  There he found that he was certainly supported, and though unique in himself, was certainly not alone in his life choices. He has remained a close friend over 35 years now, and is very instrumental in the development of a large and vibrant theatre district in our city.  Keep your grades and your head up--most Christians are not the condemning, intolerant ranters present on this board.  Find love and acceptance by insisting on your right to dignity, set goals and achieve them, and show the doubters how much you are capable of!  Best wishes to you.
 
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November 19, 2008, 8:33 am PST

Shoplifting confessions

Quote From: wfkermit

I work in a retail store and get up at 4 a.m. to get to work at 5:00 to unload a 53' trailer and bust my butt putting this stuff out on the floor so these fools can steal it!  This pisses me off that I work this hard making $8.00 an hour so they can come in and steal from us.  If I can work this hard than why can't they do it, too?  A little bit of hard work doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger!  These people don't deserve to have kids!  They are setting bad examples for their kids.  That guy that was up there laughing about it needs to go to jail and do some hard time.  We'll see who's laughing then!  

My husband manages a large retail store, and he has seen his company raise prices every quarter to keep up with what retailers call "shrinkage."  That is a nice word for theft.  Much of the theft is from shoplifting, but unfortunately, a lot is done by employees.  Yesterday he had to terminate 2 employees who had collaborated with friends to steal over $600 worth of toys and games.  None of them have any children, so we can only assume they stole them for resale.  All 4 have been arrested and are awaiting arraignment in the county jail.  Where we live, over $500 is a felony, so these folks are looking at some time in prison.  Had there been children involved, they would have been placed in other's homes.  Company-wide, losses are huge.  When people say they don't mind stealing from companies or large stores, keep in mind they are stealing from YOU.  Not only do prices go up to compensate for losses, but raises that would have been available for employees either disappear or are much smaller than they could have been.  YOU, the consumer and YOU, the employee, are the ones who are really hurt by people like this. The poster above works long, hard hours for his $8/hr.  Without all the theft, his company could afford to pay him much, much more.  It's too bad those deadbeats on the stage are stealing from this man.

 

Our family has been through some very, very hard times.  We have faced illness, accidents, natural disasters, unemployment and other very serious problems, all without stealing a single thing. Anything we have ever had, we have earned.   Stealing is not a lifestyle, nor is it a viable choice.  It's just a stupid crime, and those who do it are not sick, they are just criminals who are too lazy to get a real job. They do not deserve a trip to Dr. Phil, nor do they deserve "counseling."  They should get what they have earned-a swift kick in the tail all the way to JAIL.

 
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November 20, 2008, 7:50 am PST

11/19 Shoplifting Confessions

Quote From: kristy2288

Have you ever made a mistake? The answer is yes of course how would you like it if somone just threw you in jail because you made a mistake! No one is perfect!
Kristy, a mistake is a child putting a pack of gum in his pocket and not telling mom about it until they are out the door.  These creeps are organized criminals who plan their routes and their thefts, evading security deliberately and involving innocent babies in their crimes.  That is so far from a "mistake" that it is ludicrous.  The man says he is wanted in several states--I hope they pick him up, and the wife, too.  Those children deserve a moral, loving, upright home in which to live and learn.  Children really do learn what they live, and at this time, these poor babies don't have have a chance.  All in the name of "stuff" and taking the easy way out.  Their families must be so ashamed......
 
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December 8, 2008, 11:40 am PST

Bills and more bills

We have been married 33 years, and had our share of ups and downs, like everyone else.  We learned early on that credit cards could be a huge trap, and never, never charge more than we can pay off the next month.  We never charge meals, and if we don't have the disposable cash available for a large purchase, we sit back 30 days and wait to see if it is something we still want or need, saving for it during that time.  By "saving for it," I mean that we pull back on doing/purchasing other things to see if the large purchase is really a priority, or just a momentary desire.  I recently had a tag sale, and looked at the driveway full of "stuff" and was appalled at my own family's wastefulness.  With everything out there, my house should have been EMPTY, yet unless you looked in closets and attics, there was very little difference!  So here is our clutter-free Christmas plan.  Each of our adult children are submitting 2 bills they would like paid in January--car note, insurance, power, water, internet, whatever. Wish we could offer rent, but just can't stretch that far.  We will either cover 1 bill for 2 months or 2 bills for 1 month--their choice.  While the grandchildren are getting toys and books, the bulk of what I would have spent on them is starting savings accounts that will be added to on birthdays, holidays, celebrating good grades when they are old enough for school, that sort of thing.  We asked our kids to take the cash they would have spent on us and add to the children's accounts.  We all have too much STUFF, and at the end of our lives, or in really hard times, that stuff doesn't amount to anything. One son balked, saying he just couldn't NOT give his mom something for Christmas--we agreed that he could buy me a movie pass, since I love to see movies and it is one of the things we don't do very often. The other son agreed to limit his spending to a modest restaurant card, so we could go have dinner after the movie.  Holidays don't have to create financial stress-they just need to be approached with common sense.  Debt is the same way--if you don't have it, DON'T SPEND IT. Finish one thing before moving on to another. Always hold some money back for a rainy day, for those days will surely come.  Work hard, save hard, have some fun along the way, and don't think you have to have everything you see.  Works every time!
 

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